Mazeweaver, page 15
‘What are you doing here?’ Quantum asked his friend.
‘Mother was elected as the town elder last year,’ Linden said, ‘so she’s our representative at the conclave. She let me come along to observe – on the proviso I stay out of sight.’ His gaze wandered along the ceiling before he noticed and jerked it down. ‘So, I’m being babysat by monkeys so I don’t embarrass our family. More to the point, why are you here?’
Quantum shuffled his feet. ‘I brought Aliya here to help. She’s, um, a shaman.’
Linden’s jaw dropped and he stared at Aliya. ‘Really? You believe that? Did she give you wings?’
‘No... well, not exactly. But it is because of her that I got them.’ Quantum said. Aliya frowned—what did he mean, it was because of her? But Quantum didn’t give her a chance to ask. ‘You’ll see proof, too, when she fixes things. Everyone will.’
Aliya bit her tongue to keep from speaking. She wouldn’t embarrass Quantum in front of his friend, but how dare he make promises on her behalf, promises she would never be able to keep? She was the one looking for help, not providing it, and Quantum was using her as a way to bolster his own reputation.
‘Quantum, come on,’ she said. ‘We have to tell them what we know and see what insight they can provide.’ She gestured impatiently and he hopped onto her shoulder.
‘You might make a better impression if you lost the headgear,’ he said.
She took the ladle off her head with an embarrassed flush before stepping into the arena. The clack of her boots on the flagstones was absorbed into the vast space. Feeling very small, she forced herself to continue walking until she’d reached the centre of the amphitheatre, the assembly of dragons rising around her in serried rows.
They ignored her.
‘They probably haven’t noticed you’re not a monkey,’ Quantum whispered apologetically.
‘Well, send up a smoke signal so we can talk.’
Quantum took a deep breath and a steady stream of smoke began to emerge from his nostrils. The conclave of dragons ignored that, too. Their council was polite and organised: they took it in turns to speak, with no interruptions or raised voices. It got dark. How long could this possibly go on? How long did they have before anarchy forcibly descended once again?
‘Hey,’ said Aliya. A few eyes flicked in her direction; a few tails flicked dismissively.
‘Hey!’ she said again, and this time she projected her voice like she was roaring at another snow leopard. The sound bounced off the stone tiers and echoed back at her, lifting clouds of dust into the air. Let them ignore that.
A large dragon in the lowest tier, wearing gold bands around his upper legs, said, ‘We cannot afford time for interruptions.’
‘You can’t afford not to listen,’ Aliya said, any intention to be tactful forgotten. ‘Has all this talking got you anywhere? I may not know what this curse is, but at least I can track where it originates. Then we could work things out together.’
There was some scattered laughter. ‘A curse?’ the gold-banded dragon said. His eyes flicked to Quantum. ‘Only a child would come here with children’s stories. There is no place for children in our councils.’
Quantum cringed but spoke up. ‘I wouldn’t have believed it either if I hadn’t travelled among humans—’
Another dragon called out: ‘You know what they say – “Flying among savages gives you a false idea of your own wisdom.”’ The laughter was louder this time.
‘Well, I’m glad we could provide some comic relief,’ Aliya snapped, ‘but I don’t have time for all your interruptions. Now, is someone please going to tell me what your plans are? Who has studied this? Where are your shamans, your medicine-men?’
‘I am a doctor, young lady,’ said a small female with teal wings, ‘but that has no relation to any of your superstitions. Believe me, with enough time I will isolate the cause of this disease and an effective inoculation will be devised.’
‘But you don’t have time!’ Aliya said. ‘Can’t you feel it? It’s getting stronger by the day.’
Quantum reared up on her shoulder and spread his wings over her head. There were gasps as the metal caught the light of the glowing crystals spaced around the arena and sent copper sparkles dancing across the floor. ‘Aliya is closer to the heart of this than anyone – let her help.’
