Quick & Dangerous, page 15
She decided not to play head games and just tell him what she wanted. What she needed.
“Stay in the bed with me tonight,” she said, using a napkin to mop up the rest of the juice off his chin.
His body stiffened.
“Please.”
“Querida, it’s not safe.”
“But we stayed in the same bed on the island.”
“That was different. It was a bed of palm fronds.”
“A bed’s a bed.”
He let out an exasperated sigh and pushed himself up from the pillows, running his hands through his hair. “It’s not that simple. The dreams can come on at any time. And I knew they wouldn’t come on while we were on the island.”
“How’d you know?”
“Because I didn’t really sleep. I dozed and rested, but I never let myself fall fully asleep. At least not when we shared a bed.”
Her mouth dipped into a frown. “I’m not afraid of you. I know you’d never hurt me.”
His eyes softened, and he cupped her cheek. “I never would … I don’t think. I’ve never hurt anyone before. But my dreams are really real to me when I’m in them.” His brown eyes grew harder, fiercer as he looked past her, as if something evil lurked in the shadows behind her.
Chapter 15
Rob
“Will you talk about it?” she asked, running her hand up his chest. Her nails traced erotic circles around his nipple.
He reached out and stilled her hand. “To who?”
“Anybody? A counselor? Me? Your parents?”
He swallowed, adjusting his position on the bed. The thought of what spurred on his dreams always made him break out into a vicious sweat, and Skyler’s hot little body had caused him to overheat. But he liked her touch. As much as it overheated him, it also grounded him.
“I see a counselor when I’m home. When I have the chance.”
“One specifically for vets with PTSD?” she asked.
He nodded.
“And does it help?”
“A bit. He taught me to do some breathing exercises, meditation and come up with a mantra that brings down my anxiety.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah, doesn’t stop the dreams from happening, just helps me deal with them when they do.”
“I get that,” she said with a big sigh.
“It was my last mission in Peru,” he started, leaning back into the pillows and focusing his gaze on the ceiling fan that spun lazily above them. “I’d been undercover for a while, sniffing out the location of a human trafficking ring.”
“No.” Her eyes held a sadness he hoped to never have to see again. Her head shook and her hand fell over her mouth. This is why he never wanted to talk about this shit.
“We found them. It was a rainy-as-fuck night. Thunder, lightning, the works. And we went in there, guns blazing, expecting to find armed guards and the like. But they’d all fled. Someone must have gotten wind that we were onto them and decided to ditch the goods and save their hides.”
“Goods? As in people?”
“Goods as in people, yes. So, when we busted in, it was a scene horrific enough to make even the strongest of men lose his composure.”
“Kids?”
“Dozens and dozens of them. Emaciated, filthy, sick. They’d been locked in the basement of a movie theater for weeks, some of them months. The youngest was a year, the oldest seventeen or so. They were starving, covered in their own filth, and a lot of them were ill.”
“Oh my God. Why were they keeping them down there?”
“Waiting for the next opportunity to either put them on a boat or smuggle them in a transport truck across the border. They got food once or twice a week. But there were no bathroom facilities and only a hose for water. I would rather drink seawater than the tap water in Lima.”
“Did you save them?” she asked, digging her nails into his chest and looking up at him with her bright green eyes.
She still had so much hope inside her, so much positivity despite the life she’d been living.
Rob had none left.
He’d seen too much evil in the world to hope for anything besides a quick, swift death when it was finally his time.
“We did. Took them all to the hospital, and those that could tell us who they were and where they were from were reunited with their families.”
“And the rest?”
“The babies, the children who were too young to speak, were put in protective custody, and their images and information were circulated on social media and the news.”
“Is that the mission that haunts you?”
Bile crept up the back of this throat. No. He wished that was the mission that haunted him. It would probably be easier to sleep at night, easier to cope.
“Rob?” she probed, kissing his pec.
His jaw flexed and his chest tightened as he braced himself for the memory. He rarely spoke about it, rarely put the night into words. But that didn’t stop the images from popping into his head every day at the most random and inopportune times.
“About a week or so later, after we rescued the kids beneath the theater, we infiltrated a brothel. It was a brothel specializing in children and taboo fetishes.”
Her breath hitched on a gasp. “No. Please, no.”
“We busted in, and it was all any of us could do not to go on a killing spree.”
“Why didn’t you?” Venom laced her tone.
He bunched his fists. “I kicked open a door and saw a man raping a baby,” he continued.
“Oh God.”
“The rage took over. I wailed like a Highland warrior and slit his throat. That’s usually what I dream about. Killing him. He’s usually faceless though. But what he’s doing to that poor, screaming, defenseless baby is crystal fucking clear.”
Wet heat dropped on his chest, and when he looked down, he noticed the tears in her eyes. Some nights he woke up with tears in his eyes from the memories.
“It was the most horrific thing I have ever witnessed in my life,” he went on.
“Did … ” Her chin trembled against his chest, and she let out a rattled breath. “Did you save those children?”
“Some,” he said.
“The baby?”
