To Be Fated, page 4
I lower my head in shame for hoping for more than what this reality is. I’ve been taken by the enemy of my mate and given to one of his pack members. I look into Jude’s silver gaze and bite the inside of my cheek, thinking maybe he’ll treat me better.
But why would he? Just as the thought strikes me another wave of pain grows in my back and moves slowly to my front and down my thighs.
“I’ll get the pups, we have plenty of room.”
Before I can answer, Jude’s already gotten up and out of his seat and shut the car door. He moves to the back seat to get the pups and I know I should do the same. I move through the pain, breathing slow deliberate breaths out of my mouth in through my nose as I open the door and scramble out. I lean against the back of the car as I hear him shut the opposite door. With the soft click of the door closing, I look up to see him carrying both sleeping pups. Part of me is relieved that I won’t have to carry them, I’m exhausted and just want to rest; but the other part of me is ashamed that I can’t take care of my only remaining family.
I watch him as he makes his way around the car with Addison sleeping on his right shoulder, open mouthed and drooling; and Reece asleep on his left, reminiscent of a peaceful little angel. I’m all too aware that I shouldn’t feel this sense of calm without knowing what’s to come. It’s short lived anyway; the air is knocked out of me as my little pup kicks me again. I grunt and close my eyes. My strong little wolf.
“Do you need a healer?” I open my eyes slowly to see an enormous, muscular wolf in front of me. His face is all sharp edges, and waves of dominance and power wash off him. The Alpha, Devin. I feel an urge to bow to him, but his hand reaches out and braces my elbow. “You don’t look well.” His voice is strong and emotionless. He’s merely stating a fact.
Anxiousness creeps through me.
“Yes, she needs a healer.” Jude answers for me and I hunch my shoulders forward realizing I’m not needed to speak. I nod my head slightly and walk with the men up the steps to the house.
“Do you think they’ll follow you here?” Devin speaks over me to Jude.
“It would be easier, but I don’t think they will. We’ll have to go to them.” I part my lips in shock as the air leaves my lungs. They’re going after Shadow’s pack.
The echoes of our footsteps are hollow as the beautifully carved front door opens and we enter the estate.
“They’re here!” A feminine squeal draws my eyes across the spacious entry to a large and modern kitchen. My jaw nearly drops at the luxury. It’s been years since I’ve even seen a kitchen, and it wasn’t even close to being this nice.
“Hush, the children are sleeping.” Hearing those words from the Alpha is odd, but even more strange is watching a small human walk past him and straight to me. I almost back away, but she wraps her arms around me. She smells wonderful and I immediately feel sickened at my appearance in comparison, but she doesn’t seem to notice. If she does, she doesn’t let on.
A human and a wolf, the connection between them is as obvious as it is confusing. She cannot be the Alpha mate, can she?
The dirt from my clothing clings to the human’s clothes when she releases me. “Welcome to the pack.” A bright smile lights her face as she whispers in a hushed tone.
“Aw look at them sleeping.” A low, sing-song voice whispers from a tall blonde to my right, another human. I should be grateful that the confusion and shock replace the uncertainty and fear. She places a hand over her heart and a small smile grows on her face as she watches Jude carry Addy and Reece into a room opposite the kitchen. I instantly follow, my heart racing and my head filled with questions. I need to know exactly where he’s taking them. I’m grateful for their kindness, but I don’t trust it.
He lays them down so gently on the sofa, carefully so they remain asleep. I can barely breathe watching the Alpha rest a blanket over them before looking back at Jude, not saying a word out loud, but it’s more than obvious they’re speaking through the bond.
“We’re converting the guest wing for the kids.” The blonde whispers and I’m not quite sure who she’s talking to.
“Yeah we don’t need it. I just cleared out the last of my things.” I barely hear the brunette talk behind me as I watch Jude take a step back and give the pups space to sleep. His eyes peer into mine as he murmurs “they’ll be all right” and motions for us to back slowly away. Cautiously, I do. I follow them.
