Secrets & Photographs, page 3
Glancing around and behind her, Marissa could hear Tom’s voice in her head, scolding her for not being careful. Because she knew this wasn’t being careful. Pushing the thoughts of her partner aside, she took in her surroundings as she walked, slowing her pace. She had ended up down at the bottom of the hill, in the direction of the Mansera Hotel. She checked the time on her phone and let out a huff. It was better than being by herself. Allison was working tonight, so the drinks would be good.
Shoving her phone into her back pocket, she made her way to the restaurant entrance that would take her straight to the bar, Ellie keeping pace beside her. It was, of course, packed. It was a Friday night. People were hanging out along the sidewalk just outside, chilling in the parking lot, waiting for seating. When she opened the doors, she was hit first by the noise. Giving a tight smile to everyone, she pushed through, no one really paying her much mind. She grinned as Allison darted by with drinks in her hands. Allison grinned back at her friend with bright eyes before sweet-talking the table where she’d dropped the glasses off. Her dark hair was pulled up into a messy bun on top of her head, and she had just the faintest hint of makeup on her face, making her big blue eyes pop. Allie wore a red crop top that Marissa was not a hundred percent sure was hers, with a denim skirt and black knee-high combat boots. And she was busy working those good looks, stuffing tips into her bra as she made her way back.
Allison was one of Marissa’s oldest friends. When they were in elementary school, they lived across the street from each other. And not much changed once Allie moved across town. They still talked every single day, often getting in trouble and grounded together. Their first school dance, rather than getting dates, they just went together. They had been through all the times together, good and bad. Marissa was there for Allie when she came out to her parents as bisexual, and Allie was there for Marissa for each breakup and divorce.
Allie motioned over to the bar while she scurried to the backroom, probably to grab food. Looking around, Marissa didn’t see the usual staff, Lee or Rachel, out on the floor, which seemed unusual considering how crowded it was. At the bar, she stood close to the backroom, trying to stay out of the way while she patiently waited for Allie to have a minute.
“Here, Miss,” She heard a gentle voice in her ear and felt a soft tap on the shoulder.
Turning, she saw a charming man smiling at her. He gestured to the bar chair he had pulled out for her.
“Oh . . .” Marissa blinked, surprised. The first thing she noticed was his striking blue eyes. He had sandy-colored hair and slightly darker, short facial hair. “Thank you,” Marissa said slowly, sitting down in the offered seat. Ellie moved behind the bar and laid down on the dog bed Allie had set up for her, seemingly feeling she was no longer needed.
“May I buy you a drink?” The handsome man stood off to the side, still smiling, offering her his full attention.
Marissa considered him for a moment and flashed him a smile. “Thank you so much.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder. A moment later, Allie returned with Rachel, Lee, and a girl she’d never seen in tow. Allie grinned at her and disappeared again with the new girl, leaving Lee to take her order.
Once their orders were in, Marissa extended her hand to the man in front of her. “I’m Marissa.”
“It is a pleasure to meet you, Marissa. I’m Jack.” His southern accent rose above all the background noise.
Moments later, Allie slid alongside Marissa, giving Marissa her drink.
“I believe this is for you.” Allie gave her a subtle smile before turning her attention to Jack. “The friend you came in with might be getting sick in the parking lot. There’s a free drink in it for you if you can get him back to his hotel room. He’s scaring away customers.”
“Of course, ma’am.” He nodded his head and flashed Marissa another smile. “I hope to see you when I get back.”
She nodded her head, giving him a small smile. “We’ll see.” She picked up her glass and took a sip, nibbling on the straw. “Thank you for the drink.”
“I’ll buy you another one when I come back.” He promised before heading off into the crowd.
Once he had turned the corner to head out the door, Marissa turned to Allison, who was grinning from ear to ear.
“Well, he was cute.” Allie gave her a playful look.
Marissa adjusted in her seat and pulled her phone from her back pocket to fully sit in her chair, offering nothing more than a shrug.
