Worth The Risk: A Silverthorne Is For Lovers Novel, page 16
“And Mary gave you hell about it?” He grins.
“Actually no. I think she was just so excited to have me back, but I don’t want to push my luck.”
“No. You do not. I’ll see you next weekend.”
“See you then.” I clap my hand on his shoulder as I walk by.
When I get home I realize how tired I am and my knee is starting to ache again. I stayed too late at Winnie’s last night, or not late enough—like the whole night. I look out my window to her house. It’s dark and quiet. I pull out my phone to send her a text. I’m tempted to send her a ‘U up? Text’ for a laugh, but refrain. Instead I send ‘Miss you. Wish I was with you.’ After 10 minutes with no reply I come to conclusion she’s asleep.
I go get an ice pack and lay down on my bed. As I feel the bite of the ice sinking into my sore knee, I’m hit with loneliness and longing. I fall asleep wishing that, instead of my pillow, it was Winnie’s hair I was burying my face into, letting it tickle my face. When I wake up in the morning it’s her honey eyes I want to be seeing.
I grab my phone and check the time, 9am. I’m tempted to go straight over and see if she’s awake but then notice I have a message. ‘I missed you last night, too. I was wishing you were in my bed with me.’ Time stamped 8:15 this morning. She’s up. And I don’t want to wait another minute to see her. I get up to change into some sweats and a tshirt. I’m out my front door in five minutes flat, no shoes on and I’m at her door in six. I knock and hear her light footfalls. Then I hear a small thud followed by a low curse and smile. She pulls the door open and I’m greeted by the most beautiful scene I’ve ever had the privilege of witnessing.
She’s smiling wide at me, her golden eyes still sleepy. Her hair is mostly down and untamed. I look down to her bare feet, toes painted a deep shade of green, then up her legs to tiny pajama shorts that are barely showing because of the huge sweatshirt she has on. A sweatshirt with my first pro teams logo on the front. I look back to her face again and her cheeks are pink. Perfection.
“Hi,” she says softly.
“Turn around.” She raises a dark eyebrow.
“What?”
“Please,” I almost beg and she gives me an incredulous look but does as I ask. There it is. Holloway in big bold letters across her upper back. I like the sight of my name on her more than I ever thought possible. I sweep her legs with my arm and she flails before grabbing onto me tightly.
“Rhett! What are you doing?” Her worried tone turns into giggles and I shut the door with my foot and lay her down on the couch following so I’m laying on top of her.
“Morning, Darlin’.” I take a second to study her face this close. “God, you’re gorgeous.” She blushes and hooks her thighs around me. I kiss her languidly, lazily then with more force. I kiss her until neither of us can breathe and she’s humming into my mouth. I’m breathing hard as I nuzzle into her neck and she huffs out a laugh.
“I like how you say good morning.” I grin.
“Yeah? You should see how I say good night.” I expect laughter but instead I’m met with her stiffening slightly under me. I sit up enough to see her face.
“Winnie, I was only kidding. We’ll take it slow this time.”
“Maybe I should,” she says seriously.
“You should what?” She clears her throat.
“See how you say goodnight.” I open my mouth but nothing comes out. “Maybe tonight?” she asks. My mouth goes dry. I don’t know if she means what I think she means but I’m hoping I do.
“Please,” I say and she laughs then.
“Two pleases in one day. How very polite.”
“Polite?” I run my nose up her neck and whisper in her ear. “Maybe later we can see how polite you can be.” I feel her shudder and her breathing changes. I slide a hand over her ribcage and she arches into my touch. I kiss her neck and she lets out a little gasp. I love this woman. I love her smart mouth and her laugh. I love that she’s clumsy but doesn’t let it stop her from doing things. She doesn’t let anything stop her and she wants to be with me. The thought of having her has me floating. She means everything to me. I sit up and pull her with me. She looks warm and flushed and a little dazed. I smile and kiss her lips once before standing. Her pout is so pretty.
