Lunar Court, page 16
part #8 of Alpha Girls Series
A bead of sweat rolled down my cheek and I brushed it away.
It was hot here. Why was it so hot? Wasn’t it winter?
Jesus. Where was I? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I remember what I was doing here or how I got here? Why did my head feel like it was filled with smoke?
Shit. I was finally losing it.
Fear, strong enough to take my breath away, coursed through me—someone needed to put me down. I’d lost time and that was the first sign that my wolf was winning control. I didn’t trust him. He… He was too angry, and that could twist easily into something dark. But it was too late. I’d already been infected by the evil insanity that ruled my pack. If I couldn’t remember where I was or how I got here, and I couldn’t reason any answers to the questions racing through my head, then it was way too late for me.
I knew I was doomed. I’d been stupid to follow Adrian to St. Ailbe’s. Stupid to try to have friends. But maybe if I asked Donovan to do it, he would. Yes. I knew he would. Dawson was too soft. He’d spent too many years watching over temperamental werewolves to do it, and he’d work too hard to try to save me.
I didn’t have any fight left in me. I was done.
So that was my plan. Get back. Call Donovan. And end it before I did any real harm. If I tried to do it myself, I’d just end up losing to the wolf. No. I needed Donovan’s help.
God. The way Cosette looked at me. Maybe I’d done something bad already. Maybe that was why I was here.
I looked at Van for a second. There was something stiff about the way he was moving. He wasn’t an overly friendly guy, but he didn’t usually walk around looking like he’d just tasted something gross.
I had to ask. “Van?”
He stared at the ground for a second before sparing me a look. “Yes?”
“Where am I? Did I do something wrong? Something bad?”
He kept a steady, even pace moving forward down the sloping hallway.
This place didn’t feel right. I was sure at any second, the whole place was going to cave in, but Van didn’t seem to have the same concern. He wasn’t watching the ceiling or the walls like I was.
“Why would you think that you did something bad?”
I must really be losing it if I was creeped out by this place—with no clue how I got here—and Van was fine. “The Weres in my pack would lose time or forget what they did as a wolf, and I don’t remember what—”
Van stepped in front of me, gripping my shoulders. “Don’t worry. You’re not like them. You’ll never be like them. You’ve done nothing wrong. All of that is in the past. Let it stay there.”
I took a breath and let it out slowly. I didn’t know much about the fey, but they didn’t lie.
Okay. Okay. So, maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought. “I don’t understand. I’m really confused. Why am I here? Where are we? How did I get here? I can’t seem to remember—”
“Don’t worry about any of that. You’ll be home soon.”
“Okay.” Home. That sounded good. Except St. Ailbe’s wasn’t safe anymore. It’d been good for me for a while and I didn’t want to give up on it, but Dawson had shut down the school. Everything had changed, and not for the better.
I was going to have to leave. Maybe find a quiet spot in the woods again. Be alone for a while because there was a hollowness in my soul that was threatening to swallow me whole, and I wasn’t sure if I was safe to be around anymore.
Van couldn’t lie, but maybe he didn’t know that I was losing it.
Donovan. I would call Donovan. He’d help me.
But there was something else I didn’t understand. Something off. Where was my wolf?
If there was any kind of danger, my wolf would’ve risen up, but he was sleeping soundly. Peacefully quiet. Maybe quieter than I’d ever felt before.
Wait.
No.
There was something wrong.
I stopped walking.
Something was missing. But what?
I rubbed my hand across my forehead as I tried to remember. There was too much smoke filling all the empty spaces in my head. All the spots where memories should have been. And all I had now were a bunch of questions.
Why was I here? Where was I? It didn’t look like any place in Texas, that was for sure. Torches on the walls. Golden sand pressed against glossy surfaces. The scent of sour apple smoke filling the hallway.
No. This was wrong.
I stumbled as Van grabbed my arm, tugging me to keep up the pace. “This way. You’ll feel much better once you get to your own bed. I promise.”
