Tyler's Elf Date 2: A Spicy Elf Dating Fantasy LitRPG, page 1
Tyler’s
Elf
Date
2
Warden Locke
Copyright © 2025 Warden Locke
All rights reserved.
ISBN:
ISBN-13:
1
“…and as we see here, sales were up from the last quarter, but down from the previous. We can attest that to several model buildouts though, so we won’t spend too much time worrying about…”
Mondays, the bane of life. Tyler wasn’t immune to them. To make matters worse, it was the end of the quarter, which meant having to endure a two-hour meeting going over every aspect of business. The entire presentation could have been sent out in an email, in his opinion, but the company insisted on having everyone present. To make matters worse, the quarterly meeting was moved from first thing in the morning to the end of the afternoon, stealing any hope of taking a nap to pass the time. On a good note, the day would be over once the meeting crawled to a merciful conclusion.
“…and that should just about wrap it up. Any questions or comments?”
Yes, can I summon my clone to sit through this next time?
The thought made him smile, even though he knew it was impossible. Questions were asked. It was inevitable that the higher-ups would want to know why their profits weren’t ten times higher than reported, even though it was quite literally explained to them. They always wanted more. They wanted to find one reason to blame everything on so they would be able to push the blame toward someone else when the owners called. It always added another thirty minutes to the meeting that had already stretched beyond quitting time. That was one major flaw of being on salary. No one cared how many hours you worked.
Maybe put down your phone and pay attention next time?
Twenty minutes later, the last finger was pointed, and everyone rose to leave. Tyler had to use his chair for leverage to get up. It wasn’t his age. It was his last Elf Date. Unfortunately for him, the effects stretched beyond sore muscles and bruised ribs. The cut on his cheek and his swollen nose left the entire office in a state of constant buzz. Office gossip, everyone’s favorite pastime. Tyler made a point of ignoring most of it, but it was impossible today since his name was the one on everyone’s tongues.
Tyler had a few emails to send out before he could leave. He couldn’t send them from his phone since he needed information from the laptop he should have brought with him to the meeting. Sadly, too many of his facilities were tied up with Elf Date, preventing him from remembering little things like bringing his computer to a two-hour meeting. It wasn’t the first time he screwed up today, but if he could get to his desk, send the emails, and get out, it could be his last.
“Tyler, do you have a minute?”
Do you have a minute? The statement was dreaded by everyone who ever worked in an office. It was never just a minute, and the topic was seldom cheerful.
Only if you’re going to tell me I’m getting a raise.
Tyler knew saying ‘no’ wasn’t an option, so he offered a fake smile and nodded at his boss. Daniel Coleson wasn’t his favorite person. Everyone knew it except Daniel, who was too busy worrying about his position with the company once his father-in-law retired. His F.I.L. was the only reason why he climbed the corporate ladder, and more than a few rumors concerning his future swirled around once retirement was whispered.
“Look, if this is about the Vegas trip…” he started, knowing that he had at least a dozen emails on the matter on his phone. Tyler took several executives from a potential customer company to Las Vegas at the end of the week. Their company was on the verge of mastering green technology, so he deemed it worthwhile to get into business with them before they found success. Everything went according to plan until the last night of the trip. Tyler felt like celebrating, so he set his sites on what he assumed was a classy prostitute in the casino. She turned out to be a half-demon who wanted to feed off of his energy. Not only did it alter his night, but his entire weekend, and possibly the rest of his life.
Daniel took off his glasses to clean them, but his eyes were on Tyler instead of the task. “I do want to discuss your trip, but that isn’t why I’m holding you back. I want to talk about…”
Daniel didn’t say it, but he used his hand to circle around his face to fill in the gaps. Daniel had eyed him all day, so it didn’t surprise him that his boss wanted to discuss his appearance.
“Slipped on a loose rock when I was out running the hills,” he lied without an ounce of remorse. “I’m lucky the rock I landed on didn’t get my eye.”
“Didn’t miss it by much, did it?” Daniel replied with the same fake chuckle he always used whenever he had to deliver bad news. Tyler braced himself. “Look, I get it. You’re young, you’re daring, and you want to stay in good shape…”
And I don’t want to look like your fat ass.
“…but here’s the thing…Our faces are the first thing our customers see. Sure, a well-tailored suit can go a long way, but that’s secondary. The face is the gateway to good business. Our appearance is crucial.”
“I know,” he injected, barely managing to expel the words without groaning. “I don’t have any face-to-face meetings this week, so I’ll heal up in time.”
“Good, good, but…”
Shit.
“…I’ve seen this before…”
No, you haven’t.
