Come Back Tomorrow, page 23
“Me too.” I place my hand on his forehead to gauge his temperature, and my guess is 101 or 102, definitely higher than when I was here yesterday. My fingers find their way into his hair, and he leans into my hand.
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” he says, his eyes still closed. “I didn’t think it would upset me that much—”
“I did,” I say, cutting him off before he can finish making his excuses. I slide my hand down to stroke his cheek, and he opens his eyes slowly. “Sweetheart, you reversed a big decision in your life yesterday, and I’m so proud of you. You have so much on your shoulders right now, and you handled it the best you could. It took a lot of courage to call her when you didn’t know how she’d respond. You reached out, and I think you should be proud of what you did.”
Will’s lips curl in a gentle smile. “Thanks. You always manage to make me see things just a little differently, more clearly, maybe.”
“That’s what I’m here for,” I tell him, squeezing his hand as I bask in the compliment.
Will looks down at his afghan, his fingers tracing the weave in his usual nervous tell. “Did you actually talk to my mom yesterday after I, um, lost it?”
“Yes, I did. I told her you were upset, and you needed to rest, but you’d call her again soon. She—”
“Did she say anything?”
I smile at him patiently. “Yes, she asked if someone was taking care of you, and I told her I was.” Will smiles although he’s still staring down at his afghan as his fingers continue to trace. “And she also told me to tell you she loves you, and she wants to come see you.”
Will lifts his hand abruptly from the afghan, and his eyes snap to mine, the dull haze of fever cleared for a moment by confusion and panic.
“Sh-she . . . said she loved me? An-and she wants to come here?” Will gapes at me in shock as his breathing starts to accelerate.
“Yes, she did.”
He lifts his hand to rub his forehead, wincing from the motion. The only sound in the room is his harsh breathing.
I give him a moment to collect himself, but he doesn’t seem to be calming, so I reach up and capture the hand on his forehead between mine. “Hey, I thought this was what you wanted—to make peace with your mom.”
Will’s eyes remain closed as he swallows painfully. “Yes, I did, but I didn’t expect . . . I didn’t really think she’d want to talk to me, let alone see me! I figured I’d try, and she’d refuse to talk to me, or else I’d tell her, and then she’d hang up. I didn’t expect she’d want to come to Seattle!”
He’s almost hyperventilating now, and he grimaces as he uses the hand I’m not holding to clutch at his belly.
I reach one hand up to stroke his hair while I rub over the backs of his fingers with the other one. “Okay, just take a deep breath and calm down. She’s only going to come if you tell her it’s okay. You don’t have to see her if you don’t want to.”
Will leans his head back, and it takes him a few painful minutes to slow his breathing. Finally, his weary green eyes meet mine.
“I’m sorry. This is harder than I thought it would be. I was so angry at her for so long; it’s like even though I want to see her, I feel like it’s conceding somehow to give in and let her come.”
I stiffen at his words because I know this emotion well. Pride. I know much more than I would like to about letting pride stand in the way of doing things that should be done, and there’s no way I’m going to let Will make that mistake.
“Will, I understand how you feel. A part of you still wants to be angry with her, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t be because what she did was awful, but you can’t let that stand in the way of trying to make peace with her. Just from what she said to you, I suspect she knows she made a horrible mistake four years ago. Give her the chance to try to correct that mistake and to make it up to you if she can.”
Will sighs heavily. “You’re probably right. But there’s just so much . . . I don’t know if I can handle this too.”
I draw in a sharp breath. Will is finally reaching his limit, and his near-perfect control is beginning to slip. I’m starting to understand what’s going on and what led him to admit he needs me.
“Sweetheart, you can handle this. And I’ll help you through it if you let me. You’re not alone. I’m staying right here,” I tell him, lifting his hand to my lips so I can place a soft kiss there.
