Lunar Court, page 21
part #8 of Alpha Girls Series
“I’m fine. I need meat though. I think that’s why it hit me so hard.”
“You didn’t have any while you were there, did you?” I held my breath, waiting for his answer. He hadn’t been there long, so the signs might not show yet, but even one taste…
“Almost.”
I swallowed down my relief.
“I had a leg in my hand, nearly bit into it, but I caught this barely there whiff of something that I didn’t like. I’m not sure if it was poisoned or what, but…” He trailed off. “What is it? Why did it smell like that?”
Damned Ziriel. “I’m not allowed to say right now, but there could be a way around it.” I just wasn’t sure how exactly. He’d have to figure that out.
“Okay. Can you answer yes or no?”
“No. That’s too close to telling you.” And I wouldn’t risk being caught a liar.
“Okay. I’m just going to say some options of what I think it could be, and then I’ll know when I hit it.”
“How?”
He grinned at me, all full of smugness that should’ve annoyed me, but didn’t. “I just will.”
“Okay. Give it a try.”
He leaned back on his elbows and looked up at me. He watched my face so closely it made me uncomfortable. “Poisoned?” He studied me.
“Rotten?” He was quiet again.
“Not quite that. Okay. Okay.”
He turned his head, looking toward the large farmhouse he’d grown up in. When he glanced back at me, his eyes were glowing blue. “Human?”
I stayed painfully still. I couldn’t go back on my bargain. I couldn’t show anything.
“No. Closer, but no. Rotten human?”
I didn’t say anything. Made no movement. Kept my steady, even breathing.
“Wow. That’s fucked up.” He stood slowly from the ground.
I opened my mouth to ask how he knew, but I couldn’t say anything that would confirm it. The point was, he knew. And he hadn’t eaten any of it.
“They’re demons or something close. Unless that’s a fey thing.”
Maybe I should’ve been insulted, but I wasn’t. “A fey thing?”
He stepped close enough to thread his fingers through my belt loops and yank. “But I know you don’t even eat meat.”
I let my hands rest on his shoulders. “No. I’ve had enough bad meat to turn me off of it entirely. How are you doing?”
“Better. I don’t think it would’ve hit me this hard if I wasn’t so hungry. No amount of cheeses and bread will fill me up the way a nice big steak will. My wolf is off balance.”
“If I remember correctly, the town’s a couple miles down the road. Want to head there first then come back?”
“In a second, I…” He stepped away from me to stand there—really taking in the land for the first time—and it was as if his eyes shut down all emotion. “This place looks worse.” His rasp was deeper than it had been a second ago. It was the only clue I had that this was affecting him at all.
“It does. I didn’t think that was possible—”
Chris huffed out a low laugh. “What should I do with the land?” He turned in a circle.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged because it didn’t really matter to me. This was just land. He could sell it or burn it or he could bulldoze everything and start fresh. But the thing was, he didn’t have to do anything at all. He could leave it for the next fifty years. That he was asking me what I thought about it made me think that he was—maybe for the first time—thinking of what he might want to do with it.
“What’s going through your head right now? What do you think about this land?” He’d gone quiet and it was making me anxious. I was worried about him being back here
“I don’t know. I definitely don’t want to live in any of these buildings. I’m not even sure I want to go inside any of them. Now that I’m feeling better and looking… I think the scents are probably old.” He pointed to something fifty feet away.
“What is that?” I tried to squint to make it out, but there wasn’t anything there.
“Beer can. You can see the glint from the can in the sun. I bet the townies party here.”
“Right. Well, we could tear them all down. Get rid of them.”
“Yeah…”
He didn’t want to tear them down and he didn’t want to live here. I wasn’t sure what was left. When he looked at me, his beard was thicker. Something was wrong.
“What is it? What has you warring with your wolf?”
He closed his eyes and I could feel his pissed off wolf and saw the way his fingers were lengthening…but I needed him human to talk to me. I put my hand on his arm, and sent my magic into him—a little line of cool moonlight to soothe the wolf.
When Chris opened his eyes, they were back to their normal blue. “If I break my tie and we marry, what then? Will you be able to leave the court?”
Marry? God. I hadn’t even really gotten that far, and he had? “Maybe. After a while.” I blew out a breath. “I don’t know. I hope so, but I… It feels like such a stretch that I don’t know if I even want the possibility entering my head. I’m in so much shit for everything that’s happened.”
“None of it was your fault. Your mother has to know that.”
“They don’t care.” I shook my head. “And clearly my mother doesn’t either.” Especially now that I pretty much knew that the last few weeks had been a total manipulation game from her.
He held my hand, and I was glad he was here. My magic might sooth his wolf, but his touch soothed my soul.
“It’s funny. I think I’ve had it easier than you.”
“What? No.” He was so wrong. “I’ve never been beaten, broken, and locked up for days on end with no food or water. I might have assassins coming after me, but I also had Van. My mother gave me guards, and they used to be loyal. I’ll never—” I shut my mouth, hoping to shut down my anger with it, but I’d never forget the way he looked—he smelled—when Van pulled him out of that pit. And now that I knew him—how amazing he was—I just wanted to kill his pack all over again. But slowly this time. So slowly that they’d feel every hurt I’d give them.