“Oh, come on. That accent? Those eyes.” Allie gave her that look. “And he did not see anyone else once you walked into the room.”
“Now you’re just making shit up.” She slurped down her favorite drink, wasting no time emptying the glass.
“Having a night, are we?” Allison watched Marissa before sliding the now empty glass to Lee, who had taken cover behind the bar. “Another Dirty Julius. And start her a tab.”
Lee nodded, staring at them blankly for a second before looking at the glass. “What’s in that again?”
Allison’s impatience was written all over her face. “Orange juice, rum, vanilla, and sugar. Orange slice. It’s literally the same drink she always orders.”
“I’m sorry, Allie. This is why I’d rather stick to food,” he grumbled while making the drink.
Marissa bit her lip to keep from laughing while Allison watched him with serious detail. Once he passed over the drink, Allison waved him off. “Go. Take orders. Tell Rachel it’s time to get Emma behind the bar.”
Grabbing Marissa’s hand, she dragged her over to a new empty table.
“So talk to me before the cute boy comes back. You’ve got that ‘Fuck my life’ look.”
Marissa frowned, playing with her straw with a huff. There wasn’t any point in trying to lie; she would just know.
“Jared showed up to Bree’s birthday party with his new girlfriend. To introduce to the whole family.” She stabbed the orange slice with some aggression. “He introduced me as ‘Mel’s big sister.’ And that was the only time he spoke to me. And it wasn’t so much to me as it was towards me.”
Allison gave her a sympathetic look and motioned at Rachel to bring her own drink. She continued to stare, waiting for Marissa to go on. She made sure to suck down most of her glass before meeting Allie’s gaze. The second drink was definitely more potent than the first.
“I’m not saying I didn’t expect him to get a girlfriend.” She paused to think about her words. “She looks like she just graduated high school. With double D boobs. That I’m not really sure are real.”
“Tell me more,” Allison said patiently, taking her time with her own martini.
Marissa got to the bottom of the glass before glancing at the crowded bar. “She’s blonde. Her name is Kirstie. And did I mention she looks like she’s twelve?”
“You might have.” Allison was giving her a small smile for what Marissa assumed was the encouragement to continue.
She started to say something but clamped her mouth shut. The desire to talk about her had passed. “Tell me about you. How is your night going?”
Allison looked disappointed at the change in topic and shook her head. “Uneventful.” She shook her head and glanced down at her phone before looking at Marissa. It was then that Marissa noticed her friend’s body language and how very carefully Allison was watching her phone. Raising an eyebrow, she leaned on her elbows.
“Are you waiting for a call?”
Allison waved Rachel back down, finishing her own drink, ordering both of them a new one, and huffed back at Marissa.
“Don’t profile me.” She pointed the finger at her. “I was just looking at the time.”
Marissa wasn’t buying it. Everything about her friend’s posture said she was anxious, her knee bouncing continuously. But it was clear it wasn’t something Allison wanted to share, so she wouldn’t pry. For now.
“She’s like twenty-fucking-four.”
Allison looked relieved before giving Marissa a sympathetic look. “Maybe this is a good thing,” she offered, ignoring Marissa’s skeptical nose twitch. “Hear me out. You know I love Jared. And I love you. And I love you together—when you work. But how often is that, really? Maybe this is the push you need to start moving forward.”
Marissa bit the inside of her cheek and just shook her head. “I have moved forward. It’s fine. I was just … surprised.” That was at least honest. She had been completely surprised.
Thankfully, she didn’t have to go into much more detail as Jack returned.
“Good. Now I don’t have to feel guilty about leaving you alone. Emma needs help at the bar. Lee is useless.” Allie grinned and winked at Jack. “Keep her happy for me, will you?
“I will certainly try, ma’am.” He did have a charming accent.
