Concrete Rose, page 13
I beatbox “Baby-Baby-Baby,” by TLC. That’s Lisa’s favorite group and one of her favorite songs. I hold the baby powder like it’s a mic and do a li’l dance.
She laugh. “Oh my God, what are you doing?”
I motion her over to the changing table. She join me. I sing, and she pass me the baby wipes and a clean diaper. Soon she singing, too.
It take no time to get him changed. I pick him up, and we dance with him around the room and sing to him. We make him laugh more than I ever have by myself.
Ain’t nothing felt this good.
Seven really like Lisa. So much that he reach for her. He don’t do that with everybody. Ma say he antisocial.
Lisa take him. He yawn and rub his eyes. “Did we wear you out?” Lisa ask, kissing his cheek. He rest his head against her.
I brush his hair. “We better put him down before he fall asleep on you.”
Lisa lay him in his crib. I turn on his mobile and kiss his forehead. “Sweet dreams, man.”
This one time I don’t think he gon’ fight sleep. His eyes barely open. I motion Lisa to follow me to the hall, and I gently close the door. “Damn. It’s never that easy to put him to bed.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. You must got that magic touch. I need you to help out every night.” I’m joking, but Lisa don’t laugh. “My bad. I ain’t mean nothing by—”
“It’s cool. He’s a sweetheart. You’re a great dad, Maverick.”
“Thank you. I’m trying. It’s scary sometimes.”
Lisa hug herself tight. “Can we talk now?”
“Yeah. What’s up?”
She look me in the eye, and I know something real wrong. “We should sit down.”
Damn, did somebody die? “Yeah, a’ight.”
I lead her to the kitchen. It smell like the Fabuloso Ma made me mop with last night. The fam coming over for Thanksgiving later this week. Ma want the house spotless, and she expect me to make it happen.
“You want something to drink?” I ask Lisa as she sit at the table.
“No, thanks.”
I sit across from her. “A’ight. What’s up, then?”
“Maverick, I…” Lisa’s voice crack, and she start crying.
I got this sinking feeling in my stomach. I get up and hug her. “Ay, it’s a’ight. Whatever it is, I got you, okay?”
Lisa wet my shirt with her tears. “Maverick … I’m late.”
I think I heard her right, she kinda muffled, but I’m confused. “Late for what?”
Lisa pull back, and her teary eyes lock with mine. “I’m late.”
My heart pound hard. She gotta mean something else. “What – what you mean?”
Teardrops fall down Lisa’s cheeks, and she say four words that stop time.
“I think I’m pregnant.”
CHAPTER 16
Pregnant?
What?
I gotta sit, and the floor closer than any chair. I sink onto the tiles.
How the hell? We only did it once without protection, and I was careful. Ain’t no way unless…
I look up at her. “Is it mine?”
Her tears dry up quick, and Lisa get this murderous look.
“Is it yours?” she repeat, and stand. “Is it yours?”
In seconds, she beating the crap outta me. Hitting me, kicking me, punching me.
I ball up in the fetal position. “Ay, ay! Chill!”
“Is it yours?” She punch my arm. “Are you freaking kidding me?”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t know!”
“You should know! I haven’t been with anybody else, Maverick! This is all your fault!”
“How the hell is it my fault?” I yell.
“You should’ve been careful!”
“I was!”
“Obviously not enough! Ooooh!” She punch my arm again. “I was supposed to be done with you! I was supposed … oh God—” She gasp for air. “Oh God, oh God—”
I get up and hug her. She hit me at first, but she crying too much to put up a good fight.
“I can’t be pregnant, Maverick.” She sob into my chest. “I can’t.”
I’m so freaked out I can’t calm her down. “You sure you are?”
Lisa wipe her eyes. “I haven’t taken a test, but I’m late, and I’m never late. Then this morning I threw up. Luckily Momma wasn’t home or – oh God. What am I gonna do?”
“Ay, chill.” I help her sit down. “You might not be pregnant. We need to go buy a test.”
“I can’t. What if somebody sees me and tells my momma? You know how she is.”
Ms. Montgomery one of them strict, churchgoing types even though she cuss like a sailor and drink like one. Lisa definitely can’t be spotted buying a test. Her momma would kill her whether she pregnant or not.
