SH03 - Whoops! Someone Is On Our Case, page 16
part #3 of Susan Hall Mystery Series
And when she did, she got a huge shock.
She was in a bedroom, but it wasn’t hers. She glanced around the room, and recognised precisely nothing. How had she got here? Wherever here was. She pulled back the duvet, and much to her relief, she was still wearing the fairy outfit that she’d worn for the supernatural ball. Except for the wings; they were missing.
Dorothy climbed out of the bed, and walked on tiptoe to the door, which was slightly ajar.
“Hello? Anyone there?”
“Good morning, angel.” Donny appeared, holding a half-eaten slice of toast. “Or should I call you fairy?”
“Where am I?”
“Where do you think? This is my gaff. Humble as it may be.”
“What am I doing here?”
“Sleeping for the most part. Did you know you snore?”
“I do not—never mind that. How did I get here?”
“Don’t you remember?”
“I wouldn’t be asking if I did.”
“You had a lot to drink last night. And I do mean a lot.”
“That still doesn’t explain what I’m doing here.”
“A werewolf was coming onto you a little too strongly for my liking, and you didn’t look very happy about it, so I stepped in and told him you were my girlfriend.”
“I’m not your—”
“I know that, but I had to tell him something.”
“Why didn’t Neil or Charlie take me home?”
“You told me that they’d left early to take the human home. You said that they thought she was in danger.”
“I do remember that, vaguely, but that doesn’t explain why I’m in your flat—in your bed. I’m grateful that you saved me from the were, but why didn’t you just send me home in a cab?”
“I didn’t have the cash to pay for one. It’s a long way from Washbridge House to your place.”
“I had money in my handbag.”
“I didn’t think you’d appreciate me rummaging through your bag. This place is much nearer to Washbridge House, and I just had enough cash to get us back here. And in case you’re wondering, I slept on the sofa.” He looked her up and down. “You really do make a hot fairy.”
“Shut up, Donny. I suppose I’m going to have to go home dressed like this.”
“I can lend you some of my clothes if you like, but they’ll probably be too big for you.”
“I think I’ll pass. Is there any coffee going?”
“Anything for you, Dot.”
“It’s Dorothy, and you can make me some toast while you’re at it.”
***
“Come on, Tobias. We have to practise,” Neil said.
“Why should I? You promised to help me win back the hand of Bella, but you’ve done nothing.”
“I said I’d help you after the TV audition, but that was cancelled.”
“That is hardly my fault.”
“I realise that, but if you help me with the kids’ party this afternoon, I promise I’ll get you back together with Lady Muck.”
“Markham. How do I know I can trust you?”
“I’m a man of my word. Help me with the party, and you’ll be back with Lady whats-her-face before you know it.”
“What would I have to do?”
“Exactly the same thing we practised all week for the audition. I’ll pass you a teapot, or something similar, and you walk around in a circle.”
“That’s all?”
“Yes.”
“And then you’ll get Bella back for me?”
“I promise.”
“Very well. Where will the party be held?”
“It’s in a village called Smallwash.”
“Will we have to travel in that horseless carriage of yours again?”
“Yes, we’ll be taking the car.”
“In that case, I insist on being secured by the belt. I don’t want any more accidents. My nose is still rather tender.”
“I’ll fasten your seatbelt myself.”
“Very well, then.”
“Okay. Let’s run through the routine a couple more times.”
***
It had just turned midday when Dorothy arrived back at the apartment. The taxi had cost her an arm and a leg, but there was no way she was taking the bus dressed as a fairy. The taxi driver didn’t get a tip because of his smartass remarks.
She opened the door to the apartment very slowly, and peeped inside.
Good, there was no one around. If she made a run for her bedroom, no one need ever know she’d spent the night out.
“Well, if it isn’t the dirty stop out.”
She hadn’t made it more than a few steps before Neil appeared from somewhere.
“I’m not in the mood for you, Neil.”
“I guess you were in the mood for luuurve, last night, though. Who was the lucky guy?”
Before she could reply, Charlie came out of his bedroom. “Hi, Dorothy. We were worried about you. Are you okay?”
“Of course she’s okay,” Neil said. “Can’t you see the afterglow from a night of passion?”
“There was no luuurve and definitely no passion.”
“So where were you, then?” Neil wasn’t about to let her off the hook.
“I suppose you’ll find out anyway. I stayed at Donny’s.”
“Parrot man? How was it? I hope you didn’t wear the poor guy out.”
“Nothing happened.”
“Of course not.” Neil nodded.
“It’s true. I’d had a little too much to drink, so Donny kindly allowed me to crash at his place.”
“That was very kind of him.” Neil smirked.
“He slept on the sofa.”
“Of course he did.”
“It’s pointless trying to persuade you otherwise because your mind is a cesspit.”
“Hi, Dorothy.” Susan came out of her bedroom.
“Great,” Dorothy said under her breath.
“Are you okay?” Susan asked. “We were worried about you.”
