Winter at Christmas Inn, page 13
Stephen’s muscles felt as if they were going to spasm from how tense he was. If this was how the rest of his Christmas holiday was going to be, Holly couldn’t leave fast enough. He was exhausted and ready for his life to settle down.
As Blossom left the room, it became very quiet. Stephen felt stupid for not wanting to turn around. He was a confident guy, but no matter what he told himself, he felt so out of sorts around Holly.
“Stephen,” Holly’s voice broke the silence.
His shoulders tightened and then relaxed. He took a deep breath and slowly turned. Holly was standing a few feet away. Her expression was soft, and he wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.
He studied her. He could tell she was hurting, but he didn’t know why. From what happened last night, he should be the broken one. No matter, though, he still loved her. He always would. And he didn’t want to see her hurt. He wanted her to be happy even if that meant he wasn’t.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, reaching out for her. But he stopped himself before he actually acted on his feelings.
Holly’s gaze dropped down to his hand for a moment before she brought it back to meet his gaze. She swallowed and then held out a piece of paper that she was clutching. He took it, glancing down to see what she’d written.
On it was an address and a name: Lauren Graham.
He furrowed his brow. Was it possible? Was this Holly’s mom?
“Is this—”
“Yes.” Holly nodded. “I was wondering if you could take me there.”
Stephen glanced down at the address. It was for Jamestown, which was about an hour drive from Ivy Springs.
“Tonight?” he asked. He’d take her in a heartbeat, but he had so many presents to wrap, and he was exhausted.
Holly chewed her bottom lip as she slowly began to nod. “If that’s okay,” she whispered.
He studied her. He could tell that she was going through something. Something deep. And he didn’t want her to be alone. If he didn’t take her, would she call for a ride? And did he really want that person to be the one to console her?
Stephen folded the piece of paper back up and handed it to her. “Meet me out in the garage in five.”
Holly slipped the paper into her back pocket and nodded. Then she paused and glanced up at him. Her eyes were full of gratitude. “Thank you,” she said.
Stephen took that moment to glance down at her. To really take her in. She was so beautiful, even in the light of the laundry room. Her skin was pale, and he could see the soft splash of freckles across her nose. He could get lost in the depth of her blue eyes.
His gaze flicked down to her lips for a moment before he brought it back up, forcing all of those thoughts from his mind. He’d already acted on them, and he couldn’t do it again.
“Of course. What are friends for?” he asked as he attempted to shrug off his feelings and head toward the door.
After slipping on his coat and boots, he made his way into the garage. Holly was already there. Her hand was on the door, and she looked as if she were in a trance.
Stephen walked up behind her. “Everything okay?” he asked.
Holly snapped her attention over to Stephen and nodded. But that nod slowly morphed into her shaking her head.
“No,” she whispered.
Stephen stepped closer, hoping his presence wasn’t unwelcome. When she didn’t pull away, he decided to take that as a good sign.
He glanced down at the piece of paper that she had clutched in her hand. The handwriting looked familiar.
“May I?” he asked as he pulled gently on the paper.
Holly nodded and released it.
“Is this Hope’s handwriting?”
Holly nodded slowly. “Yes. It’s one of the letters she gave me.”
He turned it over and over. “And this was it? This was in the envelope I gave you?”
Holly shook her head. “No. This wasn’t the one you gave me. This was from Mrs. Brondy.”
“Oh,” he said. Then he furrowed his brow. “What did the one I gave you say?”
It may have been the poor lighting in the garage, but Stephen swore he saw Holly’s cheeks flush pink. And suddenly, she was very interested in getting into the car.
“We should get going. I don’t want to show up at my estranged mother’s in the middle of the night.”
Stephen parted his lips to protest, but at the desperate look in Holly’s eyes, he closed his mouth.
He could ask another time. It looked like she wanted to battle one demon at a time. So he nodded and motioned toward the door. But Holly didn’t seem to be waiting for his invitation—she was already pulling the door open.
Stephen walked over to the driver’s side. After climbing in, he started the engine and waited as Holly buckled her seatbelt. Then she blew out her breath as she rested her head on the headrest behind her.
“Ready?” Stephen asked, just in case she wanted to call it quits and sprint back to the inn.
Holly didn’t open her eyes. Instead she just nodded and muttered a soft, “yes.”
Stephen put his truck into reverse and backed down the driveway. Once he was safely on the highway, he allowed himself to settle in. This was going to be a long drive, he might as well get comfortable.
17
Holly
Holly was a nervous wreck and seriously doubted her decision to get into Stephen’s truck and drive to meet her mom.
Was she crazy? Why did she think this was a good idea?
Her mom had abandoned her. How was she going to feel when her daughter showed up on her doorstep the night before Christmas Eve? Groaning, Holly covered her face. This was a mistake. A huge, colossal mistake.
She should just tell Stephen to turn his truck around and drive her home. At least then, she’d be safe. Not entering into this world of the unknown.
Suddenly, Stephen’s hand appeared in her line of sight. He grasped her fingers in his own and squeezed. The first thought she had was to pull away. To protect herself. To protect her heart. She was already entering into unknown territory, there was no need to add her feelings for Stephen into the mix.
