Beneath Your Beautiful, page 6
I wrap the other half of the sandwich and try returning it to her.
She pushes it back and shakes her head. “Save it for later. This isn’t a short journey.”
I don’t argue. Kindness like this shouldn’t be rejected. It diminishes the precious gift.
I sip some water before capping it and placing it on the seat next to me. My eyes flutter closed, the painkiller beginning to take effect. I pry them open. I can’t sleep. It’s not safe yet.
“Close your eyes, Joanna,” Mel coaxes. “Tell me where you want to wake up, and I’ll ensure that you do.”
“Philly.”
“I thought so. Now sleep.”
I sigh and my head lolls as I get dragged under.
Chains attached to my limbs spread me across the four corners of the iron frame in the secret room. The damp cold creeps along my naked flesh and sinks deep into my bones. I’m not sure I will ever be warm again.
A shadow moves across the wall, eyes of blue flames gliding over my vulnerable body. Gideon tsks. “You have been disobedient, Honor. This hurts me more than it hurts you.” Not fucking likely. “I have been too lenient. But you have to learn.”
I close my eyes. I can’t be here. It’s not possible. I’m on a bus going to Philly with a kind woman called Mel who makes the best cheese and ham sandwiches. Did someone drug me and bring me back here? I wouldn’t put it past Gideon.
The walls shift and close in, shrinking the room as my husband steps out of the shadows. His nostrils flare as he clenches his jaw and tilts his head, popping the bones in his neck. He narrows his gaze over my naked body.
“Gideon, please,” I whisper, knowing it’s pointless to beg the monster for mercy.
“At least you didn’t remove the trainer. That’s one less thing we have to redo. No more respite for you. You lost that right when you ran. It’ll stay on for at least a month.”
That’s not the end of the world. He stalks to the bottom of the bed and braces his hands on the frame as he leans forward to look between my open thighs.
His lips twitch. “I had the doctor check you over while you were out of it. He confirmed you are still intact but with some gentle persuasion, he added a few more stitches to make you extra tight. It didn’t have to be this way, baby. I was going to take my time with you, ensure you enjoyed it as much as me. Now, all that awaits you is pain. But it’s no less than you deserve for trying to run.”
I shake my head in horror at what he’s done to my body while I’ve been unconscious. “Gideon, I can’t—”
He smashes his hand against the metal, the vibration rattling through my prone body. “You gave up your rights to pleasure. I warned you, Honor, never run from me. You took the risk, and now you are dealing with the consequences.”
“I want to be free.”
“You will never be free of me, Honor. I am in your heart, your mind, and your soul. Wherever you go, I will shadow your every waking thought and haunt your nightmares. There is no escape. No freedom.”
He grows larger, his head almost touching the ceiling, or is the ceiling moving closer? “Oh my God,” I whisper.
“That’s right. I’m your god, Honor.”
“Wake up,” a female voice whispers. “Come on, lovely, open your eyes for me.”
I gasp. My eyes fly open and collide with Mel’s concerned gaze. “That is a hell of a demon you are running from,” she says as her eyebrows draw together.
“Not a demon, the devil,” I whisper. “And I have to hope he never catches me.”
She pulls me into a hug. I freeze. I don’t get hugged. It’s never been a feature of my life as a child or an adult. My arms come up, and I hook them around her as I draw in a whiff of her lavender-scented hair.
Mel releases me and swipes at a tear from her cheek. She waves a hand in front of her face and drags in a breath before handing me a piece of paper. I glance at the block lettering and numbers.
“Top one is my cell phone. If you need me, if you need help, call me, no matter the time of day, I will pick up. Only those closest to me have that number.”
I press my lips together and swallow a sob. Mel is the ray of hope I needed.
