SH03 - Whoops! Someone Is On Our Case, page 13
part #3 of Susan Hall Mystery Series
“Sorry?” Charlie was a little confused by the question. “Is this the office of Jill Gooder, the P.I?”
“Yes, dear. You must be Charlie. We spoke earlier on the phone. I’m Annabel Versailles. Perhaps you’d prefer socks?” She reached over and opened the door to the cupboard behind her. “There are lots of colours to choose from. Scarf or socks? Which would you prefer?”
“Err—a scarf would be nice. How much are they?”
“There’s no charge, dear. Just pick the one you’d like.”
After Charlie had chosen a pleasing maroon and orange striped scarf, the receptionist showed him through to Jill Gooder’s office.
“Thanks, Mrs V.” Jill Gooder stood up behind her desk. “Do take a seat, Charlie. I see Mrs V has sorted you out with knitwear.”
As he took a seat, Charlie noticed a cat seated on the sofa.
“That cat, it only has one—”
“Eye? Yes. His name is Winky. He can be quite a handful.”
“I have a cat—err—well, it’s not really mine, but it comes around to the apartment most days. Her name is Pretty.”
“And is she? Pretty, I mean?”
“I think so, but Dorothy wouldn’t agree. She hates her.”
“How is Dorothy?”
“She’s been a lot grumpier since our latest flatmate moved in.”
“Oh?”
“Susan is a human. She’s the first human to live in our block.”
“I guess that must be awkward?”
“It is, and to make matters worse, she’s an investigative reporter with The Bugle.”
“What’s her name?”
“Susan Hall.”
“Small world. I’ve met her. I’m not a big fan of The Bugle, but I thought Susan seemed better than most of the journalists I’ve come into contact with.”
“She’s okay, but it still makes life a bit awkward. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, a rogue retriever has just moved in on the top floor.”
“That could make life interesting.”
“Tell me about it. Anyway, thanks for seeing me at such short notice. It was Neil who suggested that you might be able to help.”
“I will if I can.”
“There’s a witch, called Amelia, who lives in our apartment block. For reasons I won’t bore you with, she’s taken against me. And now, she’s made threats against a friend of mine: a young woman, named Jade. She’s a human.”
“Is Jade your girlfriend?”
“No—err—not yet, but I’m hoping she might be. We were meant to go on our first date last night, but Amelia told Jade that she was my wife.”
“Wow! She sounds like a nasty piece of work.”
“She is, and based on the things she’s said, I’m worried she means to harm Jade.”
“Where do I come in?”
“Neil said that I need a potion that will protect Jade from anything Amelia might do. He thought you might be able to help.”
“Potions aren’t really my forte. I have next to no experience with them.”
“Oh.” Charlie looked crestfallen.
“Don’t worry, I know a woman who does.”
***
Dorothy had eventually picked out a fairy costume. It was a little shorter than she would have liked, but it certainly wasn’t skanky, as Neil so eloquently put it. The colour was closer to cream than white, and the wings were quite small.
“I thought you must be ill or something,” Molly said.
“Sorry. I should have phoned to say I’d be late in. I called into the fancy dress shop to get my costume.”
“Give us a look at it, then.”
Dorothy glanced around the shop; it was empty. “Okay, but if you laugh, I’ll kill you.”
“Is it slutty?”
“No, it isn’t; it’s quite understated as fairy costumes go. I’ll go and change. When I’m ready, I’ll knock on the door. If the coast is clear, you knock back once. If there are customers in the shop, knock twice, and I’ll wait for a while.”
“Okay. I can’t wait to see it.”
Dorothy slipped into the staffroom, and quickly changed into the fairy outfit, including the wings. When she was ready, she knocked on the door. A few moments later, there was a double knock. That meant there was a customer in the shop, so Dorothy waited for a few minutes, and then knocked again. This time, the reply was a single knock, so Dorothy stepped out into the shop.
“Wow! You look hot!” Donny said. “Give us a twirl. Show us your wings.”
“Get out of here!”
“You have to let me take you to the ball, Dorothy. You and I will be the hottest couple there.”
She looked past Donny at Molly, who was behind the counter; grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “You were supposed to knock twice if there was a customer in the shop!”
“Donny isn’t a customer. He just came over to see your fairy outfit.”
“How did he even know about it?”
“I—err—” Molly stuttered.