They spent the next half hour talking over absolutely nothing with drinks until Jack ordered them a flight of tequila shots. Marissa hesitated—tequila, while one of her favorites, was hard for her to stomach. But with some encouragement and a charming smile, Marissa took several shots. Followed by several more. After that, her entire world started to wobble.
Marissa grinned at something Jack said, nearly falling over her own feet. “Oh shit.”
“Here.” Jack reached out and grabbed her by the arms, and Marissa saw red. She yelled and pulled away, grabbing Jack by the arm, and shoving it behind his back. He yelped as Allison ran over to Marissa’s side, taking hold of her. Ellie suddenly reappeared at Marissa’s side and grumbled at Jack.
“Here we go.” Allie pried Marissa’s fingers off Jack’s wrist and pulled her to the side. “You’ll have to forgive her. Tequila is kind of her vice.”
Marissa grumbled and nearly fell into Allison.
“I’m gonna take her to go get some rest. I hope she didn’t hurt you, did she?”
Jack just smiled. “Not at all. I’m sorry I may have indulged in all of the tequila shots.” Marissa saw him look at her before he looked back at Allison. “Is she going to be okay?”
“Oh yeah, she’ll be fine. These guys will take care of the rest of your night and tab. I’m going to take care of her.” She made sure she had a firm grip on Marissa before smiling at him. “It was lovely to meet you, by the way.”
Marissa’s surroundings had become blurry, and the ground was spinning below her feet. Still, before realizing what was happening, Allison sat her down on a bed. “Where did the bar go?”
Allison couldn’t hide her amusement, sitting down next to her. “We are in my late-night workroom.” Marissa just stared blankly before Allison continued. “I get my own room for those nights I work really late, so I can just crash.”
“That makes sense.” Marissa blinked. “Because we are in a hotel!”
“That is correct.”
“Bathroom?” Allison squeaked, an unexpected fire building in her throat.
Allison pointed. By the time she went to say something, Marissa had already jumped up and bolted into the bathroom. She barely made it to the toilet before everything came back up.
“Fuck tequila.”
Allie stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame, her arms folded in front of her. “So, I don’t want to be that bitch friend who gives you a mom speech or anything, but you have got to stop with the self-destructive behavior. You know you can’t hold tequila. And correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you divorce your husband the last time because he was drinking way too much?”
“I don’t drink nearly that often,” she said without taking her head out of the toilet.
“No, but you also aren’t eating. You’re pushing yourself too far, like today—running four miles.” She stepped toward Marissa and brushed all the hair away from her face. “You’re not taking care of yourself.”
“What’s the point?” she mumbled into the porcelain. If Allison heard her, she had no response.
After a few moments, when Marissa had stopped heaving, she heard Allison start the shower. “Come on. I think you got some of it in your hair.”
Groaning, Marissa all but crawled to the shower and climbed right in, still fully clothed. She curled up, pulling her knees to her chest, letting the water hit her face while she sat there.
“Okay, strip in there and pass me your clothes. I can run them down to the laundry room later.”
Marissa did as she was told, complaining the whole way.
“You’re not in your twenties anymore, you know. You can’t shoot an entire bottle of tequila.”
“That was you in your twenties, not me.” She wiped the water away from her eyes and turned her head. “I was too busy getting married and divorced in my twenties. You know, back when I had a sex life. You were the partier.”
Allison was quiet on the other side of the shower curtain for a long time. Marissa closed her eyes, feeling like maybe sleep was coming.
“So what happened out there anyway?” There was hesitation in her voice. “I mean, I’ve seen you pull away from someone before, but that was a little extreme.”
“I don’t know,” Marissa said quietly, opening her eyes. “I don’t like being grabbed. Even though I know he was just trying to help me balance. I just panicked.”
“Well, you didn’t hurt his impression of you at all. He was really sort of smitten with you.” She laughed lightly. “I’m pretty sure you could have broken his arm, and he wouldn’t have cared.”
