“Here,” Jesse said quietly, passing me the coffee—black, just how I liked it. Turning, he leaned back against the counter, his hip pressing to mine, so I took up the same position, letting our sides mold together.

  “Jesse got a call this morning,” Spike said, his deep voice a little raspy. He probably hadn’t been up long. “He was just filling us in.”

  “Oh?” I asked, looking down at Jesse.

  He shrugged nonchalantly, but his eyes were getting a pinched look around them that I didn’t like. “It was the attorney I had do up Mom’s will a while back.” He drew in a deep breath. “He got word she passed away. Offered his condolences. Then told me the house and everything inside of it was for me to do with what I wanted. She left it all to me.”

  “Baby…” I said softly, hating the pain in his voice.

  He swallowed thickly, shaking his head as he stared at the floor. “I don’t want any of it,” he croaked. “Why can’t I just have someone else deal with this?”

  “Why don’t we all go with you?” Tor offered. “Salem got all our schedules cleared anyway so we could be here to support you. We could go with you to sort through the house.”

  “And even though you may not want anything now,” I spoke up, “you may find something you want to keep.” Fuck knew I wanted him to just order a bulldozer to drive over the house with everything still inside it, or better yet, light a fucking fire and let it all burn to the ground, but I knew he’d never do that. I could place money on it that Jesse would find something in that house he couldn’t part with, just as he could never bring himself to part from his mother.

  He blew out soft breath and finally lifted his gaze. “You guys don’t mind?”

  “No,” we all chorused.

  “You know you’ve always got me, baby,” I gently reminded him. Reaching down, I grabbed his hand, linking our fingers together. “You’re not alone.”

  He nodded, then leaned more heavily against me. I dropped his hand to wrap my arm around his shoulders, tucking him against my side. “We’ll all go out and get breakfast, and then, we’ll go to your mom’s okay?”

  He nodded. I dropped a kiss to the top of his head, then just continued holding him because sometimes, being held was just something Jesse needed.

  14

  Jesse

  My mom’s house was a disaster, and even though I hadn’t lived in the house since I graduated high school, I was embarrassed for my family—my found family—to see where I used to live. Dalton had never even seen this place before because I never allowed him to come over. Never even let him come pick me up. If I needed a ride, I usually walked down the street to the bus stop and had him pick me up from there.

  To be honest, the house hadn’t looked much better when I lived there, but I’d at least tried to clean up when I wasn’t confined to my room because her newest boyfriend didn’t like that she had a kid, I wasn’t practicing with the guys, or I wasn’t in school.

  Or hiding out at Dalton’s because I’d done that a lot, too.

  “Looks pretty tame to where I grew up,” Salem commented as he stepped past me and into the house. It was almost like he’d known I needed someone to ease my anxiety. And the way he just stepped inside, not the least bit bothered by the needles lying everywhere, the beer and liquor bottles all over the floor, the trash everywhere… Yeah, Salem had seen something similar or worse.

  The walls were stained by nicotine, and the house reeked of mold, booze, and cigarettes. It was a smell I’d grown up with all my life, which meant I should have been used to it, but my stomach turned all the same.

  “Come on,” Dalton said, gently pressing his hand to my lower back.

  “You don’t have to come in,” I rasped, turning to face him.

  He frowned at me, his brows pulling low over his eyes. “What? Why would you think I wouldn’t want to be here, Jesse?”

  Because you have loving parents and come from a home that was cleaned by professionals once a week.

  But I didn’t say that. I opened my mouth to come up with… something, but I drew a blank. Dalton sighed and pulled me into his arms, his strength wrapping around me. I sank into his embrace and breathed in the scent of his cologne—something rich and woodsy. The smell settled me and eased the headache already beginning to pulse at my temples.

  “Seeing this house doesn’t make me think any less of you, Jesse,” Dalton said quietly, his chin resting on top of my head. I swallowed thickly and wound my arms around his waist, my fingers twisting into the back of his hoodie. “If anything, it just makes me remember how fucking strong you are. I don’t think I would’ve survived living somewhere like this.”