“Don’t bother to lie; I know you called him over.” She turned back to Donny. “Close the door behind you on your way out.”
“Don’t I get a wish from the fairy?”
“Only if that wish is for my fist in your mouth.”
“There you go again with the dirty talk.”
“Get out!”
“Okay, I’m going, but there’s still time to change your mind. If you do, you know where I am.”
As soon as Donny was out of the door, Dorothy turned on Molly.
“Why are you looking at me like that, Dorothy?”
“You. Stockroom. Now!”
“But there are loads of cobwebs in there.”
“I know. Have fun.”
***
Stella had managed to arrange for Susan to see Pauline Oxcroft, whose husband had been murdered five years earlier. His murderer had never been caught, and the MO was the same as the others: he’d died from a wound to the throat.
As soon as Susan had left Greg, she’d headed straight to Lower Wash where Pauline Oxcroft lived in a small apartment block. She knocked three times with no reply, and she was beginning to think that her journey had been wasted when there was a voice behind her.
“Susan? Sorry, I just nipped out to the shop, and got waylaid by an old friend I haven’t seen in years.”
“No problem. Thanks for agreeing to talk to me.”
Susan could see that Pauline was struggling with her bags, so she took one while the woman found her door keys.
“Thanks. Come on in. Go through to the lounge while I put this lot away.”
Ten minutes later, they’d settled down with a cup of tea.
“I realise this must be difficult for you,” Susan said. “But I’m hoping you’ll be able to tell me what happened on the day your husband was murdered.”
“I’m happy to. I’m just pleased that someone is showing an interest in the case at long last; the police seem to have given up the ghost.”
“What exactly happened that day?”
“It was a Saturday in June. Andrew had been golfing in the morning, and we were supposed to be going to visit my sister in the afternoon because it was her wedding anniversary. Andrew had promised to stop off in town, on his way home from golf, to pick up a present that I’d had put to one side. He’d promised to be home by one o’clock at the latest, but by two-thirty, there was no sign of him.”
“Were you worried?”
“No, I was angry. Andrew had never liked my sister, so I suspected he’d gone for a drink with his golfing buddies, and conveniently forgotten about our planned visit. The next thing I knew was when two policemen came to my door just after five o’clock. When they told me he was dead, I assumed it must have been a car crash, but then they told me he’d been murdered. He’d been found in the alleyway next to the cinema. It’s a popular shortcut from the high street back to the main car park. The gift he’d collected was found next to his body.”
“The motive wasn’t robbery, then?”
Pauline shook her head. “Nothing was taken. He still had his wallet and phone.”
“Witnesses?”
“None.” She took a deep breath. “It must have been a frenzied attack. His throat had been ripped open, but that wasn’t his only wound. Andrew had cuts all over his body.”
“And the police? Have they come up with any leads over the years since then?”
“Not really. A man was arrested three years ago for a vicious knife attack in the centre of Washbridge. The police tried to tie him into Andrew’s murder, but it soon became clear that he had a cast iron alibi. They now seem to have concluded that Andrew’s was a random senseless attack.”
“What about you, Pauline? What do you think?”
“They’re probably right. Andrew had no enemies; no one had a bad word to say about him. I think he was probably just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
***
“I should warn you that my grandmother can be a difficult person to get on with, Charlie,” Jill Gooder said.
“I can usually rub along with most people.”
“Grandma isn’t most people. In fact, she isn’t like anyone else I know. But she is the last word in potions, so if anyone can help you, it will be her. Let me give her a call to see if she can spare us a few minutes.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate you doing this.”
Jill made the call.
“Grandma? It’s me. Are you busy? Yes, I know you’re always busy, but could you spare a few minutes for a friend of mine? Yes, I do have some friends. It shouldn’t take long. You can? Great. Are you at Ever? Oh? No problem, I’ll see you there.” Jill turned to Charlie. “I thought she’d be at her shop on the high street, but it turns out she’s back in Candlefield.”
“Right. I suppose I’ll just have to take the afternoon off work. That’ll go down like a lead balloon.”
“There’s no need for you to do that. Haven’t you ever been magicked to Candlefield?”
“No. I’ve only ever travelled by car or bus.”
“Take my hand.”
Charlie hesitated; he looked nervous.
“It won’t hurt. I promise. You might just feel a little light-headed the first time. Come on. Let’s go.”