“I’ve gotta go do a couple things and get ready for family lunch. I’ll pick you up at 11.” I lean down and grab her face in my hands and kiss her long and hard then kiss her checks and nose and eyes as she laughs at me.
“Okay, go before I pull you back onto the couch with me.” I would let her. In a heartbeat.
“I’ll be back in…” I check my phone. “An hour.”
“Okay. I’ll be ready.”
“You better be.” I wink and walk towards the door.
“I will be. I’m excited to see your family and really excited to see Hazey.” She stands and walks me out, pulling me into a kiss at the door that starts innocent enough but turns into something else pretty fast. I’m panting as I pull away. “I’ll see you soon.” She grins and nods.
“See you in a bit.” I make it to the gate before I look back. She’s still standing in her doorway leaning to one side, smiling. I blow her a kiss and she rolls her eyes but then pretends to catch it before shutting the door.
I can’t stop the goofy smile on my face. Even after all these years, I still feel like a teenager in love for the first time. Now I need to get a few things from town before I pick her up in…45 minutes. That’s not much time so I better hurry.
I am back on Winnie’s front porch 47 minutes later. She opens the door before I can knock.
“You’re late, Holloway.”
“Only by two minutes.” She grabs her purse and a tote bag. “I have some strawberry bread to bring.” She always has baked goods on hand. I take the bag from her. “After you.” She smirks, shuts her door behind her and locks it. She’s wearing another sundress with a slit on the side that I want to slide off her shoulders and her sneakers.
“Again with the manners,” she says as she pretends to fan herself, so I grab her around her waist as she walks by and kiss her, then slap her ass as she giggles. “Hmm…that was not very polite. I may have to talk to your mom about this.” She shakes her head at me.
“Go ahead. See what happens.”
“Are you threatening me? And why am I kind of into it?” I toss my head back at that. She’s always catching me off guard. It’s one of my favorite things about her. I open her door then the back one to put her bag in. I shut hers for her after she’s inside and walk around to the driver side. I reach over and put my hand on her thigh and she covers my hand with both of hers.
“Alright, lets get this lunch over with so we can get back here, alone, as soon as possible.” She giggles and I want to hear that sound for the rest of my life.
Family lunch at the Holloway ranch is typical. Hazel is napping when we get there so we waited to eat until she got up. Rhett wrestled both his brothers. All ended up on the ground and covered in dirt at least twice. After helping Mary in the kitchen as much as she would let me, I had two glasses of wine on the deck with Florence. Being here is always a reprieve from stress and anxiety, but today I’m reminded of what I could stand to lose if it doesn’t work out between us. His family is like my family. And I can’t afford to lose any more people I love.
“So how’s is going at the bakery, Winnie? I have people tell me all day how good everything from there is.” Florence beams at me and I beam right back at her. She’s been working so hard to make improvements at the hotel and she’s absolutely killing it.
“It’s going great, better than I could have hoped. We have even more special order requests coming in daily and I’m hiring another manager to help me with day to day stuff.”
“That’s amazing! And you’ve only been open a few months.”
“I know. It’s hard to believe.”
“I wouldn’t say it’s hard to believe. You’ve always made things happen for yourself. You’re one of the reasons I decided I could run the hotel.” I’m stunned. Florence is a force. I’m caught off guard to know that I helped fuel her drive to succeed in any way. It’s beyond flattering.
“You could be successful selling leather bags to a vegan, Flo. You’re not only that good at anything you do, but also you’re the most convincing person I think I’ve ever met…maybe only second to Rhett.” She laughs.
“Thanks, Winnie. That’s always nice to hear and especially coming from you.”
“Always. And I’m always here if you need anything.”
“I know. I’ve always been able to come to you with anything.” I smile at that. She’s been like a little sister to me for as long as I’ve known her and never once did she make me feel like an outsider when I was spending time with her and Mary. I don’t know what I would do if I lost this special bond we have.
I’m wrapped in a blanket, sitting on a lounge chair, contemplating this and weighing this information against how much I care for Rhett when he comes to sit with me on the deck.
