A Part of Me, page 25
Two plates appeared, piled high with eggs and bacon, hash browns and baked beans, and Ruby dug in hungrily.
‘So, your mum?’ she said, putting her fork down for a moment while she reached for her mug of tea. ‘What are the chances of a transplant?’
‘Average, I guess. So many factors are involved. How ill she gets, where she is on the list, what becomes available, compatibility…’
‘But she doesn’t have to wait for some random stranger to die, does she? I mean, you hear all the time about people giving a kidney to save their husband or kids or whatever. Have you been tested? Surely family are most likely to be a match, aren’t they?’
‘She won’t hear of it. I would happily help her, and so would Tom, although Emily’s still too young for us to even think about letting her make a decision like that. But Mum is adamant she wouldn’t take one from any of us. As far as she’s concerned, we’re young and healthy, with our whole lives ahead of us, and all that…’
‘I get that, I suppose. I can’t imagine anyone mutilating my Lily, cutting bits of her out, even if it was to help me. It’s that mother-child thing again, isn’t it? We’d do anything to protect them, give up anything to save them from pain. Our babies are the most precious thing, and I’m sure that feeling never stops, however grown-up they might be. Is there nobody else your mum could ask though? Your dad, maybe?’
‘They hardly give each other the time of day anymore, let alone body organs. The divorce was quite bitter in the end and, although Tom and I still see him from time to time and Em goes to stay every other weekend, Mum and Dad don’t see each other at all. He’s got a new woman lurking in the shadows anyway. I can’t see her being over-keen on him making that sort of sacrifice, even if by some miracle he turned out to be suitable. It was hard enough prising any money out of him. A fair share of the house and savings, and his pensions. It had to go to a judge, which took months and cost a fortune in barrister’s fees. I’ve never seen Mum so stressed.’
‘That can’t have helped. With her being ill, I mean.’
‘No.’
Ruby went back to eating her meal, and neither of them spoke again for a while.
‘Jack…’ A sudden thought had popped into her mind and now it wouldn’t go away. ‘Being adopted, and with her real dad being long dead, well, it means your mum doesn’t have any other relatives, doesn’t it? Blood ones, I mean. Except Geri and Michael and Lily.’
‘That’s right.’
‘I hate to ask this, but that’s not why she came looking for them, is it?’
He didn’t answer straight away. ‘Not exactly.’
‘What do you mean, not exactly? Is it, or isn’t it? After all, fifty years is a long time to do nothing, and then suddenly start searching the minute you’re in need of a kidney! Did Beth only start this whole birth mother thing because she needed to find a match?’
‘She didn’t start searching before because Gran and Grandad were still alive. I’ve told you that. She didn’t want to hurt their feelings.’
‘That doesn’t really answer the question though, does it? Was she hoping for a bit more from Geri than just a reunion?’
Jack fiddled with his mug, then flicked a few grains of salt from the tablecloth. She could tell he was finding it hard to look at her.
‘Jack?’
‘Okay, yes. It was mentioned, all right? That finding her real family might throw light on a few things. Provide some answers. That maybe we’d find there was a history of kidney disease, or maybe there’d be someone who might be able to help her…’
‘Help her? Give up a kidney for her, you mean? Oh my God! How could anyone do that? How could you do that? Turn up in Brighton like you did, tug on poor Geri’s heartstrings, rake up all her hidden secrets and sadness, and all that guilt she’s been carrying about for so long, just to get a bloody kidney?’ She pulled the napkin from her lap and threw it down on the table, grabbed her bag from the floor and stood up. ‘I trusted you, Jack. I genuinely believed you’d come looking for your family because you wanted to get to know us. Because you cared. And that your mum did too. But you’ve played us, haven’t you? Geri especially. Have you got any idea how happy she is to have seen her daughter again? To have the chance to let her back into her life? And, as for you… I expected more. Honesty, at least. You’re not the man I thought you were, Jack. I’m going to Laura’s now, and I don’t expect you to follow me.’ She swallowed down the lump that was rapidly forming in her throat and threatening to make her cry. ‘Whatever this was between us, it’s been a mistake. If you can keep something so important from me, from all of us, how can I ever believe a word you say? I don’t need a second opinion, Jack. I’m going to trust my own. I don’t want to see you again. Goodbye.’ And then she stumbled outside and started to run, her bag bumping hard against her leg, leaving him to stare at her unfinished food and pay the bill.
