Diary of Steve the Minecraft Zombie, page 1
Plants
vs
Zombies The Beginning
Plants
vs
Zombies The Beginning
This book is not authorized or sponsored by Popcap Games Inc, or Scholastic Inc, or any person or entity owning
or controlling rights to the
Plants vs Zombies name, trademarks, and copyrights
Unofficial Plants vs Zombies The Beginning
Copyright by
Birch Tree Publishing
Published by Birch Tree Publishing
All rights reserved, No part of this book may be
reproduced, scanned distributed in any printed
or electronic form without permission.
© 2017 Copyright Birch Tree Publishing
Brought to you by the Publishers of
Birch Tree Publishing
ISBN- 978-1-927558-67-6
Table of contents
Saturday (Sat-Tastic-Day)…………………………
Sunday (RoastDay)…………………………………
Monday (MoanDay)…………………………………
Tuesday (BoozeDay)………………………………….
Wednesday (ChoppinDay)……………………………….
Thursday (FirsDay)……………………………………….
Friday (FunTag)………………………………………
Saturday
‘Moanday. Moanday. Moanday.’
Zombie Steve was being shaken. He tried to hide under the warm cosy duvet. Whilst attempting to pull it over his head and burying his head in to the pillow at the same time.
‘Moannnnn-dayyyyy’.
More shaking now. ‘No!’ grumped Steve.
‘Moanday! You’re late for school. Mums gonna be mad
at you’ said Eliza who now was shaking Steve with both
hands.
‘Quit it Zah. Quit it, I’m getting up now’.
‘Don’t look like it to me. Hurry up’.
‘Alright!’
Eliza ran out of the room and thundered down the stairs
at a ferocious speed. Steve yanked off the cover and sat
on the bed scratching his head in some vague attempt to
wake himself up. Hearing the murmurings of Eliza and
Mum talking downstairs, Steve strolled out making his
way to the bathroom.
‘Hello Son. What have you got planned today?’ Asked
David in (what Steve thought) was a very happy manner,
especially as it’s a School day after all.
‘School’ grumped Steve.
‘On a Saturday? Your keen. Wow, so will it be Dr. Steve
soon?’
‘Uh?’ questioned Steve.
‘It’s Saturday.’
‘Uh?’ repeated Steve.
‘Ben…it…is…Saturday…Today….Sat-ter-day, you know
Sat-tastic day’.
‘I will strangle her!’ Shouted Steve. David looked puzzled,
but laughter from downstairs filtered up and both David
and Steve looked down to see Eliza run off towards the
kitchen.
Enlightenment dawned on David’s face. ‘She done it
again Steve. Hey? She convinced you it was Monday?
Oh Steve, Oh Steve. She done it again!’ laughed David.
‘I’m tired’ said Steve turning around to return to the
warm cosy safety of his bed. But Steve wasn’t moving.
In fact, he was beginning to lean backwards.
The reason? A hand had grabbed his shirt.
‘Since you are up Son you might as well join us for
breakfast. Come on’ Turning Steve around to face the
bathroom ‘Wash your face and hands and get the mud off of it and join us for a family breakfast’. With that statement set in stone David walked downstairs leaving the bewildered Steve to ponder revenge on his sister.
With the Draka Zombie family, or perhaps clan (as David
likes to say) more awake now and having some warm-
(ish) fried worms and grack juice, Saturday’s plans were being discussed around the table in-between the crunching of worms, clanking of cutlery and the smell of Katie’s homemade swamp grimmer tea. Steve’s grumpiness slowly evaporated, due to some food and juice. The fact that it is Saturday and sunny! Finally combined with Eliza’s non-stop energy.
Steve agreed to join Eliza and go over to see Chloë and
hang out at the playing field. David and Katie were
debating the potential raucous, fallouts and even
debauchery of tonight’s Annual Berry Hunter scare
party which Katie told David it’s just an excuse for old
zombies to wear a sheet and act like animal house’.
‘But this year it’ll be different.’ Said Steve.
‘On what grounds? I’m all ears?’ said Katie, with a
small but noticeable tone of cynical disbelief.
‘It’s a different sheet?’ pleaded David with a smile so
cheeky and friendly that even if David were caught
with his hand in the rotten jam jar, rotten jam sauce smeared over his face and wearing a T-shirt proclaiming him to be The Original Scare Zombie King, he would be allowed to continue. So, he did. Also, I’ll make a leaf crown
thingy’.
Katie looked at Eliza and Steve ‘your zombie father means a Civic Crown made out of oak leaves’. Looking back at
David now ‘not ivy’.
Feeling rather little David replied, ‘that’s right Kay-dee’
With a grunt sound at Katie ‘I will be making my…Civic Crown…
today. And not using the Ivy that is on the table next to
a wire coat hanger’.
‘Well so be it. But if you come back in the state you did
last year I will take that crown and….’
A knocking at the door interrupted the conversation.
