Beneath Your Beautiful, page 24
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask as her crying abates. She blinks, her gaze focusing before glazing back over.
I lean my back against the wall and close my eyes, never breaking the connection with our hands. When she comes back, she needs to know I’ve got her. She’s not alone.
“I joined the military to escape the life that was mapped out for me here in Red Lake. I was expected to marry someone like Amalee, take over the family business, cultivate more wealth, and hoard it while people were starving and dying. I couldn’t do it. I needed more. I wasn’t mentally set up for the college life that Sam coveted either. One where we had a different girl every night and lorded it over the masses, all because we were athletic. So I left. The military doesn’t care about your wealth or influence. It levels the playing field and you have to climb on your skills and hard work. Turns out, I was exceptional at getting people to spill their secrets.”
Cleo’s fingers tighten around mine and a sigh escapes my lips. “There are things I’ve done I’m not proud of—sanctioned and otherwise. The better you get, the deeper you go. We have to stop lowering ourselves to the level of the bastards we are fighting. We aren’t doing anyone any favors. There’s a fine balance between pushing someone enough for the truth and instilling such terror that they will tell you anything to stop the pain.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” she whispers.
My thumb rubs a soothing pattern on the back of her hand, and I find for the first time that I’m grounded while talking about this. It’s her—she’s holding me in the present. A smile pulls at my lips.
“The final straw was an operation with my mentor. He crossed a line. There were children involved. No matter their actions, children should be treated accordingly. They didn’t know any different, and to use them—it’s unethical and inhumane.”
“So you left and became a bodyguard?”
“Yes, alongside a few other jobs. I keep busy.” I open my eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?” I ask again.
“No, I just want to leave.”
“Some demons you can’t outrun.”
“I can damn well try.”
“Trust me, eventually you will have to stop and face them. The longer and the harder you run, the more insistent and terrifying they become.”
She drags her bottom lip between her teeth and sucks in a deep breath. I hold mine, waiting to see if she will trust me with a slice of her past.
“I’m not a virgin.”
“Okay.” It’s not that it would be a problem if she is, I was just shocked.
“But the day before I ran, he took me to a clinic.” A tremor runs through her. Fuck this. I bend forward and scoop her up into my arms. “What are you doing?” she asks with a laugh as I stand and carry us to the bed.
“I need to hold you.”
“It’s not necessary.”
“It’s for me, not you.” She hums in the back of her throat, but doesn’t call me out on it. “Continue,” I urge.
“There’s a procedure they can do to tighten your vagina.”
I still, my heart tripping over itself. “Is that something you wanted?” I’ve heard of it being done and know it can be for legitimate reasons. I’m not here to judge her.
She shakes her head, then lays a palm over my heart and places her head on my shoulder so I can’t see those gorgeous eyes. But I understand; it’s easier to speak your horrors to someone when you aren’t looking at them.
“No. I didn’t even know what I was there for until the doctor took me into the procedure room.”
“That must have been difficult. Did the doctor not talk to you privately?”
“My husband insisted on being with us at all times, even during the procedure.”
Rage for this man, and the clueless, careless doctor grows. “And you’ve not had sex since?”
“No, I ran the next day. But there’s more.” I’m sure there’s a hell of a lot more. She shifts in my lap, and my arms tighten to keep her close as I try to instill her with the courage she needs to face her demons. “He had my hymen reconstructed,” she whispers, her voice full of shame.
The air stills around us. Now her reaction makes sense. I’m going to murder him. Cut him up into tiny tiny pieces before feeding him to the pigs.
“What?” Cleo asks with a gasp. I must have let that slip.
“Again, was that forced or voluntary?”
“Forced.”
“Thank you for trusting me with this.”
“I freaked out on you, so you deserved to know.”
“No one has automatic access to your thoughts.” I will, however, be calling in a few favors. Her demons are about to meet the devil.