But the longer she allowed him to hold her hand, the better it felt. It was like he knew exactly what she needed. He was there for her. In a way that was lacking in her life.
And then her thoughts returned to the letter that Hope had written her. The one from Stephen. It had been simple and exactly what Holly needed to hear.
Forgive Stephen.
This wasn’t his fault even though he’s spent every day since you left fearing that it was.
He is loyal and good. He is exactly what you need in your life. If I could pick a man for you, I’d pick one that is so deeply in love with you, he doesn’t know what to do with himself.
But I know you have your freedom to do what you want. Just, don’t write him off.
Not yet.
Holly swallowed. She snuck a peek at Stephen, who was studying the road. She could see his tight jaw muscles under his five-o’clock shadow.
What her grandmother had said about him was true. He was perfect. From his loyalty to the inn and her grandmother, to his love for Isaac and his sister. Wrap that up with his feelings for her, and Holly was pretty sure what she needed to do.
Tyler would never make her happy the way Stephen could. If she really wanted to be happy, then she needed to take charge of her life. She needed to forget the perfect life that she’d thought she wanted in New York. She needed to reevaluate what she was going to do once her trip to Ivy Springs was over.
Glancing down at his hand still wrapped around hers, she wondered if she would be able to walk away from him a second time. Would she be able to tell him goodbye?
Emotions rose up in her throat. No, she didn’t think she had the strength. And the longer she was with him, the more she was beginning to realize that she didn’t want to.
She didn’t want to walk away from him ever again.
But then Blossom’s words came to the forefront of her mind. Get your own house in order before you drag Stephen into it. Holly swallowed and slipped her hand out from under Stephen’s. Blossom was right. Holly wasn’t in a place where she could give her heart fully over to Stephen—even if she wanted to.
She needed to fix herself first. That’s what Stephen deserved.
Stephen cleared his throat as he brought his hand back to the wheel. Then he shifted in his seat. She could tell he was agitated, and she hated that she was making him feel like that.
“Sorry,” she whispered, not really sure if she wanted him to hear it. What was she going to say after that? Sorry I can’t love you like I want to? How would that make him feel any better?
“What are you going to do once you meet your mom?” Stephen finally asked.
Holly glanced over at him. He wasn’t asking about why she was sorry or about their relationship. It was a simple question about her.
“I don’t know,” she said. And that was the truth. She really didn’t know what she was going to do or say. She just knew, the moment she read the address, that she needed to gather her courage and go.
She feared if she allowed herself to sleep on it, that she’d wake up tomorrow and her resolve would be gone. It was a now or never situation.
Stephen glanced over at her and shot her a smile. And then, in true Stephen fashion, he winked. That small gesture made her laugh. It felt incredible to open herself up to Stephen like this.
This entire trip to Ivy Springs had been so taxing on her. She was holding onto so much hurt and pain, and the simple laughter filled her soul.
When she finally stopped laughing, she glanced over to see Stephen sneaking a few glances her way. His smile had returned, and he looked like a kid on Christmas morning.
Holly blotted her eyes. “What?” she finally asked.
Stephen shrugged as he rested his wrist on the steering wheel. “I just haven’t seen you laugh like that in a long time. It looks good on you.”
Holly felt her cheeks warm as she pinched her lips together. It was sweet of Stephen to say that. And it was so true. It had been a long time since she’d laughed like that.
They kept their conversation light as they continued to drive. It was nice, just sitting there talking to Stephen. It helped her forget where she was headed and what she was about to do.
But unfortunately, it had to end. Stephen clicked on his blinker and took a left. They were suddenly on a dirt road. Holly bounced back-and-forth as he drove.
Everything felt more real as she realized they were no longer on the highway. The person at the end of this long road was going to be her mother.
The mother she’d been so desperate to see for so long. The mother she’d convinced herself she didn’t care about. Who constantly lived in her past like a shadow she couldn’t avoid.
How do you face a ghost from your past? What was she supposed to say? Did her mom even want her in her life?
It seemed that if she knew Holly lived an hour away, she would have attempted to see her at some point if that had been her desire.
Anxiety rose up in her chest and she began to feel as if an elephant was sitting on her, making it impossible to breathe. She didn’t want Stephen to know how she was feeling, so she covered her mouth with her fingers. She was afraid of what she might do if she allowed this pain to consume her.
Stephen turned onto a driveway and they approached a small, yellow house. It was surrounded by snow-covered trees that glistened in the moonlight.
“I can’t do this. I can’t go up there. Slow down.” Holly reached out and gripped Stephen’s arm. It no longer mattered if she was touching him or not. She needed him to stop.
Thankfully, Stephen listened. He slowed down and pulled the truck off to the side, turning off the headlights. He waited for a moment, his gaze turned towards the house.
Feeling like an idiot, Holly buried her face in her hands. She’d dragged Stephen all the way out here just to chicken out a few hundred yards from the house.