  “It sucked,” I muttered because I didn’t know what else to say but also because it was the raw truth. It had sucked.

  He slid his hand into my hair and tilted my head back so I was forced to look up at him. “I know, baby.” Leaning down, he pecked my lips. My heart skipped a beat in my chest. Now that we were… together—it seemed to be an unspoken agreement that we were a couple now—I couldn’t get enough of Dalton’s kisses and the way he touched me and clung to me. In fact, I never wanted him to stop.

  If I could, I’d burrow myself beneath his skin so we never had to be apart.

  “Come on,” Dalton urged, releasing me, only to grab my hand and wrap it in his. Carefully, we traversed the nasty house until we were in the living room, where the guys were already pulling photo albums out of the entertainment center that was older than I was.

  I frowned down at them. “These were in there?” I asked.

  Tor nodded. “Yeah. We figured we’d start taking apart the living room, then work our way to her room, then to your room. I’m sure there’s nothing in the kitchen you want.”

  There’d be nothing but pots and pans as old as I was and a few dishes she’d used as ashtrays more than she’d ever used for food and drinks.

  I shook my head at him. “No, nothing from the kitchen,” I agreed. Gingerly, I sat on the couch, making a mental note to trash these sweatpants when I got home. Grabbing the first album, I flipped it open. Immediately, my throat closed up with tears. I’d never seen these pictures. Hell, I never even knew my mom had photo albums until that moment.

  The very first picture was one of me and her. She’d just given birth to me. Her face was sweaty and flushed, and she was young—sixteen, if I remembered correctly. She wasn’t even looking at the camera. She was looking at me. Looking at me like I held the world in my tiny, bunched up fists. And she looked happy. Fuck, my mom was healthy. Her eyes were clear, and her sweaty skin was flushed pink.

  But I couldn’t get past the fact that she was looking at me like she fucking loved me.

  With shaking fingers, I flipped the page, coming face to face with more pictures of me and her. These were all in the delivery room, too. In the second picture, she was speaking animatedly to a dark-haired guy that looked to be the same age as her, and he was grinning down at me.

  “Is that your dad?” Dalton asked quietly, taking a seat beside me.

  “I think so,” I rasped. He sure looked a hell of a lot like I did at that age. “I never knew him,” I admitted. “Or I don’t remember him. Mom said he left. I never cared enough about him to find out who he was. If he could abandon me like that…” I shook my head. “Then he’s not worth my fucking time.”

  “Agreed,” Kalin said from the floor where he was sitting cross-legged, going through a stack of papers. I looked back down at the photo album, a tear running down my cheek when I flipped the page again. We were here in my grandparents’ house in this picture, and she was sitting on this same couch, appearing to be cooing at me as she held my tiny fist in her delicate fingers.

  “I think she loved me at one point,” I whispered, my voice hoarse. My throat was so tight, and my chest hurt looking at these pictures. But I was relived too. To know that at one point, she did love me. It helped me cope with all the bullshit she’d piled on me. “Drugs and alcohol just… changed her.”

  “Do you know what her tipping point was?” Spike asked, helping Salem pick up trash. Bottles clanked as they dropped them into the trash bag they were sharing between the two of them.

  “No,” I said. “I never cared to ask. And honestly, I don’t care to know now. She chose them over me, and I’ve known she loved her next fix more than she ever loved me. She might have loved me once upon a time, but her crutch was her biggest love.”

  “I’m sorry, baby,” Dalton said quietly, truly sounding pained. He gripped the back of my neck and pulled me toward him so he could press his lips to my temple. I closed my eyes, letting his love soak into my pores. “But despite her, you’ve got a great family right here, and we all love you.”