He did as she said, and the next thing he knew, he was standing in what was obviously someone’s kitchen. In front of him was the ugliest woman he’d ever seen in his life. She was seated on a wooden chair, with one of her feet propped up on a stool. Try as he might, he could not shift his gaze from the enormous wart on the end of her nose.
“Charlie, this is my grandmother, Mirabel Millbright.”
“That’s Mrs Millbright to you, young man.” She turned to Jill. “You didn’t mention that he was a werewolf.”
“I didn’t think it mattered.”
“Werewolves are trouble. Always have been and always will be.”
“I promise I won’t cause any trouble,” Charlie said.
“Did I say you could speak?”
“No, sorry.”
“What is it you want? I’m a busy woman, and my bunions are giving me gyp.”
“Charlie needs a potion,” Jill said.
“If he thinks a potion can improve his looks, he’s clean out of luck. The potion that could do that hasn’t been invented yet.”
“I apologise for my grandmother.” Jill sighed.
“What kind of potion is it that you need, young man?” Mirabel put her sock back on—much to the relief of all concerned.
Charlie told her about Amelia, and the threats that she’d made to harm Jade.
“Why should I care what happens to some random human?”
“Jade isn’t a random human,” Jill said. “She’s Charlie’s girlfriend.”
“Do you know what level this Amelia is?”
“She lives on the top floor of my apartment block,” Charlie said.
“Give me strength.” Mirabel sighed. “I don’t mean what level of the building. I mean what level of witch is she?”
“I have no idea. I didn’t even know there were levels.”
“A fat lot of use you are. I’ll have to assume the worst-case scenario—that she’s a level six witch. It seems they’ll promote anyone to the top-level these days, so it’s possible.”
“What level are you, Mrs Millbright?” Charlie asked.
Jill looked at him in horror, and he knew immediately he’d said the wrong thing.
“What level do you think I am?”
“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. The top level, obviously.”
“Did this Amelia woman make any specific threats?”
“No.”
“That makes it more difficult. You’ll need an all-threat protection potion, and they aren’t easy to make.”
“Can you do it?” Charlie had once again spoken before his brain had engaged, but then he realised what he’d said. “Of course you can. Sorry. Will you be able to make one for me?”
“I suppose so. What is it they say, Jill? If you want something doing, ask a busy woman.”
“That’s right.” Jill nodded.
“As if you’d know.” Mirabel cackled. “Wait here. I’ll see what I can do.”
“I did warn you,” Jill said in a hushed voice, once her grandmother was out of the room.
“I know, but she’s even scarier than I imagined.”
“You should see her on a bad day.”
Ten minutes later, Mirabel returned, carrying a small bottle, containing a green liquid.
“This should do the trick.”
“Thank you very much. How much do I owe you?”
“Three thousand pounds.”
He almost collapsed. “I—err—I don’t—err.”
“Take no notice of her, Charlie. It’s on the house, isn’t it, Grandma?”
“You see, Jill, this is why you’ll never make a business woman.” She passed the bottle to Charlie.
“Thanks very much. I’m really grateful.” He looked at the green liquid, which was bubbling and giving off some kind of vapour. “I assume you rub this in?”
“A fat lot of good that would do.” Mirabel sighed, exasperated. “You drink it, of course.”
“Drink this?” Charlie pulled a face. “What does it taste like?”
“It’s apple flavoured, but I could let you have strawberry or blackcurrant if you prefer?”
“Really?”
“Of course not. It’s a witch’s potion made from all manner of things you’re probably best not knowing about. It tastes foul; that’s why it works. Is there anything else because some of us have real work to do?”
“No, that’s everything. Thanks very much,” Charlie said.
“Yeah, thanks, Grandma.”
“You’re not welcome.”
Back in Jill’s office, Charlie stared at the potion. “How will I get Jade to take this?”
“I’m afraid that’s something you’re going to have to work out for yourself.”
“Thank you again, Jill.” He glanced across at the sofa. “Your cat’s awake. He’s a sweet little thing, isn’t he?”
Chapter 17
That evening, the three sups were back at the apartment before Susan.
“I wonder what time the human woke up after we left this morning?” Dorothy blew on her pot noodle.
“I hope she’s okay,” Charlie said.
“Maybe she’s turned into a vampire.” Neil chuckled to himself. “By the way, Charlie, did you manage to see Jill Gooder about that potion?”
“Yeah, I went by her office at lunchtime. It turns out she isn’t really up on potions, but she magicked me over to Candlefield to see her grandmother.”