As my lips meet his fevered skin, I’m about to close my eyes, but a flash of green makes me pause. Will is staring at me, and his eyes hold such a mix of emotion that I can’t even begin to sort it out. All I know is it’s intense, and there’s some kind of conflict raging inside him. I frown, but suddenly, the only thing I see in his eyes is need. Need for me to be closer. Need for me to somehow make this better for him. Need for me to be everything in this moment—everything he needs.
I scoot forward on his bed, taking his face between my hands as I bring my lips closer to his. A soft whimper escapes him as he realizes what I’m going to do, and his eyes flutter closed in anticipation. The kiss is chaste and gentle; the liquid fire that erupts in my chest is anything but. I love you. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t say them because I know he can’t handle it right now, not with all the emotion that contacting his mother has evoked.
His lips begin to move gently against mine, but I jump back as the door squeaks, and a nurse comes bustling in. If she’s surprised by my presence, she doesn’t let on. I back up and sit down in my chair, knowing she’s about to assess him.
“Good morning, Will,” she says brightly as she places a hand on his forehead then grasps his wrist to take his pulse.
Will looks disappointed, but he covers it quickly. He smiles back at her but doesn’t say anything. This routine is well practiced.
The nurse nods, seemingly satisfied with his condition. “Is there anything you need this morning?”
“No, I’m okay,” he replies, eyes closed.
“All right, then; I’ll be back in a few minutes with your feeding,” she says as she leaves the room, and Will’s eyes snap open.
He swallows painfully, then looks over toward me, embarrassment and even a little fear in his eyes. “Tori, I . . . I’m—”
“Would you rather I not be here for your feeding?”
Will huffs out his breath. “I’m sorry. I’m still really uncomfortable with it. I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed, but it makes me feel like I’m less than a person somehow. The stuff tastes awful, and the whole thing is unpleasant from start to finish.”
“You can taste it? I thought since it goes straight into your stomach, you wouldn’t taste anything.”
“Strangely enough, you can. And I’d know anyway because I threw it back up the first few times until I got used to it,” he admits sheepishly.
Yeesh. Will the fun never end for him?
“Don’t worry about it, Will. I understand. I brought my book with me. Why don’t I go grab a coffee, and I’ll come back when the nurse is finished with you. And besides, you weren’t expecting me this morning—”
“No, I’m thrilled you’re here,” he says, interrupting me, and warmth floods my chest.
“I am, too,” I say, grabbing my Kindle as I stand. “Now have your breakfast and get cleaned up, and I’ll be back in a bit.”
Will smiles brightly, and I can’t help but grin as I head for the door.
I spend the next hour reading and sipping hospital coffee while Will takes care of the necessities, and when I return to his room, he looks refreshed, having changed into a new nightshirt.
“Welcome back, Tori.” He greets me, but I can tell he’s not all there, and sweat is beading on his forehead.
I grin at him but detour into his bathroom, and when I return, his brow is furrowed as he looks at the washcloth in my hand. I place the cloth on his forehead, wiping away the sweat and pressing its coolness against his fevered skin, and he sighs in contentment. He lies there quietly while I cool his face and neck.
“That feels wonderful,” he murmurs.
My fingers find their way to my favorite place, and Will sighs as I brush his hair back from his face. He’s been feverish for more than twenty-four hours, and it’s wearing him out, so I continue to stroke gently, hoping he’ll fall asleep.
He’s out in just a few minutes, but I continue to comfort him with my touch until he grows restless in his sleep. I’m staying for the day whether he’s awake or not, so I get comfortable in my chair and read until a nurse comes to check on him around noon.
It’s a different one than earlier this morning, and she pushes the door open roughly, either unaware or unconcerned about the squeak that could wake the dead. I groan and shoot a dirty look at her back as Will startles, his eyes opening slowly as the nurse takes his wrist to check his pulse.
She says nothing to either of us and leaves the room as quickly as she came. I make a note to myself to ask Jenny who she is because she’s either new or she needs an attitude adjustment. But all thoughts of her leave my mind as Will looks toward me.
