Under Fire, page 22
“I know.” He caressed her hand, turning his full attention to the child. “I don’t want to go back, either.”
“Can you stay home this time?” she asked in a tiny voice, the same question she’d asked too many times. “Please.”
Warren watched her little eyes fill with tears again, knowing how he’d failed her. When he’d come back from that tour, with his slashed up back that had one hundred stitches in it, he’d had more scars deep inside that had needed to heal. He knew it would be impossible to forgive himself for all that, for everything he’d done and failed to do, but at some point he was going to have to reckon with the fact that he was pushing Katy away.
He had to forgive himself for his mistakes.
He owed it to Geoff to watch over his little girl. He owed it to Brooke.
“Katy, I love you,” he whispered to her in his gruffy voice.
“It’s okay. I love you, too.”
Her little red pout trembled, but he stopped her. “I’m sorry I kept leaving.”
Somewhere along the line, he realized that he’d been lying to himself.
“I’ll stay.” He offered her a caring smile, knowing he was changing his life without even having a plan. He just knew he couldn’t let her go, not anymore.
She reached up with her little hands, embracing him. He sank into her, knowing that he was doing things that for a long fucking time he’d never thought he could do. And as he refocused on Alisa in the distance, he wondered how to get her back and how to make their fake engagement a real one.
* * * *
Being discharged from the hospital had been bittersweet, Warren thought as he walked out of the main doors with Alisa by his side. He told Brooke to wait with Katy inside. He was going to grab the truck and pull it around for them. It was weird being at a civilian hospital but weirder having to hide his hardened dick for a good portion of it. Alisa gave him the type of warm and fuzzies that used to scare him.
He gazed over at Alisa, still a little quiet. He knew exactly what was going through her head, everything still so unresolved. He squared himself to Alisa. He was damn happy not to be in the ER anymore, damn happy that everyone was just fine, but was twisted up letting his chick out of his sight again.
“You sure you can’t leave?” he asked.
She shot him a look. “No, I have to finish my shift. I just got here.”
“When are you done?”
“Never.”
He felt his chest tightening. He moved into her. “We need to talk.”
“I can’t right now. Look… I’m serious.” She waved her hands, stopping him in his tracks. Then she lowered her voice. “I don’t want to cry today, Warren.”
He gritted his teeth, knowing that pushing wasn’t going to do him any favors.
Letting out an exhausted breath, Alisa reached into her pocket. She pulled out his house key, trying to hand it to him.
He refused to take it.
“It’s your key. I’ll stay at Maria’s while you’re gone,” she said.
“I’m not leaving.” He tightened his fists.
“What?” Her head cocked, and it was clear that she was confused. The key dangled from her finger between them.
“I’m staying.”
“I don’t understand.”
Her lips parted, searching for words. He laughed, too amused for the moment.
“I don’t know how else to explain this to you. I couldn’t be any more specific. I’m not leaving. I’m not getting back on that plane. Master chief thought I was having a heart attack on the tarmac and has convinced himself I’m a broken toy. He’s offering me med leave, getting off this deployment.”
“And?”
“I’m taking it.”
“But…your troops?”
He ran his hand through his hair, reflecting on the issue. “Look… I don’t feel good about abandoning them, but I’ve just got a bunch of messages from the guys worrying that I’m dying, supporting me staying back.”
“You weren’t having a heart attack,” she said, her eyes wide. “I would have picked up on that.”
“I know. I wasn’t, really.”
“Then, what?” She tripped on her words. “Psychosomatic pain?”
“What? Come on. You’re a doctor. Can’t you figure it out?”
He shook his head, knowing full well he almost broke his own heart. He was seconds from letting that ramp draw up, hauling ass back to the battlefield, never to look back.
“I’m not a doctor yet,” she explained. “My final exams are next month and I’m hoping to be a radiologist.”
“Alisa, I didn’t know that’s what you were gunning for.”
“You didn’t ask.”
“Things are starting to make sense now.”
She stepped backward, one foot closer to the entrance to the hospital. He followed her, hearing Katy giggling in the background, apparently finding their cat and mouse game amusing.
“I have to go,” Alisa asserted.
“Come over after your shift. We have unfinished business.”
She chewed her lip, unconvinced.
A group exited the hospital doors, pushing them aside. Warren knew he couldn’t linger. Then Katy’s giggling stopped, but he was too focused to think.
“Just come,” he said.
Alisa flashed her bright eyes at him, but he didn’t miss how they grew concerned. Deeply troubled. His spidey sense tingled, and he spun to see a man in a leather jacket who was stomping up the sidewalk. Dean.
“What the fuck is this?” Warren said. He planted himself firmly and squarely between the threat and the woman he would die for.
“Didn’t think you’d get rid of me that easy?” Dean replied, reaching into his leather jacket. “She’s mine.”
He pulled out a gun.
Onlookers screamed, jumping aside. Suddenly, the situation felt like a duel, a standoff. Warren felt underprepared with no weapons but his fists.
“Cool it,” Warren said. He motioned for Dean to stop but the man inched forward.
“She’s not yours. I don’t care what the fuck I have to do—”
“Stop. I don’t want to have to kill you, but I will.”