‘Enough of this primitive fear-mongering!’ said the gold-banded dragon. ‘Get out of our council before I have you removed.’
Aliya turned and stalked away. All this way, to be insulted and dismissed.
As usual, she’d have to do everything herself.
Undone
The phone calls from Dean have stopped. He won’t even respond to my texts. I can’t even check in on his dreams in case that lets The Mantis dig its claws in deeper. Besides, I can’t trust my own motivation. If I can’t even get this one small thing right, how can I ever solve a problem that affects the whole world?
Yesterday, my alerts sent me a story about a proposed fracking bill. The company backing it have its offices in The Shard. This morning, a power company on the seventy-sixth floor announced an innovation that’s allowed them to increase energy outputs. I can’t tell what’s good news and what’s building towards disaster.
After school on Wednesday, Padma says, ‘I spoke to Dean today.’
A complicated ball of emotion expands in my chest. We’re on the sofa in my living room, schoolwork still stashed in our bags. I play with the hem of Padma’s jeans, resting across my lap.
‘He said, “Are you part of Luca’s pity party?” and refused to talk to me.’ She raises one eyebrow. That expression is usually an instant turn-on; now, it makes me feel guilty. Another good thing I have that Dean doesn’t. I’m still turned on, though, obviously; the bitter taste of failure is just a small canapé at the banquet that is my girlfriend. Now I’m turned on and hungry. Both good reasons (excuses) to not think about Dean or The Mantis or any of my other current failures.
‘Do you want some pancakes?’ I ask. ‘My parents are out for dinner so I have to make something. I do awesome pancakes.’
There goes that eyebrow again. ‘Seriously? Your parents are out all evening and you haven’t invited me up to your room?’
‘Oh. Yeah. No.’ I hope the way I’m feeling is not showing on my face. Not that I even know what that feeling is.
‘Sorry, I don’t want to pressure you,’ Padma says.
Pressure! An enormous insect is planning a psychic takeover of the entire planet and I’m the only one that can stop it. And she talks to me about pressure.
Right this moment, though, sex feels scarier.
The mad fluttering in my chest escapes as a hiccough, and then I’m laughing. ‘Now I really feel like a girl!’
She punches me in the arm. ‘Don’t be an idiot. This isn’t a gender thing. You’re ready when you’re ready. Actually, boys generally don’t do it until they’re older than girls.’
‘Have you—?’ I ask. ‘Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.’
‘No,’ she says, soft and quiet for once. ‘I want to, though.’ Her hand is carding through my hair.
I close my eyes so it’s easier to talk to her. ‘It is a gender thing, though. How can it not be?’
‘You keep telling me that gender is just a thought, right? Don’t overanalyse this, Luca. What’s your body telling you to do?’
We go up to my room. I want to remember every second, but it’s like it’s happening in freeze-frames, cut together with my hammering heartbeat.
Our legs sliding together as we get onto the bed, smooth skin on smooth skin. A tiny scar on her shoulder blade.
‘Do you shave your chest, too?’ Padma asks.
I’ve always liked that I naturally have no chest hair. What if she hates it?
Oh.
The things she’s doing with her mouth suggest that she likes it well enough.
She raises her head. ‘Stop thinking, Luca.’
She drives all the words out of my head. And it doesn’t matter that it’s awkward and fumbling. Padma’s hair is a curtain and inside is just sensation.
Is it weird to compare this to a shamanic trance? I’m sort of spread out, mixed with everything. Yeah, that’s definitely weird. But I don’t care. I don’t care about anything except this.
Afterwards, all the thoughts come rushing back. I’m torn between wanting to do it again and embarrassment that anyone saw me so completely undone.
Sprawled out beside me, Padma reels me in so my head is resting on her shoulder. Our twined hands on her stomach, my thumb stroking her ribcage. It’s like I’ve never truly been inside my own skin before; my body is a new place, every touch and scent a revelation. Her body, a foreign landscape that feels like home.