“That felt cleansing. I’ve only spoken to two other people about this, and that was because I was forced to. He caught up to me once, and I had to leave my medication behind. I got an infection and needed help.”
“I’m glad you found someone to help.”
“Now you know why I’m so fucked up. I’m not worth your time. I’m damaged, Fox. So thank you for listening, but now you can leave.”
My heart twists. “Do you want me to leave?” I wait a beat before sighing. “Your body is for your pleasure, not mine, nor anyone else’s. Being a survivor doesn’t mean lingering in the trauma or conforming to society’s views on what a person who has had those experiences should behave like. You need to reclaim your body. You’ll find no judgment from me—ask for what you want and need. Do not feel ashamed of your desire, feel empowered. Healing isn’t a linear process. Expect to get up some days like it just happened, and others like it was years ago. Grieve, get angry, rage, process the loss of the woman you were before, but celebrate the woman you have become.”
“How can I claim it when I freak out just at the feel of a man’s cock?”
“I think you’re freaking out at the unknown, because you have no idea how sex is going to feel. That’s the fear talking. You have options.”
“Yeah, become a nun.”
I snort. “Sure, that’s an option. Others include breaking your hymen with your fingers or a toy, trusting someone else to do it with the same, or through penetration with a man. I don’t think it’s a penis you fear, but the act itself, and whether it will still be something you enjoy.”
“You’re right.” She squirms in my arms, and the comforter falls off her shoulders, revealing her body.
“What are you doing?” I grumble, keeping my eyes on her face so my body doesn’t get any bright ideas about persuading her to trust us. She has to come to that conclusion on her own.
“Facing my fear.” She leans forward and presses her lips against mine, still salty from her dried tears. My hands thread into her hair to keep the kiss from escalating. I want to give her what she needs, and I’ll push her, but not before she’s ready. In this heightened state, she’s nowhere near ready.
She huffs in annoyance as she pulls away. I cup her face and look in her eyes. “I’m not rejecting you, Cleo, but you’ve just taken a huge leap of faith in trusting me. We need to take this one step at a time. You need to think about how you want to do this. I’m going to entertain that darkness in your soul. I’m not a gentle lover, but I’m not a careless one either. If that’s what you need, we need to stop this now.”
She leans forward and keeps her eyes wide open as she sinks her teeth into my bottom lip. My cock jerks to attention. Fuck. She releases it, and a wicked glint in her gaze makes me almost feral to own her. She scoots back, shedding the comforter completely before exploring my chest with her fingers and lips. My muscles bunch and contract at her exploration as she goes lower and lower.
I capture her hand as it grazes the waistband of my underwear. “Please, let me reclaim my power,” she whispers.
I’m so fucked when it comes to this woman. I deposit her on the bed next to me before storming out and grabbing what I need from my room before returning to find her exactly as I left her, looking stunned.
I chuck one set of handcuffs on the bed and she shakes her head. “I’m not ready for that.”
I snort. “They aren’t for you, they’re for me.”
“Oh.”
It’s going to fucking kill me to give up control. I’ve never done this before, but I want her to feel safe with me. I click the other set around my left wrist, then climb on the bed and snap it to the bedpost. I jerk my head at the other cuffs. “You need to do the other set.”
She hollows her cheeks, grabs the metal cuffs, and in the blink of an eye, they are around my other wrist and attached to the bedpost.
“Now I’m all yours. What are you going to do with me?” I challenge with a raised brow.
She moves off the bed and tugs my boots and socks off before pulling my jeans down and dropping them onto the floor. Her breathing picks up speed.
“Hey, look at me,” I instruct. Her gaze raises to meet mine. “You don’t have to do anything.”
“I want to.”
Her warm hands hook into my boxer briefs, and she slowly pulls them down, revealing me to her gaze. My hard cock catches, then bounces free against my stomach. Her eyes go round as she takes me in, and I see her confidence waver.
“Touch it. I promise they don’t hurt.”
“Hurt you, or me?”