“…it always starts out innocently enough, but then it turns into a habit. The next thing you know, I’ve got a customer asking me if their sales rep is in…”
Don’t say Fight Club.
“…some sort of fighting group. Now, what people do in their spare time is their business, but hobbies can’t affect the workplace. Are we uh…are we clear?”
If I were in a fighting club, I’d invite you, just so I could land one solid…
“Tyler?”
“Yeah, we’re clear,” he blurted out with a smirk. “It was my fault. I wore my gym shoes instead of my crossovers. Won’t happen again.”
“See that it doesn’t,” Daniel sighed and took a step toward the hallway, filling Tyler with a swell of relief. “Oh, one more thing…”
Here comes every email about the Vegas trip.
“…I sent you a few emails over the weekend…”
Fourteen is more than a few, but who’s counting?
“…the people out there on the line are free to do as they want when they’re not here, but that doesn’t hold true for guys like us. If I send you an email, you need to respond as soon as humanly possible. Got it?”
“Got it.”
Daniel stared at him for a few seconds like he had more to say on the matter, but he finally gave Tyler a nod and went out into the hallway. Tyler knew better than to leave right away. Doing so would force him to endure small talk with his boss all the way back to the office. He’d had enough, so he pulled out his phone and pretended to catch up with his clients while silently counting down in his head. Daniel would stop to talk to someone along the way, so he waited two full minutes before he headed out. He didn’t bother with the emails though. He just shoved his laptop into his bag so he could send them from home instead and headed out.
Getting in his car at the end of the day didn’t bring the usual sense of freedom. In truth, he’d just swam from one troubled water to another. His burner phone, as he liked to call it, had been off since the previous morning, and it had little to do with his cut cheek and busted nose.
Mana cloning. Tyler received the ability from one of the stranger dates he went on, which said a lot considering how odd every Elf Date had been. So far, he’d played the part of a professor giving a student a bad grade (which didn’t play out the way every porn video suggested), rescued a damsel from island savages (although she had the situation well in hand), fought horrific aliens, and played hide-n-seek-n-fuck with a demon girl and her clones in a vacant mall. The latter was where he gained the mana cloning spell. The demon girl, Kuko, had four of her clones hide in the mall. There was more to it than that, but the reward was a class scroll that allowed him to learn the same magic in the Elf Date world.
The ability only allowed Tyler to clone objects at first, which he used to create a second blaster rifle for the date with the aliens. He slaughtered so many monsters that the ability gained ranks until he was able to clone himself. The timing couldn’t have been better considering what he was up against, but the ability wasn’t what he imagined. The clone was daring to the point of recklessness. They won, but the clone went on to embarrass him by dropping his pants and nearly demanding that their date do the same. Tyler would have wound up in jail had he committed such an act in the real world, but the Elf Date world saw the elvish woman taking them both at the same time.
Tyler didn’t take much pleasure with the date’s ending, but that wasn’t why his spare phone had remained off for the last twenty-four hours. The clone texted him. Not only was the clone an asshole (with a bigger cock), but he demanded that Tyler get back on the scene and line up their next sexual conquest. It wasn’t just absurd, it was insane, and Tyler nearly smashed the phone on the floor in the process.
The dilemma clung to him all night and throughout the workday. The magic powering the Elf Date app was as compelling as it was terrifying, but he found himself leaning toward the former. He wasn’t one for fantasy and sci-fi bullshit, but he had to admit that either was more fun than pretending to be interested in a movie. It was like golf. Tyler couldn’t stand watching it on television, but he didn’t mind playing, especially if there were stakes.
Golf was a good comparison. The sport required loads of practice and commitment just to become good enough to avoid embarrassment whenever a customer wanted to play a round. It was far easier to improve on Elf Date. The app played out like an RPG. Everything he did while on a date either earned him coins he could use to improve his attributes, or left him with items that did the same. The Sthent gauntlet he received from the alien battle was a prime example. Not only was it a legendary item with impressive stats, but it could physically alter itself to meet his needs. It proved its worth when his space rifle overheated, leaving him unarmed against superior opponents. The gauntlet consumed a crappy rapier from his inventory and turned it into a laser sword that cut through the monsters with ease.
The clone was the problem. Sure, Tyler could control whether or not he wanted to summon the asshole, but the demands the clone made through texting left him questioning his sanity.
Tyler couldn’t get the clone out of his head, so he went to the gym instead of heading home. He received several long stares thanks to the results of the alien battle. None of them were friends though, so no one came up to ask him about what happened. Not having his privacy invaded at the beginning of his workout was refreshing, but, as the hour lingered on, it made him question whether he should have made an effort to make some friends there.
