Wedding Cake Carnage, page 15
part #11 of Murder in the Mix Series
“You did it. You did the impossible.”
“What?” I pull back, just to make sure she’s still talking to me.
“Yes. It’s what I really had my heart set on, but I vacillated, and as soon as the wheels got turning, I figured it was too late. But when I fantasize about saying my vows, I always envision Forest and me under a flower covered gazebo, and then I kick myself for being such a stickler on having it at the church.”
I lift a shoulder her way. “Have pastor, will travel!”
The four of us break out into a warm laugh and then we break out into a dance as well. We sway to the rhythm of our love, of who we are, of who we’re about to become. Best of all, we bathe in the depths of our love for one another.
Once the fitting ends, I hand my dress back to Scarlet Sage and head into the hall to say goodnight to my mother. But, instead of finding Miranda Lemon, I bump into another mother whom I did not expect to see.
“Carlotta. What are you doing here?”
Her hair is curled in soft waves, freshly dyed caramel brown, the exact shade of my own mane with nary a gray tendril in sight. Her face looks freshly scrubbed, and she’s dressed to impress with a fitted black dress.
“Welcome to my new digs.” She waves a hand through the air. “Becca got tired of me cramping her style, and Miranda was kind enough to offer me a room in exchange for light housekeeping duties.”
A dull moan evicts from me. “You need to pay her something for rent.”
She bats me away. “Oh hush, I will.”
The roar of an all too familiar tiger growls from behind, and I turn to find little Lea in all her hairy glory holding Beasty by the tail. Before I can make my way over, a couple of disembodied spirits swoop in—Greer and Winslow—and they both look decidedly angry.
“What have you done to us?” Winslow cries out in what sounds like agony.
“Whatever do you mean?” I cringe as I glance back at Lea who seems to be barking out commands to Beasty, and the enormous creature seems more than happy to comply.
Greer grunts. “You know what we mean, Lottie. I told Winslow everything. Lea is running us ragged, bossing us around—shake this, howl at that. At the rate we’re going, we’ll extinguish ourselves just trying to keep pace.”
“She’s impossible,” Winslow’s voice echoes.
“She’s far more than we can handle, Lottie. And now that you’ve put her in charge”—Greer looks to Winslow as if building up her nerve to say what comes next—“we’re not sure if we can stay.”
“What? No! You can’t leave.” I scurry forward as if hiding behind Greer in fear Lea will hear me. “Okay, listen. She helped me with—”
“With that boyfriend of yours,” Lea finishes for me.
Here she is, front and center, a sour puss on her face so scary it could peel the paint off the wall, and if that curdling in the corner is any indication, it’s already happening.
Winslow steps forward. “What exactly were the terms of your agreement?”
“I asked Lea to help bring Everett back safe and—”
Lea holds up a hand. “And if I did, she said she would put me in charge of haunting the B&B. I did and here we are. Now, why are the two of you slacking?” Her voice hikes to unnatural octaves.
Carlotta scoffs. “Wait a cotton pickin’ bratty minute.” Carlotta squints over at Lea. “Lottie and Noah figured out where the house was, they broke down the door, they hauled the man to safety. Exactly what role did you play in the matter?”
“Well, she…” I start in on her defense, then falter. “I mean, Beasty told us Everett was in the house.”
“Beasty?” Carlotta cocks her head to the side. “It doesn’t sound like little Lea was needed at all.”
Lea’s eyes widen with horror as she looks from me to Greer and Winslow.
“I won’t have this,” she shouts. “This is my house.” Her voice breaks somewhere between a whimper and a whine. “This is my house, and I’ll have it haunted my way.” She stomps her foot and the floor rattles beneath me. “You just don’t understand what it’s like to be me!” She runs howling and screaming as every door in the B&B opens and slams shut at an alarming pace.
Greer scowls my way. “Now look what you’ve done to the poor girl.”
Winslow cranes his neck in the direction she took off in. “I believe she needs a mother.”
