Harbor by the Sea, page 15
“I will text you the schedule and you let me know.”
Evelyn was about to say something else but Sophie petulantly interrupted. “Are we almost done here, Mama?”
Evelyn looked at her friend as she winced and shook her head in apology. “I am sorry, Evelyn. We must go. Perhaps I shouldn’t have bothered you today.”
“Not a bother at all, it is a pleasure to see you. I should be on my way to meet Eric anyway. And I was happy to meet you, too, Sophie. I’m sorry that old ladies aren’t very interesting for you.”
Sophie huffed out a surprised chuckle, obviously not expecting such a sentiment from her mother’s friend. Watching her, Evelyn could see she wasn’t a bad kid. Really, there weren’t likely to be any bad kids. Just misguided or misdirected ones. It was an encouraging thought. Because watching the young girl have a meltdown had most definitely not been encouraging to her and her future plans.
“Thank you for the visit,” Lucie said, getting to her feet. “But I probably need to get this one somewhere else.”
Evelyn grinned. “And I have a flight to meet. I will see you soon, I hope.” With airy kisses to the cheeks, the women took their leave of one another. Evelyn’s feet were light as she hurried on her way.
Chapter Nineteen
Evelyn managed to walk the entire way to the airport and was still a few minutes early for Eric’s flight. She wouldn’t have expected so with stopping for the coffee with Lucie. She had walked briskly. But her success was only due to his flight being delayed by forty-five minutes, though, so she shouldn’t feel smug about it. She also might regret it later when she was falling asleep far too early in the evening, but then again, if he wasn’t able to sleep on the plane, Eric would be tired really early, too, so maybe it was a good thing.
She was babbling nervously, even in her own mind, Evelyn realized with a roll of her eyes. There was absolutely no reason to be nervous. Eric was on his way to her. That clearly meant they were fine, or would be. She wanted them to be. He must want them to be. They were reasonably intelligent adults. They could make it happen.
With or without children, she insisted to herself with a lift of her chin. That was the whole point. She was done mourning. Yes, she would always have a sliver of grief in her heart where their birth children ought to be, but that was fine.
Together, she and Eric would find a way to have a successful, fulfilling life together. They would decide, together, what that was supposed to look like, and then they would make it happen. Starting with this time in France. Evelyn didn’t want to wait until some other tragedy happened before they took a spectacular trip together. Really, travel was such an enriching experience, it ought to be a regular part of their lives.
With or without children, she thought again with a grin.
If their travel was to be with children, then it might involve a theme park or two, in addition to views and museums, but children’s lives needed to be enriched, as well. It was part of their education.
Of course, with a social worker, it was likely they would need permission to take any foster children on travels, but that was fine too. Raising children by committee would only be to the children’s benefit, surely. How did biological parents do it, with no one with any experience?
And there he was. With a squeal she couldn’t prevent, Evelyn launched herself into Eric’s waiting arms. It felt to her as though it had been months since she’d seen him in the flesh rather than barely two weeks. But she supposed that was down to the growth and changes she felt she had made. Evelyn felt as though she were a different person. Eric would have to get to know her all over again.
“What has you grinning so mischievously?” Eric asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.
“I was just thinking that you might find me a little different than before,” Evelyn explained. “I’m amused at the anticipation I feel over how you might react to the changes.”
Eric pulled her tighter in response. “I look forward to it,” he answered with a smile as he smothered her in kisses.
“Les Americains,” someone said with a drawl of amusement, passing by them, making Evelyn laugh out loud.
“Let’s get your suitcase and get out of here. We’re going to give the French a toothache or a heart attack with our public displays of affection.”
“Really?” Eric asked, laughing. “I would have thought the French would be far less uptight than us.”
Evelyn shrugged. “You’d think so, but I guess they don’t make allowances for those of us of advanced age.”
Eric’s chuckle in her ear was her reward for her wit. “Here, you stand out of the crowd, I’ll just go grab my bag and we can get out of here.”
Evelyn nodded as she accepted his backpack from him so he could maneuver more freely through the crowds. Within minutes they were slipping out of the terminal.
“I know you’ve been loving living like a local but after all those flights, I think I’d rather wait a day or two before I start walking all over the place,” Eric said in a cajoling tone as Evelyn was heading for the tram station. She quickly adjusted her direction.
“No problem. We’ll grab a cab. But you will have to walk part of the way since our apartment is in the pedestrian zone.”
“I can see it has been agreeing with you,” Eric said with admiration as he took in her slimmed down physique. Evelyn merely answered with a grin.
“How are you holding up? Were you able to sleep at all on your flights?”
“There was a couple screaming children sitting near me on the transatlantic flight, so not much,” Eric replied with a crooked smile. “But now that I’m with you, I feel energized.”
Evelyn leaned in for a quick kiss for that bit of flummery, happy to have butterflies of excitement fluttering in her tummy.
“So let’s drop off your bags and I’ll show you around. If we can keep you up for a few more hours, we’ll be able to beat most of your jetlag.”
“I’ll follow your lead, captain,” Eric answered with a saluting gesture and a laugh.