“Hey, you. You about ready to head out?”
“Yeah, I think so. Just let me make sure your mom doesn’t need my help with anything.” I stand and lay my blanket over the railing and go to grab my shoes, but notice him staring. I look down to make sure I’m covered and confirm that I am.
“You’re beautiful, Winnie.” I blush and look around to make sure no one else is listening.
“Thank you.” He stands and walks towards me, then leans in, caging me against the railing. I can feel his breath tickle the side of my face.
“You’re beautiful and I can’t stop thinking about touching you. It’s killing me that I can’t show everyone that you’re mine.” I melt as he backs away. “I’ll grab your bags and meet you out front.”
“Okay.” I stand there a second longer and smile. I really like the sound of being his. I look up and straighten when I see Mary in the kitchen window. I give her a little wave and she smiles knowingly back at me. Well, if I wasn’t sure about her seeing me and Rhett, I am now. I slip my sneakers on and lace them up, unsure about facing Mary, but I guess I better go inside.
“Do you need any help cleaning up?” I ask.
“That’s alright, sweetie. I can manage.”
“Are you sure? You know I don’t mind helping.”
“I know you don’t, you’ve always been that way, but there’s really not much left to do and I think Rhett’s ready to head out. I saw that you rode here together.”
“Yeah, it just made sense. him being my neighbor now.” She looks at me with a very mom look on her face.
“Mhmm…how’s that going? Him being next door?”
“Good. I mean, fine. We’re both busy.” I’m getting more flustered by the second.
“I’m sure you are.” She smirks. “Well, I hope you’ll be at all family lunches from now on.”
“Sure. You know I love seeing you all.”
“We love seeing you, too, Winnie. Always have, always will. I’m not sure what happened all those years ago and I don’t need to, but I don’t want you to stop coming around again. Understand?” I swallow the lump forming so I can answer. I love Mary so much. The thought of losing her is unbearable.
“Yes. I understand.”
“Good, now go on. Have a good night.” Her eyes twinkle as she says this.
“You, too. Bye.” I walk out the front door and Rhett is throwing Hazel in the air in the yard. My ovaries grow heart eyes.
“You got a little drool on your chin there, Winnie.” I’ve been caught. Knox has an amused smirk on his face when I look over.
“Oh, shut up. I was just admiring how adorable your daughter is.” He laughs.
“Uh huh…sure you were.” I roll my eyes.
“Bye, Knox.”
“Bye, beautiful!” he chuckles. I walk down the steps and towards the truck. Rhett sets a squealing Hazel down to run toward me. I crouch down and pick her, twirling in a circle. I kiss her head and she toddles off to Knox at the steps.
“Bye, Hazel baby!”
“Buh Bye!” she says and waves. My heart squeezes.
Rhett is smiling at me and has my door open when I turn around. I run and jump into my seat, smiling back at him.
“Points for style,” he says laughing and I grin, taking an imaginary bow.
“Thank you, thank you.” He shuts my door and walks to his side, getting in. All I can do is stare at him. I want him. Desperately. Even though I know that giving in to what I want may derail my life if this doesn’t work out. Colt told me that he was offered a coaching position with a team in the AHL. He’s left before to pursue his big dreams and he could do it again. Leaving me absolutely devastated in the process. Because that is what it would do to me to lose him a second time.
“What are you thinking about so seriously over there, honeybee?”
“Us,” I answer honestly before I can think of a lie.
“What about us?” I guess honesty is the only way at this point.
“Well—I was thinking about it not working out between us.” His head whips to me so fast I’m worried he may have given himself whiplash.
“Why would you be worried about that, Winnie?” He sounds alarmed.
“—because Rhett, we’ve done this before and it didn’t.” I’m trying to keep my voice steady but I can feel my anxiety rising. “I’m not saying it was your fault that it didn’t. It just didn’t.” He slowly pulls the car to the side of the road and I’m wishing I would have waited to start this conversation. I sigh. “I can’t lose anyone, Rhett.” I admit. It’s my deepest insecurity, the root of where my worry stems from.