Marissa didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. With such a severe reaction to an innocent, helpful touch, she couldn’t even begin to imagine how she would handle any intimate kind of contact. This was why running had become her substitute for sex. Chronic pain or not, it would continue to fill that need until she could run no more.
“Marissa, you better not be falling asleep in there.”
She groaned and shifted uncomfortably. “Did you say there was vomit in my hair?”
“A little, yeah. There’s some shampoo in there you can use.”
With a heavy sigh, Marissa stared at the shampoo and finally stood up and lathered her hair. It was a half-hearted attempt. Her head was already throbbing, and it felt like there was a stone in the pit of her stomach. Her muscles ached from the heaving, and her arms felt impossibly heavy. Once she was satisfied there was no vomit left, she turned off the water.
“Do you have a towel?”
And just like that, a towel appeared through the curtain. Wrapping the towel around her body, Marissa paused before stepping out. Thankfully, Allison offered her hand to help with stability.
“Come on. I have some pajamas that will fit you.” Taking Marissa by the arm, she led her to the doorway and motioned for her to stay while she grabbed the clothes. “Here. Yell if you need any help.”
Marissa gave her a weak smile and took the clothes. “Thanks.” She took her time getting dressed, still reeling. She had purged most, if not all, of the alcohol she had consumed, but it hadn’t made her feel any better. It had killed her buzz, though. Ellie laid there on the bath rug watching her, full of judgment but ready to help steady her if need be.
Once she was fully dressed, she wobbled out of the bathroom and plopped on the bed. Allison was leaning against the headboard, remote in hand, blankly staring at the TV. When Marissa laid next to her, she put down the remote and gave her a smile. “You look good in my Hello Kitty tank. I’m kind of surprised your boobs fit in it.”
“It’s comfy. Thank you.” She smiled but saw the severe look in Allie’s eyes. Marissa sighed and looked over at the TV.
“You know, there are going to be so many more events and milestones. Your sister has a whole brood of kids. There are birthdays and holidays. And Jared has other friends, though maybe not many,” Allison added, unable to resist taking a shot where she could. “And they are going to have their own milestones and celebrations. If this is about Jared . . . you can’t shut down every time he’s in town.” She paused. “I know this isn’t what you wanted to do. But you made a choice to let him go, and now you have to actually let him go.”
Marissa turned to avoid Allie’s eyes but shook her head. “It’s just everything,” she said quietly, trying to hide her tears. Allison knew the truth about why Marissa had broken it off with Jared and why she had chosen to stay in Port Townsend. She knew everything because, at the urging of Dr. Seaver, Marissa needed someone close that she wouldn’t need to lie to. Since she couldn’t tell Jared the truth, Allison was a natural choice.
“I know, hon.” Allison put her arm around Marissa’s shoulder and hugged her close. “Alright, that’s enough of me telling you how to live your life. Let’s make a sleepover out of this. I’ve got a Roku with the works in here, so we can stream anything you want. I can also order us some food if you want to eat. What do you think?”
“I’m down.” She smiled, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“Good. Because you didn’t actually have a choice.” Allison looked proud of herself as she settled in and scrolled through their streaming options.
Marissa took a deep breath, feeling herself relax. She didn’t know what she would do without Allison to ground her. She leaned her head on Allison’s shoulder as Ellie jumped up on the bed to curl up at her feet.
Chapter 4
Marissa spent most of the week with Allison. The first two days at the hotel, then back at her house on Allie’s days off. It reminded Marissa of their high school days. It made her feel somewhat normal. And with Allison keeping her in check and relaxed, Marissa’s flare-up had eased, giving her a much-needed rest from the pain. So by the following Friday, she was feeling closer to her usual self.
“Why don’t you tell me what happened last week that had set you off?” Dr. Seaver tilted her head to the side and feigned a look of interest.
“It was a lot of things,” Marissa answered, although she was sure it wasn’t going to be an acceptable answer.
