Sacred Wind: Book 2

Sacred Wind: Book 2

Andy Coffey

Humor

Welcome to the world of Sacred Wind, a tale set in an alternative reality, featuring conscious curries, headbanging sheep, telepathic cats, magic cheese, an evil Baron, some very sexy faeries, and a Welsh Viking Flatulence Rock band….Sacred Wind: Book 2It’s safe to say that the last thing Aiden Peersey expected when he began his trip to Llangollen was to meet a bunch of Welsh Vikings who played in a rock band called Sacred Wind. It’s also safe to say that the technology geek and part-time sound engineer didn’t expect to be catapulted into a quest to win a music tournament, to save the faerie queen, to win freedom for their land, to be able to fart freely, and to win the right to their cheese. Nevertheless, that’s exactly what happened…Transported into an alternative reality by the Navigation App on his quantum computer-powered Smart Phone, Aiden discovers a land ruled by the evil Baron Blacktie, who has banned rock music, outlawed unauthorised flatulence, and made cheese sniffing a crime. He is soon immersed in a world where sheep manage pubs and play in orchestras, cats are telepathic, cheese comes from mines, and curries have consciousness (Wrexham is a ‘Currydom’, ruled by King Beef Vindaloo-Boiled Rice III and his wife, Queen Tikka Masala-Coconut Rice…). When the evil Baron discovers that Sacred Wind’s drummer, Agnar the Hammered, owns a cheese mine that contains a potentially magic cheese, he concocts a hideous plot to make the mine his own. He challenges Sacred Wind to take part in a prestigious music tournament, and he sends his two top spies, Hob and Nob, to capture the Faerie Queen, Ophelia, who is betrothed to Sacred Wind’s singer, Olaf the Berserker! And so, Aiden joins the Sacred Wind and the ‘Companionship of Wind’, as they embark on a perilous journey to reach the city in time for the great tournament…So, if you want to delve into a world where curries will make you laugh, where sheep will make you cry, where no-one sniggers when your first name is 'Oldfart', where you'll cheer quite a lot at the bits that have obviously been written to incite cheering, where you'll think about faeries in ways you really shouldn't, where you'll be even more scared of Traffic Wardens than you ever thought possible, where vacuum cleaners get possessed, where Welsh Vikings can have platonic relationships with English sheep, where you finish reading the story with a smile on your face and warmth in your heart, and where you want to read more as soon as you've finished, then Sacred Wind is the book for you.Sacred Wind: Book 3 - Preview* You’ll cheer on the Companionship in their game of charades* You’ll actually be very glad to see Traffic Wardens* You’ll feel sad as a hero passes from this world to the next* You’ll cheer as the Companionship enter Chester, but cry at a noble sacrifice* Baron Blacktie will really start to get on your nerves* You’ll want to singalong at the Cestrian Music Tournament* You’ll be on the edge of your seats as the battle begins* You’ll fall in love with a Troll* You’ll gnash your teeth at the Knights of Flatulence* And you’ll witness the stunning conclusion to our story…All this and more awaits you in… Sacred Wind: Book 3.Sacred Wind – The AlbumSurely the finest debut album by a Welsh Viking Flatulence Rock band from an alternative reality...Now available at all good download stores! Featuring all the Sacred Wind tracks from the book and more:1. A Time of Magic2. Sacred Wind3. Metal and Curry4. Hurricane Ass5. Warriors of Asgard6. Sail With Me7. Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock Ragnarok8. Frigg9. Fart For Odin10. Dragon Ships and Women’s Hips11. My Sword is my Sword12. The Sheep’s Lament (bonus track)13. The Power of Cheese (bonus track)
Read online
  • 554
Sacred Wind: Book 1