“I’ll go buy one then,” I say.
“What if somebody sees you?”
“We gotta know, Lisa. This the only way.”
“Is it bad that I almost don’t wanna know?”
I stare at her stomach, too. It’s hard to imagine a baby might be in there. “Nah. I’m right there with you.”
We get quiet. One li’l test might change our whole lives.
Lisa close her eyes. “What if I am pregnant, Maverick? What are we gonna do?”
“We’ll figure it out,” I say.
She sniffle. “We?”
“Yeah.” I brush her tears from her cheek. “We in this together.”
Lisa wrap her arms around my neck and cry into my shoulder. I hold her and tell her it’ll be okay, but that feel like a lie.
I kiss her forehead and go to my room. Seven knocked out with a smile. He must be dreaming something good. He don’t know I’m living a nightmare.
I throw on my Starter jacket. My best bet is to go to Wal-Mart on the east side. It’s a twenty-minute walk one way, but that’s nothing compared to being seen buying a pregnancy test. I look through my wallet, and my stomach knot up.
I only got two dollars. Pregnancy tests cost way more than that. I’d have to steal to get one from Wal-Mart. There’s only one store where I can get it now and pay for it later.
I gotta go to Mr. Wyatt’s.
I walk around the corner with my head down. I don’t know what I’m gon’ say to Mr. Wyatt. He gon’ wanna know why I need a pregnancy test. I should tell him it’s for a friend. Yeah, that’s it. It’s kinda true, too – Lisa is a friend.
Who I’m kidding? He won’t buy that. He gon’ lay into me. Only thing worse would be—
Shit, Ma. When I told her Iesha’s baby might be mine, she was so disappointed. There I was, doing exactly what the world expect from Black kids – making a baby while I’m a baby. If I got another one on the way already…
God, please let this test come back negative.
I nod at Mr. Wyatt’s nephew Jamal as he sweep the curb in front of the store. He a quiet, nerdy, stocky dude with dreadlocks. I don’t know if he ever said five words to me. The door to the store feel heavier than usual. The bell ring to let Mr. Wyatt know he got a customer. He at the cash register, talking to Mr. Lewis. Damn, do that man ever cut hair?
“Hey, son,” Mr. Wyatt says to me. “You okay?”
Hope he don’t see my legs shaking. “Yeah. I gotta grab something real quick.”
“Bet’ not expect to get it for free,” Mr. Lewis butts in. “Just ’cause you work for Clarence don’t mean you get freebies.”
“Hold on now, Cletus. Don’t come up in my store tryna run things.”
While they fuss, I go look for the test. Problem is, I don’t know where pregnancy tests would be. Near the bathroom tissue? That make sense. Lisa gotta pee on it. I go to that aisle but nah, they not there. Near the baby diapers? That make sense. You checking to see if you having a baby. Nah, they not there. I go near the lady stuff. Pads, tampons, that kinda shit. Ma send me in here sometimes to buy her tampons. It’s embarrassing as hell.
That’s exactly where the pregnancy tests at. Mr. Wyatt got two kind. I can’t tell a difference, and I ain’t taking a chance. I grab one of each.
Time to face Mr. Wyatt. My steps sound loud as hell to me, and the cash register farther away than usual.
Mr. Wyatt and Mr. Lewis watch me approach. Mr. Wyatt’s eyes drift down to what’s in my hands. His forehead wrinkle, as if he not sure of what he see.
I make it clear for him. I set the pregnancy tests on the counter.
“Aw, hell. You don’t need condoms,” Mr. Lewis says. “You need a damn vasectomy.” He limp out the store, going, “Ri-damn-diculous!”
Mr. Wyatt pinch the space between his eyes. “Son. Please tell me these are not for you.”
I stare at the floor. “They not. They for a friend.”
“Look at me and say it.”
I can’t. I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror right now and say it.
“Good God, boy. When the Lord said replenish the earth, he didn’t expect you to do it yourself. Do you know how to use a condom?”
“I usually wear protection, Mr. Wyatt. It was only this one time.”
