Sonju, page 11
Sonju again saw the images of the strewn corpses in Daejon. The stench rose in her nostrils. She exhaled and held her breath. She could still smell it, the same odor in her nightmares.
“What happened to all those bodies?” Second Sister asked with a side glance at Sonju.
“Some Yankees came in trucks and took them away. I have to go now.”
After the hunchback left, the woman said, “A few young village men turned red. They said that under communism everybody shares and there are no rich, privileged people like us. They wanted to lynch Big House Master.”
“Big House Master? And what happened?” Sonju asked.
“The villagers chased them back to their houses, some beating them with their bare fists. The men weren’t seen again. I guess they left to join the communists.”
The woman continued with the village news until Mother-in-Law turned to her and said, “I need to go to Big House. I will walk out with you.”
Before going to her room, Second Sister said, “I thought that woman would never stop talking.”
Sonju went to her room and started sorting out clothes to wash. Once in a while she watched her sleeping daughter. It saddened her that even long after her daughter had forgotten the battle sounds, the experience of fear might color her in some way. It saddened her too that the village was no longer a quiet, insulated place. It used to be simple. It used to be innocent. But now unaccustomed unease had settled here not knowing what or whom they could depend on or trust.
She heard Mother-in-Law tell Second Sister, “With all the excitement, I forgot. I have a letter for you from your family.” Sonju dropped the clothes and went to the living room. “Any letters for me?” Mother-in-Law shook her head. Second Sister went to her room, a letter held to her chest, smiling ear to ear. Sonju dropped her head, returned to her room, and put aside the dirty clothes in a pile.
Within moments came a piercing scream, then a heart-tearing wail.
Sonju rushed to Second Sister’s room, swung the door open and found Second Sister weeping, her upper body collapsed to the floor, her shoulders heaving, the letter still in her hand.
“What happened?”
Second Sister sat up and lifted her wet face. Some hair strands were stuck to her cheeks. “They killed my father.”
Sonju sucked in the air. “Who killed your father?”
“Two communist sympathizers. My family knows them.”
Someone gasped. Sonju turned. Mother-in-Law was standing at the door looking at Second Sister. “Was your brother there, too?”
“Not my older brother. My younger brother came home a month later and after learning of our father’s death, he dragged the two killers to our father’s grave and shot them dead. He is back with his troops.” She covered her face and sobbed.
Sonju sat very still. This was the first casualty in the family. Something thick and heavy pressed her chest.
“I have to go to my father’s grave.” Second Sister sobbed again.
“Go see your mother. Go with the old servant,” Mother-in-Law said.
The children gathered at the door. “What’s wrong, Mommy?” Jina cried.
Sonju took the children to her room. “A bad thing happened to your grandfather, your Mommy’s father, so she is very sad.”
“A bad thing?” Jina asked.
“Yes. Your mother will tell you about it later.”
That night, the servant returned and reported that Second Sister arrived at her birth home safely.
Husband’s Return, 1951 Spring
Over the next few days, Second House maids and servants drifted back. Even though life went on as before, the war had not come to an end. The future was uncertain especially for those families whose men were still fighting near the 38th parallel. Finally, a letter from Brother-in-Law arrived thirteen days from the date marked in which he wrote that it was their third letter and that he and his brother would return home when safe.
Mother-in-Law said harvesting was done with fewer men on hand with women taking up more burden than before and Chuseok feast was rather somber with no family members to celebrate with. Sonju just realized Chuseok wasn’t even mentioned in Daejon.
Second Sister hadn’t yet returned from her birth home, the two younger children were napping, Jinwon was at Big House, Mother-in-Law in her room, and the maids had retreated to the servant’s quarters. Sonju leaned against the wall in the anteroom with the afternoon sun obliquely pouring down on her. Chuljin and Jina had been running back and forth between the inner courtyard and the back of the house talking and laughing. Sonju could still hear their chatter and thought they had been in the backyard for some time now. Then she heard a plane flying low, and without thinking, she lurched, ready to run for the children. She stopped when the hunchback burst into the courtyard and said with an agitated urgency, “Stranded enemy soldiers are terrorizing people on their way back north. They may come this way.”
Mother-in-Law came out to the anteroom. “Were they spotted near here? How do you know this?”
“My brother-in-law from Gongju. He told me they should be close to Maari. He said these soldiers take food and kidnap people, and shoot them in the head. I have to go. I have to warn others.”
In the near absence of young active men, very little news flowed into the village. The villagers now relied on the hunchback to receive any new information about the war. As Sonju’s husband had done at the beginning of the war, the hunchback went to the train station and talked to the station manager and the train passengers.
Promptly afterwards, Father-in-Law went to discuss the matter with Big House Master and returned to tell his wife and Sonju that their servants would walk daily to nearby villages and towns to the south and west to find out the whereabouts of the North Korean soldiers.
Four days later, Father-in-Law said to Sonju, “A group of enemy soldiers were sighted in a village south of here. It’s not safe for young people to stay. Our maids and servants will return to their families. You take Jinwon and the younger children and go to my wife’s brother’s home. Leave Chuljin and Jina with us.”