Perhaps interrupting at the most opportune moment,
especially given the age group and civilized zombies
around the table.
‘Mr and Mrs Draka, Hello. Chloë here. Hello?’
Having washed and cleaned and helped tidy the
breakfast and kitchen area, Eliza and Steve were now in
the playing field with Chloë looking for adventures.
Around 12.00 as bellies began to make their existence
known through the language of gurgling and groaning
Steve casually mentioned ‘last week-- I saw two zombies
walking on the path behind our house’.
‘What!’ sparked Eliza. ‘Tell me more?’
‘Yeah more’ contributed Chloë.
‘They walked past our back gate and up the track-’
‘And?’ hurried Eliza.
‘And, across the field to the Farm’.
Eliza’s mouth dropped open. Recovering from this shock she continued, ‘Across the field to the Zombie Scare
Farm?’
‘Yeah’ Astonished that she wasn’t told this critical piece of
information when it originally occurred, Eliza stared at Steve. ‘Let’s go then!’
‘Where?’ asked Steve
‘To the Farm you numpty’ said Chloë Eliza stood up, breathed in hard (hoping that a breeze will appear right now to blow her hair in the wind, (but sadly no), raised her zombie arm as if throwing a flaming javelin and pointed toward the general direction of the Scare Farm. With a theatrical booming voice proclaimed ‘To the Farm’.
Although Eliza et al (meaning Eliza, Steve and Chloë)
left straight away tummy power took control. Going
straight home to #15 Eliza, Steve and Chloë were
rewarded with a lunch of home cooked green eye balls and chips with rotten duck sause – Not tomato sauce, by Katie.
‘So, what plans do you three have this afternoon?’
enquired Katie.
‘Going to walk around the swamp out back’ said Eliza,
who had previously warned Steve and Chloë not to
divulge their true intentions of investigating the
Scare Farm.
‘Ok, have fun and I’m really glad you are outside in this
nice weather. Take the CB with you please, they’ve
been charged overnight’.
‘Will do Mum’ said Eliza as she cleared her plate in the
living-room. Thinking it sucks here that mobile phones
don’t work, remembering zombie dad saying it’s something to do with being in a tiny narrow valley, and a small zombie population and the cost of a mast.
Eliza, Steve and Chloë left via the back gate and Steve
showed them the route the two zombies (dressed in heavy
black clothes, the most sinister of all clothes!) took.
So three trepid investigators walked up the swamp passing
the backs of cave #17, 19, 19a, 21 and 22 where they
overheard Aunt Sweary living up to her name shouting,
at no one in particular, about this huge zombie dog ‘poo’ she stepped in. Stifling some laughter and trying to be
incognito Eliza et al squeezed through a gap in the hedge row and ran (bent over, in
‘This is where they went through. Here’ said Steve.
Before them a narrow swamp track/path disappeared in to the dark wood. Eliza hesitated.
‘Right let’s follow’ said Chloë as she walked in-between
Steve and Eliza and began down the narrow path. Eliza
(holding the CB tight in her goo slimy hand) and Steve followed.
The path led them through the wood to the fence that
appeared to be circling the Scare Farm. Eliza et al
stopped at this fence and stared in wonder; it was very
new and shiny; it was 10’ high; it was bent over at the
top where sharp barbed wire was wrapped around it in
tight circles; there were three thin lines of tiny red
flashing lights running parallel along the fence at 2’,
5’and 7’ heights; And there were security cameras with
large spot lights attached to them to scare zombies away.
Steve tapped Eliza and then Chloë and pointed at the nearest camera and what was strange is that the camera
was looking in to the Scare Farm grounds not along the fence or outside.
‘This is seriously weird’ whispered Eliza.
‘Yep’ nodded Steve.
‘You bet ya’ whispered Chloë.
‘Shhhh’ hushed Steve and pointed at two zombies in the
infamous sinister black clothes and a zombie in a white
jacket walking in the grounds. Eliza et al automatically
crouched down behind a tree and long grass/weeds.
‘She’s a zombie doctor’, stated Eliza.
The three people were strolling and chatting in a friendly manner as one was tapping on a tablet while the other was twirling a nightstick or pole or something.
As they ambled closer some words were heard:
‘Leucocoprinus’
‘Bob’
‘Subject A’
‘Spore print’
‘Welwitschia’
‘Success factor 78.43%’ ‘Decurrent gill attachment’
The three zombies turned away and walked toward the
main building. As they walked out of earshot on the back of the female zombie’s jacket was written in bold letters
Lead Mycologist.
Chloë looked at Steve ‘wel-wit-sea-i?’ she asked.
Steve shrugged his shoulders ‘le-co-co-something?’
‘Who’s Bob?’ asked Eliza. ‘Let’s follow the fence and
BEEP BEEP, crackle. Eliza jumped and dropped the
CB ‘Eliza hon. We are going shopping in ten minutes.
Can you and Steve come now please.’
