Dark Company, page 22
I just have to know. I have to see if things change or morph. But they don’t. Anytime I venture into his side of the bond, it’s nothing but agony and rage. It’s a palpable mass that shudders at my touch.
It hurts.
All of it hurts.
My shoulder, my heart, my entire being. I know as an omega I’m supposed to submit to him, but I can’t seem to do it. I don’t know the mechanics of it. As a beta, I never submitted to anyone. The other beta males didn’t throw around their authority. Hell, even my teachers were more likely to let me do my own thing than to take me in hand. The interactions I’ve had with Alphas were negligible. Perhaps that’s why I was able to build them up in my mind like I did.
Now, I have this behemoth of a man that’s determined to make me bow to him, to force my submission. It’s far too much to handle. Once more, hunger pangs grip my stomach, driving my face back towards the dish. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to lap at his cum like I’m some chained-up animal, but it seems like it’s that or starve.
As much as I want to hold out, to show him I don’t have to obey him, my body begs for me to at least try it. The flashes of memories that I still retain from when I was in heat tell me I liked it then. If I’m not wrong, it was the only thing I could eat during those frenzied moments.
The smell wafts up towards me, carrying with it the promise of decadence. It smells just like the Alpha, only with an added kick of spice that makes my mouth water. Dipping my face into the dish, I stick out my tongue, taking a tentative lick. It’s not nearly as good as coming from him, but it assuages the hunger pains that cramp my stomach to the point of robbing me of my breath.
Pausing for a moment, I reach out to the bond and recoil at what I feel. A blast of anger slams into me, making me squirm under the heat. Altris seems to be able to go inside of me without any issues at all. Why can’t I touch him? I try again, easing forward, hoping he won’t notice me, but the anger is still there. With it, however, is a tinge of pain and regret. But for what?
Does he actually regret marking me? Tying me to this post like a damned animal? There are so many grievances that I can lie at his feet and hope he’s sorry for. It doesn’t matter that I once dreamed of being an omega that was bound to an Alpha, but this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
From what I understand, the Alpha is supposed to make the request to mark you. He doesn’t just do it. The act is supposed to be dispassionate, easy. There aren't messy feelings involved. But with Altris, it’s nothing but emotions—hot and volatile emotions.
Not only that, but the very acts he subjects me to are beyond messy. Case in point, the cum that sits in the dish under my face. Fluids everywhere. I’m caked with them. Every time I move, I crunch. It shouldn’t be like this. There’s no way this is normal.
But what I hate most of all is the intense arousal that burns inside me every time he’s near. My brain turns to mush when he touches me. It’s nothing like that with Alexi. Yes, there was the gnaw of neediness that cut me to the core, but it was tame compared to the feelings Altris drags out of me.
It’s too much. It’s too overwhelming. His bond does something to me that nothing else has—it flays me open and leaves me vulnerable. I don’t know how to deal with that, especially since he’s a complete stranger. With Annora, it was simple, easy. She didn’t ask, and I didn’t tell. But I don’t have that option with him. If I don’t say something, he can still reach into the recesses of my mind and pull it out.
I have to get away. I have to leave him. There is no other choice. This relationship isn’t good for me, and if I continue to stay with him, he’ll force me to submit, taking away my very control. Even now, with him just outside the tent, my body needs him. I’m no longer in heat, but still, it’s as if something is missing.
The Alpha I dreamed of being with wasn’t rough like he was. They were going to be kind, sweet, doting—everything I imagined my father to be. There’s no way he’d force Mother to drink up his cum while he went away. At least, the fractured memories I have don’t lend to that conclusion.
Altris hates me. Pure and simple. It’s the only way I can be okay with the rage that vibrates between us, churning my gut in fear. Deep down, I know he won’t harm me, but I don’t put it past him to go as far as he can before doing something permanent.
Once more, hunger seizes my insides, demanding I take in more substance. Irritation rolls down my body as I’m forced to drink his essence or starve. However, each time my tongue touches his cum, something deep inside groans with longing. I hate it. Detest it even. To be beholden to a man that demeans me. It’s far too much.
I continue to lap it up, stopping right before I lick the dish clean. With a petulant flick of my wrist, I shove it to the side and lie down, feeling the crystalline shards of his cum as it crackles over my body. It doesn’t matter how or where I move, I can feel it digging into every inch of me.