  Kalin snorted from the floor. “Some of us more than others, clearly.” He made a gagging noise for dramatic effect. And despite being in the midst of my mother’s chaos, I laughed. And fuck, the way Dalton beamed at me, as if my laugh was the only fix he’d ever need…

  I leaned in and kissed him, letting my lips linger for a moment too long, but no one said anything. “Thank you for being here,” I murmured.

  He smiled at me. “I’m wherever you are, baby. Always.”

  15

  Dalton

  I groaned and buried my face beneath my pillow, willing my ringing phone to drop off the face of the earth or drown in a bucket of water. Something other than ringing. Grow legs and walk off, maybe? I was fucking exhausted. Jesse had kept me up most of the night, desperate to have me inside of him. I’d come so many fucking times, my balls felt pitifully empty and were actually sore from coming so damn much.

  A few days had passed since his mother died. The first three days sucked. Clearing out her house was the worst, and receiving her ashes had sent him seeking comfort in the bottom of a bottle. The fourth day was spent recovering from a hangover. The fifth day, we all chilled in the pool, getting high and eating our body weight in pizza and cake because why the fuck not have cake, too. Yesterday, we spent all day in bed, and after showering together, Jesse became fucking ravenous.

  And like fuck would I deny him when he wanted to ride my cock or have me rail him from behind. The more he’d whined and begged for me, the more feral I’d become.

  My phone finally stopped ringing, but then, Jesse’s started up. Jesse groaned and rolled away from me to grab his phone from the other side of the bed. I made a pitiful sound in the back of my throat and reached for him, not ready to let go of him yet. He laughed softly and rolled back into the protective circle of my arm as he answered his phone.

  “Hello?” he groggily answered.

  “Are everyone’s phones broken?” Delia snapped.

  “It’s not even been seven days yet,” I muttered, my voice muffled by the pillow. “Go away, Delia.”

  She huffed. “You think I enjoy calling you boys?” she retorted. “I don’t, for the record. The only good thing you six do for me is provide me a generous paycheck. This request is coming directly from Richard himself. He wants the six of you in the office for lunch and a talk.”

  “A talk?” Jesse asked. I lifted my pillow, squinting at Jesse’s phone. “That sounds… ominous.”

  She scoffed. “You’ve got to really be the only band group or singer that doesn’t find themselves splashed in the media over bullshit, so I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. He just thought whatever he wants to talk about would come better directly from him. So, get up and get your asses here. He wants to do lunch at twelve.”

  With that, she hung up. I grunted and shoved the pillow back onto my face. “She’s such a bitch.”

  Jesse hummed in agreement. “Got to admit though, she gets the job done,” he said, his voice husky and thick with sleep. Lifting my pillow, he aimed a sleepy smile at me. “Shower?”

  I shook my head, then rolled onto my side so I could pull him into me. He shifted so he was lying on his side, his back facing me. I smiled and pressed a kiss to his shoulder blade as I curled my body around his. “I love being your big spoon.”

  He snorted a laugh. “I’m setting an alarm to be up at ten-thirty,” he warned me.

  “Kay,” I mumbled. “Now shh. My dick and I need more rest.”

  He barked out a laugh. “Oh, my God, Dalton.”

  “What?” I asked, nuzzling my face between his shoulder blades. “You wore both of us the fuck out last night. Now hush. For real. I’m going back to sleep.”

  He snorted again but remained quiet, his fingers idly tracing patterns into my forearms. It wasn’t long before sleep dragged me back under, and I fell asleep inhaling the scent of our sex on his skin mixed with the smell that was purely him.

  Jesse and I were the last ones to file into the conference room, and I shut the door behind us before taking a seat at the table. Richard was already present, and there were pizzas laid out on the table. Salem, without even having to be prompted, was already balancing two plates and depositing two slices on each. After he set one of the plates in front of Tor, he took his own seat, then promptly dug in.

  “Pigs,” Delia muttered.

  Salem gave her a stiff middle finger, making me snort.

  “Go ahead and dig in,” Richard said, gesturing at the pizza laid out on the table. “Then, we’ll get started.”