“What did you make of being magicked over there?” Dorothy asked.
“It was a bit weird, but a heck of a lot quicker than the bus. Jill’s grandmother is seriously scary; I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of her. She has a massive wart on the end of her nose; I couldn’t take my eyes off it.”
“Did she come up with a potion for you?” Neil wandered over to the kitchen; the smell of Dorothy’s pot noodle had made him feel hungry.
“Yes, but I don’t know how I’m ever going to get Jade to take it.” He took the small bottle containing the potion out of his pocket. “Just look at this.”
“Gross!” Dorothy dropped the fork into the pot. “Thanks, Charlie, that’s put me right off my food.”
“Sorry, but how am I supposed to get Jade to take this?”
“What does it taste like?” Neil wasn’t so easily put off his food. He poured a can of baked beans into a pan, and shoved two slices of bread into the toaster.
“I haven’t tried it. The look and smell of it is bad enough.”
“You should have told the old witch that you wanted strawberry flavour.”
“I did ask her about that.”
“What did she say?”
“I thought she was going to turn me into a toad. It looks like I’m stuck with this, so I’ll just have to come up with some way to get Jade to take it, otherwise she’ll be in mortal danger.”
Dorothy threw what was left of the pot noodle in the bin. “Has that young woman you work with come to her senses yet, Neil?”
“If by that you mean is Fable still going to be my magician’s assistant tonight, then yes, she is. She’s looking forward to it, which is more than I am. I’m bricking it.”
“Just think of Vegas.” Dorothy grinned.
“What exactly do you have to do for the audition?” Charlie asked.
“We’re only allowed to do one illusion, which mustn’t take more than eight minutes.”
“I still say you’re taking a big risk.” Dorothy came over to join Charlie on the sofa. “Performing real magic in a TV studio is just asking for trouble.”
“It’s not like the auditions are being aired, and besides, I won’t be performing real magic. My illusion will be ghost-powered.”
“Are you sure you can trust Socky?” Charlie said. “From what you’ve told us, he isn’t exactly the most reliable person.”
“He’ll be fine. All he has to do is walk around in a circle, carrying a teapot. Even he can manage that. And besides, Socky has a vested interest in helping me because I’ve promised that in return, I’ll help him win back the hand of his lady friend.”
“Yes, dear. You must be Charlie. We spoke earlier on the phone. I’m Annabel Versailles. Perhaps you’d prefer socks?” She reached over and opened the door to the cupboard behind her. “There are lots of colours to choose from. Scarf or socks? Which would you prefer?”
“Err—a scarf would be nice. How much are they?”
“There’s no charge, dear. Just pick the one you’d like.”
After Charlie had chosen a pleasing maroon and orange striped scarf, the receptionist showed him through to Jill Gooder’s office.
“Thanks, Mrs V.” Jill Gooder stood up behind her desk. “Do take a seat, Charlie. I see Mrs V has sorted you out with knitwear.”
As he took a seat, Charlie noticed a cat seated on the sofa.
“That cat, it only has one—”
“Eye? Yes. His name is Winky. He can be quite a handful.”
“I have a cat—err—well, it’s not really mine, but it comes around to the apartment most days. Her name is Pretty.”
“And is she? Pretty, I mean?”
“I think so, but Dorothy wouldn’t agree. She hates her.”
“How is Dorothy?”
“She’s been a lot grumpier since our latest flatmate moved in.”
“Oh?”
“Susan is a human. She’s the first human to live in our block.”
“I guess that must be awkward?”
“It is, and to make matters worse, she’s an investigative reporter with The Bugle.”
“What’s her name?”
“Susan Hall.”
“Small world. I’ve met her. I’m not a big fan of The Bugle, but I thought Susan seemed better than most of the journalists I’ve come into contact with.”
“She’s okay, but it still makes life a bit awkward. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, a rogue retriever has just moved in on the top floor.”
“That could make life interesting.”
“Tell me about it. Anyway, thanks for seeing me at such short notice. It was Neil who suggested that you might be able to help.”
“I will if I can.”
“There’s a witch, called Amelia, who lives in our apartment block. For reasons I won’t bore you with, she’s taken against me. And now, she’s made threats against a friend of mine: a young woman, named Jade. She’s a human.”
“Is Jade your girlfriend?”
“No—err—not yet, but I’m hoping she might be. We were meant to go on our first date last night, but Amelia told Jade that she was my wife.”
