Confessions of Lady Tabitha, page 6
Tabitha watched the steward slowly sink into his chair, a look of pure confusion on his face. Did he have absolutely no remorse for what he had done?
“How can you just sit there and pretend not to know?” Tabitha cried. “How?”
Tabitha felt she was losing her grip on what little control she had over her emotions. She didn’t know if she would cry or lunge across the table and throw something at the steward’s head. Terrible desperation had her in a headlock, forcing her to forget her manners.
“I have never knowingly done anything to hurt you, My Lady,” said Mr Gibbs, his expression pained. “If you would just explain what I have done, I shall surely apologise for it.”
Tabitha laughed, vaguely aware that it sounded manic. “What can an apology do for me? My fate has already been sealed, and it’s all your fault. Why have you ruined my life? What did I ever do to you to deserve this?”
“My Lady!” cried Mr Gibbs, sounding helpless. “Please, I do not understand. What have I done?”
“What have you done?” said Tabitha, her voice rising. “What have you done? Your mismanagement is the reason for my ruin!”
Tabitha started when she felt a gentle hand pull on hers. She yanked herself away, turning to face the person who would dare interrupt her. Finding Mandee, Tabitha felt herself crumbling.
“He is the one to blame,” Tabitha told her. “But he refuses to acknowledge it.”
“Why don’t you come with me?” Mandee suggested, taking her hand once more. “We can talk about it away from everyone. I think we’re attracting too much attention.”
Tabitha looked around the room, finding Baxter and Mr Gibbs staring at her with a mixture of concern and wariness. Tabitha made out two or three other people outside the window, trying to pretend they were not keenly interested in what was happening in the office. Perhaps her outburst had been ill-timed. Tabitha nodded at Mandee, following the woman out of the room.
They took the servants’ stairs back to her bedroom once they reached the house, where Tabitha immediately flung herself on her bed.
“It’s not fair!” she said miserably. “I am the one who looks the fool, yet I am the victim. How dare Mr Gibbs do this to me?”
Mandee sat beside her, smoothing Tabitha’s hair. “That is not true at all. Jeremy could have never made a mistake with the estate’s accounts. He is too thorough and meticulous.”
“Jeremy? I see you’re on friendly terms with him,” Tabitha accused. “Of course, you would defend him.”
“Just because I call him by his first name does not mean that I will defend him if he does something wrong.”
“No? Then, pray, tell, what are you doing right now?”
Shaking her head, Tabitha turned her back on her friend, facing the wall. It seemed like everyone was on the side of wrong, and she was the only one fighting for justice. It wasn’t fair.
“Goodness!” Mandee exclaimed. “Would you listen to your whining?”
Tabitha immediately sat up, glaring at the woman. “Whining? I’m whining? How dare you say that!”
“Oh, I certainly dare,” said Mandee, standing and planting hands on her waist. “Jeremy has not done anything to you. That man works hard to ensure you and your parents live a wonderful life of luxury. Look at all the things you have,” the woman said, turning around. “How many women can boast about such things?”
Tabitha watched her handmaiden walk over to her armoire, throwing the doors open and running her hands along her gowns.
“How else have you been able to buy these things? You have three large velvet-lined cases of exquisite jewellery, more than twenty pairs of shoes, beautiful and ridiculous bonnets, stylish carriages – need I go on?”
Tabitha crossed her legs and arms. “What is your point?”
“The point is that you would have never had these things if not for Jeremy. I know how hard he works to make money, not lose it! I guarantee that the money lost was spent on something else and is not due to a mismanagement of funds. I’m willing to stake my life on that.”
Deep down, Tabitha had always known that Mr Gibbs could never do such a thing, but it had been easier to blame him. She hung her head and covered her eyes, hiding her tears. What a fool she had been! He had always been so kind to her, and she even used to call him Jeremy. What had changed?
“There, there,” said Mandee, rubbing her back. “We all make mistakes. I’ll speak to Jeremy and explain everything. I know he won’t be angry. He is far too good to hold grudges.”
Tabitha shook her head. “No, I’ll do it. He deserves an apology from me.”
She knew the steward would come to the main house to speak with her father before the day was through. Tabitha decided she would wait for him and apologise as soon as she had the opportunity. She wanted to be on good terms with everyone once she was forced to leave her home. Tabitha shuddered just thinking about that day. It would be the end for her; she just knew it.
Chapter 5
Tabitha waited patiently in the Great Hall. Hardly anyone came this way unless a party was underfoot. Other than that, it was left alone until cleaning, which had already taken place earlier that day. No one would disturb her here.