I choke a laugh. “Both. All of those piercings will feel amazing for us both, I swear.”
Her fingers trace the Jacob’s ladder with morbid fascination and curiosity. She hollows her cheeks again as she skims her thumb over the head. Fucking hell. My hands jerk in the handcuffs, causing her eyes to fly up to the headboard. Yes, firecracker, I’m still here at your mercy.
“Don’t suck your cheeks unless you plan on putting your mouth on me.” She licks her lips, and I close my eyes, gritting my teeth. She pushes against the metal up my cock, playing, teasing, testing, and I dig really deep for patience.
Something warm and wet sweeps across the tip. My eyes fly open as heat licks up my spine, and my hips jerk. Cleo meets my gaze as she wraps her lips around the head and sucks, hollowing out her cheeks just like I asked.
My thighs tense with the need to direct her thundering through my soul. But this isn’t about me—it’s about her. My hands fist as she swirls her tongue around me before tentatively taking me a little deeper. She keeps going, a little further each time, until I breach her throat. She doesn’t gag, not once. Jesus, fuck.
“Stop,” I grunt.
She pulls back immediately and straddles me, her wet core making me groan. “Did I do it wrong?”
I shake my head. “No, it felt amazing.”
She nibbles her bottom lip. “Do you want to…”
“No. I’m only going to be inside you once you trust me enough to tell me your real name.” Her gaze shutters. “Right now, I want you to turn around, and sit on my face.”
“What?”
“Turn around, put my cock back in your mouth, and sit on my face.”
“Oh, I already had an orgasm.”
“Benefit of being a woman is multiple orgasms.”
“I’m okay. I can just—”
I can see she is hungry for me. “You want me in your mouth, firecracker? You want to feel me come apart underneath you, to lose control and be vulnerable?”
“Yes,” she whispers.
“Then turn the fuck around.”
She drags in a breath then spins off me, giving me her back. She’s still wearing the butt plug. Perfect.
She looks over her shoulder as she lifts her leg and hooks her feet under my shoulders before shuffling back. Then she bends to take me in her mouth, and I realize what a bad idea this was as her glistening pussy hovers over my face. I’m going to come in three seconds flat.
“Move back further.”
She complies, and I tilt my head, licking around her clit, over her pussy, and to her ass. I grab the plug with my teeth and tug gently. She gasps and drops me from her mouth. I release the plug.
“Two things. Keep me in your mouth, or I’ll stop.”
“Okay, and the second?” Her voice is raspy and sexy as hell.
“If I can breathe, you aren’t low enough.” Laughter bursts free from her as she looks at me over her shoulder, her long hair almost touching her butt. This position is going on the list.
She lowers herself further. “More,” I rasp. “I’m still breathing.” She drops the last inch. Finally.
Her mouth covers me and she runs her tongue over each piercing like she’s trying to commit their position to memory. I’m slightly hindered without my hands, but she loses her inhibitions with each stroke of my tongue until she’s pressing down on me and doing exactly what I asked for.
Her tongue swipes over my head before she slides me in deep and swallows. Holy fuck. That feels amazing.
I turn my face to the side and nip her thigh. Her pussy clenches and leaks. So she likes a little bite of pain? She was made for me.
“I’m going to come,” I warn her, giving her every opportunity to pull away. She hums and the vibrations go straight to my balls. “Come with me,” I demand.
Her hand slides between her legs and skims her finger across her swollen clit. I push my tongue inside of her repeatedly, showing her she’s far from broken. My hips jerk, sinking my cock deeper, and she comes apart on my tongue as I spill deep into her throat.
“Swallow,” I urge. She does, igniting something feral inside of me. I’ve just claimed Cleo Williams, and now she’s mine.
She turns and uses her thumb to push a dribble of my cum inside of her mouth. She slides off the bed and goes to the adjoining bathroom for a minute before returning. Then she flops down onto my chest like a contented cat. “Thank you, Fox,” she whispers.
