Pack Deception: Part One, page 10
It's a cool spring morning today, so there are more people walking to work, a pep in their step. With the weather taking a turn into spring, temperatures rising, the sidewalks have been getting busier. I'm in the middle of a crowd that has stopped at a light, waiting for the white walkman to pop up so we can cross the street, when someone bumps into my shoulder.
"Excuse me," I say at the same time the stranger apologizes. I look over and smile at him to show there are no hard feelings. He's taller than me so I have to look up.
"Sorry about that. I wasn't looking," he says again. He's got deep brown eyes set in a slightly wrinkled face. I'd guess he's in his late forties or early fifties, and his hair is buzzed short at the top and almost nonexistent on the side, so he seems ex-military maybe. Definitely a clean, buttoned-up look, despite his casual jeans and sweatshirt attire.
"It's okay," I say to the kind faced stranger who smiles back at me and then looks forward. The crowd around starts to walk so we must have the green light. When we all cross the street, he turns right with half the crowd, and I keep going straight with the rest. There's only another few blocks to my building, and the crowd has thinned a little, so I do my best to keep my head up and aware of the people around me, so as not to bump into anyone else accidentally.
Building in sight, I head for the revolving doors. There's a tall beta man pushing into the doors before me, so I wait for him to go before following after. Just as I push the metal bar and walk in, I turn my head to glance down the sidewalk where I just came from before facing forward again.
Wait.
I jerk my head back to the right and trip inside the glass door, causing the panel behind me to hit my heel and drag my shoe off my foot. I hobble out of the revolving door, curse, and try to fix my shoe. I rub the hurt on my heel before righting my shoe and forget all about the kind stranger I saw again at the end of the street.
Thirteen
Summer
I make it to my desk forty-five minutes before work starts. The drawer I pull out to store my purse in sounds loud in the quiet space. There are a few people here from IT, but for the most part, I beat a lot of the staff in. A few overhead lights are still off, giving a hushed mood to the morning. Like everyone here is supposed to use library etiquette until someone turns the rest of the lights on. Indeed, the only noises to be heard are the tapping of keyboards down the hall.
I shake my computer mouse to wake up the screen and log on for the day. When it's up and I'm logged in, I go through my emails, respond to questions, and set up some meeting requests for Jerrick. After that's done, I go through his meetings for the day and take note of those for our morning pow-wow. Every morning we meet to go over his schedule and he'll give me some tasks he needs done. Sometimes, it could be a whole slew of things that will take me all day; other times, he has only needed a few things done, and the rest of the day I find things around the office to keep me busy until the end of day.
He's pretty much booked solid today. Back to back meetings all morning, and then he's doing a leadership lunch with the other heads of department that should last almost until the end of day. When all of that is taken care of, I pull out the elf manuscript with a resigned sigh and hope to the Goddess that it gets better in the second half.
"Good Morning, Summer." Jerrick walks up to my desk, looking surprised to see me. I startle as I realize forty-ish minutes have gone by. "You're here early." He's here a few minutes early, too, as it’s not quite time to clock in. It's about ten til eight, and Jerrick already looks like he’s ready to conquer the day. I look at his bright eyes, perfectly styled hair, and put together appearance. His white dress shirt is crisp and unwrinkled, and his dark gray slacks are pressed. He's carrying a coffee in one hand and his bag in the other.
"Couldn't sleep," I say as he walks into his office to set his stuff down and get ready for the day, same as I just had.
I wonder if he has trouble sleeping, too, or if he's one of those early risers. It occurs to me that I don't actually know anything about him other than he's good at his job. He doesn't wear a ring, so he's not married. But that isn't totally out there. He could have mate bonds hidden beneath his clothing.
The people that marry are typically ones that lost a bond mate and don't want to bond again; so they choose marriage. Or some, betas in particular, choose not to live in a pack and will marry another beta since they can't create a mate bond through biting. Only alphas and omegas can create a bond like that. Betas can be bitten by alphas and omegas, but usually when that happens, it's within the confines of a pack; and pack life isn't for everyone.