“And a father.” Greer picks up his hand. “Come now. Let’s find the little monster and hug it out. I think we’re finally on our way to becoming a family.” They float down the hall at record speed.
Beasty stretches out his front paws as if he just finished watching a movie, and I do believe everything he witnesses around here is highly entertaining.
“I’ll be around when you need me, Lottie. But for now, I think it’s best I go after my sweet little Lea.” He trots off in their general direction, and I can’t help but coo after him.
“That’s adorable. Beasty is just as smitten by Lea as he was Jana.”
“Yeah, so he’s got a thing for dead girls,” Carlotta smarts as she flattens the front of her dress. “How do I look?”
“Like the belle of the beastly ball. Where are you off to?”
“Harry is taking me to dinner tonight. He suggested I dress nice and I did.”
“So the Jungle Room?” The Jungle Room is even seedier than the establishment it’s buried in, and all sorts of kinky things go wrong in that place.
“I should be so lucky. He’s taking us out for steaks by Honey Lake.” Her phone bleats and she smirks at it. “Here goes nothing. Who knows, Lot? You might end up with a full-blooded baby brother or sister yet.” A laugh rattles from her as she runs out the door.
So not funny.
And do you know what else isn’t funny?
Lainey’s wedding is in exactly three days.
Something tells me I’d better scour that wedding bible of Jana’s before it’s too late.
Chapter 19
Since Lainey threatened us within an inch of our lives, neither Meg nor I was brave enough to steal her away to some dicey strip club that featured half-naked men. Instead, we took both her and Forest and everyone we know and booked the back room at Mangias and had an Italian feast fit for kings. Mom brought Pastor Gaines and Carlotta brought Mayor Nash, and, of course, I brought Noah and Everett.
Everett has taken to sleeping at his place again, and since I can’t bear anything to happen to him, I packed up Pancake and Waffles and we’ve joined him. And since Noah is paranoid something will happen to me, he slept on Everett’s couch last night. I, of course, opted for the sofa opposite him in an effort to keep things from getting any weirder among the three of us.
It’s been exhausting trying to keep up with two different maniacs and stay one step ahead of Lainey’s wedding.
Dinner was wonderful and everyone is mingling about the room as Sinatra booms from the speakers.
“Keelie”—I lean in toward my bestie—“what did Felicity say? Who else was in her apartment?”
She shakes her head. “No one.”
“What? That doesn’t make sense. Pages were ripped out of Jana’s journal. We have proof. Someone must have broken in.”
Bear comes over and steals Keelie away as they slowly rock together on the makeshift dance floor.
Figures. Now he’s a hopeless romantic. But nonetheless, I’m thrilled for Keelie.
Meg bops up with Hook in tow as bodies move for the door.
“You ready, Lot?”
“I guess it’s time. The wedding is in two days. It’s going to be here in a blink of an eye. I still have to finish up the cake. I’m putting my all into it.”
“I have no doubt. But I’m not talking about going home—consider yourself kidnapped.”
“What?” I squawk just as Noah and Everett come up behind me.
Meg nods. “We’re giving Lainey a ride home. Wink wink.”
“Wink wink?”
“Yup. We’ll be making a pit stop at the Ladies’ Lounge. Don’t worry, boys”—she grins over at Noah and Everett—“I’ll have her home by three.”
Noah and Everett exchange a glance.
The next thing I know, Lainey has a blindfold on, and Meg is speeding down the highway while Keelie and I sing a familiar song that happens to be playing on the radio at top volume.
“We can’t seem to lose ’em, Lot!” Meg howls with a laugh as she looks to the car behind us.
“No, you won’t. It’s useless to even try,” I say. Noah and Everett vowed to offer me a much-needed layer of protection tonight, and I wasn’t about to turn them down. God forbid Hailey show up and clobber me over the head, or worse yet, Lainey. Nope.
Noah and Everett have offered to make the supreme sacrifice—that of their male ego.
The Lady’s Lounge is a hot pink mess that sits smack in the middle of the grimiest part of Leeds. Usually this is where I would let a wisecrack fly about how every part of Leeds is the grimiest part, but I would be oh so wrong.
