Never Moving On, page 7
part #1 of Always With You Duet Series
Maybe I'm not the only broken one around. As soon as that thought crosses my mind, all I want to do is soothe his worries and drag his monsters back to hell. I'm probably one of the monsters that haunt his nightmares.
I'm not sure how long we have been studying each other; I begin to fidget under his gaze. I know I don't look the same anymore; my face is a disgusting reminder of the hell I've been through.
I sigh and curl my knees to my chest below the blankets. I don't want Nolan to see the rest of my mutilated body. I already upset his mom today.
"Hi, Evie," I'm startled out of my thoughts at the sound of his voice. It washes over me like honey. Unfortunately, Nolan interprets my jolt as fear. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry," he begins to move further away, his voice laced with guilt and eyes wide with worry.
"Nolan?" It's my turn to shock him out of his spiral; I haven't spoken around him yet. My voice may be raspy, but it's finally gaining some of its strength and comes out louder than a whisper.
He drops to his knees and looks at me in awe.
"Now, who's speechless?" I give him the tiniest smirk, hoping to take away some of the shadows I see hovering behind his lashes.
"Can I come closer, baby?" He asks in a hushed tone, not to startle me.
My hands begin to tremble and perspire as I war with my fight-or-flight instincts. It seems we have created a game of surprising each other.
"Take a deep breath, Eve. Hold it for four seconds and let it out slowly." It seems someone has taught Nolan my breathing exercises.
The fact that he chose to learn the techniques to help take care of me sends a warm spiral from my heart and through my tummy. My cheeks heat at his act of kindness and love, effectively distracting me from my panic.
I do as I'm told and begin to calm down, my chest twinges uncomfortably at the strain I just put on it. "Y- yes," I point to the chair in answer to his earlier question.
Nolan takes a cautious step toward the chair while staying as far away from me as possible. The realization that it's my fault he's keeping so much distance makes my eyes burn with the fresh onslaught of tears.
"Why are you crying, Evie?" There's that panicked look again. Ugh, why can't I stop making everyone around me upset?
Maybe I should have let go.
"What the fuck did you just say?" He grits out through clenched teeth next to my bedside.
A strangled yelp slips out of my mouth at his anger.
I scramble off the other side of the bed, wobbling on my shaky legs. With the barrier of the bed between us, my pulse begins to settle again.
Realization dawns on me; I said that morbid thought out loud. Now, here I am, standing before him in baggy sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt. Embarrassment warms my cheeks. I allow my black curtain of hair to shield my downcast eyes. His angry energy has my body caving into submission, readying for him to take his pound of pain.
I've begun to slip into my mind when his silky voice breaks through, "Evelyn, stay with me. Please! I'm sorry that I got angry." He runs his shaky hands through his curls in frustration. I'm making everything so much worse. For everyone. I thought I would find happiness when I saw him again, I've only brought misery with me.
"Evie, baby, why should you have let go?" His desperation to understand leaks through his strained voice. His much closer voice.
I glance up to find him kneeling in front of me, his own act of submission.
My breath catches. "Your mom...she's hurting because of me. Now, you. I-" I take a deep breath, not yet used to speaking so much. Eyes trained back on the white floor tiles, I continue, "I've only brought you all pain. I shouldn't have fought it; you have all moved on. I'm broken and hurting you." Tears drip over the rippled scar on my lips and chin before they hit the ground. I follow them, my mangled knees hitting with a hard thud. "I should have moved on too!" The scream rips from my aching throat like a bomb going off.
Nolan
Each of Eve's sobs sends shooting pains through my heart. I sit there in shock. She thinks she should have died instead of coming back to me? When all I've ever wanted, ever needed, was her back in my arms. She thinks I moved on?
More of her words are catching up with my confused mind. Evelyn thinks she's causing me pain by being here. She doesn't realize how happy I am to finally breathe the same air as her. To feel her golden eyes washing over me and hear her wonderful voice again...even if it is a bit damaged.