The babies were beautiful. Ruby sat on Laura’s sofa with one tucked into the crook of each arm as they slept, not at all sure how she was supposed to reach the drink Laura had put down on the table in front of her, let alone actually drink it.
‘So, however do you tell them apart?’ Ruby peered at their angelic little faces. ‘I know you said they’re not identical, but they might as well be. They look exactly the same!’
‘It’s funny. Everyone says that, but they look different to me. A mother’s eyes, I suppose. But, look, Andrew’s got this little crinkle above his nose, and his eyes are a bit darker blue, not that you can see that while he’s asleep. And Max has got a tiny bit more hair, and longer fingers.’
‘If you say so!’
‘Ruby, is that your phone again? I know you’ve put it on silent, but if it’s going to vibrate anyway, what’s the point? For heaven’s sake, answer it. Whatever Jack’s got to say for himself, you’ll never know if you don’t let him explain. Just read his messages. Or, better still, call him back and talk to him.’
‘I don’t have a spare hand.’
‘That’s an excuse and you know it.’
‘It can wait, Laura. Honestly. If I talk to him now, I’ll probably just end up losing my temper with him or hanging up.’
‘But it’s not his fault, is it? Whatever his mum may or may not have done, it’s down to her, not him.’
‘Not if he knew about it. He should have told me everything, and he definitely should have told Geri. Them finding her like that, and coming to see her, it means the world to her and I’d hate it all to have been a lie, just an exercise to track down possible donors. It’s all just so… well, mercenary.’
‘And you’re sure that’s what it was? Not a woman finally deciding to look for her birth family?’
‘After more than fifty years?’
‘But you said Jack had explained that. Waiting until her adoptive parents had died…’
‘It’s very suspicious timing though, isn’t it? She gets ill and suddenly her long-lost relatives might come in useful.’
‘You could give her the benefit of the doubt. Jack too. From what you’ve said, you were really beginning to like him. It would be such a shame if…’
‘What? I stop seeing him? We’d only just started. He’s hardly the love of my life and, besides, I don’t want to be with someone I can’t trust. I did that with Michael, and look how that ended up.’
‘Fair enough. Your decision.’ Laura leaned forward and slid Max out of Ruby’s arms. ‘Here. Let me take one so you can at least drink your tea. And check your phone. Any man who tries that many times has to be worth listening to, surely?’
Ruby reached for her cup and took a sip, carefully replacing it on the table so she wouldn’t drip anything hot on the still sleeping Andrew. Reluctantly, she picked up her phone and glanced at the screen. ‘Four missed calls. Two voice messages. Three texts.’
‘He’s keen, I’ll give him that.’
‘Oh, hang on. One of these isn’t from Jack.’
‘PPI? Accident claims? I get loads of those.’
‘No.’ Ruby frowned. ‘It’s a message from Vicky’s mum. Joyce. I only met her the once, and I didn’t even know she had my number. She’s asking me to call her urgently.’
‘That’s strange. Maybe you’d better do it. I mean, if Vicky can’t call you herself, that has to mean something’s wrong, doesn’t it?’
‘It must do. Do you mind taking the baby?’
‘Of course not. He is mine! Probably time for another feed soon anyway.’
‘How do you manage it? One on each boob, or do they take it in turns?’
‘Whatever they demand. Believe me, my body’s not my own anymore.’ Laura laid Max down in one of two Moses baskets at the side of the sofa and took Andrew from her friend, slipping him gently into the other. ‘I’ll pop out to the kitchen and make Paul his lunch before these two wake up. He’ll be back soon. And that will give you a bit of privacy to make your call.’