This was supposed to be her grand gesture to both Stephen and her grandmother. And herself. This was going to be the proof that she had moved forward. That the letters, and her time at the inn, had given her the strength and courage to face the demons of her past.
But she didn’t feel strong. She felt completely weak as she sat there trying to disappear into the fabric of her seat.
“Holly, it’s okay. You don’t have to go up there.” Stephen’s voice was low, and she could hear the emotion that coated his words.
Holly wanted to feel relieved at his words. She wanted to believe that if Stephen was okay with her not facing her mother, then she could be too. But it didn’t help. She still felt frustrated and angry with herself.
The truth was if she told Stephen to turn around and take her home, she would always regret it. She would always wonder what would’ve happened had she gotten out of the car and knocked on the door.
She took a deep breath and glanced over at Stephen. Then she shook her head. “I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t go up there. I just need a moment.”
Stephen was watching her, and as the last words left her lips, he slowly began to nod. “Okay,” he said as he gripped the steering wheel with both hands and blew out his breath. “Then we’ll wait till you’re ready.”
Holly took a moment to close her eyes and calm her mind. She thought of all the great things she might find on the other side of that door. And she allowed herself to feel confident in her decision. Reaching out to her mother was going to help her become the person she wanted to be.
As her resolve grew, she found her mood lightening. The unknown was scary, but she was going to be okay.
She had to have faith that her grandmother wouldn’t send her to her mother’s front door if she knew the experience would be negative. Her grandmother wouldn’t send her into the lion’s den unprepared.
Even though she and her grandmother had had their issues, the letters had said it all. Her grandmother loved her, and she loved her grandmother. And right now, that love extended to trust. Trust that her grandmother knew what she needed even if it was scary. That in the end, Holly would get exactly what she needed in her life. A mom.
After shushing her fears, she glanced over at Stephen. He was busy studying the steering wheel. She could tell that he had a lot on his mind. He was a busy man, and the fact that he’d chosen to be here with her meant everything.
It amazed her that no matter what, he was still here. He was the support she didn’t know she was missing.
“I’m ready,” she said, nodding toward the house.
He glanced over at her and then smiled. “Really?”
She returned his smile. “Really.”
Stephen turned the lights back on and threw the truck into drive. He made it up the rest of the driveway and pulled into a little alcove. He glanced over at her as he turned off the engine. “Do you…?” he started to ask, his voice drifting off.
Holly nodded. “Yes, please.” There was no way she wanted to be alone. If something bad did happen, she wanted him next to her to support her.
Stephen held her gaze for a moment and then he jumped out and slammed the door. Before she realized what he was doing, he’d jogged around and opened her door. He held out his hand. Holly paused then slipped her hand into his and allowed him to help her down.
As soon as her feet were on the ground, she knew that she should pull her hand away. But she didn’t want to. It felt right to hold his hand. When he didn’t pull away either, she took that as a good sign.
“Come on,” she whispered as she started walking toward the front door.
Stephen kept in step with her. Their shoes crunched on the snow beneath them. The darkness was calming as they walked through it.
Holly took in a deep breath, drawing Stephen’s attention. She watched from the corner of her eye as he studied her. Then he squeezed her fingers and leaned in.
“You’ll do great,” he said.
Holly nodded. “I hope so.”
They climbed the three steps to the porch. And then she was standing at the front door, staring at it. She felt paralyzed. She knew she should knock, but she couldn’t find the strength to lift her hand. Instead, she felt rooted to the spot, fear creeping into her mind again.
Stephen must have realized what was going on, so he did it for her. The knocks sounded on the door. The hollow thunks reverberated in her chest.
She held her breath as she waited for something to happen. Her ears were perked for the sound of someone on the other side.
The sound of a lock releasing caused her heart to pick up speed. Then the door handle turned. As the door opened, it revealed a woman standing on the other side.
Her hair was gray and pulled up into a bun at the top of her head. She looked like a younger version of Hope. Holly stared at her, wondering if this was real. Was this her mom?
“Yes?” the woman asked as she ran her gaze over Stephen and then Holly. When she met Holly’s gaze, her face fell and her eyes filled with tears.
“Holly?” she whispered.
All of the emotions that were swirling around in Holly’s body surged. A tear slid down her cheek as her mom stepped forward onto the porch. She was wearing a deep-red sweater and jeans.
“Is that you?” she asked, moving even closer to Holly.
“Mom?” Holly asked.
Lauren’s gaze softened as she tipped her head to the side. “It’s so good to see you,” she said as she wrapped her arms around Holly and pulled her close. “I’ve missed you so much.” Her voice was muffled by Holly’s hair, but it didn’t matter.
In the moment, in that hug, all of Holly’s fears about what her mother would say or how she would feel when she came face to face with the woman who’d left her, all faded away.
This was what she needed this Christmas season. To be reunited with someone she thought was gone from her life forever.
Lauren pulled away as she smiled at Holly. “Come on, come inside, it’s freezing out here. I’ll make a pot of coffee and we can talk.”
Holly nodded and began to follow after Lauren, who paused and glanced over at Stephen.