“When’s the last time you ate?”
Eric laughed. “Parts of you might have changed, but obviously the part that needs to look after everyone is still alive and well.”
Evelyn returned his grin with a sheepish one of her own, but merely shrugged in response.
The afternoon and evening flew by with Evelyn towing Eric around to every one of her favorite spots in the old part of Nice. They finally stopped to eat at a lovely patio overlooking the sea across the street from the promenade.
“You’ve really made good use of your time, I can tell,” Eric complimented. “Not only have you walked yourself into physical shape but you really seem lighter somehow in a figurative way. Like you aren’t weighed down by cares and concerns anymore.”
Evelyn nodded, looking out at the ceaseless waves.
“I seem to have been able to get a grip in the last two weeks. While I can’t say I appreciated your sending me here alone when it happened, I also can’t say that it hasn’t been a really great experience. Having solitary time to just be silent and think through everything seems to have done me a world of good. And stepping out of my comfort zone has been a learning and growing experience that I’ll always appreciate having.”
“I’m so glad. And I’m thrilled you aren’t holding a grudge,” Eric said, tightening his grip on her hand where it lay on the table.
“Grudges are such a waste of energy,” Evelyn said with a wink. “I burned off that energy climbing the Castle Hill.” She paused and wiggled her eyebrows. “Speaking of which, I’m really hoping you will have the energy to do that climb in the morning. It has the best views. And I think I’ve figured out where our apartment is from up there so I want to be able to point it out to you. It’s kind of bragging, but I don’t even care.”
Eric threw back his head and chortled. Evelyn loved the carefree sound of it and felt contentment settle into the soles of her feet.
“I still think we should go see a therapist when we go home. I think there are more issues we ought to face,” Evelyn said, hoping she wasn’t about to spoil their beautiful moment.
“I agree.”
“Really? Just like that?”
“Yeah, just like that,” Eric said with a low laugh. “Or rather, seeing how resilient you’ve turned out to be, maybe I want some of that too. But I don’t think Nice is going to do it for me like it has for you.”
Evelyn laughed too. “Maybe not. But I also think it would be good for us to figure out a good form of communication. We shouldn’t have gotten to the place we did. While I’m thrilled that we survived the swamp of despair, and I’m willing to go through it with you again, I’d really rather we don’t.”
“No swamps for us. So that’s a ‘yes’ for therapy, then.”
Evelyn grinned, the bubble of contentment rising from her soles to encompass all of her. For some reason, she felt as though Eric were holding something back but she dismissed the thought. She was just being paranoid. They were far too happy to be keeping secrets from one another at this point.
***
Several blissful days passed in which Evelyn showed Eric all her favorite spots in the beautiful southern city. They hiked and climbed as much as she wanted but they also went further afield too, renting a car for a few days and exploring other parks and cities she hadn’t been able to get to on her own.
It had been a pleasure to see Eze again, even if she couldn’t walk all the way home as had been her intention if she had gone alone a second time, but she had been thrilled when Eric had agreed to hike the coastal trail with her to the lighthouse in Cap Ferrat after they had spent a few days in the car.
Despite Evelyn’s newfound love of walking, even she had to admit the Calanques and the hills around Marseille had been worth driving to see.
One evening, after they’d accompanied Lucie on one of her bike-riding winery tours, they held hands as they strolled along the promenade just as the sun was going down. Evelyn again felt very aware of her contentment as she breathed deeply of the fresh air coming in off the bay with the warmth of the setting sun on her face and her much loved husband at her side.
That contentment was threatened, though, when Eric’s grip on her hand tightened convulsively and his face turned serious as he leaned toward her. But not serious in a good way. She couldn’t explain it but for a brief moment she wanted to run away. She didn’t want to hear whatever he was about to tell her. She didn’t know why, it felt instinctive.
“I have to tell you something,” Eric began. Evelyn almost pulled her hand out of his grip but he held on and then so did she after swallowing convulsively.
She wouldn’t allow her mind to run to all the negative possibilities. That wasn’t her anymore, she reminded herself despite the instincts that pervaded. Dredging up a smile, Evelyn looked her husband in the eye and nodded. “I’m lulled into a sense of comfort with good food, great company, and the warmth of the setting sun,” she said with a light laugh. “What do you need to tell me?”
“Gloria still hasn’t gotten the fostering matter cleared up. It might be because she knows we’re away so it isn’t on the top of her priority list. I don’t know. But there is a slight possibility this mix up is turning out to be more challenging to correct than she expected.”
Evelyn stared at her husband and mentally tried to assess how she was feeling. She had told herself that children or no children she would be fine. Had she lied to herself? No, with a lift of her chin, Evelyn kept her gaze steady on Eric.
“Well then, we’d best have a wonderful vacation, hadn’t we?” she finally said. It didn’t matter that the two statements weren’t exactly matching. The fact was that she had worked so hard for the last three weeks on being able to face whatever the future might hold. She wasn’t going to allow Eric’s statement to ruin her delight in having him with her in France and all that they were determined to do, together, as a couple.