Not everyone finds their fated mate, either. There were several older ladies who I worked with before I fell into Pack Monroe that hadn't met their mates, were in their late sixties, and had settled down with one person in a quiet, packless life. But some go their whole lives not settling down at all in hopes of meeting their one true mate. Packless for their entire life. I wonder if that's how I'll be now. If, from here on out, people I try to date or get close to will look at my marks and run the other way.
I'd be okay with that, I think. Even if I don't ever have another pack, if I found one person who made me happy and didn't care about my past, I'd live a happy life. Heats would be hard, but I'd endure that. Just knowing I escaped a pack that forced me into a bond would be enough to get me through heats without an alpha for the rest of my life. I'll be able to start taking my heat suppressants again in a few months. It won't stop them altogether, but it'll curb that feeling of wanting to die if I don't get an alpha’s knot.
The more I think about it, the better I start to feel. I've spent the last three months in a pit of self-pity, spiraling, and feeling like I'd never have a happy life again.
No more.
From now on, I'm done with all the misery and pity parties for one. I'm going to start enjoying myself again. I've got a date this weekend and a budding friendship in Ava. I've got two jobs I enjoy, and I'm far away from those selfish assholes who tried to ruin my life.
"Summer, do you want to get started early?" Jerrick hollers from behind his computer. Pep in my step, I hop up with my notepad in hand and a fresh outlook on life. He must see that in my eyes because his brows shoot up for a second—not used to seeing me so happy, I suppose—before he schools his features into a normal welcoming smile.
We spend the next ten minutes or so going through his schedule and talking about upcoming meetings with authors and expectations with those. We've gone through everything so I'm about to stand up and get to work, when he stops me. "Just one more thing…" He pulls out a manuscript from his backpack and puts it on the desk between us. I look closely at it for a second and then realize it's Dillan Doherty's; the one I edited. My heart starts to race as nerves suddenly flutter through my belly.
I can feel my pulse jumping in my neck, and I wring my hands together in my lap the best I can while still clutching the pen and notepad. He's going to tell me I did an awful job and will never have what it takes to be an editor. I won't ever move up in this business. There are red marks and writing all over it that don't belong to me, so I obviously bombed it. Now Jerrick won't ever let me do a first draft editing again because he'll just have to redo my work anyw–
"You did a pretty good job for your first time," he says, stopping my negative thoughts in their tracks. Pretty good. It's not pretty great, but at least I don't have to go into hiding anymore.
"But," I prompt. He smiles a little at me.
"But you are only taking into account one piece of editing. Grammar. You spent all your time looking at the small issues: Grammar, syntax, punctuation. But as an editor, you need to look at the big picture, too. Especially with a story like this. Contemporary fiction is one step away from being non-fiction, so you need to check for holes in the author's research," he flips to a part in the manuscript where he circled a whole passage, "right here, he's describing the medication an amputee is put on post surgery. However, the medication he listed is for phantom limb pain, and what he's describing is stump pain, which has different narcotics for pain management." I feel my mouth drop open a little at the amount of detail that is expected when editing.
"Oh. Got it," I say with a nod, and I do ‘got it’. I'm going to have to start practicing editing like this with the slush pile manuscripts.
"I wouldn't expect you to know to look for that as a beginner," he assures me. "That's why we go through multiple rounds of editing and editors. Things slip through the cracks like this all the time. Take it home and look over my notes though. I think they'll help." Jerrick reaches forward with the manuscript, and I take it.
"I will, thank you so much." I feel so giddy and grateful for the help. I smile another real, cheek burning smile. His face drops at my grin and a little bit of pink tinges his cheeks. He clears his throat and looks at his computer.
"That's all," he grunts, and I excuse myself back to my desk to start work.