Shit. Had I been drugged?
A little beast popped in before me with red eyes and long, pointy fingers.
I stumbled again. “Holy shit. What the fuck is that?”
The little beast’s eyes glowed brighter and it was like the whole hallway dimmed to give it that light.
“Where are you taking him?” His voice had been playful, almost childlike at first, but the last words deepened until I could almost hear echoing screams it taunted from its victims in the night.
“Home.” Van tugged me forward again. “I’m taking him back home via the gateway. As is allowed.”
“No!” The hallway darkened even more until all I could see were its glowing red eyes. “Our game’s not done.” The little beast’s voice grew darker than the hallway.
Game? What is it talking about? I’d never play any game with that thing. If anything, I should fucking kill it. Just being around the little beast made me want to stomp on it.
“I don’t care about whatever game you have going. Whatever it was, it’s over now. Go away!”
“No. You don’t talk to me that way. And he’s mine here! Ziriel said so!” He disappeared in a puff of smoke.
What? How did it just vanish? “Was that a demon? Are we in Hell? Am I dead?”
Van let out a long sigh and gripped my arm again, tugging me forward. “No. You’re not dead and Hell is much hotter than this, but let’s hurry before we get into trouble.”
“Okay.”
Wait. Why did I keep agreeing? I searched my memories for whatever I was forgetting—
A stabbing pain hit my head and I hissed. “What’s wrong with me?”
“You’ll be fine.” Van dragged me a few more steps. “You just need some food and sleep. It’s been a long day. Come on. We have to hurry now.”
“Okay.”
What the fuck? The word just kept slipping out of my mouth, but nothing about losing memories and being confused was okay. I needed answers, and I was beginning to wonder if I could trust Van at all.
I jerked my arm free from Van’s grip, and a section of the ceiling two feet in front of us fell to the floor, sand spilled down until we were fully blocked.
Van started back the way we came, but the little beastie popped back in—this time with company.
The man wasn’t as tall as me, but he looked like he’d have fun roasting me on a spit. His long black beard was flecked with gray, and his long hair was pulled back from his face. “What do you think you’re doing, Van?”
Van moved to stand between me and the man. “It’s time for young Christopher to go home. He’s gotten in over his head.”
“No.” The man’s voice grew threatening and smoke swirled through the whites of his eyes as he stepped toward Van. “You’ll not be taking him anywhere.” A few men dressed in all white and with carved golden masks popped in a puff of smoke behind the man.
Van gripped the hilt of his sword. “Yes. I will. He’s not of your court. He’s under our protection, and I’m going to take him home. Now.”
I didn’t understand what was going on. I wished I could dunk my head in a bucket of ice water to clear the fog from it. Why didn’t I understand what was happening?
Because someone had messed with my head. It was the only answer my muddled brain could come up with.
I didn’t want anyone getting into a fight over me. It wasn’t necessary—I wasn’t worth any kind of bloodshed—but maybe this new guy could help me. “Who are you?”
The man looked at me for a long second, and then turned his head—as if he were listening to something far off.
And then he laughed. “Oh, she’s good. But Eli doesn’t want him to leave yet. So, I think I’ll keep him.”
His fist slammed into my face before I could move. Blood gushed down my face, and I reached for my wolf, but he was still asleep.
What. The. Fuck.
“That should’ve worked.” The man ran his other hand down his beard.
I grabbed onto my nose with both hands. Broken. Damn it. Only one way to fix this.
One.
Two.
Three.
I let out all my air and straightened my nose before it could heal crooked. Pain spread from my nose through my body for a second, but then it was over. I’d learned the hard way to always set my nose if there wasn’t any more fighting happening. I’d moved too slowly before and it always hurt so much worse to reset it when it was broken and healed.
I wiped the blood from my face with my T-shirt. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
The man crossed his arms. “I’m trying to fix your head.” He stared at me as if I were a puzzle he was trying to solve. “You should be grateful.”