Peeking around the door, Tabitha kept an eye on the direction Jeremy would appear. He was currently in the study with the duke, undoubtedly discussing estate matters. Now that she had time to think about it, it struck Tabitha as odd that her father would indirectly blame Jeremy for their loss of wealth. The duke hadn’t said it outright, but who else managed the estate besides the steward?
Everything had been committed into his hands because Tabitha’s father couldn’t be bothered with the work side of things. He was merely pleased to receive the money when it suited him. Nobles rarely were involved in running their own estates, yet they felt capable of running the country. How was that possible?
Shaking her head, Tabitha gently closed the door. Jeremy would be at least another ten minutes. His movements could be depended upon to follow the same pattern every day. At exactly quarter past four, Jeremy would leave the duke’s study and make his way downstairs.
He might speak to a servant or two, usually Baxter or the housekeeper. Then, he would take dinner at five o’clock in his own house. Tabitha knew this because she would see Mary leave the main house with a covered tray. However, Tabitha stood station at the door at five minutes to his usual appearance time to be on the safe side.
Jeremy appeared some moments later, his strides long and purposeful as he took the stairs. Tabitha pulled her head back for just a second or two, looking at the clock. She smiled. It was quarter past four. She waited for Jeremy to reach the last step before revealing herself.
“Mr Gibbs!” she cried, her voice one decibel higher than a whisper.
Jeremy paused, looking around. Tabitha called out to him again, this time waving her hand. That caught his attention. She watched him look behind, then pointed at his chest. Nodding, Tabitha gestured for him to come inside. She saw the same wariness she had witnessed earlier enter his eyes, but he kept coming towards her.
Tabitha opened the door wider, locking it once he was inside. It was highly irregular to be in the same room with a man that was not a family member, but Tabitha wanted to take her chances. Apologising to Jeremy was the only thing that mattered right now.
Tucking a wisp of pale hair behind her ears, Tabitha lightly gnawed on her bottom lip as she tried to think of a way to begin. She had never been in such a position before.
“You wished to speak to me?” Jeremy asked.
That was obvious, but Tabitha sensed he was giving her a nudge to say what was on her mind. She looked up at him, surprised by how dark his eyes were. Had she ever noticed them before? Surely, she must have. Tabitha had known Jeremy for seven years; how could she not know his eye colour? She gave a mental shake of her head, reminding herself that she was here to apologise and not question the depth of his eyes.
“Thank you for coming in, Mr Gibbs,” she began. “I know that you would prefer not to see my face for a while.”
“I am not angry at you if that is what you think,” he said kindly.
The tenderness in Jeremy’s voice was her undoing. It would have been better if he had been stiff and indifferent towards her. Tabitha turned away as the first salty droplet fell from her left eye. She hastily brushed it away, inwardly groaning when another fell.
“This is not what I expected,” she said plaintively. “I’m supposed to apologise, and here I find myself crying as though I am the victim! You must think me pathetic, Mr Gibbs.”
“Not at all, My Lady. I think you rather brave.”
That surprised her. Tabitha turned around, searching his eyes for sincerity, and found it. How did he not think her pathetic? It denied all reason.
“How can I be brave?” she asked. “A courageous person does not attack the innocent.”
“But you did not know I was innocent. You came to see me because you believed I had meddled in your affairs. Not many women would go to that extent. They would simply accept matters and move on as best they could.”
Tabitha still felt ashamed and awkward, but Jeremy was not adding to it. If anything, he was alleviating the weight of her crushing feelings.
“You make me sound like a rebel,” she said with a pained smile.
“Rebels are not the bad people that most make them out to be,” Jeremy explained. “They fight for a cause and stand by it unto death. ’Tis the oppressive opinion of the majority that make the rebel appear dangerous to society.”
Tabitha found that she agreed with him. “Are you a rebel, Mr Gibbs?”
He smiled. “I have never put a foot out of place, so I suppose not. I must not be courageous as you are.”
“I do not believe that. I think you would fight for what you believe in if a worthy cause arose.”
Jeremy gave a little shrug. “Perhaps given the opportunity, I would, although I doubt it. If I cannot fight for what I want, how will I fight for a cause?”
His question intrigued Tabitha. Jeremy didn’t strike her as a man who would allow an opportunity to pass him by. If he wanted something, then by golly, he would undoubtedly work for it. Why would he say otherwise?
“And what is it that you want?” Tabitha asked.