Rob’s eyes stung as he tried not to blink, because he knew when he did, when his eyelids dropped even for a second, he’d see that baby again. He’d hear her cries, see her body, see the man defiling her as she kicked him off as much as she could. He always saw her. Any baby he ever looked at took on the face of that child. It’s why he didn’t want children of his own.
“We rushed her to the hospital, but her internal injuries were too severe.”
“No,” she whimpered. “No.”
Rob would remember that moment for the rest of his goddamn life. It would haunt him. Haunt his days, haunt his nights and everything in between. He would forever see that innocent baby lying there on the stainless-steel table in the morgue with the blanket covering her bruised body, knowing that had he been there the day before or even an hour before, he could have saved her.
He’d lost it after that. Gone on a bender like he’d never been on before. Was AWOL for a week. Drunk off his ass in Mancora. It’d taken Aaron and their other friend and fellow SEAL Brendan flying down and tossing a bucket of cold water on him to get him moving again.
After that, he’d flown home, bought one of those tiny houses, moved it to the back of his parents’ property and spent months drowning in rye and sleeping pills. But not even blacking out night after night could keep the dreams at bay. It didn’t matter what he did, where he went, he saw her. Saw her face. Heard her cries.
He was broken.
He’d been home six months and was practically pickled from the inside out by the time his father, brother and Aaron came out to knock some sense into him.
“I get it,” his dad had said gruffly, standing on the grass at the back of the cattle field. Rob swayed in the doorway. His head pounded, and his mouth felt and tasted like the bottom of a pond. “I’ve been there.”
“You haven’t been there,” Rob said snidely.
Unaffected, his father lifted a shoulder. “Maybe not. But I’ve seen my fair share of shit. I know what you’re going through.”
Rob’s lip curled up, and he glared down at his dad. “You don’t know shit.”
“You need to get help,” Aaron said, fitting right into the ranch life with a pair of dark wash jeans and brown cowboy boots. He’d visited Texas with Rob several times over the years and fallen in love with it. You’d never know that he was originally from Seattle. The man looked like he was born wearing a pair of Levi’s with a big belt buckle and a button-down flannel.
“I am getting help,” Rob said with a chuckle, lifting up the bottle of rye and scrutinizing the dregs at the bottom. He frowned. “Eddie, be a dear and run to the store for me, will ya?” He waggled his almost empty bottle out in front of him. “Need a top up.”
His brother glowered at him. “I’m not buying you any more booze.”
“We’ll take your keys if we have to,” his dad said.
Rob leveled his gaze at his father. “I can always walk. Could ride ol’ Thistle too.”
Eddie snorted. “You’ll pass out in the ditch before you get halfway there.”
“And you’re not taking any of my horses on a goddamn booze run,” his father said through gritted teeth.
The anger in his father’s eyes caused something inside Rob to snap.
“It could have been Maren! It could have been Helen!” Rob screamed, taking the bottle in his hands and tossing it out the door at the tree outside. It didn’t smash but instead fell to the ground with a dull, anti-climactic thud.
Eddie’s eyes swam with confusion.
But Aaron and his dad understood.
“What’s he talking about?” Eddie asked.
Their dad placed a big, meaty hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “Best you don’t know, son,” he said quietly. “You should go check on your mother. I know she’s worried sick about Robbie. Aaron and I will handle this.”
Jealousy licked across Eddie’s face for half a second before he gave one confirming nod, spun on his heel and stalked back toward the main house through the field.
Eddie had always been jealous that Rob had followed in their father’s footsteps and joined the Navy.
Eddie couldn’t.
Cancer as a child had claimed one of Eddie’s eyes, and Rob’s brother went about life with one glass eye. He had no depth perception, and with his one good eye he was color-blind. He was a liability for the Navy, and he knew as much, so he hadn’t even bothered applying. He wanted to save himself the pain of rejection. Save himself the humiliation.
But Eddie was a successful optometrist. He owned his own practice, and his wife, Janeé, made good money designing high-end glasses for the company Vixen Vision. Eddie had nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, Rob was jealous of his brother. He seemed to have it all: the beautiful wife, gorgeous children, successful job. And the man was probably able to sleep soundly at night without the images of children emaciated and neglected, raped and dead, on a never-ending carousel in his head.
“Bro,” Aaron whispered, taking a step forward, “I was there too. I know what you’re going through, but this road you’re on is dangerous.”
“You didn’t see her,” Rob ground out.
Aaron’s eyes fell to the ground, and he kicked at a clump of sod. The sun glinted off his bright red hair, making it look like his friend was wearing a shiny copper helmet. “You’re right, I didn’t. But I saw other children.”
“But not her!” Rob exclaimed.
“Son,” his dad said softly, “you need to get some help. You need to talk about this.”
Rob shook his head, his lip trembled, and he was forced to turn away to hide the dampness in his eyes. “I can’t talk about it,” he said into the elbow of his shirt.
“You have to,” his dad said more sternly.
Rob lifted his head and glared at his dad. “I. Can’t.”
“Brendon’s dead,” Aaron said, lifting his gaze and pinning Rob with his piercing blue eyes.