She points at the next number under an address. “That’s the details of a bed & breakfast my friend owns in a town outside of Knoxville. Head there, then call her. She will come and collect you. Her name is Louise. She’ll take cash and won’t ask you for ID. I called ahead to let her know you’ll be dropping in within the next few days. When you get there, take a breath. She won’t pry, but she has been through something similar. You have friends, Joanna, you just have to find them. I put an extra sandwich and two bottles of water next to you. Take them, because I doubt you are going to stop long enough to eat.”
“I don’t know how to repay you.”
She shakes her head with a sad smile. “Life isn’t about repaying people, it’s about paying kindness and compassion forward. One day you might be in a position to help someone, and that’s how you move forward. Put out into the world what you want to receive.”
CHAPTER 9
HONOR
You have misjudged my resolve, and that shall be your undoing.
After two days, six bus journeys, and a perilous few hours in a shady station waiting room, I give in to the need to stop for a night to rest. One night, then I will continue to put distance between myself and New York. That’s how I end up in a motel on the outskirts of Lexington. I eyeball the cameras secured everywhere you look. Perhaps Gideon will track me here eventually, but by the time he views the footage, I will be long gone.
I push open the sticky smeared glass door and stride up to the chipped wood reception desk. A girl with greasy brown hair slapped back into a ponytail glares at me, but offers no greeting. Customer service is clearly not a priority here.
“One room, for one night please,” I say as I drag some cash from my back pocket. I’m not stupid enough to take it from my bag, as it would alert them to the fact I have enough on me to warrant a mugging.
She quirks a brow. “I need identification and a bank card.”
For a place like this? Seriously? I pull some extra bills out of my pocket and slap them on the counter. “ID and bank card.”
Her hand snatches the money, and she pulls it under the counter, exchanging it for a single key with a fob and the number thirteen on it. “Thanks,” I mutter, snatching the key and hurrying to the matching door. I have to jiggle the key a little before the flimsy door gives way. The door closes behind me, and I lean my back against it as I drop the duffle to the floor and close my eyes. My limbs jerk, but I can’t fall asleep yet. Not until I’ve made sure everything is as secure as can be in a place like this.
The room looks like a set from a 1970s horror movie, complete with orange and brown bedding and an avocado bathroom suite. I secure the small chain on the door. It’s not enough to keep someone out, but it will give me a warning. The window has tiny latches on it that will pop off with a little force, so there is nothing I can do there. I stand in front of the mirror and peel off my sweater to reveal the waist trainer. Time to get this fucking thing off so I can breathe. I turn and look over my shoulder as I try to negotiate the laces. Wait—what the actual fuck? There are two thick straps buckled into place and from each dangles a gold-colored padlock. My hand slaps over my mouth, and I scream into my palm. When did he do this? I feel like I’m suffocating. It’s that sensation when you try on something that’s too tight, and you panic in the changing room, thinking it will never come off, that you will be stuck this way for eternity. There’s no point in crying, that won’t result in it miraculously falling away from me.
Focus, Honor. Do something constructive like take a damn shower. You stink. I switch on the water, which gives a pathetic spurt before dribbling lukewarm water. I strip the rest of my clothes off and use the tiny bar of soap to wash my hair and body. I have no hair brush, so I do my best to comb the tangled mess with my fingers before giving up and wrapping it into a tight bun.
After dressing in a clean pair of leggings and a baggy sweater, I dig around in the duffle bag to take stock of what Anthony packed for me. Money, clothing, a small first aid kit—nothing that will cure the pain between my legs. A pocket knife. That could work. I rip the sweater off and try to twist my arms to get the knife under the straps to release them, but they are too tight. My shoulders sag as I tip my head back, tears wobbling on my lashes.
I got this. It’s just another hurdle. I jerk my head as I try to digest my own pep talk and drag the sweater back on. I twitch the yellowed net curtain at the window to see who is lurking out in the dark. The vending machines are on the other side of the parking lot near the reception area. I need painkillers, which means I need food. I’ll be a few minutes at most. My hands shake as I grab some money and the key. I drag in a steadying breath, open the door, and rush over the parking lot, covering the distance in less than a minute. I keep my gaze angled to the ground and away from the cameras as I select as much food and drink as I can carry in one go. Arms laden with goodies, I race back and dump them on the bed before sliding the chain back into place. Next, I switch on the TV and select a national news channel. Let’s see the damage Gideon is causing. Does he have the nation’s finest searching for me? How recognizable am I going to be?