  Once we all had pizza in front of us, Richard leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table and steepling his fingers together in front of him. “I need a favor from you all.”

  “Oh, boy,” Spike muttered. Richard shot him a look I couldn’t decipher, but Spike pointedly ignored him, making Kalin snort in amusement.

  “I know this is spur of the moment, and I know you all were taking some time off, but I really need your assistance with this. There’s a charity event being sponsored by Nightwork Records, and the band I originally had planned to play all caught the flu. They’re bed-ridden and unable to be present, even if they were to just lip sync.”

  “You want us to step in?” Tor asked. When Richard nodded, he pursed his lips. “When is this event?”

  Richard visibly winced because no doubt, one of us was going to end up throwing a fit—more than likely Salem. “Tonight.”

  Salem calmly set his pizza down, then turned his dark eyes on Richard. “Tonight?” Salem repeated. “You brought us in at lunchtime and buttered us up with pizza to ask us to perform tonight?”

  Richard sighed. “Yes.”

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Salem muttered, shaking his head. “Jesse can’t even have the full seven days to mourn the loss of his mom before you or Delia is asking us to do something.”

  “Hey—” Delia snapped at him, but Richard calmly held up his hand to her. She snapped her mouth shut, but her glare didn’t waver from Salem. He just dismissed her like he did everyone else he deemed unworthy of his time.

  “I don’t mind,” Jesse spoke up. I gripped his thigh beneath the table, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Really. I’m okay,” he said when Salem shot him a look that told him to shut the fuck up. I glowered at Salem, but just like he had with Delia, he ignored me. “This will be good for me. I love being on stage.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked him.

  Jesse looked at me with those gorgeous dark eyes I loved and nodded. “Yeah. I need this, Dalton.”

  “Only if you’re sure,” Kalin said, speaking up finally. “You deserve to have whatever time you need, Jesse.”

  Jesse shook his head, then looked at Salem, Tor, and Spike. “Are you three okay with doing this?”

  Salem sighed. “I don’t like the very little time we have to prepare, but if you want to do this, bro, then we’ll do it.”

  “Yeah,” Tor agreed, smiling at Jesse. “We’re in if you’re in.”

  Spike shrugged. “I’m down.”

  Richard visibly relaxed. “Thank you,” he said, sounding like he truly meant it. “Delia will fill you in on everything you need to know, and I’ll have bonuses deposited into your accounts for doing this on such short notice.”

  He didn’t have to do that. Technically, while we were under contract with him, he could make us do this charity event whether we wanted to or not. But Richard wasn’t that kind of record label owner. While he was rich and could definitely be an asshole, he treated us like human beings with our own thoughts and feelings. I had no doubt in my mind that if we hadn’t agreed to do this, he would have figured something else out.

  “You sure you’re ready for this?” I quietly asked Jesse as he reached for another slice of pizza.

  He nodded, turning his head to look at me. “I’m sure.” He smiled at me. “I never feel more alive than I do when I’m on the guitar.”

  I arched a brow at him. “Oh, really?” I asked.

  He flushed. “Well—I—” he stammered.

  I laughed and leaned in to kiss him, humming in appreciation when I pulled back and licked my lips, the taste of pizza exploding on my tongue. “I thought so,” I teased.

  He rolled his eyes at me, but there was no hiding the blush staining his cheeks.

  16

  Jesse

  This was one of the biggest things I lived for. This was one of the reasons I was still alive today. That I hadn’t given in to the impulses to just end it all. To no longer suffer.

  The crowd in front of us was small, but they were roaring. The charity event Richard was hosting was a sort-of exclusive thing, and the ticket prices were astronomical with all proceeds going to a charity supporting trans rights. And fuck if I wasn’t all for playing at the drop of a hat for a cause like that, too.

  Even Salem, who’d still been salty about the short notice, had lost his ire when he found out what the charity event was for.

 

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