“Oh my God,” Lainey barks as soon as she takes off her blindfold. “Thank God Noah and Everett are with us. I can’t believe Forest left me in your supervision. I’m seriously thinking of swapping out one of your boyfriends for the groom. And just to be clear, I’m talking to Lottie.” She swats Meg with her purse as we’re shuttled inside and greeted by the sound of twangy music that makes all sorts of pornographic promises.
The thick scent of cheap perfume engulfs us as throngs of women scream at the men swinging their stuff up on the long dark stage.
A barrage of neon lights rain down on a group of ten or twelve men, all gyrating their hips in time to one another. Much to my delight, they’re all wearing jeans and a T-shirt—then in one well-choreographed move, their pants are torn away and they’re currently working on getting rid of those T-shirts, too.
Meg scores a big round table down in front, and while she and Keelie lose their ever-loving minds screaming at the scantily clad men as if they were rock stars, Lainey and I sit back with Noah and Everett sipping on appletinis and noshing on French fries.
Noah leans in. “Don’t ever say I never did anything for you, Lottie.”
Everett shakes his head. “Cupcake, this is just a preview before the main event. You and me, my bedroom. I’ve got a robe and a gavel.”
Noah snorts. “I’ve got a badge and gun.”
Lainey slumps my way. “Forest has a yellow trench coat and an axe. Can we leave now?”
Meg turns around. “Not on your life, Lainey Lemon. You do realize these are the last days of your life that anyone will ever call you that.” She turns back around, hooting and hollering with the best of them while Lainey falls apart on my shoulder.
“Nothing will ever be the same again,” Lainey laments as one set of naked men is traded for another.
“No, it won’t. But that’s the best part of all.”
And the scariest, but I leave that little tidbit out.
The day of Lainey’s wedding, I get up at four in the morning—and for me, that’s practically sleeping in. I pull my laptop forward in Everett’s kitchen as I try not to wake anyone, but sweet Toby is front and center keeping me company like the loyal friend he is.
Hailey James.
I input her name into every search engine known to man and still come up empty.
Harlow James.
I try that one and the same sad stories bubble to the top. I take my time and dig deeper and deeper and still nothing. I’m about to click out when I spot an errant article at the bottom of the page. Dr. Isaac James donates one hundred thousand dollars to the Hampshire Psychiatric Hospital.
I click over and hold my breath. Dr. Isaac James donated to the facility for its exemplary care of his daughter who has been receiving long-term care within their department.
His daughter? Could that be Hailey? It could have been Harlow for that matter. The article doesn’t reference any names. I’m shocked they were allowed to print such sensitive information at all.
Footsteps liven behind me, and I close my laptop with a snap as I jump in my seat.
It’s Everett. His hair is slightly mussed and he has that sexy glazed-over look in his eyes.
“I come in peace.” He offers me a groggy half-smile and a kiss to the cheek. His breath is minty and I can’t help but moan a little. “Are you ready for this day?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
Everett takes up my hand and rubs that enormous rock over my ring finger.
“One day it will be your wedding, Lemon. You’re going to make a beautiful bride.”
“And you will make a lethally handsome groom. You don’t suppose we’ll be making that trek together, do you?”
His lips curl with a dangerous appeal. “Stranger things have happened.” He takes me by the hand. Everett nods to the living room where Noah snores softly. “What’s-his-face is still sleeping. And I’m in the mood to start the day with nice, long, hot shower.”
“That sounds like heaven.”
“It will be. Why don’t we conserve a little water and hop in together?”
And we do.
When my sisters and I were little girls, we dressed up in my mother’s wedding dress—a sin of the highest order that she must never know about—and pretended we were brides, taking turns marrying one another over and over again.
As we grew older, we longed for our happily ever afters even while kissing our fair share of horny toads.
When Lainey brought home Forest, everyone knew he was the one for her. And when they hit that unimaginable rough patch last summer, it was heart-wrenching to see them drift apart so violently. But then as fate, and Tanner Redwood’s untimely death would have it, Forest and Lainey found their way back to one another. And here we are, all dressed and ready to go on the sprawling grounds of the Evergreen Manor.