I could feel my hands growing hot with the urge to call in my father’s weapons. This kind of anger wasn’t helpful. Not right now. I closed my eyes for a second—feeling the hot rage and letting it go—before I opened them again. “There’s no way that I’ve had it worse.”
“No. The pity can go.” His tone was sharp, and I opened my mouth to apologize, but he stopped me. “Don’t. It’s okay. I’m—”
“Don’t you say that what they did was okay!” He was really starting to piss me off.
“Hey. Calm down.” He pulled me into a hug, running his hand down the back of my head, holding me close. “I’m not saying that, and I’m also not saying what I went through for the first twenty-three years of my life was anything other than absolute shit, but you’ve been alive for longer. With no one except Van to care about you. At least my mother was horrible and is now dead. Everyone who hurt me is dead. But you’re still stuck living in a dangerous place you hate, and you’ll always be under her rule.”
I got what he was saying, but it wasn’t the same. “Maybe.” I rested my forehead on his chest.
“So, let’s dream for a little bit.” He pulled away from me, leaving one arm around my shoulders to keep me close, and he looked around the land. “I want to do something with this land. Something good should come from all of this and from the money that I can’t touch for myself. I wouldn’t…” He was quiet while he thought.
I stayed there, resting my head on his shoulder, waiting and ready to hear what he said next. But if he needed time to think, I was okay enough to give him that. I wanted him to have the freedom to dream, especially if he was turning this nightmare of a place into something good.
“Hmm.” His voice rumbled into me.
“What?”
“I want to tear this place down—every building and structure and fill the pit with cement.”
I laughed and he stopped talking. “I had that same thought about ten minutes ago.”
“It’s a good one.” He squeezed my shoulder. “And then I think I want to do something nice. Something the opposite of what my pack did. I want to build a sanctuary.”
Wow. I really liked that idea. “A sanctuary for who?”
“For anyone that doesn’t fit in. For bitten and lone wolves. For fey who want to be gone from the court. For witches that want protection from their coven. It seems like it could undo, just a little, the evil that was done on this land.”
I looked around, trying to envision this place as something other than it was. “You’d have to get the land cleansed.”
“Oh, no shit.” He laughed and stepped away from me, turning in a circle as he looked at the land. “Claudia and Tessa and maybe Samantha, if she’ll agree to come out here. I want them to come here and clear it. Get rid of all the evil. And then I want to take the pack money I inherited and build something good here. Teach art to people that are struggling. Maybe grow some food here. Raise some cattle? I don’t know. But it’s a lot of land and a lot of money. I spent years running from this place and swearing I’d never touch even a cent, but what good does that do? Being homeless didn’t fix me, and ignoring it didn’t fix me either. You know?” Chris was staring off in the distance at the buildings, but all I could do was stare at him.
I was blown away. I hadn’t expected him to ever want to come back here. But to come back and rebuild? It was amazing.
“What?” Chris said, and his cheeks pinked, just a tiny bit, but it was there and adorable.
“Is it dumb?” He shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the ground. “I mean, I can’t use that money for me, but for this… Seems like that would… It’s dumb.”
“No.” I grabbed his belt loops just like he’d done to me, pulling him against me. “It’s not dumb. Not even a little bit.”
Chris’ breath was shaky. “And depending on what the town is like, maybe we can grow it. Build some businesses there. I think—”
I pressed my lips to his. I wanted this dream—his dream. It was a good one. Turning something bad into something good? God, if that wasn’t just so Christopher Matthews, I didn’t know what was.
I wasn’t sure if we could make it happen soon or not, but if we survived all of this, if we got through it, having a quiet life here, building a safe haven, that was something I could really get behind. Neither of us had ever had a home, and this dream of building a home not just for us, but for any supernatural that had been rejected? It was a huge, beautiful dream and I wanted to help make that happen for him.
I pulled away from him. “Have you always thought of this?”
He shook his head. “No. After you pulled me from the pit, for the longest time, I was searching. For a hot second, I thought the reason I’d gone through all of that was so that I could help Tessa.”
I punched his stomach, and he laughed.
“The hot second passed, and I wasn’t sure what the point of all of it was. But then I was fighting demons and everything and it didn’t matter. I was back to surviving and making sure that innocent people lived.” He blew out a breath. “But I was looking out here, and the idea… I could turn this land to something good. A sanctuary. I like that. It feels right.”
“Do you want to go look inside the buildings? See if there’s something salvageable?”
He shook his head. “No. Even if there was, I don’t want what was here tainting what could be. We don’t need to do anything now, but long term, I think this could be good.”
“It could be amazing. We could teach people to fight so that they can defend themselves. There are so many fey that would love this—not just me—and…” I smiled at him. “Sometimes you surprise me. Under all the flirting is an amazing heart.” He opened his mouth and I knew—I knew—he was about to ruin it with a joke. It would be something funny and I’d laugh, and he’d successfully diminish how good he was. So I put my hand over his mouth, stopping him. “Let’s go see if there’s anything open in town. Get that wolf his steak.”