Ruby couldn’t help worrying as she waited for Joyce to pick up. She hadn’t seen or spoken to Vicky in a while, and that was unusual. Somewhere at the back of her mind a little alarm bell was ringing.
‘Ruby?’ Joyce sounded very quiet. ‘Thanks so much for calling back, only I didn’t know who else to contact. Our Vicky doesn’t have many friends but she always talks about you, and she really needs someone right now.’
‘What’s happened? Is she okay?’
‘No, love, she’s not, I’m afraid.’ There was a long pause. ‘She’s done something very… silly. An accident or a cry for help, maybe, I don’t know. I don’t like to think that she really meant to do it, but she took an overdose, love. Paracetamols. One of her flatmates found her unconscious.’
‘Oh my God! How is she? Will she be all right?’
‘Physically, yes, they seem to think so. It’s all been pumped out of her, or whatever it is they do. But I’m more concerned with her mental state. It seems she’d been told she was going to lose her job, and that place meant the world to her. It’s what’s kept her going these last few years. And then there was some business with a girl. I wish she’d come home for a while, but she won’t hear of it. She and her father… oh, he loves her all right, but there’s been friction in the past and, as you probably know, this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this. She’s very… troubled is the word, I suppose. It was scalding water last time. Years ago now, but the scars are still there, and I can’t risk her doing anything else. I’m at my wits’ end, I can tell you.’
She’d done it before? Vicky had never fully explained about that long scar running down her arm. She had always assumed it had been an accident. Perhaps she should have asked.
‘What can I do?’
‘Talk to her. Please, Ruby, just talk to her. There’s something about your shared history, something that makes her trust you more than anybody. I think there are things still there, you know, from her past, about being abandoned and not feeling wanted, things that only someone like you might be able to understand. I may be her mother, but sometimes it feels like it’s in name only. And I’ve tried my best, really I have.’
‘Of course you have. So, where is she now? Is she back at her flat?’
‘No, love. Not yet. They’re keeping her in hospital for a couple of days. She’s still weak, and sick, and they’re talking about a psychiatric assessment before they release her.’
‘I’m actually in London at the moment. I was meant to be coming back tomorrow, but my plans have changed, so I don’t have to stay now.’ She pushed any thought of Jack, and having to listen to his lies and excuses, out of her head. This was more important. ‘I’m going to catch the next train back. I’ll try talking to her, I promise. I only hope it will do some good.’
‘Thanks, love. It’s all any of us can do, isn’t it? Try.’
THIRTY-TWO
AUGUST, 2019
‘So, Jack’s not coming down to stay while we’re away?’ Geraldine was only too aware that something had gone wrong between Ruby and her grandson while they were together in London last week, but she wasn’t going to push for the details. Ruby would tell her in her own good time, she felt sure.
‘No. So, if you don’t mind, I was wondering if I could ask Vicky to come instead.’
‘Is that a good idea, Ruby? The poor girl’s still in hospital and she must be in a fragile state or they’d have discharged her by now.’
‘Exactly. Even more reason why she needs a friend right now. A bit of support.’
‘Expert support though, surely? Or help from her family? It’s a lot of responsibility to take on, having someone in the house who…’
‘What? Might try to kill herself again?’
‘Well, yes, to be blunt. And, with us away in Portugal, it will be just you here having to cope with that by yourself.’
‘Okay, I know I can’t watch her twenty-four hours a day, but she’s got a better chance here with me than stuck in that room of hers, all alone, dwelling on things. I’m going to worry myself sick about her so she might as well be here, safely under my nose, especially while I’m off work for a week. And, if anything does happen, there’s always 999, isn’t there? Nobody knew what she was thinking or planning when she swallowed those pills, nobody knew what was about to happen, so it was only by sheer luck that she was found in time, but next time – if there is a next time – I’ll be prepared for it, won’t I? Making sure she doesn’t get her hands on any more drugs. Listening to her. Keeping an eye on her. Her first few days back out in the world could be crucial.’