He stares at me for a full minute before speaking, and I wonder how much higher his fever is. That charming nurse didn’t even take his temperature, so I put down my Kindle and perch on the side of his bed, running my hand across his forehead and down along his jaw. The heat is radiating off him in waves. He’s definitely hotter than he was this morning.
“Tori,” Will says dazedly, and I do my best to give him a warm smile.
“Hello, sweetheart. Are you all right?”
“Yeah, just . . . hot. God, I feel like shit today.”
My fingers pause along his jaw.
“What?” he asks.
“Nothing. You just . . . I’m not used to your being so honest about how you’re feeling. Your answer surprised me.”
Will breathes heavily through his nose, almost a chuckle. “I don’t make it easy, do I?”
“Well, no . . . but I understand why. I’m just happy you’re letting me in a little more, that you trust me.”
“I do,” he says, reaching for my hand. “I don’t deserve you, but who am I to argue when God sends me an angel?”
I chuckle and blush at his words because they remind me of the days when he’s had morphine. He’s clearly not thinking straight.
Will passes a hand over his forehead, and his expression becomes serious. “I need to call my mom back today. I know I’m really not in any shape to talk to her, but she’s going to be worried about me. I at least need to call and tell her I’m okay.”
“I don’t think—”
“Please? I just don’t want her to worry. I know my fever is high, and I’m not all here, but you can help me if I get confused. Every time I wake up today, I seem to be feeling worse, and I’m afraid if I don’t do it now, I won’t be able to later.”
I swallow thickly at his words, but I can’t deny them. If he slips into delirium, he surely won’t be able to call her, and he’s probably right that she’s worried about him.
“Okay, sweetheart, of course I’ll help you. But do you know what you’re going to say to her? Are you going to tell her she can come and see you?”
“Yes,” he replies, nodding slowly. “It’s going to be difficult, but I need to see her. There are things I need to say.”
I bite my lip hard, knowing that he’s thinking this will be the last time he ever sees her.
“All right,” I tell him as I walk around to his bedside table and pick up his phone. I notice his background picture is the one I sent him of Sebastian, and I can’t help but grin. He adores that cat.
I find his mother’s number and hit “call,” placing the ringing phone up to his ear.
Will smiles at me as he reaches up and holds the phone in his warm, shaky hand just as his mother answers.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Mom.”
“Oh, Will, I was hoping you’d call me again today! I was so worried! Are you all right?”
“I’m not having a good day, Mom, so I can’t talk for long. But I wanted to tell you I was sorry for disappearing on you yesterday. I was upset.”
“Oh, honey, don’t worry about it. I know how hard it was for you to call after everything that’s happened, but I’m so glad you did! I love you, Will, and I’ve missed you terribly.”
“I’ve missed you too, Mom,” Will says, his voice breaking on the word “Mom” as tears start to slide down his cheeks. My heart hammers in my chest as I watch him. Oh God, I would do anything to take away the pain he’s feeling right now.
When Elizabeth speaks again, I can hear the tears in her voice as well. “There’s so much I want to say to you—so many things I want to know.”
“I know, Mom,” Will says, disentangling his hand from mine and rubbing his forehead. “I just . . . I can’t do this today. I have a high fever, and I can’t think straight.”
“Are you alone? Is Tori with you? I hope you’re letting someone take care of you,” Elizabeth says. I don’t know what happened before, but at the moment, this woman is impressing me with her concern.
“Tori’s here, but . . . I’m in the hospital, so the nurses take care of me.” Will’s reply is slow. He’s struggling to keep up with the conversation.
“Oh, honey,” Elizabeth says, and I can hear the anguish in her voice. “Can I come see you? Please, can I come and be with you so we can talk? I know I don’t deserve it, but please, please let me come.”
Will’s eyes are closed, and I’m pretty sure he’s barely hanging on. He had to do this today, but he really wasn’t up to it. I hope he won’t regret it tomorrow.