“I’d be happy with chicken nuggets at this point.”
“I know I’m a vegetarian and a little biased, but I saw a video of how those are made.” I couldn’t help but make a face. “I hope we can do better than that for you. Which way?”
He pointed to a little path beside the farmhouse that led into the woods. “It’s about an hour walk down that path. Less than that if we ran.” He grinned at me. “But I’m not in a rush. I just like hanging out with you.”
“Me, too.” I took his hand and started toward the path. Because if there was one thing I knew, it was to enjoy the quiet moments when they came.
Once Elowen got here, everything was going to change. I had this sinking feeling in my stomach that I couldn’t ignore anymore. A heaviness, and I knew it was about to get worse before it got better. I couldn’t see anything exactly. Not like Tessa. I didn’t have that kind of power. But I knew something bad was going to happen.
But for now, I’d watch the way the sun shone through Chris’ hair, making it glow. The way his lips moved as he talked. His soft Texas drawl cut with the rasp from the scars. His easy smile and laugh, because this man knew how to fight, but he also knew how to love and laugh. He knew how badly everything could go—just like I did—and still he managed to stay calm despite the storm I felt brewing inside me.
But if something happened to him, I was scared about what I would do.
I would chase him from this life to the next, but not before this world burned for destroying him.
Just as I thought it, I could almost smell the smoke. The fire. The blood. And it was like everything just hit me at once. The last three weeks. Trading all my bargains. Skipping meals. The assassins. The poison. The constant worry and fitful sleeping. The feeling that I was on the verge of the end and I was wrung dry of everything I had left.
I started to stumble over my feet, and Chris caught me.
“Are you okay?”
I grinned at him, because if I didn’t, I would start crying. “I hope I will be.” Because I couldn’t lie. I hoped I would be okay eventually, but probably not any time soon.
His smile faded. “What is it? What do you know that I—”
I jumped up on him, wrapping my legs around his waist. “I love you.” I stopped him with my words and with my body because I couldn’t stomach finding a way around the truth. I couldn’t lie. And telling him my fears and why they were scaring me would kill his hope.
I couldn’t do that. Not when he’d just found it. I had to let his hope be enough for both of us.
“I love you, too.”
His words made me feel like my heart was soaring even as the rest of me was on the edge of plummeting into the deep unknown.
He kept walking down the path as he rubbed a lazy hand up and down my back. “Everything will be okay. You’ll see.”
I squeezed him tighter, tucking my hands inside his toasty-warm jacket. “It has to be. You have to be okay. You have to promise me.”
“I can’t promise anything, but I know I’m going to be fine. You’ll see.”
Keeping my legs wrapped around him, I leaned back enough to grab his face in my hands. “How?”
“How what?”
“How do you know it’ll be okay?” If he had some sort of feeling or knowledge bigger than the terror that was rising inside me, I needed to know.
I looked into his blue eyes and I felt his love and confidence, but it made me desperate. I would do anything to protect him.
“Because I have faith that everything that has happened—that we’ve fought against—has led us here. To each other. And I won’t give up the faith that one day, hopefully soon, we’ll get to enjoy a life. That we weren’t put here just to suffer. I know that you’ve suffered a long time before me, but I’m here now. No one is going to take me away from you or you from me. I don’t give a shit what I have to do to make that happen.”
Oh, God. I wanted that to be true. “You mean it?”
“I mean it.” He pulled my hand back against his shoulder. “Rest for a second. I’ll carry you.”
“I’m not too heavy?”
“I’m a werewolf.” He shook with laughter at that. “No. You’re not too heavy.”
“I don’t think anyone’s really every carried me, but you seem to do it a lot these days.”
“I like carrying you. Relax. It’s a bit of a hike. I’ll wake you when we get there.”
“Okay.” I’d been on edge for a while. Never letting my guard down. Never letting go. But with Chris, I knew I could do both.
My eyes were heavy. It’d been a hellish few weeks and I hadn’t slept much, but now Chris was here, and I couldn’t help but sink into him. I tucked my face into his neck and felt his hum of approval, and for one moment, I let myself relax. I let myself believe that maybe this dream could be real. I let myself enjoy just being alive for one second. Because it could be ripped from my hands so easily.
So I held on, and as I drifted off to sleep, I prayed that this would last.
Chapter Fifteen
CHRIS
I loved the scent of Cosette. The weight of her in my arms. Her breath on my neck. I didn’t mind carrying her. She wasn’t heavy, and for once in my life, I prayed that this would last. That this one little bit of happiness was something I could keep.
I’d never felt this happy before, and I didn’t want anything to change. I knew it would. There was always something coming. The only way I survived my childhood was learning how to take every day as it came.
This one would pass, and I hoped I’d get another with her.
Tomorrow would pass, and I’d hope for one more.
And one more.
And one more, until we could finally find our happy, safe haven.
I didn’t even think I’d ever get this much. So, instead of being afraid of losing everything, I was going to be thankful for what I had.