“You won’t. That was years ago, Winnie. It’s different now.” I look out the window and out toward the mountains that surround my home and everyone I love.
“We may be different, but the stakes are still the same.”
“So are you saying you don’t want to do this with me?” he says it quietly but when I chance a glance at him his jaw is clenched tight. I look away, growing frustrated, too.
“No. I’m saying that I want to do this with you so badly that it’s all I can think about! I’ve been in love with you for over a decade, Rhett. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I just need you to know what I stand to lose if you decide to leave again.” I look back at him but he’s smiling so widely I wonder if he’s been listening to me at all.
“What the hell are you smiling about? Did you hear anything I just said?”
“I heard everything you just said. I’m just choosing to focus on the part where you told me you’re in love with me.” I meet his eyes. His beautiful sea-glass green eyes. I wasn’t planning on saying that, but I can’t deny that it’s the truth. He hooks my knees to slide me over the bench seat and cradles the back of my head in his hands.
“You just said you’ve been in love with me for over a decade.” He stares so deeply into my eyes I feel naked. Stripped of all the the sarcasm and humor I hide behind. He looks at me and I feel seen. I’m not used to being so exposed. I’m always pushing people away when they get too close to the real me, but Rhett has seen me. The real me and he wants me. I want to be brave for him. I want to be brave for myself. I swallow.
“I did,” I say barely above a whisper.
“Then we can figure the rest of it out,” he says and kisses my lips softly.
“Do you promise?” I hate that I sound clingy. “I don’t want to lose you again, Rhett.”
“You’re not going to lose me, Winnie.” He brushes my hair back from my face, curling in behind my ears softly. “I don’t think I could ever love anyone or anything the way I love you.” My heart swells and my eyes sting. I kiss him. Melting into his arms and the promises he’s making. Whatever happens, knowing he loves me even half as much as I love him, will make it worth it.
“Do you want to cook tonight or do you want me to pick something up when I’m done here?” Rhett’s voice asks from my phone that I left on the kitchen counter as I flip my laundry. He had to go down to the school for a few hours this afternoon and talk with the principal about something to do with media. I guess when you’re just coming off one of your most successful years as a pro player people want to know what you’re up to. I don’t blame them.
“I don’t mind cooking.” I hear him breath out a long sigh.
“I meant together Winnie, always.” I smile.
“You know, you’re really good at this teamwork thing. Have you ever played organized sports? Thought about coaching?” He chuckles at that.
“The thought might have occurred,” he says dryly.
“Well run with it, cowboy.” He laughs again. He always makes me feel funnier than I am. It takes some getting used to but I think I wouldn’t mind getting used to it.
“Will do, Darlin’. I’ll pick up something and see you in a couple hours.”
“Sounds great, see you then. Bye, Rhett.” I hang up the phone and can’t stop the smile and giddy feeling spreading inside my chest. I’m nervous but excited at the thought of Rhett staying the night tonight. We may have spent the last few weeks at his place or mine, but we haven’t slept together yet. On more than one occasion the opportunity presented itself and at the thought of being with him again my skin feels like it’s on fire. I know he’s been with women in the last eight years, I’ve been with other men, but being with him just means more.
I don’t think I could ever love anyone the way I love him, but I do know I wouldn’t want to. When he told me he loved me today it was like I knew the words before he said them and at the same time had been holding my breath waiting to hear them. This man will be the only exception to the rules I made for myself about love, so I want it to be right and I don’t want to mess it up. Just as soon as I’ve felt happier than I can ever remember I can feel my anxiety start to rise and reach for my phone deciding I may need some help.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Mare.”
“What’s the matter?” She asks. She’s always the one to cut right to the heart of the matter. I feel my lips wobble as I struggle to tell her. One of the worst things about my anxiety is that nothing is actually wrong in the moment, I just can’t stop thinking about what could be wrong potentially.