“Yeah, Mom, I’d like for you to come.”
“Oh, thank you, sweetie! I have to go into work tomorrow to get things under control, but I can book a flight for Tuesday. Would that be okay?”
“Yeah . . .”
“Can you tell me what hospital you’re in?”
“Hospital?” Will furrows his brow, and I know he’s lost his battle with the here and now.
“Will? Let me talk to her, sweetheart. You’ve done great, but I’ll take it from here.”
Will hands me the phone, his gaze vacant as he stares at me. He runs his hand over his forehead again, mumbling “so hot” as he closes his eyes.
“Just rest. I’ll try to help you cool off in a minute,” I tell him, covering his phone with my hand.
Will rolls his head from side to side, but otherwise, he stays relatively still, so I take a deep breath and turn my attention to his mother.
“Hi, Elizabeth. This is Tori. Will’s a bit out of it right now. I can tell you what you need to know so you can make arrangements to come on Tuesday.”
“Oh, Tori, is he all right? He sounds so tired.”
I pause for a moment while I consider what to tell her. At this point, she knows nothing about Will’s condition, and she needs to be prepared so she’s not shocked when she sees him. I’d like to say I’m doing this for her sake, but it’s mainly for his because I don’t want him to break down if his mother reacts badly to seeing him this way.
“I’m going to be honest with you. Will is very sick right now. He’s been in the hospital for almost two months, and he’s very weak. He’s often feverish, like today, and his liver, spleen, and lymph nodes are painfully swollen. His cancer also causes an itchy rash and joint pain and swelling.”
“Oh my God, this really is life and death, isn’t it?” she asks, her voice trembling.
“I wish with all my heart I could tell you it isn’t, but I can’t. Hopefully, he’ll recover from this, but his immune system is weak, and he’s very susceptible to infection.”
“That’s what’s going to kill him, isn’t it? Not the cancer itself but some infection he can’t fight off.”
“Yes, that’s likely,” I tell her, trying to keep the quaver out of my voice and failing miserably.
Elizabeth tries to choke back a sob, and my heart aches for her. Regardless of whatever happened between them, it’s obvious she cares about Will very much.
“Will and I didn’t part on good terms, but I had convinced myself he would be okay without us—that he’d be better off without his father in his life. It killed me to stay away, but I really believed I was doing what was best for him. If I’d known he wasn’t okay, I would have been there for him. I was a fool. I should never have let his father do this to us,” she says angrily.
“He needs to hear that from you. He didn’t think you’d want to talk to him, let alone that you’d want to come here. He needs you right now. He needs all the support he can get to help him find a way to get through this.”
“I can’t even tell you how horrible, how heartbroken, I feel. If he’ll let me, I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to him and to support him. He’s my baby, my only child.” She sighs heavily. “I’m sorry, Tori. I’m sure you think I’m a horrible mother.”
“Will hasn’t told me the details of what happened between you; I only know he misses you, and he wishes things were different. I hope he gives you the chance to try to make things right between you because I can tell that you love him and want to make amends.”
“I do. I’ve been given a second chance, and I’m not going to waste it. I’ll be on a plane Tuesday morning. Can you give me the information that Will . . . couldn’t?”
I give Elizabeth the details she needs to arrange her trip, and when I disconnect the call, I feel better about this whole idea than I ever have. Considering how strong her feelings seem to be about Will, I’m surprised her husband was able to convince her to sever ties with him. Did she sacrifice her relationship with Will just to keep his father out of his life? William Senior sounds like an asshole from what Will said, but if he’s that bad, why would Elizabeth stay with him? It doesn’t add up, and that makes me nervous.
As I close his phone, I glance over at Will. He was quiet the entire time I was talking to his mother, and he’s sleeping now, but he’s restless. I feel so helpless, watching him. He has so much he’s dealing with emotionally right now, and then the damn cancer has to go and make things even worse for him.