“Wow! She sounds like a nasty piece of work.”
“She is, and based on the things she’s said, I’m worried she means to harm Jade.”
“Where do I come in?”
“Neil said that I need a potion that will protect Jade from anything Amelia might do. He thought you might be able to help.”
“Potions aren’t really my forte. I have next to no experience with them.”
“Oh.” Charlie looked crestfallen.
“Don’t worry, I know a woman who does.”
***
Dorothy had eventually picked out a fairy costume. It was a little shorter than she would have liked, but it certainly wasn’t skanky, as Neil so eloquently put it. The colour was closer to cream than white, and the wings were quite small.
“I thought you must be ill or something,” Molly said.
“Sorry. I should have phoned to say I’d be late in. I called into the fancy dress shop to get my costume.”
“Give us a look at it, then.”
Dorothy glanced around the shop; it was empty. “Okay, but if you laugh, I’ll kill you.”
“Is it slutty?”
“No, it isn’t; it’s quite understated as fairy costumes go. I’ll go and change. When I’m ready, I’ll knock on the door. If the coast is clear, you knock back once. If there are customers in the shop, knock twice, and I’ll wait for a while.”
“Okay. I can’t wait to see it.”
Dorothy slipped into the staffroom, and quickly changed into the fairy outfit, including the wings. When she was ready, she knocked on the door. A few moments later, there was a double knock. That meant there was a customer in the shop, so Dorothy waited for a few minutes, and then knocked again. This time, the reply was a single knock, so Dorothy stepped out into the shop.
“Wow! You look hot!” Donny said. “Give us a twirl. Show us your wings.”
“Get out of here!”
“You have to let me take you to the ball, Dorothy. You and I will be the hottest couple there.”
She looked past Donny at Molly, who was behind the counter; grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “You were supposed to knock twice if there was a customer in the shop!”
“Donny isn’t a customer. He just came over to see your fairy outfit.”
“How did he even know about it?”
“I—err—” Molly stuttered.
“Don’t bother to lie; I know you called him over.” She turned back to Donny. “Close the door behind you on your way out.”
“Don’t I get a wish from the fairy?”
“Only if that wish is for my fist in your mouth.”
“There you go again with the dirty talk.”
“Get out!”
“Okay, I’m going, but there’s still time to change your mind. If you do, you know where I am.”
As soon as Donny was out of the door, Dorothy turned on Molly.
“Why are you looking at me like that, Dorothy?”
“You. Stockroom. Now!”
“But there are loads of cobwebs in there.”
“I know. Have fun.”
***
Stella had managed to arrange for Susan to see Pauline Oxcroft, whose husband had been murdered five years earlier. His murderer had never been caught, and the MO was the same as the others: he’d died from a wound to the throat.
As soon as Susan had left Greg, she’d headed straight to Lower Wash where Pauline Oxcroft lived in a small apartment block. She knocked three times with no reply, and she was beginning to think that her journey had been wasted when there was a voice behind her.
“Susan? Sorry, I just nipped out to the shop, and got waylaid by an old friend I haven’t seen in years.”
“No problem. Thanks for agreeing to talk to me.”
Susan could see that Pauline was struggling with her bags, so she took one while the woman found her door keys.
“Thanks. Come on in. Go through to the lounge while I put this lot away.”
Ten minutes later, they’d settled down with a cup of tea.
“I realise this must be difficult for you,” Susan said. “But I’m hoping you’ll be able to tell me what happened on the day your husband was murdered.”
“I’m happy to. I’m just pleased that someone is showing an interest in the case at long last; the police seem to have given up the ghost.”
“What exactly happened that day?”
“It was a Saturday in June. Andrew had been golfing in the morning, and we were supposed to be going to visit my sister in the afternoon because it was her wedding anniversary. Andrew had promised to stop off in town, on his way home from golf, to pick up a present that I’d had put to one side. He’d promised to be home by one o’clock at the latest, but by two-thirty, there was no sign of him.”
“Were you worried?”
“No, I was angry. Andrew had never liked my sister, so I suspected he’d gone for a drink with his golfing buddies, and conveniently forgotten about our planned visit. The next thing I knew was when two policemen came to my door just after five o’clock. When they told me he was dead, I assumed it must have been a car crash, but then they told me he’d been murdered. He’d been found in the alleyway next to the cinema. It’s a popular shortcut from the high street back to the main car park. The gift he’d collected was found next to his body.”