“We have so much to buy for them. If you’d called us, we would’ve had everything ready.” Jude huffs at the blonde’s joking admonishment. It dawns on me that they must’ve been talking through their pack bond while we were driving. “The guys are gonna watch the pups until we get back. Do you want anything in particular or can I have free rein to shop?” It takes me a moment to realize the question was directed at me. The perky blonde stares at me expectantly. I can’t help my blank stare. I don’t know what I expected, but this wasn’t it. I’m so out of my element and I don’t know what’s expected of me. I’m afraid if I say the wrong thing, I’ll be punished.
Jude’s hands brace my shoulders as he once again speaks over me. “Buy everything they need. Just don’t take too long.”
“Thirty minutes, tops.” She retorts, and her smile dims slightly as she looks back at me but she’s quick to correct it. I can only imagine what they’re saying through their bond.
My eyes focus on the floor as another round of pain settles in my lower back and works its way to my front. I have to close my eyes and suppress the low moan clawing at me to get out. They continue to talk, and I do my best to stay out of the way and stay quiet. I try my damndest to just get through this pain without alerting them.
I don’t know what to say. I’m grateful for their warm welcome, but I don’t understand it and my instinct is to leave. I open my mouth, but words fail to escape my dry throat. I suddenly feel cold, and I wrap my arms around my shoulders. I focus on the floor again, unsure of myself and what I should be doing.
“Would you like a shower, Lulu?” Hearing my nephew’s nickname for me from the handsome, masculine shifter forces a small, sad pang of a laugh from my lips.
After a moment I’m able to answer, “Lena.”
“Lena.” There’s a hint of awe in Jude’s voice and it commands me to look into his silver eyes. They’re soft and they call to me. Small wrinkles form around his eyes to make him look even more attractive. My body wants me to lean into his embrace, but I refrain from giving into the temptation. I’m tired and aching everywhere.
“Would you like a shower, Lena? We have clothes for you.”
Tears prick at the kindness, and I realize I may have thought the worst. I would give anything for a shower.
“Please.” I finally answer his question. He looks back at me with a mix of uncertainty and hopefulness.
“Please what?”
“The shower.” My voice is small as I tear my gaze away from his.
“This way.” His strong hand presses against the small of my back just as another false contraction rips through me. It’s more than irritating at this point. I walk through the pain and do my best not to let it get to me. I need to keep a level head and not get distracted. Jude rubs his hand along my back, and I find it relaxing and comforting. So much so that my eyes start to drift. I follow the sound of his shoes hitting the floor and let him lead me.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a bath?” His question makes me open my eyes and look up at him. A comforting smile plays at his lips, but concern is most evident on his handsome face.
I shake my head. I’m covered in filth. The river has been too cold for me to wash lately. I really need to clean myself. Of everything. “A shower please.” I can’t help that my words come out as though I’m begging. Quite frankly, I would beg if he asked me to or rather, if he demanded.
I don’t get the sense that he’ll be doing much asking. The thought sends a chill through my body. It’s been so long since I’ve even seen a shower. I’d give anything to be bathed in hot water. My head rocks as a wave of dizziness washes over me. At the same time another bout of pain nearly collapses my body. This one is much stronger than the last few. I have to stop and lean against the wall. Jude keeps his hands on me, and I find myself pushing him away. The pain in my legs makes me crouch forward to put pressure against my thighs. It feels so much better with the pressure from my hands, but my back still fucking hurts.
Jude waits patiently, gently rubbing my back even though I pushed him away. If he’s going to have his hands on me I wish he’d push harder. I need pressure to ease this pain. I can’t open my mouth to speak though, instead I just concentrate on breathing. For the first time I wonder if this is it, but my water hasn’t broken, so I doubt I’m truly in labor. I breathe through my nose as the contraction wanes, and I gain control of my composure again.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” I hear Jude’s strong voice and simply nod in response. I walk forward with my eyes mostly closed. I just need a shower and a nap. That’s all. Then I’ll feel better.