“You’re taking this remarkably well,” Eric said with a slight frown.
“Would you prefer hysterics? I could muster them for you, if you’d like. But I would prefer to wait until we have some privacy for that,” she added with as light a laugh as she could muster.
Eric chuckled. “Of course not. I was just worried about telling you.”
“The whole point of this trip was to come to terms with our barrenness and reach a place of cooperation between the two of us, right?” At Eric’s nod, Evelyn continued, “I’ve tried really hard to accept what is. While, yes, I had thought we’d be welcoming children into our lives in some form, if that won’t happen, I know now that I’ll be okay.”
“Wow, Evie, that’s great.” Eric said before he ran a hand through his hair. “But Gloria did have another idea she thought we ought to consider. She told me about it just before I flew over here, but I wasn’t sure if I should tell you about it. It’s different. Better in some ways, in my opinion, but bringing a different set of complications. I’ve been thinking about it all week, and I really think it could be the best thing for us.” At her continued silence, and maybe because of her slight frown, Eric hurried to continue explaining himself. “I know I should have told you right away, but I really thought we would have heard from Gloria by now about fostering so I didn’t want to bring this other option into the mix. But now, I really think we should think about it.”
Fear and anticipation clenched Evelyn’s stomach and she stared at her husband expectantly when he didn’t continue right away. Her lifted eyebrows must have prompted him as he continued with a nervous smile.
“I thought we had agreed to open communication, Eric. You shouldn’t have been worrying about this by yourself for days.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” he said, before blurting, “Have you heard of open adoptions?”
“Of course, I’ve heard of them,” Evelyn said. “That’s where you adopt a child but the mother or maybe even both biological parents stay in your and the child’s lives at some level, right?”
“Yes, exactly,” Eric said, eagerly, leaning toward her and squeezing her hand. “What do you think of it?”
Evelyn opened her mouth to answer but then realized she ought to think it through a little more. She lifted a shoulder in a helpless shrug.
“I’m not really sure what to think of it, honestly. You tell me what you think of it, since you’ve obviously had a little more time to give it thought than I have.”
A nervous expression flitted across Eric’s face, followed by a look of determination.
“Maybe I should have waited until we went home,” Eric started despite that determination.
“Nonsense,” Evelyn countered immediately. “We’re solid, Eric, you know that. And I swear to you, I’m okay. Nothing you can say will make that not true.”
“Wow, you really have come a long way in these weeks.”
Evelyn laughed but gestured for him to continue, not wanting to get sidetracked. Eric cleared his throat and started to talk. “Okay. Here’s the thing. I know you thought adoption would take too long, isn’t that why you thought we should go with fostering?”
Evelyn waggled her head, not sure if she was agreeing or disagreeing. “Sort of. I also think all those little ones could use a good home.”
“Of course, but don’t you think it would be better to get one we can keep?”
Evelyn laughed. “Yes, I do like permanence.”
“Exactly. While I agreed with you about fostering, and I know we could do some good in these kids’ lives, I just don’t know if my heart has the resilience needed to bear up under the tragedies we would be forced to witness in their lives. If we have to let them go back to situations we can’t fix for them, I just don’t know how we would do it.”
“I believe we would be comforted by knowing we had done the best for them we could while we had them,” Evelyn began, but then added, “I know it wouldn’t be easy, though. And you’re right, our hearts will break multiple times, I’m sure. But I believe we have what it takes. I think our hearts have all the resiliency needed. Even broken hearts mend again and again.”
“But what if there’s another option?”
“You’re talking about open adoption, now, right?”
“Yeah,” Eric said eagerly. “What if there’s some teenager out there who could use our help. She’d give us her baby to raise. In exchange we could help her too.”
“You might be putting a fanciful spin on it,” Evelyn warned.
“Maybe, but that’s kind of the way Gloria presented it to me,” Eric said with a little laugh.
“I’m surprised; she’s struck me as being almost too realistic. Are you sure that’s not just what you wanted to hear from her?” Evelyn tried to ask the question as gently as she could, but it was still a rather harsh thing to say.
To her relief, Eric just grinned and shook his head even as he pointed to a café on the other side of the road. “Should we go grab a drink and talk about this? Or maybe go back to the apartment? I know you are great at walking and talking but I find it a bit distracting.”
“Sure,” Evelyn replied promptly, changing direction. “Let’s go back to the apartment. I have a nice red that might go down well with this discussion.”
They quickly found themselves back in the small apartment. Since Eric had arrived, they’d only been there for sleeping and breakfast, but it was cute and cozy enough for their evening conversation.
Their knees were nearly touching in the small space as they sat down with their glasses, facing each other, but that was probably a good thing. They were in this together; they needed the physical reminder of that sometimes.
“So have you heard from Gloria since you’ve been here? Or is this all based on the conversation you had before coming?” Evelyn began.
“I just got an update email from her this afternoon saying she was still working on the fostering mix-up but that she had some pregnant moms who might be interested in us. If we give her the go ahead, she’ll show them our file even though we haven’t filled out the official forms for open adoption.”