"Hey, girl!" Ava calls as she steps up to me and wraps me in a gentle but firm hug. Her arms may be little, but she sure is strong. She pulls back, and I rub my ribs with a grin as I take a dramatic breath, like she stopped me from breathing.
"You need to come with a warning label," I tease, and she rolls her eyes back good-naturedly.
"Oh, hush. I didn’t even squeeze you that hard. Come on, let's get some shopping in before dinner because I'm already starved." My stomach has been rumbling for an hour, so I nod emphatically and follow her lead.
"Yes, please," I whine. The first store we walk into is a bust. Ava takes one lap around and declares nothing in here is 'club material.' Which I find out at the second store means 'as revealing as possible without showing our bits.' The store we're in right now is huge with half of it housing casual clothes. Everyday ones that I'd wear to work or running errands. The other half are cocktail dresses and fancy outfits for fancier occasions. Ava didn't even blink before pulling things off the rack she thought would look good on me. She hadn't touched a single dress for herself before shoving what had to be ten dresses into my arms and swatting me toward the dressing rooms. Almost buckling under the weight of the clothes in my arms, I head that way and snag the largest dressing room so I have space to hang them all up.
My stomach gives another rumble, so I hastily remove all my clothes and grab the first dress. The faster I find something, the faster we can get some food. As soon as I tug on the first option, I immediately pull it back off. It's too tight and too revealing. Not at all my style with it's completely sequined and showy material. I pull on the next one. It's longer and has sleeves, but still shows too much leg and is dangerously low cut. The next ten minutes are much the same, with me trying a dress on and then immediately taking it back off. None of them look good on me, and I can feel the tears start to pool behind my eyes.
Three raps startle a tear out of me as Ava knocks on the dressing room door behind me. "You gonna show me one or what?" she asks in a teasingly frustrated tone. I hastily wipe the tear track from my cheek and shake my head back and forth while looking at the ceiling to dry the rest of them before they can fall, too.
I take a few breaths and clear my throat quietly to make sure my voice comes out normal. "None of them fit. I'm going to change back and try to find some more," I say, relieved that my voice comes out strong and clear.
"What? I usually have an eye for sizes. Let me see." She gives a few more gentle knocks on the door, telling me to open up. With a reluctant sigh, I open up in the last dress I tried on and step back as she pushes her way into the dressing room. I tense as her critical eyes drag my body, and I resist the strong urge to cross my arms over my body to hide all its imperfections.
"What the hell are you talking about?" she demands in a disbelieving huff. "You look like a smoke show. Turn," then without waiting for me to do it myself, she grabs my shoulders and twists me, "and your ass looks great."
I turn a dubious stare on her. This dress is the one I liked the least of them all. It's a tight black velvet dress with spaghetti straps that cinches at my ribs and stops a few inches below my ass. When I look in the mirror, I don't see a sexy omega with confidence to spare, like I'm sure Ava would be wearing this dress. I see an omega who has gained at least ten pounds since leaving her pack three months ago, with cellulite on the back of her thighs and arm flab that does not suit this sleeveless style dress.
"What's wrong with it?" she asks when I don't smile back at her or agree right away that I look good in it.
"It's too revealing, and it doesn't hide any of my fat," I grumble, pointing briefly to all my pudgy areas.
Her mouth drops open in surprise, and she stands there gaping at me long enough that I start to fidget. Finally, I can't take her stunned silence anymore so I get a little defensive. "What?" I grumble, giving into the urge and wrapping my arms around my waist.
"I just... I guess I was trying to figure out if you were serious." Ava blinks a few times. "Summer, you are nowhere near fat. Goddess, you finally look healthy. You were skin and bones a few months ago." I frown at her. A few months ago, I was happy with the way I looked.
"Babe. Trust me on this, okay? You look incredible and not at all fat in this dress. Or anything you wear. You are absolutely perfect the way you are," she says emphatically. I can't help but think about the contrast between her and my old alpha, Jade.