‘Well, if you’re sure. This is your home, Ruby, and I’m not going to start dictating who you can or can’t invite here, but just be careful, okay? William and I care about you. We feel protective of you, just as you do about your friend.’
‘I know that, Geri, but I’m a big girl now. Just let me do this, okay?’
‘Of course. And we’re always at the end of a phone if you need us. Always will be.’
‘Thanks. And, Geri…’
‘Yes?’
‘I know I don’t say this often enough, but you really are like a mother to me. So much more than my real mum ever was.’
‘And it’s been a pleasure. I couldn’t love you more if you really were my daughter. Which reminds me, I want to ring Beth before we go away. See if there’s anything she’d like me to say to her brother, or anything she’d like me to ask him. Sounds funny saying that, when they’ve never met. I wonder how Michael’s going to take the news he’s had a secret sister all this time? I have to admit I’m feeling a bit nervous about telling him.’
‘Before you talk to Beth, and definitely before you say anything about her to Michael, there’s something I need to tell you, Geri.’
‘Sounds ominous.’
‘It’s something that Jack told me, when I went to London. I probably should have said something as soon as I knew, but I wasn’t sure whether to, and I had to deal with the whole Vicky situation first. Anyway… it’s complicated, and I might have got it wrong, but if I haven’t… well, you’re not going to like it.’
‘Okay. You’re really starting to worry me now. Come on, spill the beans.’
‘There’s no easy way to say it, but there might be a reason Beth turned up when she did. Why she needed to track us down. Well, you and Michael, anyway.’
‘Yes, she wanted to find her family, learn more about where she came from.’
‘More than that. Jack says she’s not well. She has kidney disease, and it’s quite bad. She’s having dialysis.’
Ruby could see the shock on Geri’s face. ‘No! Oh, my poor girl. Why didn’t she say anything? And what do you mean, a reason she had to find us? You don’t mean before it’s too late, do you? She’s not dying, is she?’
Ruby put her arm around Geri’s shoulders. ‘She’s not at that stage, no, or I don’t think she is. But she needs a transplant. She’s on a waiting list, but these things can take time. Years sometimes.’
‘And is there no other option?’
‘Yes, there is. I’m sorry, Geri, but it looks suspiciously like you could be that other option. Or Michael could. She’s looking for a donor. Someone with the same blood type or tissue type or whatever it is that has to match. I’m worried that’s why she came here after all these years. Just think about it. Suddenly searching for her family, her real blood family, when she’d never bothered before. It might not really be you she was looking for, Geri. It might just have been a kidney.’
‘Don’t you tell me you’re considering it.’ William waited until the stewardess had gone past with her trolley. He rarely raised his voice, and he was trying hard not to do it now, but this was too big a thing to keep quiet about any longer. Geri had known about Beth for two days but had only thought to tell him last night. He had hardly slept a wink all night for worrying about it. It was so typical of her to want to do what she would regard as the right thing, but there was no way he was going to let his wife take such a huge and dangerous step to help someone who was little more than a stranger.
‘Of course I’m considering it. She’s my daughter and she’s ill, and if there’s any way I can help her…’
‘Help her? We’re not talking about lending her a few quid or doing a bit of babysitting, Geri. This is serious life-changing stuff we’re talking about here. And she hasn’t asked you for help, has she? She hasn’t actually mentioned anything about it to you. Getting you to help, as you call it, might not be on her agenda at all. Whatever Jack may have said, it’s quite likely Ruby misinterpreted it, got things wrong, and now you won’t even ring Beth up and ask her. This is not the time to be cautious, Geri, or to worry about her feelings. You need the truth. Answers.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Can’t what? Have an honest open discussion with her about why she came looking for you, what it is she wants or expects?’