There is a breath of warm air and a faint giggle from the corner of the room. I jump about a mile and grab a sheet to cover us up.
‘You humans have some incomprehensible habits,’ says Sneezy, ‘and it’s made her think very uncharitable thoughts.’
Padma thinks worse of me now we’ve had sex? I knew I’d be bad at it! It was so much easier to get a condom on when I was practising on a cucumber.
Wait - Sneezy can hear what she’s thinking?
‘Only when she’s thinking so loudly it’s almost been said,’ the elemental says, ‘like you are thinking now. It’s very clear if you listen sideways enough.’
That’s so wrong ... but the need to know what she’s thinking about me is so urgent. I listen. Then I tell myself not to be an arsehole. Then I listen again, listen so much that my usual inner monologue dies away and there’s space to hear everything else.
But it’s not me that Padma’s being uncharitable about. She’s thinking, I bet Luca isn’t thinking about Aliya now.
‘You’re overanalysing again, aren’t you? You think so loudly I can almost hear you,’ Padma says. ‘Relax, Luca. I love you.’
My head pops up like it’s spring-loaded and I blink down at her wordlessly. Is it normal that I feel kinda like crying right now? I force down the lump in my throat and nod jerkily. Why do I find it so hard to say the words? I do love her. I daydream about ways to make her smile. The words come to her so easily. Is that why I can’t quite trust them?
‘Why?’ I blurt out. ‘Why do you love me?’
She sighs and runs her fingers through my hair. ‘Being with you makes me happy; I like your company. Your body’s not so bad either.’ My head bounces as she laughs. ‘I like the fact that you’re non-binary, too, if you’re still worried about that. It’s like that gives me permission to be the protector, you know? You have to stop being so insecure, Luca.’
I sit up and put my arms around my knees. Thing is, I wasn’t asking out of insecurity this time. Padma starts to get dressed. As each inch of skin disappears, I ache to think I might never see it again. Because of all the things she didn’t say. Nowhere on that list did she include wanting to make me happy.
‘Stop worrying,’ she says, throwing me a t-shirt. ‘You’re mine now.’
That’s what I’m worried about. Feeling like a possession. Feeling like today wasn’t just between us: it was between me and Padma and The Mantis.
mine
i will not die
as my progenitor did
——full of holes like a rusted gantry
————a victim of greed
i have made greed my servant
i can become stronger
——strongest
tie them all to me
——barbed wire choices and electric desires
mine
if they are not mine they are nothing
Labyrinth
The path to the epicentre of the curse was clear: Aliya could feel an echo of it in every heartbeat. They simply had to go north, back towards the tallest mountain peaks; back into winter.
It was slow going, following deer trails and half-overgrown tracks; most of the pathways in this country were in the sky. They went north all day, until the autumn leaves were replaced with snow. And then the pulse of elemental energy began to pull from the southeast. It was so close now. Winding their way down an easterly riverbed, Aliya was sure the source of this contagion was just around the next bend. Except around the next bend, the pulse came from behind them.
Spinning around in confusion, Aliya looked up at the rock walls and teetering pines, ravines with narrow mountain streams at the bottom snaking in all directions. This landscape was a maze – no wonder the only inhabitants were creatures with wings.
There had to be a ravine leading in the right direction. But of course, there wasn’t. This entire country was determined to insult her. The gorge angling back up the mountain to the west would have to do. They were getting closer.
‘Are we getting any closer?’ Quantum asked after several more hours of scrambling over boulders through a maze of gullies.
‘Obviously we are,’ she snapped. It felt like they were walking in circles, but they couldn’t be: the pull was so clear. The problem was that there were no straight lines in this infernal place.
‘We have to stop and make camp,’ Kai said.
‘We have to, do we?’ Aliya replied. ‘I think we have to break this curse. That’s what I have to do; you can do whatever you want.’
‘You won’t be doing anything if you break your ankle in the dark,’ Kai said.
