Winter Magic on Railway Lane, page 23
She had wondered whether he would pull away from her again, but as soon as her hand touched his, he groaned and pulled her to him.
‘Libby,’ he whispered, before he dropped his head down to kiss her.
And then there was nothing but him.
52
It was the best of times and the worst of times, thought Ethan.
‘No chocolate tastes as sweet as you,’ he would tell Libby each day in his kitchen, kissing her bare neck where she had her hair scraped back into a messy bun revealing that soft, pale skin underneath.
‘Stop distracting me,’ she would reply. But she never seemed able to stop herself from turning around and kissing him back.
And those kisses never seemed to be enough for him to quell the need for more from her. But he had to make do during the busy hours servicing and running the train throughout January until he could be alone with her once more.
All he wanted to do was slow time down, to make the nights even longer, but they whizzed past in a blur with just a whisper of the memory of holding Libby in his arms in the darkness.
Each morning before dawn, she would creep out of the old school and back to her cottage before her dad would know that she was gone.
It was a secret love. But perhaps not so secret.
His brother cornered him one day with a knowing look. ‘Must say, I’m glad that you two have finally got together,’ said Ryan. ‘It’s only been, what, almost thirty years?’
Ethan looked at him. ‘How did you know?’ he couldn’t help but ask.
‘Because you look happy, bro,’ Ryan told him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. ‘Have you told her how you feel?’
Ethan gulped and shrugged his shoulders in response.
Ryan looked a little worried at his brother’s expression. ‘Maybe her psychic powers aren’t as strong as you think they should be.’
‘Maybe everyone should mind their own business,’ Ethan told him before walking away.
But he wasn’t so quick that he noticed the sad shake of his brother’s head.
Surely Ryan of all people understood? Ethan couldn’t love anyone like that. It was too dangerous to open his heart up to the hurt that would surely happen when the relationship inevitably failed. Because love never lasted, did it? His mum had shown him what happened when the love stopped. That was when the real pain began for everyone and he just couldn’t do that to Libby.
And yet, despite his confused feelings, he rushed back to her each and every night, sweeping Libby into his arms as soon as he saw her and holding her tight, so tight, so that she could never leave him.
It was getting so bad that, only hours after she had crept home in the wee small hours of the morning, he would meet her at the front gate on her way for an early coffee at Platform 1.
‘Aren’t you sleeping?’ he asked her, desperate to reach for her hand but stopping himself as they nodded at a couple of dog walkers heading past.
‘Not especially,’ she replied, a smile playing on her lips. ‘At this rate, I’ll need extra make-up for Harriet’s wedding because I look so haggard.’
One glance at her face confirmed to Ethan that she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
He felt himself growing closer and closer to her. One night they even finally spoke about Las Vegas.
‘I knew deep down that I wanted to marry you that night,’ he told her.
She stared up at him. ‘You did? Why? You’ve always been against marriage.’
‘Why?’ repeated Ethan before laughing. ‘For someone awfully bright, you’re remarkably stupid sometimes.’
‘Hey!’ she said, giving him a playful push with her hand.
But he didn’t move. Instead, he pulled her closer to him once more, letting his kisses replace the three words that he could never say.
One morning, as the end of January grew nearer, Ryan looked at him. ‘Do you really have to leave after the wedding? It’s clear how much you care for her,’ he said.
Ethan sighed and shook his head. ‘Don’t go there,’ he replied.
‘Why not?’ said Ryan. ‘It’s been as plain as day for years. I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t you and Libby.’
Ethan went to walk away, but his brother blocked his path. ‘You’re telling me that she doesn’t make each day better? That you can’t wait to see her? That she’s your other half? That she completes you?’
Ethan gulped. ‘It won’t work.’
‘I love you, bro, but don’t do this,’ Ryan told him. ‘Don’t be the world’s biggest idiot. If you let her go this time, that will be it. Forever. And that’s a long time to regret not having the love of your life in your actual life.’
Ethan sighed and then looked at his brother. ‘Since when did you get so wise?’ he asked.
‘I was always wise,’ said Ryan, with a grin. ‘You were just too dumb to notice.’
As they hugged, Ethan thought how grateful he was that he was closer than ever to Ryan. That he enjoyed having real friends in the village. Being close to his family and his roots.
And Libby, always Libby.
He had wondered over the years about getting the marriage annulled. Although he wasn’t sure he wanted to move on from being married to her.
And right at that moment, he would marry her all over again in a heartbeat.
Ethan shook his head. But he still needed to leave, didn’t he? After the wedding, he would move on once more. That way he wouldn’t get hurt and, more importantly, neither would she. Leaving was the only safe option for the both of them.
But this time the thought didn’t give him any sense of relief. It merely highlighted how much he would be giving up.
53
Two days before Harriet and Joe’s wedding and Libby couldn’t believe that it was beginning to snow outside.
She stood by the kitchen window in the old school and looked outside at the falling snow, deep in thought.