“Obviously not. You got Seven. Son, you gotta be smarter than this. You can’t go around just making babies. How are you gonna provide for them? Take care of them?”
I don’t know. All I can do is stare at my kicks.
Mr. Wyatt come from behind the counter and clasp the back of my neck like he did that day in the garden. He sighs. “Who is the young lady?”
“Lisa,” I mutter. “She waiting at my house now.”
“Don’t keep her waiting, then.”
I swallow. “I don’t have the money. Can I—”
“I’ll take it out your paycheck,” he says.
I mumble a “thank you,” stuff the tests under my jacket, and go home.
Lisa pace around my kitchen. There’s three empty soda cans on the kitchen table, and she sip from a fourth.
I set the boxes on the table. “What you doing?”
“I’ll need to pee to take the tests,” she says. “So I’m trying to fill my bladder.”
“Oh. I got two tests. I couldn’t tell the difference, so I grabbed them both.”
“Good. The more, the better. You know, I bet I’m not pregnant. It’s probably a coincidence that I’m late and that I threw up. I know my body. I would know if a freaking embryo was in my uterus, right?”
I don’t know nothing. “Maybe?”
“I would know.” Lisa grab the boxes. “They’re gonna be negative.”
She mutter that the whole way to the bathroom. I follow her and wait in the hall.
“They’re gonna be negative,” she says on the other side of the door. “They’re – shit!”
Oh, damn. “What it say?”
“Nothing! I peed on my freaking hand!”
I’d laugh if this were another situation. “You need more pee?”
“What, are you gonna pee for me?”
“Dag, I was only asking!”
“Whatever,” she mumbles.
I shut up and wait. After a while, the toilet flush, and Lisa open the door. “Both tests will take five minutes.”
Five minutes never seemed so long. “A’ight.”
I set a timer on my watch, and we sit on the bathroom floor. It’s hard not to stare up at them li’l sticks that could change our lives.
“Thank you,” Lisa says. “For getting the tests, for being so supportive. Although, that’s what you should do in the first place, so, frankly, I shouldn’t thank you.”
I smirk. “You right. This what I should do. I told you, we in this together. No matter what.” Even though the “no matter what” scary as hell.
She must think that, too, ’cause she don’t say nothing.
I glance at my watch. “Three minutes.”
Lisa nod. She rest her cheek on her knee and look at me. “Have you been washing your hair?”
I’ve kept my hair in an Afro puff ever since she washed it. I put shampoo in it sometimes in the shower. Conditioner still for girls. “Yeah. This ’fro shit a lot to keep up. I think I wanna cut it and get a fade.”
“That would look good. How’s school?”
“A’ight, I guess. Tryna get through it. You?”
“Busy, but fine,” she says. “There’s basketball, college applications, yearbook, school paper. Prom.”
“Prom? That ain’t till spring.”
“I know, but Momma wants me to get a dress now. She says they’re cheaper. We’re gonna get my measurements this week.” Lisa glance down at her stomach. “May not matter now.”
My watch beep, and both of us jump. Time’s up.
“Okay,” Lisa says. “One line means no baby; two lines, baby.”
“Got it.”
We stand together. Lisa close her eyes and inch her hand toward the counter. She pick the tests up.
“Please, God. Please?” she prays.
Lisa open one eye and then the other. Her face fall. My stomach drop.
“No,” she says. “No, no, no!”
She toss the tests onto the counter.
Both of them got two lines.
Lisa pregnant.
For the past hour, the words been on repeat in my head like the worst song I can’t forget.
Lisa pregnant.
She ain’t stopped crying since we found out. I hold her on the couch, and I wanna cry along with her.
Lisa pregnant.
We waiting on Ma to come home so we can break the news. I’m so damn dead.
And Lisa pregnant.
She straighten up, wiping her eyes. “What are we gonna do?”
“I don’t know,” I mumble. Lisa pregnant. The words pound my skull. I hold my forehead. “I mean, you got options. What you wanna do?”
Yeah, it’s gon’ affect me, but I ain’t pregnant – Lisa is. This her decision.
Lisa bite her thumbnail. “I don’t know. There’s an abortion clinic downtown. I heard it’s expensive.”
Goddamn, I’m always needing money. “I’d find a way to get it.”