“What? No.” Rob took a step back into his house, the news hitting him like a sledgehammer to the chest. “How?”
Aaron swallowed, the look on his face said it before his lips did. “Suicide.”
No.
No!
NO!
Not Brendan.
His bottom lip quivered, so he brought his hand over his chin and mouth to hide it. Whispering, “When?”
Aaron’s jaw muscle ticked. “Two days ago.”
Rob’s throat and jaw ached as the emotions hit him with the force of a thousand grenades all detonating at once. Brendan. His brother in arms. His buddy. He was a new dad. His baby girl, Sasha, had been born shortly after they returned home from the Peru mission. Brendan and his wife, Molly, had flown down to Texas to visit Rob, introduce Sasha to her godfather, but Rob couldn’t even hold her.
Could hardly look at her.
He’d tried, God, how he’d tried.
But every time he looked down into her angelic face, he saw the baby in Peru. And when Sasha screamed or cried for something as simple as a dirty diaper, he lost it. His whole body began to shake, his vision blurred, and he was transported back to that brothel, back to that night.
It had been Brendan who’d saved him from doing something he would ultimately regret. When he saw Rob spiraling after hearing Sasha scream, he’d grabbed Rob by the shoulder and dragged him outside into the warm summer air.
Anger burned like a red-hot poker in his gut. It was his fault Brendan was dead. It was his fault they were all dead.
“You couldn’t have saved him,” Aaron said quietly, reading Rob’s mind. “You’re not well yourself. You can’t fix people when you yourself are broken.”
Rob lifted his gaze to his friend. “I could have done something.”
“What?” Aaron shouted, the pain of their loss choking his words. Unshed tears sparkled in his eyes. “What could you have done? You’re a fucking drunk.”
Rob wasn’t going to hold Aaron’s anger against him. They were all hurting. And Aaron was one hundred percent right. Rob was a drunk. How could he have saved Brendan if he was barely holding on by a thread himself?
“This is why you need to get help, son,” Rob’s dad choked out. “Please.”
“It was the Peru mission,” Aaron continued, his voice softening. “At least that’s what his note said. He said he couldn’t live with the images in his head. Couldn’t live with what he’d witnessed.”
“Please, son. Let me take you to the veterans’ center. Let’s get you some help,” his dad begged.
Rob ground his molars. His temples pounded and the booze in his otherwise empty gut sloshed around like a violent sea. He spun around and walked back into his house, grabbed his jacket, his phone and his keys and joined his dad and Aaron outside.
“When’s the service?” Rob asked Aaron as the three men fell in line and began walking back toward the main house.
“Next Sunday. In Jackson Hole. I’m going to book my flight tonight.”
He bit the inside of his cheek to keep his emotions in check. “No planes. I’ll drive.” Then he picked up his pace and stalked off toward the house, leaving his dad and Aaron in his wake.
“You did everything you could,” Skyler said, bringing Rob back to reality. Her hand fell over his heart, and she kissed his pec again. “You saved so many children. So many people. But you can’t save them all.”
He huffed out a laugh. “You sound like Brendan. That’s one of the last things he said to me. That I can’t save them all.”
“Tell me about him. About Brendan.”
Rob shut his eyes because it was easier than seeing the sadness on Skyler’s beautiful face. “He was the greatest guy. Funny, smart, had a wicked arm. Played baseball in high school, and a year in college before he enlisted in the army. Became a sniper. Best I’ve ever known. Could hit a grape off a beer can from a mile away. Wouldn’t even make the beer can teeter. He was that good.”
Warm puffs of air brushed across his chest as she laid her head down over his heart. He wrapped an arm around her and began to stroke the small of her naked back, his fingers skimming the top of her luscious ass.
She remained quiet, though, encouraging him to go on.
“It was shortly after his little baby Sasha was born that Brendan and his wife, Molly, flew down to Texas for a visit. They asked me to be Sasha’s godfather, seeing as both Brendan and Molly were only children and didn’t trust any of their friends enough in Jackson Hole. It was an honor. But it was also terrifying. I told Brendan I’d kill him if he died before me.” He forced out a chuckle at the irony of such a stupid threat. If only he’d known then what he knew now, things would be so different. “But as much as I wanted to hold my new goddaughter, I couldn’t. I couldn’t even be around her. Especially not when she cried or screamed. She cried a lot. One day I couldn’t handle it anymore. Chills wracked my body even though I was nearly drenched in sweat. The breeze wasn’t cool, but my teeth chattered, and my blood felt ice cold. There was a ringing in my ears, and I could feel the panic settling in.”
“What did you do?”
“It was Brendan. He grabbed me and hauled me outside. He saw what was happening and got me out of there before I scared Molly, the baby, or my mother.”
“He sounds like an amazing friend.”
Rob clenched his jaw. “The best. We talked a bit. He asked if it was the Peru mission, and I didn’t deny it. He said he saw those children too. I asked him how he managed to not let it affect his daily life.”
“What did he say?”
“He said that he did dream about the kids, saw them, saw the same baby that I see. But he also said that he has people at home, in his life that need him to be present, so he just pushes it all down and moves forward.”