“Who’s holding the gun?” Dean’s unhinged grin was telling, the bruising and swelling on his face almost disfiguring him. He pointed the gun right at Warren, his finger on the trigger.
Purely on instinct, Warren dove toward the man, wasting no time. The gun fired but Warren caught Dean in the torso fast enough, driving him to the ground. The distinct echo of a bullet hitting concrete reassured Warren. A short scuffle led Warren to gain the upper hand, seizing the gun, aiming it at Dean.
Warren moved to arrest the man but lost his grip on his jacket. In a flash, Dean bounced back, whipping out a long, ugly knife from the inside his jacket—the same type of knife that had given Warren his scar, the type of knife he’d never forget. He dove at Warren, the knife out.
Warren pulled the trigger. He had no choice.
He’d seen the life go from a man’s eyes many times but never had it been so personal.
As the blood pooled behind Dean’s head on the concrete, Warren took a step back, wishing he were alone. He felt the unmistakable touch of Alisa, running her hand up his back, the only warmth left in his body. A part of him wanted to ball up and just fucking cry. It did not feel good to kill. Never did…even to protect.
He stiffened his mouth and turned to Alisa, checking to confirm she was okay. She was okay. Everyone was okay.
“Warren,” Alisa said, but stopped. She choked up, looking back and forth between the menace that had haunted her life lifeless on the concrete and Warren.
She didn’t say anything. There were no words left to say. He felt that.
Warren leaned down and kissed her, trying for a sweet, promising gesture. It was over as quick as it had started. Sirens in the background drew them apart once again. Staring into her eyes, he knew his decisions had been right. There was no turning back to his old life, but he wouldn’t want to anyway. She was the only reason he still felt anything at all.
“Come find me,” he said. “I need you.” He ran his hand down her cheek, brushing aside a tear.
Someone called out in the background. “Alisa…Alisa!”
She chewed her lip as people rushed to the scene. She took a step back, then another. To the calls of her name, her gaze turned downcast, and she shrank back to the hospital doors. The last glimmer he saw in her eyes told him more than she would.
He’d take that.
* * * *
Mission-focused, Warren marched up Brooke’s driveway, holding Katy against his chest. Thankfully, she hadn’t seen what had happened, and he didn’t have to stick around giving statements to cops for too long. It had been cut and dry. He wasn’t happy about what had happened, but he couldn’t deny a weight had been lifted, knowing that he’d neutralized the threat to Alisa for good.
All he had to focus on was the rest of his scrambled life. He had about seven hours to get ready for what he was going to say to Alisa. He had to apologize, and he had to make it good. That was, if she even showed up to his place. She wasn’t all that committed when he’d asked her. He didn’t blame her. It had been a fucked up twenty-four hours.
He let out a haggard breath, stopping at the top of Brooke’s lawn.
Brooke took Katy in her arms, holding her little girl tight. For the first time in a long time, Warren knew exactly what he had to say. It was a morning of truth. He’d started with Alisa, and he could continue the trend with Brooke.
“Hey, girl.” Warren ran his hand through Katy’s curly hair. “Can you give me and your mom a minute?”
Katy nodded, kissing her mom and popping out of her arms. Brooke patted her as she ran into her house, ready for a real breakfast. Turning back to him, they seemed to both inhale at the same time. It was time to have a hard conversation.
“When’s the next flight?” Brooke quizzed, seemingly ready for the worst.
Warren let it out, “I’m not going back.”
Brooke’s mouth dropped open. “What?”
Her disbelief didn’t surprise him.
“It’s done. I’m sticking around.” He nodded, reassuring her. “For this deployment, anyway.”
He paused, still nodding, thinking about everything. It had taken him a long time, but he’d finally figured it out. Her brows furrowed, as if she didn’t believe him. Hell, he barely believed himself.
“Come on,” she whispered, shifting where she stood.
“Brooke, listen. There’s something I need to tell you.”
She leaned in, her bright eyes blinking curiously.
It wasn’t easy but he continued, “I didn’t go to Geoff’s funeral—”
Then he paused, exhaling slow. He kept thinking about that long, ugly knife that Dean had pulled out. She tilted her head, waiting. God, it was so fucking tough.
“I didn’t show up to Geoff’s funeral because—” he finally choked out—“because I had to pretend he was still around.”
I had to pretend he isn’t dead.
Her eyes welled up as he said it. The truth landed hard.
“Jesus,” she whispered, blinking rapidly.
He sucked in a breath, thinking about all the guys he’d lost along the way. “I said I’d never go to a funeral ever again—not Geoff’s, not any of the guys. I have to pretend they are all still around. I just can’t—”
But his voice cracked, so he stopped. Those guys… They were his family. They were his brothers. His sons. They were everything. He’d lost too many. She nodded, understanding. That look of compassion nearly killed him. But he made himself stony once more. He had to. He wasn’t about to let tears roll out again.
“I’m sorry, Brooke. I really am.”
She lunged forward, burying her head in his shoulder. She broke. “God, I miss him so much.”