“I don’t want you selling drugs again, Mav. I could call my dad. He’d pay for it.”
Lisa don’t mention her dad much. I know he married and it ain’t to her momma. He got a whole ’nother family across town. He give Ms. Montgomery money and scoop her up sometimes. That ain’t my business though.
“There’s also adoption,” Lisa go on, “but I don’t know.” She put her face in her hands. “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.”
Seeing her cry got a way of cutting me deep. I wrap my arms around her. “Whatever you decide I’m on board, a’ight?”
She look up at me. “You mean that?”
“Fa’sho.” I kiss her hair. “You got my word.”
Lisa bury her face in my shirt and cry her eyes out. I already know what she gon’ do. It’s the only option that make sense. I’ll be right by her side when she do it.
An engine hum into the driveway.
Lisa gasp. “Oh God.”
The engine fade off, and the car door creak open and shut. Ma’s feet thump against the walkway. Her keys jingle on the porch and the front door open.
“I’m back! Brought you some—” She notice us on the couch. “Dinner. Lisa, baby, what are you doing here?”
Lisa’s chin tremble. “We’re sorry, Mrs. Carter.”
Ma set down the Red Lobster bag. That’s one of her and Moe’s favorite spots. “Sorry? For what? What happened?”
“We…” My heart pound so loud I can hardly hear myself. “We…”
Lisa cover her mouth. She hop up and rush down the hall.
“What in the world?” Ma says, and we hurry after her. We find Lisa bent over the toilet, puking her guts out.
“I’m so sor—” She can’t talk for throwing up. “We didn’t mean—”
Ma hold Lisa’s ponytail back. “Baby, what are you talking about? Sorry for what?”
It’s easier to look at Ma’s hair than to look her in her eyes. I see them couple of grays she say I gave her, and I feel like shit knowing I’m ’bout to give her more.
I swallow. “Lisa pregnant, Ma.”
Ma don’t respond. Her face don’t even react. She just rub Lisa’s back.
Maybe I didn’t get the words out like I thought. “Ma, I said Lisa—”
“I heard you,” she says, and her voice almost a whisper. “Go get her a ginger ale.”
I go to the kitchen and grab a cold one outta the refrigerator. When I get back, Lisa sitting in front of the toilet. Ma wipe around her mouth with a washcloth.
I pass Ma the soda. She pop it open and give it to Lisa. “This will help settle your stomach.”
Lisa nod and take little sips.
Ma sit on the side of the tub and close her eyes. She take a deep breath. “Haven’t we discussed this stuff, Maverick?”
Ma never told me ’bout the birds and the bees – nah, she told me exactly how babies are made without any dumb metaphors. She bought my first condoms when I was fifteen, when she realized me and Lisa were together a whole lot. That wasn’t her way of saying, “Go have sex.” She made it clear she only want me prepared.
Now I gotta admit I wasn’t. “Yes, ma’am. We discussed it.”
“And you had unprotected sex anyway,” she says.
“Yes, ma’am. It was an accident.”
“An accident is dropping a plate on the floor. Y’all were dumb.”
We can’t argue against that.
Seven wake up, crying. Ma push up from the tub. “I’ll go check on the baby.”
She step over Lisa and walk out. She ain’t looked at me yet.
Tears fill Lisa’s eyes. “What have we done?”
I sit on the floor beside her and wrap my arms around her. Eventually, I help Lisa to the living room sofa so she can lie down a bit. All that crying can’t be good for her, and she can’t go home like this right now. I go to my room to grab a pillow and a blanket.
I find Ma hunched over Seven’s crib, so still she look frozen.
I inch toward her. “Is he a’ight, Ma?”
She wipe her face, and that’s when I realize she crying. “Have I failed you, Maverick?”
Her soft voice hit me as hard as a brick. I swallow the lump in my throat. “No, ma’am.”
“You’re sure? Because it feels like it. I’ve tried my hardest, God knows I have, and yet here we are. Two babies before you’re eighteen. It’s bad enough your father convinced me to let you join a gang for protection.” She shake her head. “Some mother I am. Loving you isn’t enough. Being hard on you isn’t enough. I haven’t been enough.”