Rows and rows of white ladder-back chairs have been set out, and a white aisle runner leads to the gazebo, which Felicity has turned into a magical lavender spectacle worthy of a million dollars—and that’s pretty much what I paid for it, too. I wouldn’t dare let Felicity give me that for free. She took it a step beyond the peonies and dusted it with baby’s breath and purple wisteria as well. It gives the grounds a dreamy appeal, and I do my best to memorize how perfect everything is today.
This morning, as I got dressed, Noah presented me with a strange gift, a gun holster that wraps around my waist like a belt, only to link up to a smaller belt that circles my thigh. And yes, my gun sits nestled on the outer thigh of my right leg as if it’s always belonged there. I suppose I could have protested the idea, but seeing that there will be a heck of a lot of people at this blessed event today, and that there is not one, but two deranged lunatics to keep an eye out for, I acquiesced without putting up a fight.
The sky is cobalt blue, the sun has yet to crest the woods, and the air holds the rich scent of heavenly flowers. The aisles, arches, and tabletops have all been ornately decorated with oodles and oodles of roses and peonies, lavender and pink just the way Lainey wanted.
The music starts up, and soon Meg and I are walked down the aisle with a couple of Forest’s brothers.
I can’t help but give a cheeky smile to both Noah and Everett as I pass them. They both look so painfully dapper in their dark inky suits. Noah’s tie is pale blue and Everett’s is black as night.
Meg and I take our place up at the gazebo adorned with a waterfall of wisteria and baby’s breath. It’s a wonderland effect that gives this day a fairy-tale appeal.
Forest nods over to us, looking handsome as only a groom can be. He’s wearing a gray suit, as are all of his groomsmen. One by one the rest of the wedding party makes its way over, and soon enough the tempo of the music changes and every last guest is on their feet facing the back. I even see Greer and Winslow and little Lea sitting on Beasty’s shoulders. All of Honey Hollow—and even some from the other side have come out to see this love story hit its crescendo. But there is one person who couldn’t be here today but very much should. And how I would move heaven and earth to make it so.
I close my eyes for a moment and envision my father, Joseph Lemon, in his prime. Tall, dark hair, eyes that say I see you and you are special, and an amazing smile to match. What a precious soul that man was. He only wanted to give the best to his girls, and my mother was always included in that equation. How I wish he could give us the best today—and that would be the honor of his presence.
The crowd gasps and I open my eyes to find my beautiful sister transformed into a glorious bride. Her hair is swept up, a simple strand of our grandmother’s pearls grace her neck, her gown is immaculate, her bouquet so elegant, and it’s even more special because it harbors that little piece of my father, the blue heart sewn together from his favorite dress shirt. My mother threads her arm through Lainey’s, and a strange figure appears at Lainey’s other side.
“What?” I whisper as I lean in and squint. “So help me if that’s Mayor Nash,” I mutter and Meg kicks me with her heel.
But it’s not Mayor Nash. Slowly the form of a man appears, dressed in a tuxedo, his chin tucked in the air with pride, and my heart bottoms out as they step in closer.
The man is tall. He is both devastatingly handsome and familiar. A painful croak emits from my throat.
“Daddy?” It escapes from me faintly as tears stream down my face. Here he is, not alive, and certainly not in the flesh, but nonetheless he made it.
Joseph Lemon walks Lainey down the aisle and dots a gentle kiss to her cheek once he deposits her at Forest’s feet. He steps over to my mother and pulls her in before landing a kiss to her lips, and, if I’m not mistaken, he’s whispering something to her as well. He turns and walks my way. My legs turn to rubber, and it’s all I can do to keep from leaping on him with a firm embrace.
He gifts Meg a kiss on the cheek before stepping in close to me.
“My little Lottie.” He smiles that big familiar smile that always made me feel like the only girl in the world. “How I love you so.” He lands a kiss to my cheek, and just like that, he evaporates to nothing.