The burner phone was left charging on his end table so he wouldn’t be tempted to get on the app at work. It was a smart decision on his part, but the itch needed to be scratched ever since lunch. By the time he returned home, the itch had grown into a burning fire that only the icon of a woman’s head with elf ears could put out.
“I shouldn’t be doing this,” he sang as he waited for the phone to power up. “You know it’s just gonna be fifty messages from that asshole demanding some elvish…”
He didn’t know if he was going to say ‘pussy’ or ‘ass’, but the thought melted once the notifications poured in. The messages made his phone vibrate so hard that he had to set it back on the end table, but doing so saw it crawling to the edge like it wanted to jump to end its misery. The thought made him laugh as he picked it up and tossed it on the couch cushion, then walked to the kitchen to make dinner while he waited.
Protein was needed after a hard workout, so he opted for steak and eggs again, even though he’d grown tired of them. His phone screamed for his attention, but he didn’t want to succumb to temptation on an empty stomach. Music was in order, so he told Alexa to play something while he cooked. The heavy beat drummed out the phone, freeing him to prep the meal and a protein shake. The reins of his inhibitions were in hand, so he gathered everything, including the phone, and took a seat at the table.
Disappointment kicked in, and it had nothing to do with the eggs he overcooked. Over half of the messages were business-related. Daniel, mostly, but a few from customers he gave the number to in case they couldn’t reach him on his regular phone. He skimmed through them all in case they were important, but most of them wound up in the trash.
Tyler had set up the phone to prioritize business messages, so he had to sort through thirty texts before he reached anything from the app. The first two came from the app itself. No one came out and said it, but it felt like he was on probation since his first two dates were listed as failures. An unnamed worker from the app made it their duty to steer him in the right direction, which included setting him up with a tutor. The tutor turned out to be the half-demon he mistook for a hooker in Vegas, Omylia. She was easy on the eyes, but hard to deal with, especially when she tried to point out all of his flaws. Technically speaking, he was allowed to end the tutoring session with her, which was what the first message stated.
The second was an advertisement, more or less. The text reminded him that he was allowed to purchase more date coins since he reached the second tier. He knew as much, but he wasn’t ready to cough up more money just yet, not when he knew he’d earned a few dozen coins during his last date.
Tyler deleted the message and moved on to one that brought a smile to his face. “Now we’re talking.”
It was a date request from a woman named Lacinda. Her bio said she was a troll, but the picture didn’t match his experience with the race. The last profile he saw from a troll woman showed a nose longer than his dick, or even the dick of his clone since he had to admit that it was bigger. Lacinda’s nose seemed perfectly normal, albeit green, with slender cheeks and tiny tusks protruding from her lower lip. She was pretty enough to consider, so he went to the next message instead of deleting it.
Yeah, Mom, I’ve been on a date. I went out with a troll. I can’t wait for you to meet her. She wears a necklace of shrunken heads, but don’t worry, I’m sure they all deserved it.
The smile the joke brought faded quickly when the next message appeared. The woman was green, just like Lacinda, but the thick, muscular arms suggested she was an orc instead of a troll. Deep down, Tyler found fit women appealing, but not ones whose definition was superior to his. He quickly deleted it and moved on.
“What’s this?” he teased when the profile of a cute elf woman with blonde hair so light it was almost white appeared before him. Her name was Esther, and she wanted him to join her for a hunt. Hunting meant loot. The word was a joke to him last week, but ever since he earned the legendary Sthent gauntlet, it was all he could think about.
Well, half of what I think about. I still like…oh.
The offer was to go to a great library of sorts to hunt down a lost book, which sounded as exciting as a trip to the dentist. He may have been willing to make an exception, but Esther had marked ‘no sex’ on the offer and made a point of repeating it three times throughout the message. With his interest lost, he rolled his eyes and quickly deleted the message.
The next message made him pause, and not just because the girl was perfectly beautiful. Tyler swore that he knew her from somewhere, even though her name didn’t ring any bells.
“Varice? Pretty sure I’d remember that, but I fucking swear I’ve seen this chick before.”
Tyler tried using his thumb to cover up the blonde hair, elvish ears, and the gold crown thing she wore. It only confirmed that he’d seen her before, but it didn’t jog his memory well enough to make the connection. He stared long and hard, but his eyes lowered from her face to take in the roundest tits he’d ever seen in his life.
“Those have to fake,” he chuckled as he continued to scan the green and gold armor that left a well-defined abdomen exposed. It wasn’t a hard, bulging six-pack, but she definitely worked out, just the way he liked his women. “Well, let’s see what she…well, that’s better than fighting aliens.”