This isn't her fault, though; I haven't expressed how absolutely amazed I am at her strength or how full my heart is knowing she's safe. She doesn't know that this is the first time I have felt complete in seven years. I did this. I'm causing her this uncertainty because I haven't shown her or even told her how happy I am that she's home. I may not know what she has been through since she was taken, but I know for a fact that the whimpering girl in front of me is stronger than I could ever imagine.
When she sassed me about being speechless, I swear my heart about burst out of my chest while it danced with glee. I've missed the brattiness. She always used to make people smile. The Eve I remember was this tiny ball of flame that lit up my entire world. I see her in there now. Her embers are sizzling, they just need to be fanned, and up will go her blazing inferno of love, kindness, sass, brattiness, and everything that is Evelyn Miller.
Words will never be able to describe how my heart warms and skips a few beats seeing her in front of me. Or the way my fingers tingle, wanting to hold her close and feel her heat on my skin. Words will never be able to explain how she is burrowed so deep inside me that I'm not sure where I stop, and she begins. How over the years, I have held on to the piece of her she let me have, and I never, ever let go. I never moved on, and I can't just use words to battle the anguish rolling off of my first love. I have to show her, every second of every day, that she is intertwined in every one of my thoughts, actions, beliefs, desires, and every damn part of me. This woman...she sets me ablaze, and it's time she knows that.
Evelyn needs reassurance and love not only through words, but she also needs them through actions as well. And I know the perfect group of men to help me with this. Common sense shows me that she hasn't felt affection in seven years and struggles with touch, but she needs me right now.
I shuffle forward until my knees are touching hers and gently brush her hair away from her face. Her body turns to stone, nevertheless, I take comfort in the fact that she isn't moving away, "Evelyn, may I hold you, baby? Please, I need a hug." I'm hoping that her caretaker instincts will come in handy right now and allow her to move past some of her fears.
"I would never hurt you; it's me, Nolan. I've missed you so much, and I have never given up on you, I swear it. I need a hug from my Evie." My heart about bursts into flames, and my stomach erupts in butterflies when she gives me a teeny nod.
I slowly scoop her stiff body into my arms, clenching my jaw at how damn light she is. Amiri is going to go fucking crazy in the kitchen when she comes home. Eve is being discharged either tomorrow or the next day, Friday. She isn't going home to her father, I won't allow him around her unless she asks to see him. Mom and Dad recently downsized into a smaller home to get an RV for their frequent vacations. Evelyn needs her own space and consistency to move forward; she will be doing it at home with me and the guys.
She slowly starts to relax on my lap, her breathing slowing. I can feel each muscle loosening against me, and I preen at the trust she's giving me. "Good girl, Evie. I'm here now, and I'm never letting you go. Words can't describe how happy I am to have you home, baby." My throat clogs with emotion when she nuzzles into me further, "You're safe now."
I continue my encouraging words for a while longer until I hear her let out of soft snore. I refuse to move until someone actively forces me out of the room. My heart soars, and tears leak from my eyes. A war between immense anguish and overwhelming love. I cradle Evie on my lap and drag my fingers over her bare arms. Her bruises have begun to fade, leaving behind the evidence of healing scrapes and old scarring. Besides the fact that I'm not a violent man, I will happily join Korren in hunting this bastard down.
A text from Ryan has me grumbling, trying to get my phone out of my pocket. I let out a sigh at his warning; Dr. Levine has been able to hold off the police and detectives that need to question Eve. It seems they are getting impatient. Up until now, they have had the hikers who stumbled upon her to question and the area to search. I'm not sure what they found in their search, I just know their next step is talking to the sleeping girl in my arms. I text Ryan asking him to come sit with me for a second because she is out cold, and I need to know what is happening so I can protect her.