“For what?”
She replies with a soft snore. Being tied up with a beautiful naked woman asleep on my chest is a first, but I can’t say I hate it, and it’s all down to this woman. Fuck one month. Cleo won’t be escaping me in this lifetime or the next.
CHAPTER 34
HONOR
One, two, three, the Fox is coming for me.
Awareness creeps in, pulling me from the deepest sleep I’ve ever had. Warmth surrounds me, threatening to pull me back under, and I snuggle deeper into it with a sigh. A steady rise and fall beneath my head makes me feel like I’m on a vibrating cloud. Wait. It’s not vibrating, it’s laughing. Clouds don’t laugh. My eyes spring open, and I lift my head to find Fox’s warm whiskey gaze tracing my features. His arms tighten around me, and my gaze jerks to the handcuffs dangling from the headboard.
“How?”
He winks. “Not many restraints I can’t get free of. Call it occupational training.”
“So what was the point?”
“For you to feel safe enough to do what you wanted.”
“You lied.”
“No, I created a situation to allow you to follow your desire without fear of danger. Nothing about that is untrue, Cleo.”
“But you could get free at any point?”
He pushes a lock of my hair off my forehead. “Yes, but I was at your mercy with or without them.”
Doesn’t explain why he’s still here though. Fox doesn’t strike me as the snuggling type. “Why didn’t you leave?”
Something dark flitters across his gaze. “You really think so lowly of me? That I would leave you after making you come—twice—for the first time in months? Or after you swallowed down my release?” He rests his forehead against mine and stares into my eyes. “You think I would abandon you after you pulled yourself out of a panic attack and shared some of your demons with me?” he whispers.
Guilt spears my chest as my mouth opens and closes like a fish. That makes a lot of sense. He’s a protector at his core; of course he stayed.
My eyes hit the clock, finding I have less than ten minutes before Helen will be in the kitchen expecting her breakfast. “I need to get up,” I mutter, pushing against his chest. His arms tighten like steel bands around me.
“Kiss me first.”
I blink at him in disbelief. “With morning breath?”
His lips twitch, and he brushes his nose against mine. “That’s the payment to make me let you go.”
I drag in a breath and jerk my head up, ready to peck his lips. His hands bury into my hair, and he kisses me until I’m dizzy and have to break away panting.
“Now, I really need to get up,” I mutter with less conviction.
He sighs and releases me. I stumble to my feet and make my escape into the bathroom. My gaze lands on the mirror, and I don’t recognise the woman staring back at me. She’s relaxed and happy, with that secret look that shows she found a release last night— not once, but twice. My body might not be ready for the scrap heap just yet.
After bypassing the shower in lieu of a quick face wash and teeth scrub, I find myself in the kitchen with two minutes to spare. I pull up short when I find a shirtless Fox flipping pancakes like a professional line cook. Duke lies on Fox’s feet, staring up at him with pleading puppy eyes.
Knowing it’s pointless arguing with him, I slide onto the stool and take a sip of the orange juice he left out for me.
“What’s the occasion?” I ask.
He casts me a glance over his shoulder and smirks. “It’s Sunday. Plus, I think you might have worked up an appetite.”
My mouth pops open, but then my stomach rumbles. What the hell? I can’t remember the last time I actually felt hunger. It’s something else that Gideon so thoroughly broke. But I found pleasure in sharing food with Fox last night, and now when he’s making me breakfast, I find myself looking forward to it. Wait, no. I can’t get hung up on Fox being part of my life. Time is already slipping away from us faster than sand through my fingers.
Helen appears, dressed in a conservative smart navy sheath dress. Her eyebrows raise at seeing her grandson once again beating me to it.
“He was here before me,” I say.
“Oh I’m not complaining,” she says, taking her seat next to me. “It means I can have all your attention while you give me a blow-by-blow account of your date with Samuel.”
I grimace. “I think he’s decided I’m not for him.”