“I know there’s a lot you need, but anything at this moment? Is there anything I can do?”
It’s shocking to hear his softly worded question. There’s a tension between us as I stare up into his gaze and I gently shake my head.
I nearly weep as he leads me into the room. His bathroom is larger than my pathetic hut back at camp. The walls and floor are made of large rectangular slats of white marble with gray streaks. There’s a large, egg-shaped bath in the center of the room and the entire back wall is a walk-in shower with three shower heads, one in the ceiling and the two on either side of the stall. A large pane of glass makes up the door. It’s gorgeous and so clean it’s nearly sterile. The sight makes me feel so out of place. It emphasizes my insignificance and filth.
If this is all a trick, it’s cruel.
“I don’t feel comfortable leaving you.” Jude’s voice sounds odd. He sounds unsure for the first time. I turn to face him with my arms wrapped around my body. I swallow before looking into his eyes. He’s asking me for permission, sort of. At least it seems as though his eyes are asking for my permission for him to stay. I nod my head slightly.
“Could you just stay outside the door?” He’s made it clear that he intends to keep me, though I’m not quite sure why yet or what he plans to do with me, but I can only imagine one reason.
“I’d rather not. You don’t seem stable.” His voice is soft and low, nearly apologetic. “I could stare at the wall, if you’d rather. But I’d like to see you and make sure you’re well.”
His cadence and carefully chosen words leave me at his mercy.
I nod and slowly start to peel off the dirty clothes from my body. My fingers drift over my bare, swollen stomach. I can feel the little indents from the stretch marks on the lower half of my belly. I haven’t thought much of them since they appeared. It’s not as though anyone was going to see them. I look down and see that I now have several marks along the outside of my breasts also. They’ve swollen recently, but I hadn’t realized they’d give me stretch marks as well. I put my insecurities behind me and drop the clothes in a dirty pile on the clean, white floor and walk forward with purpose. I keep my head down and avoid eye contact with Jude. I can hear him walking behind me, but he’s at least giving me some distance.
I have to uncross my arms to open the door to the shower, but I hesitate. I don’t like him watching me. It feels so wrong. If he senses my uneasiness, he doesn’t show it. His large frame closes in on me as I step into the shower. I turn to stare at him; he’s fully clothed, yet he doesn’t stop outside of the stall. He reaches past me, making me take a small step back closer to the tiled wall as my hands grip my shoulders, allowing my forearms to cover my breasts. I watch as he turns the dials for the shower head and a spray of water comes down behind me, just missing my body. I back against the other side of the stall while he gauges the temperature of the water. I don’t need him to do this, and the act itself is filling my head with more and more questions. I wish he would just leave me be, but I’m in no position to ask for anything. I should be grateful and ensure he has no reason to be upset with me.
After another short moment, I get my wish.
“I’ll wait outside. I’ll be listening though, so if you need anything, don’t hesitate.”
I don’t reach his eyes even though I can feel his gaze on me. I only nod and whisper, “Thank you.”
Perhaps it’s the pain, perhaps it’s gratitude…maybe it’s the fear. I don’t know why I don’t feel more violated. It could be the sheer exhaustion.
As I hear the door close, my entire body feels heavier and sags. My legs are weak as I walk slowly into the spray of hot water and rest my forehead against the cold wall. I try to relax my shoulders under the spray, but my body seems to ache more and more as the time passes. The warmth is welcoming, but it’s not enough to settle this uneasiness running through me. I stay there, under the spray, for a long time, just wishing the pain would go away. All of the pain.