Eliza picked up the CB and whispered ‘yes, ok Mum’
‘What?’
From inside the scare grounds a bang echoed. As if the sound were a starting pistol Eliza, Steve and Chloë
stood up and ran down the path. Eliza held the CB to
her mouth and managed to say ‘coming home now
Mum’.
‘9 o’clock and all’s well’ cried Andre. ‘Welcome to my
humble abode and welcome all to the Annual Scare Berry
Hunter Party’.
The collective reply consisted of various cheering, a
few ‘hip-hip-hoorays’, the raising of glasses of swamp juice and table tapping.
‘Scare! Scare! Scare!’ chanted zombie Jannie and Winston.
Others joined in ‘Scare! Scare! Scare!’ until: ‘What’s the
matter Hip? Forgotten the words!’ shouted Sparkie.
While Henry just nodded and joined in. You see when
in Rome Ville…
Lots more cheering followed by more ‘Scare! Scare!
Scare! So the Annual Scare Berry Hunter Party began in
all its Roman pomp and glory. Often the small Berry
Hunter zombie cave looked quite busy with just 7 persons, all in all doing their part time job of propping up the pub-cave. But tonight, The Berry Hunter could boast as many as 30 zombies. Although cramped and jockeying for
positions at the bar and bathroom it was a happy and
jolly atmosphere. Scare! Scare! Scare! Would
spontaneously break out, along with the reply ‘What’s
the matter [someone’s name] forgotten the words!’
There were discussions of the most ideal Scare design
and Civic Crown (David’s contribution) with Andre
presentation of a bag of dried out rotten green brack sauce to the Best dressed Scare zombie. Also presenting two bags of brack sauce to the worst dressed zombie.
As the evening continued although some local zombies had drifted away, they were quickly replaced by a few more in hastily fashioned zombies. Then around 11.15pm the front door cave crashed open and a 5’10’’ stocky zombies stood proud in the doorway. For the first
time that evening the Pub fell silent as every zombie
focused on this new arrivals; whose bright green eyes
appeared to glow; whose green inked face had a
long brown smudge down one cheek; whose neck was
peppered with tiny yellow dots; whose rudimentary
version of David’s, now infamous, Civic Crown appeared to be a circle of brambles and wire; whose dress was a little muddy and torn; whose feet were full of mud and shoeless.
‘I am the Zombie King!!!’
Sunday
‘Roastday’ shouted David, looking at the clock above
the bar that was showing 12.07am. Then realizing the
zombie pub was quiet (and feeling rather stupid) David turned around to face the front door joining in a collective
pause as the Scare Hunters entire clientele quickly
processed this new arrival. Then…‘Yeah!’, ‘wahoo’,
‘Zombie’, ‘Toga King’ was shouted out in unison. A couple zombies hugged this new entrant, a moss drink was thrust into his oily hand and the merriment continued into the pre-dawn hours of Sunday morning.
‘You’re up early’ said Katie as Eliza walked in to the kitchen.
‘Yep Ma. What are you doing today? What roasted vermin is it today? Where Dad at?’
‘Lots of early morning questions Zah. What are you
after?’
‘Nothin’ ‘hmmmm’ pondered Katie ‘As for your father? Did you hear him come back last night? Well this morning
really?’
‘Nope. Is he in trouble?’
‘Let’s just say next-door heard him. He tried to open
#19 and when the key wouldn’t fit started banging on
the door yelling “whose painted the front door and
locked me out’’ it’s a good job Jakey-no-shoulders was
also at that frat party last night too’
Eliza giggled.
‘It’s no laughing matter. I had to lean out of the window
and shout at him to get in here’ Eliza laughed even
more and this time Katie joined in. Then a thud was
heard and slowly David walked down the stairs. As the
slow descent continued, becoming both nearer and
louder Eliza said ‘Uh-oh, shall I go Mum?’
‘No stay here Zah, I want you to see the effects caused
by alcohol.’
Philippa was outside looking at her car. Laurent Bailey
was walking past on a post-drinking-wake-me-up
march and waved up. Noticing she was not happy he
walked over ‘what’s up Squeak? Wasn’t last night a
blast?’
‘Hey Spark. This is what’s up’ said Philippa as she
pointed at her car ‘look all four tyres are flat’ ‘Ouch’ remarked Laurent ‘What on earth has happened here’ and he bent down examining the tyre as if he were researching a book on tyre treads, styles, rain grooves, punctures etc. ‘hmmmmm. You’ve got a line of holes as if you drove over one of them there zombie police stingers’ ‘I’d felt that’ defended Philippa ‘Well yeah, but I think they let the air out slowly and if it happened just down the road then perhaps the air came out over night? Perhaps?’
‘Interesting theory Spark, but why put a stinger out
here?
‘Uhhhh-’
‘Hey Pip. Hey Sparkie’ shouted Henry; he walked
across from his cave waving. ‘Zombo, last night…Wow’