My face hurts from smiling so much. The woman staring back at me from the floor length mirror is radiating joy. This is the first expensive dress I've ever owned. I was raised well off enough and left a little money from my mom when she passed, but never wealthy enough to own a dress like this or have the occasion to wear it to. We're getting ready for the benefit gala to raise money for omega shelters in New York. The theme is casino, so Connor got me a floor length, off the shoulder sleeveless evening gown. It's forest green satin and hugs my curves in a way that a dress only can when it's been perfectly tailored to your body. I feel sexy. Empowered. So freaking lucky to have found a pack that loves me and spoils me like this. I rub my hands over the soft material in a dreamy sort of daze. I'm about to go find my matching pumps when the musical clicking of heels on the marble floors has me turning to see Jade strut into the room.
My heart palpitates at the sight of her and perfume leaks out of me so strong she starts to purr in response, and a hungry look enters her eyes. She looks breathtaking in a fitted black spaghetti strap dress that dips into a deep V, showing off enough cleavage to make my mouth water. It's a shimmery black overlay with a nude lining so it looks like she's naked underneath where there isn't any black material. Her toned thighs tease me with each step, peeking through the double slit flowy bottom. Jade looks more suited to the red carpet than a lousy benefit gala.
"Omega," she growls when she reaches me and grips my throat to pull me into a plundering kiss. My head swims when she pulls back and grins at me. "You almost ready?" she asks.
"Yeah, I just have to find my heels." She steps back to look at me for the first time, and her smile drops. "What?" I ask, confused.
"That's what you're wearing?" Her frown deepens.
"Um...yes. This is the dress Connor got me." I turn around and look back in the mirror for any snags or stains that I might have missed.
"It's not very flattering, sweetie," she says in a gentle tone, stepping up behind me. Shock ripples through me, but I do a decent job of keeping the hurt off my face.
"You don't think it looks good?" I ask in a whisper, barely containing the whimper that's building at disappointing my alpha.
"It's a beautiful dress, and you know I think you're beautiful. It just makes your arms and hips look a little…well, big."
I look the dress over with new eyes, turning to the side to get a glimpse from every angle. I guess...maybe my butt does look a little too big. And there are divots in my arms where the off the shoulder straps are a little tight. Tears sting my eyes, making my reflection blurry.
"Hey, it's okay. I've got a dress in my closet that is bigger and has sleeves. I can go get that, okay? No need to cry and ruin your pretty makeup," she says and saunters off towards her bedroom.
I strip out of the dress swiftly, no longer wanting to look at myself in it. Except, when I do, I'm faced with my almost naked body, and all my pudginess is on full display now. I never thought of myself as fat before. But now I can't help but compare myself to Jade who is built like a runway model. Stick thin with long, toned legs and almost no body fat.
"Got it. I grabbed this, too. Throw these on quickly, it's almost time to go," she says, handing me a dress that feels much heavier than the one I just had on. On top of it is a pair of Spanx that looks like it goes down to mid thigh and up the entire torso. My lower lip trembles, but I do as my alpha asks and start getting dressed. No longer excited about the gala and wishing I didn't have to show up on the arms of three incredibly good looking alphas when I look like their own fluffy omega charity case.
"Summer!" I jump out of my skin at the sound. When I realize I got lost in a memory and Ava is trying to get my attention, I refocus on her with a mumbled apology.
"Sorry, I zoned out. What'd you say?"
"I was asking if you'd try on the other dresses again and let me see them," she frowns. I realize she's holding one of the other dresses in her arm, and I start to shake my head.
"No, that's okay. I don't think I'll get one," I stutter, not wanting her to see how bad I look in them.
"Uh uh. No way. We are both getting dresses. Now get your ass moving and let me see the other dresses. I'm hungry!" Ava practically undresses me herself, yanking at the dress I have on. I huff, no wonder everyone that frequents The Hog’s Head is intimidated by her. For an omega, she sure has an alpha’s presence and sense of authority, I think to myself as I do as she says and try on the other dresses again.