I tuck into the chocolate bar and guzzle a full sugar soda before popping a couple of the pain meds. Nothing. There’s not one mention of my disappearance on the news. What game are you playing Gideon?
The medication teams up with my exhaustion, and I lean back on the bed, lowering the volume of the TV. I need an hour or two of sleep, before I run again. I tuck the pen knife under my pillow and curl my hand around the cool hilt as my eyes flutter closed, my exhausted mind slips into darkness.
“Wakey, wakey, Honor. You’ve been a disobedient wife.”
My body stiffens as my eyes try to open, but there’s pressure against them. My jaw aches as I try to scream, but there’s no give.
“Shush,” Gideon whispers. “I couldn’t have you screaming for help while we wait for Mike to clear out the motel.” My hands fly up to my face. “Don’t panic, baby, it’s just the hood. You remember it, right? It’s been a while since I had to use it. You can breathe—your nose is free.”
My fingers skim the buckles across my eyes and under my chin. It’s a nightmare; he can’t have found me this quickly. It’s not possible. My brain tries to close down and drag me back to the time when Gideon decided he’d caught me admiring another man. Following that was a month of pure hell. He’d deprived me of sight for an entire month. When I needed to shower, he’d remove the hood in the dark, wash my hair, before replacing it and guiding me to the bed. The entire time he made me wear earbuds that canceled out everything but his voice, which he fed to me twenty-four-seven. When I tried to disconnect, he’d turn up the volume. I was reduced to an hour of sleep at a time, a torture technique used in interrogation. I remember once reading about a study of sleep deprivation that had to be abandoned only days in because of the severe psychological effects.
A sob catches in my throat. I can’t feel those earbuds now, but I might be wrong as all I can hear is the roaring of my pulse as panic chases away any lingering sleep.
“You changed your hair, but we can fix it. Your little temper tantrum will bring you nothing but pain. You do, however, still have the trainer on, and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me,” he utters as his hand trails down my chest. He cups me between my legs, making me groan. “I’m assuming you are still intact, Honor, because God help you if you gave someone what is rightfully mine.”
“Sir, we are clearing out the last few occupants and should be on our way in the next fifteen. I paid off the owner and have retrieved the surveillance tapes.”
It’s Mike. How can he stand there and watch Gideon do this? Not only watch, but help.
A door clicks closed. “He’s mad at you,” Gideon says. “You made him look incompetent. He would have me do worse than what’s coming your way, Honor. Be grateful I still want your body intact. He would carve you to pieces and feed you to the wolves. Mike, I’ve realized, has a temper, so now he’s your personal bodyguard. Not that you’ll be leaving the house for some time.”
This can’t be happening. I’d rather die. Going back is not an option.
My hand curls under the pillow, and I wrap my finger around the hilt. Before I second guess my actions, I whip out the knife and blindly plunge it where I think he’s lying. A shocked groan leaves his lips. My hand releases the knife, and I scoot backward. I drop off the end of the bed and smack the back of my head against the dresser. Fuck. My hands frantically pull at the buckles of the hood and the zip at the back. I tear it off and suck in a long breath before pulling myself to my feet. Gideon’s eyes are wide as he stares at the knife protruding from his chest as crimson blooms on his white dress shirt. Only Gideon would go hunting in designer clothing.
A small smile pulls at his lips as I snatch my bag from the floor. He tries to move but more blood spills from the wound, making him lie back down.
“You better run, Honor, because when I catch you, death will be a mercy I will never grant you.” I glance at the knife. If I was smart, I’d kill him now. He grins like he can hear my thoughts. “Try it.”