It had been an incredible few weeks where all her dreams had finally become true. Thanks to Joe helping create a new website, her chocolate was selling in high numbers and she had a business that she both enjoyed and was proud of.
Her relationship with her dad had never been better and it was a joy to be so close to him, closer than she had ever been. He too was looking so much happier these days. The stroke club was now meeting twice a week and new people were joining them all the time. Her dad was coming back to life and even volunteering at church. She was thrilled to see the positive change in him.
And yet, the biggest dream of all had been the change in her relationship with Ethan. Finally, after so many years of denying herself the dream she had always secretly had, she had given in to temptation. And it had never felt so right.
Her inner cynic was in a battle for her heart with its new loved-up spirit. She had even looked at one of Harriet’s wedding magazines the other day and had given a little sigh at the hope that she and Ethan might have their own special day.
She had been wrong all along about love and romance. Her friends had been right. She loved being in love, being in someone’s arms. Nothing had ever felt so right or so good as when she was with Ethan.
She knew that he was still planning to leave after the wedding and had told herself that it would be fine. She understood. The pain of his parents’ failed marriage still haunted him. But with every passing day, she was falling more and more in love with him. She had never told him. She knew it would break the magic and their relationship was so fragile, so special, that she couldn’t bear to change things in any way.
And yet it was getting harder not to tell him how she really felt.
If only he would stay. But she knew that she wasn’t enough to make that happen and it was stopping her heart from being completely full.
‘Hey, it’s snowing,’ she heard Ethan say as his arms suddenly wrapped around her.
‘I know,’ she replied, leaning back against him as they watched. ‘So much for my planned walk this afternoon. I might as well carry on working.’ She turned around to look up at him. ‘After all, what else is there to do on a snowy winter’s day?’
His eyes gleamed with promise as he drew her close. Her heart thumped in her chest. She would never be able to resist him.
Pretty soon, she forgot all about the chocolate.
But later on in the afternoon, as she tidied up the kitchen, she knew that she wouldn’t be making any chocolate for a couple of days. The next day was the eve of the wedding and then there was the big day itself.
And then Ethan would leave and she felt a dull pain deep inside. He had promised to leave her the keys to the front door so that she could come and go as she pleased. But Libby knew that it wasn’t enough. That he had the keys to her heart as well.
So when he kissed her a while later, she found herself saying, ‘I’m going to miss you when you leave.’
He groaned. ‘Me too. Libs—’
She shook her head. ‘Don’t do it, Ethan,’ she said. ‘Don’t leave.’
She felt his whole body stiffen under her hands. ‘I’ve got to,’ he replied. ‘You know I do. I can’t fall in love. Not with anyone.’
‘But that’s rubbish,’ she told him, reaching up to take his face in her hands. ‘You love lots of people. You love your dad. Your grandad. Your brother. Why can’t you love me?’
‘Because it won’t last,’ he replied, shaking his face away from her touch. ‘It never does.’
‘I’m not your mother,’ she reminded him.
‘I know,’ he said. ‘And I care about you, you know I do. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you.’
‘I don’t want to lose you either,’ she told him. But already she knew that it was time to face up to the truth that she had been hiding from for the past few months. Ever since he had moved into the school, in fact. ‘But the truth is that I love you,’ she told him. ‘I love you with every breath in my body. And I always will.’
Ethan sucked in a deep breath as if in shock.
Libby knew that she had to be the strong one. ‘But I can’t be in a relationship that’s so one-sided. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t feel strong enough to stay and be with me. I’ve tried so hard not so say how much I love you, but I can’t lie. Not to you.’ She tried to smile, even though her heart was breaking. ‘You’re my best friend too so at the very least we have to be honest with each other. I deserve to be with someone who loves me as much as I love them. And if you don’t want that commitment, then I understand. I really do. But if you care for me as much as you say you do, then you have to let me go now. After all these years, I think I deserve that, don’t you?’
He was still for a long while and for a moment she thought he was going to step forward and take her in his arms once more, to finally tell her what she longed to hear.
But in the end, he merely nodded and dropped his arms down to his side.
She felt a chill run through her. He had made his choice and it wasn’t her.
‘Okay,’ she told him in a shaky voice. ‘Well, thank you for listening to me.’
She knew that she had to walk away from him whilst she was strong enough to. But it was the hardest thing she had ever had to face and she only held back the tears until she had walked out of the old school.
54
‘After Dodgy Del’s snowy surprise at the station on Christmas Eve, I can’t believe it’s actually snowed for real on my wedding day a month later!’ said Harriet, with a groan.
Libby shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she told her. ‘It’s your big day and not even the weather can spoil it.’
‘How can it?’ said Flora, going over to the window. ‘It looks magical out there!’
It had begun to snow the day before and now, on the actual wedding day, it was still snowing. The whole area was coated in six inches of snow and chaos had ensued as to the wedding preparation.