Sacred Wind: Book 1

Andy Coffey

Humor

Welcome to the world of Sacred Wind, a tale set in an alternative reality, featuring conscious curries, headbanging sheep, telepathic cats, magic cheese, an evil Baron, some very sexy faeries, and a Welsh Viking Flatulence Rock band….Sacred Wind: Book 1It’s safe to say that the last thing Aiden Peersey expected when he began his trip to Llangollen was to meet a bunch of Welsh Vikings who played in a rock band called Sacred Wind. It’s also safe to say that the technology geek and part-time sound engineer didn’t expect to be catapulted into a quest to win a music tournament, to save the faerie queen, to win freedom for their land, to be able to fart freely, and to win the right to their cheese. Nevertheless, that’s exactly what happened…Transported into an alternative reality by the Navigation App on his quantum computer-powered Smart Phone, Aiden discovers a land ruled by the evil Baron Blacktie, who has banned rock music, outlawed unauthorised flatulence, and made cheese sniffing a crime. He is soon immersed in a world where sheep manage pubs and play in orchestras, cats are telepathic, cheese comes from mines, and curries have consciousness (Wrexham is a ‘Currydom’, ruled by King Beef Vindaloo-Boiled Rice III and his wife, Queen Tikka Masala-Coconut Rice…).When the evil Baron discovers that Sacred Wind’s drummer, Agnar the Hammered, owns a cheese mine that contains a potentially magic cheese, he concocts a hideous plot to make the mine his own. He challenges Sacred Wind to take part in a prestigious music tournament, and he sends his two top spies, Hob and Nob, to capture the Faerie Queen, Ophelia, who is betrothed to Sacred Wind’s singer, Olaf the Berserker! And so, Aiden joins the Sacred Wind and the ‘Companionship of Wind’, as they embark on a perilous journey to reach the city in time for the great tournament…So, if you want to delve into a world where curries will make you laugh, where sheep will make you cry, where no-one sniggers when your first name is 'Oldfart', where you'll cheer quite a lot at the bits that have obviously been written to incite cheering, where you'll think about faeries in ways you really shouldn't, where you'll be even more scared of Traffic Wardens than you ever thought possible, where vacuum cleaners get possessed, where Welsh Vikings can have platonic relationships with English sheep, where you finish reading the story with a smile on your face and warmth in your heart, and where you want to read more as soon as you've finished, then Sacred Wind is the book for you.Sacred Wind: Book 2 – Preview* You’ll gasp as Baron Blacktie’s dastardly scheme starts to fall into place…* You’ll gasp again as a horrible kidnap is perpetrated…* You’ll nod knowingly as the Prophecy is revealed…* You’ll cheer and put out bunting as our heroes set sail for Chester…* You’ll be terrified as we delve into the depths of the mine of Hairy Growler…* You’ll hide behind the sofa as the Battle of the Pig’s Trotters begins…* You’ll do some more gasping as the Baron reveals his secret…* You’ll smile winsomely when an unexpected companion appears…* You’ll have a great desire to learn Ancient Welsh Witchenese…* And you’ll be very concerned about the Tan-Y-Lan Tuffies skill at charades…All this and more awaits you in… Sacred Wind: Book 2.For all things Sacred Wind and more, checkout the website:https://www.sacredwind.co.uk/Sacred Wind – The AlbumSurely the finest debut album by a Welsh Viking Flatulence Rock band from an alternative reality...Now available at all good download stores! Featuring all the Sacred Wind tracks from the book and more:1. A Time of Magic2. Sacred Wind3. Metal and Curry4. Hurricane Ass5. Warriors of Asgard6. Sail With Me7. Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock Ragnarok8. Frigg9. Fart For Odin10. Dragon Ships and Women’s Hips11. My Sword is my Sword12. The Sheep’s Lament (bonus track)13. The Power of Cheese (bonus track)
Read online
  • 539
Sacred Wind: The Appendices

Sacred Wind: The Appendices

Andy Coffey

Humor

For those who wish to know more about some of the history of Sacred Wind world, this book of appendices includes: Appendix 1 – A Quick Guide to Quantum Computing, Appendix 2 – The Bi-Millennial Deity Conference, Appendix 3 – The Frothy Ale Tsunami of ‘87, and Appendix 4 – History of the Cestrian Music Tournament.May Odin bless your wind for reading...‘Sometimes there are tales that must be told, songs that must be sung, and farts that must be farted. And sometimes the spirit of these great adventures, heroic deeds, songs of glory, and flatulent blessings is powerful enough to touch the hearts, ears and nostrils of the Gods. And so it is with Sacred Wind.Certainly I know that I, King Beef Vindaloo-Boiled Rice III, puff my rice with pride and thicken my sauce when I recount the adventures of the Companionship of Wind. How a stranger from beyond distance and beyond time (a lad called Aiden Peersey, from your reality) joined Sacred Wind in their quest to win the Cestrian Music Tournament, to save the faerie queen, to win freedom for our land, to be able to fart freely, and to win the right to their cheese. It is the stuff of legend. And sometimes the Gods decree that such legends need to be manifest in the entire Multiverse… although not necessarily the smells.However, even though this most splendid tale has been told in the marvellous Sacred Wind books 1, 2 & 3, there are other tales that need telling. And so a series of historical appendices has been commissioned by none other than Odin himself. You have here the first four of these enlightening pieces of literature, with more to follow. So read with pride, my friends… and if you feel the need to have a small fart at any time, know that it will cause pleasure to many.May your rice be forever fluffy, may your poppadoms be crisp, may your curry be hot, and may Odin bless your wind.King Beef Vindaloo-Boiled Rice III.’
Read online
  • 445