He’s not as injured as I think. No way I’m going near him. I shake my head as I drag my boots on. “No, Gideon, you get to live with the fact I could have loved you like no other—until the ends of the earth. You had my devotion and twisted it into something ugly. Now you get to live with the memory of me shadowing your dreams. This will be the last time you see me. You have forgotten that when we met, I was not the weak woman you have tried to mold me into.”
“You are exactly who I desire you to be.”
I knot my laces and stand tall. “No, I’m not. I never was. Let me go.”
“Never,” he snarls.
“How did you find me?” I ask. It’s a long shot asking a monster his tricks for the hunt.
His gaze falls to the heart-shaped locket around my neck. I rarely take it off. “I’ve known exactly where you are the entire time, Honor. I waited until you stopped running so I could collect you in the manner you deserve. Like an animal.”
In other words, he wanted to make it hurt, but in his pained state, he’s shown his hand. I resist the urge to tear the necklace from my throat. It’s better if he thinks I’m still wearing it.
“My patience is running out, Honor,” he snaps.
Icy fingers skitter along my spine as my hand grips the handle of the door. “You wouldn’t know patience if it slapped you in the face, Gideon.”
Then I’m out of the door and running in the opposite direction of the reception area. I don’t spot Mike and make it to the bus station in under five minutes. I buy a ticket to Cincinnati which leaves in a few minutes, and make my way to the bus, launching myself onto it. I tug on the necklace and drop it down the side of a chair before racing back off the bus and disappearing into the darkened streets of Lexington. I have to hope Gideon is arrogant enough to follow that false trail, unless he’s dead. Then I’ll be free of his control, but wanted for murder.
CHAPTER 10
HONOR
Kindness is found in the smallest of acts and in the most unassuming of people.
Three days later, I arrive in Knoxville with Louise’s number in my hand. My resolution to not leave any trail is wearing down. I need help. But is this the right decision? To call or not to call. If anyone caught up to Mel and questioned her, she would be the only one to know where I might be heading. But I’m exhausted and the pain inside my body is getting worse. I left the bottles of pills on the bedside table at the motel. So I’ve been in pain and a growing worry that something is seriously wrong is gnawing at my insides. If I keep going like this, I’ll fuck up and make a mistake. I have to take some risks to avoid creating even bigger ones. Like Gideon tracking me down again.
I drag my dry bottom lip between my teeth and press the number into my phone. My heart races inside my chest as the call connects and starts to ring. I glance at the sky, then at the clock on my phone. It’s 11 p.m. Like normal folks, she’s probably fast asleep. I eyeball the hard plastic bench. I can wait until morning.
“Hello?” a sleepy voice drawls.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize the time.”
“Joanna?”
I squeeze my eyes closed. “Yes.”
“Hold on, honey, are you at the station in Knoxville? I’m coming to get you. Don’t bolt, okay, I’m forty minutes away.”
“Okay.”
“See the man at the ticket counter?”
My gaze flicks to the heavy-set bald guy covered in tattoos. He looks like he moonlights in a biker gang. “Yes.”
“His name is Tony. Go to the desk. Tell him Louise is coming for you.”
My gaze flicks to the cameras in the corners of the waiting room. “There are cameras. I can’t risk it.” I release a breath, and my shoulders droop. “I’ll wait for you out here.”
The rumble of an engine echoes down the phone, and her voice becomes tinny as she swaps to the speakerphone. “The camera feed isn’t live, and he will wipe it.”
I chew my bottom lip as I study the street. There are plenty of people hanging around. I need to not be out in such a busy public place, and it’s pretty cold out here. “You’re sure?”
“One hundred percent. Go on, I’ll wait on the line.”
I drag in a small breath, making my ribs creak. I’ve not had the tools, the help, nor the privacy to get rid of the damn trainer. I tried at the last station and ended up crying for twenty minutes.
I push open the glass door and walk up to the ticket desk. Tony raises his gray bushy eyebrows at me, and his ice-blue eyes almost have me bolting out of the door. “Where to?” he growls.