Maybe I should be. There was something about the guy that I didn’t like, but I couldn’t deny the fact that my head was in a fog.
“Leave him,” Van said. “I don’t want trouble again, Ziriel. This time I will show you the full force of who I am.”
“Hold your threats. I’ve been told to help him remember, so I’m helping him remember.” Ziriel gave Van a look. “Even I won’t go against Eli’s wishes.”
Ziriel turned back to me and his eyes started to glow bright red.
I stumbled back. “A demon.”
“Not a demon.”
Then what the fuck was he?
He studied me for a minute, his hand stroking his beard. “Ah. Something more subtle then. I think I get it now.”
He placed his hand on my head before I could move.
The searing pain was back again—quick and fierce—but then it was gone. And when it left, the fog in my brain was gone. My wolf growled. The haze over my memories lifted. I could think again.
And I had answers again.
Everything I’d forgotten—that Cosette had made me forget—came rushing back.
It wasn’t some faceless fey that had pulled me from the pit. Cosette sat with me. Cared for me. And from the moment we became friends behind that police station. To the picnics and hikes. The stolen moments and texts and messages where we shared our biggest fears, dreams, everything.
The moment when I knew I loved her as more than a friend. That I wanted her more than anything. And the second right after it when I realized I couldn’t ever have her. That I was too weak. Even after everything I survived, I wasn’t strong enough to be with her.
To Eli coming. And realizing that she was my mate. To Van sitting at my table, telling me not to trust Gales and not to touch the meat. But I already knew all that. He didn’t have to tell me. I wasn’t a fucking idiot. I knew the meat smelled wrong.
Damn it, Cosette.
I wanted to feel betrayed, but I understood why she did it. I understood what drove her to cross that line.
But damn it, Cosette.
She should’ve trusted me to know what I felt and how I felt.
I realized I was in the hallway with Van, Ziriel, and the little beast, when I should’ve been back in that room with Cosette. Telling her how badly she’d just fucked up.
“Excuse me. I need to speak to someone.” The guards made way as I ran down the hallway.
“You owe me.” Ziriel yelled at my back, but his voice had a hint of threat in it.
I didn’t like that. Not at all.
I spun to him, not slowing my pace much as I ran backward. “Do I? Or did Eli tell you to do it?” I didn’t ask him to fix me, and I wasn’t going to make a bargain with him over something he’d already done. Not unless I had to.
He shrugged. “This one’s on the house. Next time, you’ll pay like anyone else.”
“Fine.” Because it wasn’t going to happen again. Cosette was going to stay out of my head until I broke the lunar tie. Like I told her I was going to do.
Goddammit, Cosette.
I started moving faster and faster and faster until I was sprinting down the halls, following Van’s scent through the twists and turns until I was standing in front of the stone door. Her sobs echoed out into the hallway and I wanted to shake her for doing this. Not just to me, but to herself.
I stood there quietly for a second. Not to catch my breath, but to get my emotions steady. I’d been low then high and I needed to find center so that I could convince her that everything was going to be okay. I was still pissed, but it’d dulled a lot. She was hurting worse over this than I could ever hurt her.
Now, I just had to get inside the room. I wasn’t sure how these doors worked exactly. They seemed to disappear and reappear at will, but not for me.
Van stepped up behind me, placed his hand on the stone, and it slid clear of the doorway.
I gave him a nod, and then stepped into the room. Van closed the door behind me, leaving me alone with Cosette. Finally.
“Honey, I’m home!” I sang.
She sat up not even caring to wipe her face. “What… How are you here? What’s going on? Is that your blood?”
“Eli told Ziriel to reverse it.” I sat next to her on the bed and grabbed her face in my hands. I wasn’t going to let her look away. Not when I needed her to really listen to me. “Please. Don’t ever take away my memories again. It left me feeling empty, like I was ready to die.”
“Oh, God.” She sobbed harder.