“There was no need. I’m perfectly fine, as you can see.”
“You’re still dressed like a fairy,” Neil quipped.
“I wouldn’t worry about that,” Susan said. “When I woke up, I was still wearing my witch’s costume. I guess I must have had more to drink than I thought.”
“That’s becoming something of a habit for you, isn’t it?” Dorothy grinned.
***
Socky spent most of the car journey headbanging to heavy metal music. He’d insisted that the radio be turned up so loud that Neil’s ears felt like they were bleeding.
“There aren’t many things that have improved since my day,” Socky said, as they climbed out of the car. “But I do wish the minstrels back then had played the metal heavy music.”
“It’s heavy metal not metal heavy.”
“Quite. It’s so invigorating. Will there be metal heavy music at this party?”
“I doubt it. It’s a party for young children.”
“I do not approve of the way you spoil the young. In my day, they were set to work in the factories as soon as they were weaned.”
“Before we go in, make sure you don’t stray far from my side. I plan to do a few simple tricks, but I’ll need you for the grand finale.”
“What am I supposed to do until then?”
“Do nothing. Just stay by my side until I need you.”
Neil was greeted at the door by a woman who looked particularly harassed. “Are you the magician?”
“I am. The Great Neilo at your service.”
“Thank goodness. The kids are driving me crazy. I told my husband that eight kids were enough; one for each year of Richard’s age. But no, he insisted we should allow him to invite two for each year. There are seventeen screaming kids in there, and they’re doing my head in.”
“Fear not. They’ll soon quieten down once they witness The Great Neilo’s magic.”
“I hope so. Come through to the dining room. We cleared out all the furniture yesterday to make way for your show.” She led the way; Neil and Socky followed. “Will this be okay for you?”
“This is fine.”
“It feels a little chilly in here. I don’t understand why; it was quite warm when I checked earlier.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’ll be fine.”
“The kids are all next door, in the lounge, but I imagine you can hear that. When should I bring them through?”
“Give me ten minutes to set up, and then I’ll be ready for them.”
Neil took his props out of the case he’d brought. “Remember what I said, Socky. Don’t go far away.”
“Fear not. Tobias will be by your side.”
A few minutes later, seventeen screaming kids came charging into the dining room. Fortunately for Neil, kids of a certain age are all fascinated by magic, so he was able to get them to sit in rows in front of him.
“Who likes magic?” he said.
Everyone screamed, and raised their hand.
“I’m the Great Neilo. Prepare to be amazed.”
And, for the most part, they were. Neil had now mastered a routine which included some very simple ‘real’ magic spells. The kids loved it.
When Neil was halfway through his act, he realised that Socky had disappeared. What was that stupid ghost up to? He’d better come back soon because he was needed for the grand finale.
Neil was on the penultimate trick when Socky came walking through the door. Or more accurately, he came staggering through.
Neil finished the trick, and then turned to Socky who was now standing behind him. “Where have you been?” he whispered.
“There’s an excellent drinks cabinet in the next room.”
“Please tell me you haven’t been drinking?”
“Such a fine double malt. It would have been a shame not to.”
“Is everything okay in here?” The birthday boy’s mother walked into the room.
“Yes, fine. The kids seem to have enjoyed it.”
“Have you finished?”
“Almost. There’s just the grand finale to go.”
“I’ll stick around to watch, if that’s okay?”
“Sure.” It was only then that Neil realised he hadn’t brought the teapot with him. “I don’t suppose you have something like a teapot or a vase that I could use, do you?”
“There’s a vase over there. It’s a family heirloom, though.”
“Maybe something else would be—” Neil noticed Socky reaching out for the vase, so he grabbed it first. “Yeah, okay, this will do fine.” He turned back to the ghost. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Tip top. Never been better.”
“Right then, boys and girls. For my final trick I will make this vase float all around the room. Are you ready?”
“Yes!” the kids all screamed.
“Watch and be amazed.” Neil handed the vase to Socky, and the ghost began to walk slowly around the room. The kids all stared in amazement as they saw the vase seemingly float.
Neil was watching Socky’s every step; he seemed rather unsteady on his feet, so Neil decided that he’d call a halt to the trick after the ghost had completed a single circuit of the room. There was no point in taking unnecessary risks.
Crash! Socky tripped and dropped the vase, which smashed into a thousand pieces.
Chapter 20
It was Monday morning, and Susan had already left for work. The three other flatmates were eating breakfast in the lounge.
“You’re very quiet this morning, Neil,” Dorothy said, in between mouthfuls of cereal. “How did the kids’ birthday party go?”
“Don’t ask.”
“Oh dear. What went wrong?”
“It wasn’t my fault.”
“It never is.”
“It was that stupid ghost. All he had to do was walk around in a circle, carrying a vase, and he couldn’t even manage that. The idiot helped himself to the whisky, and then tripped up.”
“What happened to the vase?”
“It smashed into a million pieces.”