A few minutes later, Ryan quietly steps into the room and closes the door behind him. His ocean-blue eyes pool with tears when he takes in the scene before him, "Evie," he croaks out in a whisper. The guys may have never met her, but I've seen the way their eyes fog over longingly when they look at one of the many pictures, I have of her around the house. I've seen the way all three of them light up whenever I share a new story about her. They know her, and I know they love her. Ryan has always known he shares my heart with Eve; what he doesn't realize is I've shared his heart with her as well. They haven't recognized how deep their feelings go for this whisp of a beauty. However, she deserves all the love in the whole damn world, I'm just so damn happy she will find it with us, my family.
Ry crouches down and sits on his butt by the door; he knows it's best to keep his distance not to scare her. The look of awe in his eyes has me huffing out a small laugh, "Ry, baby, this is Evelyn," It's a whisper to make sure I don't wake her. "I can't wait for you to truly meet her, though," I give him a watery smile.
His eyes flare with the need to be closer to us, but instead, he respects the boundaries she needs. Until she allows others to be close to her, they will not invade her space. "Nol, she's beautiful," he whispers as he studies her sleeping face. Even resting, her brows are crunched in a frown, and her plush lips are pouting. I want to soothe all her aches so much it hurts.
I snort a small laugh, this scenario reminding me of a parent introducing their newborn baby. "Yes, she is," I smile down at her.
"Nolan, are you okay?" His concern for me warms my chest and makes me ache for his embrace.
"I will be," a tear drops onto Eve's cheek and makes her nose scrunch. So damn cute. I gently wipe my tear off her pale skin and snuggle her close, "As long as she lets me hold her, I will be okay." I tuck my feelings aside for now and ask him what's going on with the authorities.
He sighs, "Good news, Daniel and Dr. Levine are a force to be reckoned with and made sure Evelyn won't be questioned until she's settled at home. Which, by the way, everyone is on the same page about." His smile is bright as he thinks about our girl moving in with us in less than forty-eight hours. "Bad news is, it has to happen ASAP. They found the place she was kept with no evidence of the kidnapper was left behind. They need her help, and we are powerless to stop it once she's settled," his voice trails off.
Lost in thought about how I can make this easier for her, I ignore the fact that they found the place she was hidden in for seven years. I can find out more about that later. Evelyn needs to be comfortable and happy. That's my first priority.
"Will she be okay coming home with us?" Ryan wonders quietly.
"I hope so, but this will need to go slow when we get her home. We need her bedroom completely set up, and she will meet you each on her own terms, okay?" I am freaking terrified of how she will respond to our little family of testosterone, even if they will be everything she might need.
A look of determination settles across his handsome face before he leaves the room, "Of course. She will have everything she needs and wants, and we will go at her pace. Her wishes will be granted and respected in her new home. I'll make sure of it. I love you," my love blows me a kiss as he closes the door behind him.
A sense of calmness washes over me, knowing my family will have everything ready for her while I am here. Evelyn will be showered in love soon, and I can't wait to see Amiri and Korrens face when they see her. Ryan's awe was priceless.
My little Phoenix may be covered in ashes right now, but when she rises, she will burn so hot I will need to share the heat.
CHAPTER 10
Evelyn
I jolt awake at the stark realization that I had fallen asleep in Nolan's arms. Shit! I scramble out of his embrace on the floor, a whimper slipping from my cracked lips. I curl in on myself and whisper, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I-"
"Shh, sweetheart. Take a couple of deep breaths and tell me what's going on. I'm sorry if I startled you, but why are you sorry?" The look on his face screams sincerity, except…what if it's a ploy to get me close so he can hurt me?
I take a deep breath, not because he told me to this time, because I know I'm feeling flighty again. Nolan would never hurt me...I know this. It's not an easy realization to come to when my fight-or-flight activates.
"Are you mad? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep on you, I meant just to give you a hug, I swear!" God, I sound crazy, I'm just not used to any of this. I'm not sure how to tell what's normal anymore when all I've known is pain. Pain for anything, no matter what I do. I do nothing; I'm abused. I speak out; I'm abused. I lash out; I'm abused. This is why I learned to live inside my mind and leave my body to take the brunt of the pain.
The overwhelming confusion I'm feeling right now has me wanting to run far away. I understand hurt, but what Nolan is offering right now makes no sense to me. Why would he be sorry?