“But it’s worse than what you did to me. Taking away my memories means that you’ve given up, and I won’t let you. Ten years ago, you told me that I had to let the desire to live burn like a fire in my gut, and I was lost for a while, but those words… They kept me going. I found that fire eventually, and I fed it. But you’re not? By doing this—by following your mother’s orders—you’re letting it die. Please, don’t give up. Not yet. Not now. So, don’t do that again. Ever.”
Tears fell from her eyes and I brushed them away with my thumbs. I hate that she hurt herself so much while trying to protect me, but she had to understand that she couldn’t ever, ever mess with my head again.
“I won’t do it again.” Her voice was shaky and broken. “It hurt so much worse than I thought it would, and I’m sorry. But I’m so tired and I…”
She didn’t need to tell me she was exhausted. I could see it in the dark circles under her eyes and paler-than-normal skin.
I needed her to understand something and I wanted to make a joke to ease her into it, but there was no easing into this. “You can’t make me forget you without killing half of my soul. You’re my mate, Cosette.”
“I can’t be!” She slapped a hand over her mouth as she jerked away from me. I could almost see the thoughts running through her head as her eyes widened. “Oh, no. I think you’re right. How did I not know?” Her words were muffled behind her hand, and silent tears slipped down her cheeks. “Oh, God. This is a disaster.”
I laughed, because that was the only thing I could do. “Tell me how you really feel about it.”
She slapped my shoulder. “Shut up,” she said while failing to hold back a laugh that was half-sob. “This is bad.”
I knew she didn’t mean to be insulting, and I didn’t take it that way. She was scared. That’s why she’d tried to take my memories away. She didn’t want me to get hurt. If I went home with her today, I would be eaten alive. But I wasn’t going there like this. Not until I broke my tie.
“You’re just going to have to get used to me. You’re stuck.” I gave her a wink and hoped a little joke would help her stop crying. She was already too tired and didn’t need to exhaust herself any more. “Shouldn’t have agreed to be my friend. Crucial error on your part.”
“No. I feel drawn to you—I always have—but I thought it was just because I’m from the Lunar Court and you’re a werewolf. And then I thought we were friends that were attracted to each other. It…it can’t be more than that. I would’ve known…” She fell onto her back, covering her face with her hands. “Are you sure I’m your mate?”
I scooted to lay beside her on my side. “I’m pretty fucking sure.”
“Shit. This is a disaster.” She spoke through her fingers.
I pulled her hands away from her face. I needed to see her face when we talked.
“What are we going to do?” Her voice had a bit of whine to it, and that was definitely not the Cosette I knew.
“We’re going to be okay, and I’m pretty sure it’s not a disaster.”
She rolled onto her side to face me. Her eyes were so swollen and red. “How?”
I brushed a piece of tear-stained hair away from her face. “Where you go, I go. Simple as that.”
“No. You can’t. The thought of you meeting my mother terrifies me. The things she’d do to you… The things my brother would do. What kind of monster would I be if I allowed that to happen? I just… You can’t—”
Her fear grew stronger, stinking up the room with its sickly sweet smell.
“Take a breath.” I cupped her cheek. “It’ll be okay.”
“You don’t know that. You can’t possibly know that. I know I seem strong, but it’s something that I’ve worked hard on. I’m not invincible. I wouldn’t agree to marry someone on a whim… I need to marry for power. I have to do this or—”
I rubbed my thumb across her cheek. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes. Of course I do. But I have a very, very bad feeling about this. I don’t have Sight, not like Tessa, but I have something. And it’s screaming at me that this… It will go badly.” Her words were nearly whispers as we spoke, face-to-face, lying on the bed.
“Yeah, but didn’t you have a bad feeling about the chapel? And that turned out okay.” I grabbed her hand.
“Fair, but it was actually bad.” She absently stroked her fingers across my wrist. The movement made my wolf settle in a way that I’d never felt before.