He smoothed back her hair. “Not a day goes by where I don’t wish I’d have done something different. Anything. I wish I could have saved him. I should have.”
She just sobbed into him before taking a deep breath, pulling back and touching his cheek. She stayed silent, but her demeanor changed. He felt a softness from her that he hadn’t seen in years. Everything was changing.
“I’m a different man now.”
“We are all different now,” Brooke agreed. “And that’s not always a bad thing.”
A pause fell over them. He considered her words. Things were happening in his life that he’d never expected—like, falling in deep.
She continued, “My best advice to you, Warren? If you love someone, tell them. Tell them every fucking day.”
Damn.
He leaned in and kissed her hair, apologizing for every last thing he’d ever done.
“That’s what I’m about to do, Brooke.”
All he could think of was Alisa.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Alisa
Alisa glanced at the clock in Maria’s car as she rolled up to a certain house in a certain gated community. After everything that had happened, there she was again, looking up at the dark bedroom window where she’d lost herself. Shaking already, she opted to park on the street in front of the house, since there was no chance in hell that she was going to stick around.
“Just give him back his key and be done with it,” she said aloud to herself as she got out of the car.
With Warren’s house key burning in the palm of her hand, she strode toward his house in her green scrubs, still unchanged from her shift. The way she saw it, there was no point in getting dolled up. It wasn’t going to change anything.
The setting sun cast her shadow on his front door as she approached, ready to knock. She fidgeted for a minute, debating whether to ring, knock or just go in. He’d kind of told her to do the latter. Second-guessing herself, she knocked before opening the door, stepping into the cool entryway of his gorgeous home. The scent of his home encased her, already too familiar. It was pleasant and warm. She fought it off, like an unwelcome invitation.
“Hello?” she called out down the empty hall, seeing no one.
Her voice echoed off the hardwood and slate walls, vacant and stony. She was late, but she assumed he was still expecting her. Right?
“Warren?”
Then she heard his heavy steps coming down the stairs. She coiled and twisted in pure anxiety, anticipating their final moments and the words she’d built up in her mind. But the second he turned the corner, smoothing back his freshly washed auburn hair, firing that icy blue gaze at her, she forgot everything she was going to say.
Damn.
“Hi.” She folded her arms tightly, hugging herself into a turtle shell.
“You’re late.” He betrayed no emotion, just studying her.
“I had a meeting after my shift.”
“About.”
“Dr. Zucker offered me a residency,” she said. The reality of it hadn’t even hit yet. “He said he didn’t need anything else to convince him after he saw me with Katy…and you. He said I’ve got a bright future in pediatrics if I keep doing what I did.”
“Holy shit—congratulations. That’s great,” he said. “Here? At this hospital?”
“Yes.”
They fell silent. Alone, once again…after everything. She had to bite her lip to prevent it from trembling, her emotions still running high. He stationed himself not far enough, leaning against the wall, continuing to assess. It bothered her how cool he was. He needed to be more upset, like her.
But he was not.
Stoic, solid, he stared right back, as if to see what she would do, if she would break first. He just reached up, rubbed his chin. The masculine sound of his calloused hands scraping over his rough stubble nearly drove her right into him.
Maybe she was being childish, but she held her ground, watching him, getting angrier by the second. It wasn’t just about how he’d left. It was about how angry she was at herself, how desperately she wanted to sink into him but couldn’t. She couldn’t allow herself to.
“About last night—” Warren started.
She cut him off, flashing her eyes at him. “Look… I have no words for what you’ve done for me, what you did for me today. You protected me. You saved me. I don’t know what to say. I’m speechless.”
“Don’t say anything,” he said. “Just come here—”
“No, I can’t. It’s been way too crazy. This fling? This romance? Neither of us are any good at this. Let’s just stop while we are ahead.”
He remained motionless, waiting for her to continue.
Too anxious to pause, she confessed, “I feel like I’ve been shattered into a million pieces, and that’s just after a week with you. My whole life has changed.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“I—” she started.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t know. My life has been a certain way for so long, and you just show up and break everything.”
“You don’t like change,” he said.
“No.”
“Neither do I. I don’t change.”
“But you have, haven’t you?” Alisa asked.
Warren pushed off the wall and stalked forward, watching her intently. She had already lingered too long.
“Sometimes things need to be broken,” he said. “I paid off Dean, you know. Paid your debt. The Navy issued me a retention bonus, and I dropped it on him. I told you I’d take care of it.”
He did that…for me? She froze at the door. She hadn’t really put it all together. It had been rapid-fire on all sides, and she’d had little time to process. But, still, she had already made up her mind. She found the door handle and tugged on it, cracking it open to the fresh air they both needed.
“Alisa.” Warren’s heavy hand landed on her shoulder, turning her around to face him. God, he was stealthy.
“I can’t let you break me,” she said.
With one flick, he slammed the door shut. “Sometimes, we need to break things—so we can rebuild.”
Squirming underneath his heated gaze, she found herself backing up against the wall in the foyer, playing with the edge of her scrubs nervously. That’s when she realized that he wasn’t going to let her leave—not without a fight. She should have known. She was screwed. It wasn’t like it was easy to run from a Navy SEAL.