He scoots forward while he soothes me, "Evelyn, listen to me. I want you on my lap as often as you will allow. I've missed you like I have been living without half my heart and soul." A rough cough bursts from his mouth, and he swipes his fingers through his hair, "Evelyn, hear me when I say this. I love you. So much. I haven't been whole without you, and I have never moved on. Baby, you have always been with me. In everything that I do, every hour of every day, I think of you. My best friend, the brat I grew up with, my late-night rant sesi-"
A giggle bursts from my lips, "You were with me too, Nol. Every ridiculous joke you used to say too often, e-every laugh and argument, I lived them over and over again. Every memory was of you and Momma; you kept me from the monsters..." My voice trails off, realizing I probably shared too much. My cheeks heat in embarrassment.
"Me too, Evie. You are in everything I do, so never apologize for sleeping on me. I know we have a big adjustment period ahead of us, I promise we are going to be there every step of the way, though. Anything you need, okay? We will be here to reassure you that you are free." Nolan slides his fingers up my calf with a questioning look in his eyes, one I greedily respond to, "Please, hold me?" He gently lifts me under my knees and back, then moves us to the bed. "I'm sorry you had to be on the-"
He cuts me off with a kiss on my temple that sends heat shooting through my limbs which have been frozen for seven years. My breath catches, "No more apologies, baby. I'm right where I want to be."
Nolan gets us situated in a cuddle pile that we perfected growing up, and I can't help but completely melt into him. My head feels light; if I focus enough, I can feel the blood pumping through my veins again. Tingles in my toes and twitches in my fingers. It's as though I am finally in tune with my body again; mind and body becoming one in the safety of Nolan's arms.
I feel ridiculous for my panic earlier, it's almost like I have no control over those responses. I've spent so long detached from current reality that actually living in the present is jarring. Especially when I haven't known anything good about reality for a long time. Nolan's right, we have a big adjustment period ahead of us. I just hope when he sees all the jagged, scarred pieces of me, he won't run screaming from the broken girl I have become.
"Eve, you are being discharged tomorrow if you are up for it. I'd like to ask you something that would mean the world to me. I have a room I've been saving for you at my house, will you please move in?" He goes on to tell me about his parent's living situation, and honestly, I've always wanted to live with Nolan. Plus, he is making me feel safe and loved in a world that I no longer know how to live in. Also, where the fuck else would I go?
"There are just a few specifics I need to tell you about, and I need you to keep an open mind, okay?" I give him a nudge in confirmation that I'm listening. "I live with three other men, who are like family to me," I stiffen; this isn't going to work. I go to sit up, yet he calms me by running his lips over my hair in a soft caress. "We became friends about five years ago, and they have known about you ever since. Eve, you are family to them as well. They have promised to stay scarce until you are ready to meet them."
I'm not convinced. How does he expect me to be okay with this? I just got comfortable being around him, and that's only because I've known him since birth. Sensing my spiral, Nolan draws me up his chest and moves my hair out of my eyes, "They love you, honey. They will protect you and keep you safe, just like me. As I said, they won't be around much until you are ready, okay? I need you to come home with me. Please, Eve, I need you."
I close my eyes, shutting out the pleading look he's giving me so I can take stock of how I'm feeling. Flight responses aside, I really do trust my curly-haired nerd. I believe him when he says that he needs me too. I can see the desperation and sadness in his misty expression. Maybe we can repair each other's broken parts together.
When I look deep inside myself, I see ashes blowing in the breeze with embers coasting by looking for a landing. If I keep snuffing them out, I'll never find my light again. Nolan is offering me a safe place to drop a spark; it's time to let myself ignite. I know I'll burn out again and dim constantly moving forward, but Nolan has given me hope. Hope that I can find some part of the old Evie again and create a new life worth living.
Opening my eyes, I stare into his hopeful ones, "Okay." The whisper comes out with a soft smile that grows when Nolan absolutely beams at me. Damn, talk about a light. He is stunning.