“The motive wasn’t robbery, then?”
Pauline shook her head. “Nothing was taken. He still had his wallet and phone.”
“Witnesses?”
“None.” She took a deep breath. “It must have been a frenzied attack. His throat had been ripped open, but that wasn’t his only wound. Andrew had cuts all over his body.”
“And the police? Have they come up with any leads over the years since then?”
“Not really. A man was arrested three years ago for a vicious knife attack in the centre of Washbridge. The police tried to tie him into Andrew’s murder, but it soon became clear that he had a cast iron alibi. They now seem to have concluded that Andrew’s was a random senseless attack.”
“What about you, Pauline? What do you think?”
“They’re probably right. Andrew had no enemies; no one had a bad word to say about him. I think he was probably just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
***
“I should warn you that my grandmother can be a difficult person to get on with, Charlie,” Jill Gooder said.
“I can usually rub along with most people.”
“Grandma isn’t most people. In fact, she isn’t like anyone else I know. But she is the last word in potions, so if anyone can help you, it will be her. Let me give her a call to see if she can spare us a few minutes.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate you doing this.”
Jill made the call.
“Grandma? It’s me. Are you busy? Yes, I know you’re always busy, but could you spare a few minutes for a friend of mine? Yes, I do have some friends. It shouldn’t take long. You can? Great. Are you at Ever? Oh? No problem, I’ll see you there.” Jill turned to Charlie. “I thought she’d be at her shop on the high street, but it turns out she’s back in Candlefield.”
“Right. I suppose I’ll just have to take the afternoon off work. That’ll go down like a lead balloon.”
“There’s no need for you to do that. Haven’t you ever been magicked to Candlefield?”
“No. I’ve only ever travelled by car or bus.”
“Take my hand.”
Charlie hesitated; he looked nervous.
“It won’t hurt. I promise. You might just feel a little light-headed the first time. Come on. Let’s go.”
He did as she said, and the next thing he knew, he was standing in what was obviously someone’s kitchen. In front of him was the ugliest woman he’d ever seen in his life. She was seated on a wooden chair, with one of her feet propped up on a stool. Try as he might, he could not shift his gaze from the enormous wart on the end of her nose.
“Charlie, this is my grandmother, Mirabel Millbright.”
“That’s Mrs Millbright to you, young man.” She turned to Jill. “You didn’t mention that he was a werewolf.”
“I didn’t think it mattered.”
“Werewolves are trouble. Always have been and always will be.”
“I promise I won’t cause any trouble,” Charlie said.
“Did I say you could speak?”
“No, sorry.”
“What is it you want? I’m a busy woman, and my bunions are giving me gyp.”
“Charlie needs a potion,” Jill said.
“If he thinks a potion can improve his looks, he’s clean out of luck. The potion that could do that hasn’t been invented yet.”
“I apologise for my grandmother.” Jill sighed.
“What kind of potion is it that you need, young man?” Mirabel put her sock back on—much to the relief of all concerned.
Charlie told her about Amelia, and the threats that she’d made to harm Jade.
“Why should I care what happens to some random human?”
“Jade isn’t a random human,” Jill said. “She’s Charlie’s girlfriend.”
“Do you know what level this Amelia is?”
“She lives on the top floor of my apartment block,” Charlie said.
“Give me strength.” Mirabel sighed. “I don’t mean what level of the building. I mean what level of witch is she?”
“I have no idea. I didn’t even know there were levels.”
“A fat lot of use you are. I’ll have to assume the worst-case scenario—that she’s a level six witch. It seems they’ll promote anyone to the top-level these days, so it’s possible.”
“What level are you, Mrs Millbright?” Charlie asked.
Jill looked at him in horror, and he knew immediately he’d said the wrong thing.
“What level do you think I am?”
“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. The top level, obviously.”
“Did this Amelia woman make any specific threats?”
“No.”
“That makes it more difficult. You’ll need an all-threat protection potion, and they aren’t easy to make.”
“Can you do it?” Charlie had once again spoken before his brain had engaged, but then he realised what he’d said. “Of course you can. Sorry. Will you be able to make one for me?”
“I suppose so. What is it they say, Jill? If you want something doing, ask a busy woman.”
“That’s right.” Jill nodded.
“As if you’d know.” Mirabel cackled. “Wait here. I’ll see what I can do.”