She shoved Kai’s shoulders. ‘Why are you always so convinced you’re right!’
But, looking at the mixture of stubbornness and hurt in Kai’s eyes, she could see that wasn’t the whole truth. When you were truly confident in your own views, it gave you the strength to be flexible. It was doubts that made a hard façade that others’ opinions broke upon. And wasn’t that why they fought so much – because both she and Kai had erected such walls?
She let her hands slide off his shoulders and run down his arms. ‘It is too dark to see clearly. I’m sure the path will be obvious in the morning.’
Quantum gave his tail a dismissive flick. The barbed end scratched across her lower back, and the familiarity of the sensation was a sharper pain than her scraped skin.
‘I’m going hunting,’ he said, jumping off her shoulder and disappearing between two boulders. Why did it always feel like he was disappearing?
Her shoulders slumped and her breath came out with a hitch. Kai placed a careful hand on her arm.
‘Why are you even still here?’ she asked him. ‘You got us through the mountains – you don’t have to put up with me anymore.’
His grip tightened to the point of pain. ‘You always know the exact wrong thing to say, don’t you?’
She looked up, a bitter reply already on her tongue, but the intensity of his gaze froze the words on her lips. No one had ever looked at her like that – like she was infuriating but as compelling as a wildfire. There was a battle taking place in his eyes: a wild animal unsure whether to flee danger or creep closer to the blaze for warmth. She didn’t know which she wanted him to choose; wasn’t sure where danger lay.
Kai said, ‘You should stop me.’
She couldn’t move. He pulled her close almost convulsively and sighed brokenly against her parted lips. He kissed like he did everything else, with the sharp focus of a hawk diving on its prey, but his talons were gentle as they lifted her high into the spinning sky.
When he pulled away, he put both hands over his face. She ought to do something, but the connection between her body and her brain had been turned off. She stood there while Kai quietly fell apart and just as quietly put himself back together. It was one of the bravest things she’d ever seen. It was the sort of courage she didn’t have.
The morning brought another of Quantum’s fits – the gaps between them were steadily decreasing – but no more clarity.
She didn’t know where to go and she didn’t know how to look at Kai. Or how to stop looking at him. She couldn’t afford these unfamiliar feelings when so much depended on her being focused.
Once Quantum had returned to himself – moody, taciturn – Aliya set off stubbornly up another rocky ravine. She led them in the direction she knew was right, but with less and less confidence as the sun climbed higher in the sky. The days were short in these steep valleys. When the sun touched the top of the mountains in the west, Aliya rested her forehead against a sheer cliff blocking the way forward and heaved a defeated sigh.
‘Can you feel the curse, Kai? The heartbeat of it?’
He shrugged. ‘Only a vague sense of wrongness. Nothing strong enough to follow.’
‘It’s not just the landscape that’s a maze,’ she said. ‘Whatever we’re searching for is intentionally obscuring itself. It’s created a maze of misinformation to keep everyone away.’
The heartbeat of anger she’d been following was so strong she hadn’t seen anything else – hadn’t wanted to look more closely for fear of being caught up in it again. But that had prevented her from seeing this trap. She let her awareness melt outwards and explored the curse, prodding it gingerly like an open wound. The bleeding heart of rage was wrapped around with mental protections, psychic bandages applied too late to a mortal injury. Those protections formed the snaking pathways she had been following, an impenetrable maze with no paths leading to the centre.
She would have to forge her own way through. Break down the walls of the maze? No, she wasn’t strong enough to do that. Whatever power fuelled this curse was a whole order of magnitude beyond what a single human girl could muster. Rather than breaking the pattern, she would have to re-invent it. Transform the mental maze into a construct designed for finding one’s centre, not obscuring it.
A labyrinth like the pattern in which Kai had trapped Meriel. If she could take this maze and shift it to conform to the patterns of her own mind, make a clear pathway to the centre, then she could navigate this maze of external pathways and find the location of the curse.