Jeremy smiled sadly. “Now, that is a secret, My Lady. One that I will likely take to my grave.”
“That is not at all fair, Mr Gibbs. Why admit something, only to keep it hidden away? You have piqued my interest in whatever it is that you cannot fight for but want. Perhaps I can help you.”
“That is most kind of you, but this is a matter no one can solve unless a miracle were to occur.” Jeremy paused when voices were heard outside the door. “Do you think it safe to be in here together? Someone might come in.”
“I have locked the door,” Tabitha explained. “Even if someone were to somehow get in, they still wouldn’t find us together. There is a secret passageway near the mantelpiece that leads to the scullery. Mandee and I found it during one boring afternoon many years ago.”
“I see you have thought of everything, but this is still not proper. Perhaps I should go.”
“No!” Tabitha protested. “Not until I have fully apologised for my words. You have managed to take me off my train of thought, but I shall not rest until I say what I need to.”
“But you needn’t say anything,” Jeremy insisted.
“Yes, I do. Stop arguing with me and take a seat. We’re perfectly safe in here.”
Tabitha did not wait for him but crossed the room to where a few seats were grouped together. The Great Hall was primarily used for dancing, so not many chairs were included in the room.
A pianoforte stood in one corner, and there was even a set of stairs leading up to a space where an orchestra would play. Gold candlesticks were fastened to the walls, while a great crystal chandelier hung above, complete with its own holes to hold candles.
Everything was either in gold, red, or bronze, excluding the white marble busts at each corner of the room. It indeed was a grand room that had held many balls in the past. Only then did Tabitha realise they had not held a ball or dinner party in some time. Was it due to the lack of funds?
“You played the pianoforte during the last ball held here,” Jeremy commented. “I thought you had played beautifully. ’Tis a shame you rarely do so anymore.”
“I do not have occasion to, but I sometimes play something light and soothing for Mama and Papa after dinner. They say it aids in digestion. I do not know how true that is, but I have always taken their word for it.”
Jeremy chuckled softly. “I, too, would lie if it meant that I could hear you play.”
Tabitha’s cheeks coloured. “I am not that accomplished. I think you’re distracting me again,” she accused.
“Perhaps. I simply do not wish you to dwell on a situation that I have no ill feelings towards.”
“But it bothers me,” Tabitha asserted. “I should have never accused you of ruining my life. ’Tis not your fault that my parents wish to marry me off.”
“Marriage is a wonderful blessing when it is done right. I understand that you may not wish to marry, but perhaps you should give it a chance.”
“You do not understand, Mr Gibbs, and I do not wish to discuss it. The thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.”
Jeremy looked as though he would push the matter further, but he hesitated. Tabitha knew he would never overstep his boundary and believed asking too many questions was prying into her private life.
“If not for Baxter, I might not have found your house,” said Tabitha with a bit of a laugh. “Perhaps you should give him a little scolding.”
“It will fall like water down a duck’s back. Baxter has a mind of his own, you know. I think it comes with the territory of being a butler in this household for over twenty years. He is practically part of the furniture.”
“That is true, but I might have scared him earlier today. He has never seen me in such a rage.”
“Nor have I,” Jeremy confessed. “It was a sight to behold. I was not certain if I should take cover or stand and watch. At one point, I was almost confident you would throw something at my head.”
Despite the severity of the topic, Tabitha laughed. “I very nearly did! But I am glad I didn’t. I am truly so sorry, Mr Gibbs. My outburst was uncalled for, and you didn’t deserve it at all.”
She winced as she thought about the way she had thrown his door open and proceeded to nearly take his head off with her unfounded accusations. Tabitha promised herself she would never do that again, not unless she had proof. Even then, she would not lose control but confront the person with a level-head.
Any other person would have thought Tabitha had taken leave of her senses, but Jeremy had been understanding. Perhaps it was a good thing that she had attacked him and not someone less understanding.
“Would you feel better if I told you it was the most interesting part of my day?” Jeremy asked.
“Perhaps, but I should be made to feel like the villain I am. Instead, you have succeeded in soothing me. That’s not fair to you.”
“I will be the judge of what is fair where I am concerned, My Lady. You needn’t worry about it.”
Tabitha tilted her head to the side as she regarded the man before her. He was so kind and gracious and undeserving of any suspicion. Jeremy would probably give his life before mismanaging the estate. Something else had to have happened, but what? Tabitha felt she deserved to know what had happened to their wealth since it directly impacted her freedom.