The plan had always been for most people to walk to the tiny church in Cranbridge as Harriet wanted to go past her lavender fields, which were such a strong link to her late beloved aunt and uncle. But that was going to be impossible in deep snow with a long gown as well as the return journey to the station for the reception.
Consequently, rides had been hurriedly organised and guests were being ferried over to the church with only half an hour to go.
‘Ryan says the roads are getting worse,’ said Katy, looking at her phone and grimacing. ‘You know, this is why I used to live in a city!’ But she was smiling as she went over to fix a stray red hair of Harriet’s under her veil.
‘You look beautiful,’ said Flora.
Harriet was wearing a long gown of white silk and lace and looked every inch the beautiful bride.
Harriet blushed. ‘Well, I didn’t want anything fancy,’ she told them.
‘Simple, elegant and exquisite,’ said Katy, with an approving nod.
Libby had to agree. Harriet looked wonderful and for the first time in two days, she found that she was smiling.
It had been a wretched couple of days ever since she had walked away from Ethan. Was it possible to miss someone that much? To lose one’s oldest friend and still survive? Because she ached inside at not seeing him every day. Her skin yearned for his touch. Her mouth wanted to be kissed over and over by him. But none of that would ever happen again.
She knew she had been right to walk away. That perhaps one day, a long time in the future, she would get over him. But at the moment, she was so heartbroken that she felt that she was only functioning on autopilot just to get through each day.
Her dad had not questioned when she had arrived back home with a car full of her cooking equipment the previous day, after she had gone into the old school when she knew Ethan wouldn’t be there. But she found that he had been making her more cups of tea and giving her hand a squeeze more often than he had ever done before.
All she needed to do was get through the wedding day, she reminded herself. Ethan would be on the first plane out of there soon after and then she could relax, maybe even heal.
But she knew that her heart would never mend. It had always been Ethan for as long as she could remember. For all of her life, he had been her first and forever love. She just wasn’t his.
‘Do you love him?’
For a moment, Libby thought she had spoken out loud and then she realised that it was Harriet’s voice she had heard. She looked over to see her three best friends watching her with worried looks.
She took in a shaky breath before nodding, finally able to admit the truth to them.
‘Then you have to tell him,’ said Flora, with an impatient shake of her head.
Libby gave them a sad smile. ‘I have,’ she told them.
The truth was that he just didn’t feel the same way.
Her friends exchanged looks and then rushed forward as one unit to embrace her in a hug. For a second, she let them comfort her. And then she stepped away.
‘Right, come on, bridal party, this is supposed to be a happy day,’ she told them, despite her broken heart.
‘Shall we have another glass of champagne?’ said Katy, grabbing the nearby bottle and glasses.
‘Absolutely,’ agreed Libby.
Once they all had a glass of champagne, Katy did the toast.
‘Here’s to love,’ she said, with a smile. ‘Love for a soon-to-be married couple, love between neighbours and families, and love between friends. Best friends.’
‘To love,’ they all said in unison, clinking their glasses before taking a sip of the delicious drink.
‘But unless love comes with a snowplough, we’d better get a wriggle on,’ said Flora and they all nodded their agreement.
A few moments later, Harriet was carefully ensconced in the back of Ryan’s Range Rover, along with Paddington the dog and Flora.
Ethan had been waiting in his car. Libby knew that she would have to cope with seeing him that day and it was fine. Perfectly fine, she tried to tell herself.
Except he suddenly leapt out of the driving seat and rushed over. ‘I’ve forgotten the rings!’ he told them, hurrying away through the snow in his suit towards the school.
Libby rolled her eyes. ‘You’d all better get going,’ she told them. ‘I can check that he’s got them.’
‘Are you sure?’ asked Katy, with worried eyes from the passenger seat. ‘I could wait for him instead?’
‘You’re already in there,’ Libby told her. ‘Don’t crease your jumpsuit by getting in and out. It’s fine. We’ll be right behind you. Harriet’s the important one! See you there!’
And with a wave, she watched as they carefully drove away.
She shivered, but it wasn’t the cold winter air that made her feel that way. It was being in close proximity to Ethan once more.
But she could get through the toughest of days. Because it was Harriet’s wedding day so it was the happiest of days as well, despite her broken heart.
55
Ethan couldn’t believe he could have been so stupid as to forget the wedding rings. The only reason he could think of was that he hadn’t slept properly the last couple of nights. Ever since Libby had walked away from him, in fact.
He knew that it was all his fault that he no longer saw her. His fault that his arms ached without her in them. That he missed her with every fibre of his being. And yet he still held back. He just had to get through today and then he would be leaving. At least then he could begin to move on with his life without Libby, he tried to remind himself. But the thought gave him no joy.
As he marched into the bedroom, his phone rang with a text from his mum. He quickly read the message. Her latest romance was coming apart at the seams. Ethan wasn’t surprised. She had always bored within a short time of each relationship. Nothing new there.
The next text he received from her confirmed what he had already suspected. That she was already moving on to someone else. It was the same old attitude. She was always looking for the next big thing.