I hesitantly reach for the bottle of soap sitting on the corner shelf. It’s not mine. None of this is mine. I think he intended for me to use it, but I still hesitate. I feel so unsure and unsteady. I stand under the flowing streams staring at the bottle but decide not to use it. I don’t want to make him or anyone else angry. He’s been kind so far; I don’t want to give him a reason to be upset. The water will be enough. I run my fingers through my hair to try to untangle the knots. I struggle for a few moments and then decide to just let the water run through it more before I try again.
I rub my belly as I feel the pressure of another contraction growing in my lower back. I lean forward and put my hands where I need them on my upper thighs and breathe through the pain. A low moan vibrates through my body as I sway with the contraction. The deep moan makes the pain seem somewhat bearable. I feel hot and exhausted, and I wish it would just stop. If only these contractions would let up for a little while. I just need a break so I can rest.
I don’t even realize Jude’s come into the bathroom until his voice is right behind me.
JUDE
The second I hear that moan of pain from her lips I burst through the door. Against every logical thought, I’m led to her and I can’t stop myself. It fucking killed me to leave, but it hurt even more watching her dejected and uncomfortable in my presence. It’s as if merely being in the same room as me was painful for her.
With my heart racing, assuming the worst from her groan of pain, I don’t hesitate to open the shower door. The steam blinds me for a moment and then I see she’s hunched over and pushing her hands against her thighs. She looks as if she’s dying. She’s not fucking okay.
“Where’s the healer?” I shout in my head at Devin as my heart pounds even harder.
“I won’t let her die. I can’t allow this. She needs help and she needs it now.” This can’t be normal. Fuck! I just found my mate and here she is doubled over in pain. Even through her small moans of protest, I pick her up easily, careful not to jostle her too much, and bring her to the bed. She may be on death’s door, but she has enough fight in her to scramble away from my hold.
“I’m just bringing you to the bed,” I reassure her as she bears down with pain again.
“She’s coming.” Devin answers in my head and I just shake my head at his response, watching Lena get on her knees in the middle of the bed and moan into the sheets.
“What the fuck do I do?” My voice is weak as shit, but I’m so far out of my element I don’t care. This pain in my chest is unbearable. Even my wolf howls in agony.
“Hold on.” Devin doesn’t seem bothered, and I don’t fucking like it.
“I’m watching my mate die, Devin.” I barely get out the words. The fear and helplessness are numbing.
“Lena,” I murmur her name as I approach, but she doesn’t respond more than a groan that rocks with her body.
“You want me to come in there and see your mate like that, Jude?” I snarl at Devin’s question and it makes Lena whimper. My hands run down my face.
“Give it a minute. Grace knew a doula.”
“What the fuck is a doula?”
Not more than a minute later the door opens, and I watch Lizzie and Grace quietly enter my bedroom, each with a MacBook in hand. Grace is more skittish than Lizzie, who approaches Lena without showing an ounce of anything other than compassion.
Grace, dressed like Lizzie in pajamas, glances at me and then whispers that Lena’s okay. “This is just childbirth.”
Blood drains from my face at her statement. There is no fucking way this is normal.
“Lena sweetie, how would you rate your pain on a scale from one to ten?” Lizzie asks as she sets the computer down on the bed and walks quickly to Lena’s side. Grace grabs a chair from the corner of the room and drags it over to the bed. All I can do is watch.
Lena lifts her head up to look at the two of them. “A seven. I’d say it’s a seven.” Her answer shocks me. Just a seven?
“What medicine can she have to take the pain away?” I ask them. “What do we have?” I try to think of what kind of pills we have in the house, but I’m coming up blank. That and she’s pregnant. I have no fucking clue what pregnant women can take. I have never felt so useless in my life.
Lena moans into the sheets and the women completely ignore my question. Grace tilts the screen and holds the computer in front of me so I can see it. “Do this, Jude. Watch how he pushes on her hips. That might help her a bit with the pain.” My little Alpha mate shows me a video of a man pushing against a woman’s hips. I nod my head. I can do that. I can do this for my mate. I climb on the bed that groans with my weight and put my palms against her hips and push in, just like that guy was doing.