The following morning, seeing Sonju’s party getting ready to leave, Chuljin and Jina hung onto Sonju’s legs and cried, “Please take us, please.”
In their upturned eyes, Sonju read the same anticipation of fear she saw during the days in Daejon. She bent down. “It won’t be long before we’re back, you’ll see.”
“No! It will be a long, long time with artillery and gunshots again.” Chuljin twisted his little body and cried, shaking Sonju’s leg while his sister clutched on to Sonju, crying, “Mommy, Mommy, I want my Mommy.”
Mother-in-Law pulled them from Sonju. “They will be back in five days, maybe sooner.”
Still crying, the children finally let go of Sonju, their faces wet and slimy.
Sonju turned away, wiping her tears on her sleeve.
The old servant carried bags of clothes and a sack of rice on his A-frame carrier. Sonju carried Jinju on her back and held Jinjin’s hand. Jinwon carried nothing. All along the way until they arrived in the remote village in the early afternoon, Jinwon kept repeating how bored she was going to be. Tired of her complaints, Sonju asked, “Would you rather take a risk of getting raped?” Instead of a reply, Jinwon kicked a gravel.
In that village of less than four dozen houses, time seemed to stretch and drag. They didn’t know the people and didn’t dare to go into the woods. Having little to entertain themselves with, Jinwon and the children took frequent naps. The hours between mornings and nights were unbearably long.
Her husband was safe, but Kungu … Sonju closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead, trying to rid herself of the morbid thoughts. She felt her skirt being tugged.
Jinwon sat up and said, “I’ve been thinking …” She drew her clasped hands up to her chest as in prayer. “A dark blue, shimmering velvet skirt. That’s what I want before I die.” She looked serious when she said this.
Sonju stared at her, heartbroken that this lively young woman had thought about the possibility of dying just when she was beginning to glimpse into her future. There were things she herself would regret if death were to happen to her, she thought. “You’re fortunate that what you want is something you can have.”
“You want something you can’t have?” Jinwon asked.
“Let’s get you a velvet skirt,” Sonju said.
Too excited about getting her velvet skirt, Jinwon didn’t question Sonju as she would have in other times. Instead, she beamed a young, hopeful smile. It was a lovely sight to behold, a simple desire filled with so much pleasure.
Jinwon said, “You would like to hear this, Little Auntie. I heard Grandma say to Grandfather that you told her one of the Second House girls may become a great leader one day, like Queen Sunduk.”
“Did she seem convinced?”
“No, but she talked about it,” Jinwon said with an impish smile and raised brows.
They had been at the village six days when the old servant arrived. “Your father-in-law wants you to come home. He said the danger has passed.”
The walk back home seemed much shorter. As soon as they arrived in Maari, Jinwon left for Big House after a quick bow to her grandparents. Chuljin and Jina squealed and ran to Sonju.
Pulling Sonju’s skirt, Jina said, “Auntie, North Korean soldiers came, and, and, and, walked around looking everywhere. Grandpa looked scared, so I was scared. They told Grandma to cook for them.”
“I wasn’t scared.” Chuljin grinned with pride.
Ignoring her brother, Jina said, “One had a gun, a real gun. I was so scared. He could shoot us any time he felt like it with that gun.” Then with a whimper, she said, “Auntie, they took my rabbit. They put it in a sack. Grandpa said he’ll get me another one.” Her eyes brimming with tears, she wrapped her arms around Sonju’s legs.
Sonju stroked Jina’s head and glanced at Mother-in-Law, who nodded and fixed her eyes on Sonju, a sign that she couldn’t talk then.
Jina lifted her head, tear streaks still on her face. “After they ate, Grandpa gave them chickens, rice, and my rabbit. Grandma said they were going back home.”
Mother-in-Law turned to the children and told them to go to the backyard to play. She waited until they were out of sight and said to Sonju, “Your father-in-law did not give them her rabbit. They came two days after you left. This was a group of five. I had the children with me in the kitchen when they walked to the back of the house. Your father-in-law saw them eyeing the chickens and the rabbit. He told the captain they could take as many chickens as they wanted but not the rabbit. The captain grabbed the rabbit out of the cage and wrung its neck and had the enlisted men do the same with the chickens.”
“Did they harm anyone in the village?”
“No. I don’t know why they picked our house. Three of them were young boys of fifteen and sixteen. One said he was working on a farm when he was ordered to report to the army. Those boys were very polite. They likely will be captured before they make it up north.” She clucked her tongue.
Sonju hated what the war did to people, what people did to people during the time of war. How would they reconcile themselves in gentler times with who they were during the war? How many would be ruined because of their memories of violence? Her gloom lifted when one by one the maids and the field hands returned. One of the field hands had been drafted to the Army.
The first week of November, Sonju and Mother-in-Law made two hundred heads of kimchi, half of what they had made in previous years. The following week, Second Sister appeared at the gate, her cheeks sunken and eyes hollow, looking ten years older. After bowing to the parents-in-law, she went to her room and shut the door.