“It could have been worse,” Charlie said. “At least it was only your own prop that got smashed.”
“I wish. I’d forgotten to take it, so the client let me use her vase. It was a family heirloom.”
“Whoops!” Dorothy laughed, and spat out a couple of cornflakes.
“I’m glad you think it’s funny.” Neil clearly didn’t. “The woman went ballistic and said she was going to report me to the agency.”
Dorothy still couldn’t speak for laughing.
“What do you think will happen?” Charlie said.
“I’m expecting a phone call anytime now, and I fear the worst.”
“It’ll probably be okay,” Charlie tried to reassure him.
“It sounds to me like the end of the road for the Great Neilo.” Dorothy had finally managed to compose herself.
“You two haven’t forgotten that Jade is coming around this evening, have you?” Charlie said.
“I’ve arranged to go out with Tilly.” Dorothy put the empty bowl in the sink.
“I’m playing snooker with an old classmate,” Neil said. “Susan said she’d be working late, so it looks like you’ll have the place to yourselves for a night of unbridled passion.”
“Hardly. If you remember, my mother is coming over to cook dinner for us. I’m just hoping that I’ll be able to get Jade to drink the potion.”
“Have you told your mother about the potion?”
“No. I wasn’t sure how she’d feel about it, so I plan to slip it into Jade’s soup when neither of them is watching.”
“What could possibly go wrong?” Dorothy shook her head.
***
“I have good news,” Molly said when Dorothy arrived at the bookshop. “They came and took the fridge away a few minutes ago.”
“Thank goodness for that.”
“The supernatural ball was a blast, wasn’t it?”
“I don’t remember much about it.”
“You seemed to be having a good time when I saw you. You were dancing, and really going for it.”
“Who was I dancing with?”
“Don’t you remember?”
“I danced with a few people.”
“When I saw you, you were with a giant werewolf.”
“Right. I could do with a coffee. I can barely keep my eyes open.”
“I was just about to nip across the road for a bacon cob. Do you want anything to eat?”
“Nah. Just get me a coffee.”
When Molly came back a few minutes later, she had two coffees, a bacon cob, and a silly grin plastered across her face.
“There you go.” She passed one of the coffees to Dorothy. “Is there anything else you want to tell me about Saturday night?”
“No.” Dorothy tried the drink, but it was still scalding hot.
“Are you sure?”
“If you’ve got something to say, spit it out.”
“I hear you spent the night at Donny’s.”
“What did he tell you?”
“Don’t worry. He’s playing the perfect gentleman; he gave me the official line: that he slept on the sofa.”
“He did sleep on the sofa. I woke up in his bed, still wearing that stupid fairy outfit.”
“Whatever turns you on.”
“Nothing happened; I just had one too many. Charlie and Neil had already left, so I crashed at Donny’s. That’s all there is to it.”
“I’ll believe you.” Molly couldn’t have sounded any less convincing if she’d tried. “Thousands wouldn’t.”
***
“Morning, Debs. Morning, Fable.” Neil arrived at the fancy dress shop ten minutes late.
“Alarm clock broken?” Debs said.
“I have a bone to pick with you, Neil.” Fable did not look best pleased.
“What have I done now?”
“You left me standing at the TV studios. Why didn’t you let me know that you’d got cold feet?”
“I didn’t get cold feet. Who said anything about cold feet?”
“Where were you, then?”
“I—err—the car broke down. By the time the breakdown service arrived, it was too late.”
“You could have called me.”
“I would have done, but I don’t have your number. I’m really sorry.”
“Okay. I’ll let you off. I guess this means there’ll be no Vegas trip, then?”
“I’m afraid not.”
Just then, his phone rang; it was the call he’d been dreading. Before taking it, he hurried over to his office.
“Neil, it’s Selena.”
“Hi.”
“What went wrong yesterday?”
“It was an accident. Socky dropped the vase.”
“Who’s Socky?”
“The ghost who was helping me with—”
“Hold on. Are you saying that you’ve been using a ghost in your act?”
“Only this once.”
“I can’t believe it. That’s simply unacceptable.”
“I’ll pay for the vase.”
“That won’t do any good. It wasn’t very valuable, but it did have great sentimental value, apparently.”
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“You’re right about that because you’re now off our books.”
“But Selena, I thought you were short staffed?”
“We are, but I’d rather have to cancel a few gigs than risk our reputation by allowing a cavalier wizard and his ghost sidekick to represent us.”
“But, Selena—”
“Sorry, Neil.” She ended the call.
Great! His chance to earn extra cash had just been flushed down the drain, and it was all that drunken ghost’s fault.
***
Susan had left the flat early because she’d arranged to meet Greg outside the apartment block where John Lucas lived. He was the final person on Greg’s list of nutters. She really wasn’t being fair, Susan scolded herself. These people may be delusional when it came to their obsession with the idea of paranormal abduction, but they had all obviously suffered the trauma of having a loved one go missing.
The Gregmobile was waiting for her.