“I did warn you,” Jill said in a hushed voice, once her grandmother was out of the room.
“I know, but she’s even scarier than I imagined.”
“You should see her on a bad day.”
Ten minutes later, Mirabel returned, carrying a small bottle, containing a green liquid.
“This should do the trick.”
“Thank you very much. How much do I owe you?”
“Three thousand pounds.”
He almost collapsed. “I—err—I don’t—err.”
“Take no notice of her, Charlie. It’s on the house, isn’t it, Grandma?”
“You see, Jill, this is why you’ll never make a business woman.” She passed the bottle to Charlie.
“Thanks very much. I’m really grateful.” He looked at the green liquid, which was bubbling and giving off some kind of vapour. “I assume you rub this in?”
“A fat lot of good that would do.” Mirabel sighed, exasperated. “You drink it, of course.”
“Drink this?” Charlie pulled a face. “What does it taste like?”
“It’s apple flavoured, but I could let you have strawberry or blackcurrant if you prefer?”
“Really?”
“Of course not. It’s a witch’s potion made from all manner of things you’re probably best not knowing about. It tastes foul; that’s why it works. Is there anything else because some of us have real work to do?”
“No, that’s everything. Thanks very much,” Charlie said.
“Yeah, thanks, Grandma.”
“You’re not welcome.”
Back in Jill’s office, Charlie stared at the potion. “How will I get Jade to take this?”
“I’m afraid that’s something you’re going to have to work out for yourself.”
“Thank you again, Jill.” He glanced across at the sofa. “Your cat’s awake. He’s a sweet little thing, isn’t he?”
Chapter 17
That evening, the three sups were back at the apartment before Susan.
“I wonder what time the human woke up after we left this morning?” Dorothy blew on her pot noodle.
“I hope she’s okay,” Charlie said.
“Maybe she’s turned into a vampire.” Neil chuckled to himself. “By the way, Charlie, did you manage to see Jill Gooder about that potion?”
“Yeah, I went by her office at lunchtime. It turns out she isn’t really up on potions, but she magicked me over to Candlefield to see her grandmother.”
“What did you make of being magicked over there?” Dorothy asked.
“It was a bit weird, but a heck of a lot quicker than the bus. Jill’s grandmother is seriously scary; I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of her. She has a massive wart on the end of her nose; I couldn’t take my eyes off it.”
“Did she come up with a potion for you?” Neil wandered over to the kitchen; the smell of Dorothy’s pot noodle had made him feel hungry.
“Yes, but I don’t know how I’m ever going to get Jade to take it.” He took the small bottle containing the potion out of his pocket. “Just look at this.”
“Gross!” Dorothy dropped the fork into the pot. “Thanks, Charlie, that’s put me right off my food.”
“Sorry, but how am I supposed to get Jade to take this?”
“What does it taste like?” Neil wasn’t so easily put off his food. He poured a can of baked beans into a pan, and shoved two slices of bread into the toaster.
“I haven’t tried it. The look and smell of it is bad enough.”
“You should have told the old witch that you wanted strawberry flavour.”
“I did ask her about that.”
“What did she say?”
“I thought she was going to turn me into a toad. It looks like I’m stuck with this, so I’ll just have to come up with some way to get Jade to take it, otherwise she’ll be in mortal danger.”
Dorothy threw what was left of the pot noodle in the bin. “Has that young woman you work with come to her senses yet, Neil?”
“If by that you mean is Fable still going to be my magician’s assistant tonight, then yes, she is. She’s looking forward to it, which is more than I am. I’m bricking it.”
“Just think of Vegas.” Dorothy grinned.
“What exactly do you have to do for the audition?” Charlie asked.
“We’re only allowed to do one illusion, which mustn’t take more than eight minutes.”
“I still say you’re taking a big risk.” Dorothy came over to join Charlie on the sofa. “Performing real magic in a TV studio is just asking for trouble.”
“It’s not like the auditions are being aired, and besides, I won’t be performing real magic. My illusion will be ghost-powered.”
“Are you sure you can trust Socky?” Charlie said. “From what you’ve told us, he isn’t exactly the most reliable person.”
“He’ll be fine. All he has to do is walk around in a circle, carrying a teapot. Even he can manage that. And besides, Socky has a vested interest in helping me because I’ve promised that in return, I’ll help him win back the hand of his lady friend.”