Sonju waited half an hour before she went to Second Sister’s room, sat next to her and asked, “How did your visit go?”
“I feel like an orphan,” Second Sister said flatly without looking at Sonju.
Sonju didn’t know what to say to comfort her.
When Second Sister drew her knees up and put her head down on them, Sonju left the grief-soaked room and went to the veranda. She couldn’t imagine grieving as much as Second Sister did if her own father had died. Perhaps because ever since she was a child, there was in her a sense of familial alienation against which or because of which she had always fought to hold onto a sense of herself. Without that, she thought, she would have lost her way. Now she wasn’t sure if she could still fight the same fight in her marriage. She looked up at the grey sky. It was going to be a chilly, somber season.
Then, in spite of the slapping cold wind, Big House Lady came and asked Mother-in-Law, “Did you hear? The North Koreans were pushed all the way to the Amnok River.”
“To the Chinese border? We are winning then. My sons will return soon.”
That was in November, five months after the war broke out. A month later, the Second House family was still waiting.
The first weekend in January, the hunchback came and told Sonju and Mother-in-Law, “The North Korean Army took Seoul again with the help of Chinese troops. Our allies retreated south of the Han River.”
Now that the enemy was strengthened, how far south would they advance? Exasperated, Sonju turned to Mother-in-Law and asked, “Do we evacuate again?”
“I don’t know. We will see what your father-in-law says.”
No one in the village evacuated, but the hunchback said that every day southbound trains passed filled with refugees. The train conductor told him that many of these fleeing refugees were North Koreans, most of them Christians fearing North Korea becoming a vassal state of Communist China which was known to persecute Christians.
One day when the sun was out all day and the melted snow on the roof dribbled down along the eves, Jinwon came to Sonju’s room and said, “None of my friends are home, so I am stuck in this house. It’s so gloomy here. I can’t stand it.”
Sonju felt the same way. Second Sister still caged herself in her room and mourned, which dampened the mood of the entire house. Sonju said, “I miss talking to Second Sister. I wanted to tell her about your velvet skirt. How did you put it? A shimmering, dark blue velvet skirt before you died?” She cocked her head to the side looking at Jinju. “You haven’t uttered a word about it for five months. You either forgot about it or you’re very sure you’ll live.”
“I didn’t forget.”
Sonju smiled. “This is the perfect time to wear it, isn’t it? Let’s go to the market and make a day of it. Before the war, my husband gave me part of his salary.”
The following evening, Sonju told Mother-in-Law, “Tomorrow morning, Jinwon and I will go to the market. Some time ago, I promised her I would get her a velvet skirt.”
If Mother-in-Law were to protest the frivolity of a velvet skirt in the time of war, Sonju was going to stand her ground but she didn’t have to. Mother-in-Law didn’t react.
Sonju and Jinwon bought the velvet material and left it with a dressmaker. Afterwards, they had lunch at a restaurant and went to a bookstore, where Sonju found books of short stories by Oscar Wilde, O. Henry, and Guy de Maupassant. The store owner promised he would have Arabian Nights by Friday of the following week. Their leisurely walk from one store to another looking and chatting gave Sonju a feeling that things were almost normal.
Next morning, she gathered the children in her room and read The Happy Prince. Chuljin complained that it was silly and boring. “A statue cannot talk,” he said and left, muttering that he didn’t believe any of the story. Jinju seemed confused about the fuss Chuljin was making. Second Sister’s two daughters, Jina and Jinjin sat, eagerly waiting for the words to flow from Sonju’s mouth. One story a day, Sonju told them. After the children dispersed, she was flipping through the pages of another book when an idea came to her. She could read the books to the clan women perhaps once or twice a week and have a discussion afterwards. She was sorry she didn’t think of it before. She would need more books. She shared her idea about a reading discussion with a few clan women.
The following Friday, Sonju and Jinwon returned to the market and picked up Jinwon’s velvet skirt. Sonju bought two books in addition to the one she had ordered. Shortly after they arrived home, Jinwon pranced in her new skirt but had the good sense not to go beyond the house to flaunt it.
A few days later, the yo-making hostess’s two daughters offered their home for the reading. The first time, four people came—the Philanderer’s two daughters, their mother and aunt. Three days later, two more joined—the woman with Buddha ears and the dark-skinned woman from the yo-making. After reading and the book discussion, the women gossiped about the village people. The third time they met, what the women said about the stories surprised Sonju and surprised them too—their excitement at a world they had not known, the wonder of it—the wonder probably not so different from what Sonju had experienced when she first saw the photographs of Western people in a magazine. Sonju was imagining with others again and helping enrich the lives of those women who were not likely to have this kind of experience otherwise. This gave Sonju a sense of fulfillment she had craved.
The day after the fourth meeting, Buddha Ears came to Sonju. “I heard it’s easy to learn to read and write. Can you teach me so that I can read stories on my own one day?”
“Yes, of course. We can start now if you have time.”