Truthfully, the only part that seems at all devoid of his seed is my ass. No doubt he’s spanked all of that off, leaving just a thin layer of my skin behind. Perhaps I should thank him for the small mercy of letting me lie on my stomach. With the way my ass still throbs, anything more would be painful.
Turning my head, I look at the destruction of my nest and bite down on my bottom lip to keep from sobbing out. Yes, I used his actions to retaliate, but deep down, it did indeed hurt. Every bit he moved or tore away was a little piece of the remaining part of my heart that he ripped from me.
Though I’m very new to the whole omega thing, I thought it was common knowledge that an omega’s nest is sacred. That he ripped it to shreds without even a thought is tantamount to blasphemy. Tears flow, hot down my cheeks, as the intense need to put it to rights flashes through my brain.
It’s uncomfortable to see everything in such a haphazard way. Almost as if it physically hurts. In truth, I would rather him hurt my physical body than to ruin the nest. It was so pretty, so immaculate. It cradled my body to perfection, easing away any aches and pains.
That it also accommodated him is another matter entirely. My estrus brain must have made it with him in mind. A smile curls my lips as I close my eyes. This time, when I remake my nest, it will be only for me. I will not allow him entrance. If he can’t take care of it, he doesn’t need to be a part of it.
The scent of cooked meat reaches my nose, and once more, I’m ravenous. Looking up, I spot Altris off to the side, holding out a piece of meat to me with his fingers. When I go to take it, I find my wrists unwilling to move. At some point, while I was asleep, he must have tightened everything back up, pinning me to the pole.
His eyes are a muddled green, as if he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. It tugs at my heart to feel his pain so keenly in my chest, until I remember those feelings are not mine. He put them inside me when he claimed me. His teeth tearing into my shoulder, the one that throbs with barely any movement reminds me.
I need to find some way out of this. Though I can’t tear his mark from me, I can distance myself from it. Perhaps if I run far enough, I’ll no longer feel his emotions swirling in my brain as if they’re my own, driving me crazy.
The only thing I know is that he wants me docile, subdued. Perhaps if I act the part, he’ll believe it and allow me the freedom to roam. Taking in a deep breath, I imagine a square with solid steel walls. I construct that around my heart, hoping it will keep any errant thoughts and emotions at bay.
From his actions, he doesn’t seem to know the needs of an omega. If I play my cards right, I can use that to my advantage. Leaning forward, I take the meat from his finger, giving the greasy digits a little lick before forcing a coy smile on my face.
Altris’s eyes brighten in that moment, a huge smile crossing his face. Like candy from a fucking baby. I feel the warmth of his pleasure flood my system, and I almost give into it, riding the high he fills me with.
Guilt slams into my chest as he looks at me as if I hung the suns themselves. His smile is so warm, so full of love. It hurts. It slices into my soul as I stare into those eyes that I can easily lose myself in. This is how it’s supposed to be. The phantom tendrils of love brush against my insides, sending an odd warmth through my body. But I can’t let myself down that path. It’s not real. None of it is real.
We eat in silence with Altris feeding me then taking a bite for himself. He sits on the floor as if to commiserate with me. Difference is, if he wants to, he can get himself a chair. I’m forced to remain on this floor until he decides I can move. Closing my eyes, I breathe in, quelling the rebellious thoughts. I can do this. For the freedom it will grant me, I can do this.
Once all the food is gone, he stands up and goes over to the basin to clean his hands before bringing a soft rag over to clean my mouth and his fingertips. He wipes me down with such care, such tenderness that tears prick my eyes. Why can’t he be like this normally? Why do his gentle touches have to come at the price of my submission?
I loved the rough way he took me. It was exhilarating beyond control. So, why can’t I have both? Why can’t we have that erotic push and pull that ultimately leaves me spent in his arms without me having to change for it? At this point, I’m too tired to be angry. If I don’t put my plan into action soon, I’ll be forced to remain by his side forever.
Leaning down, he brushes his lips against mine, stoking the flames of my desire until I’m squirming against him, begging for release again. I thought him leaving cured me of the need to get off, but I guess I was wrong.
“Get your rest, omega. We leave for Stanlion in the morning.”
Panic flutters about in my stomach, threatening the contents I just ate. “So soon, my Lord Alpha?” Even as I say the words, I want to gag.
“Yes. Now that your heat has passed, it is safe for us to go home.”
Home. The word is so foreign to me. Where even is home anymore? It’s not back at the commune, and it sure as hell isn’t back at Stanlion. The tendrils of abandonment sweep around me, draping their comforting arms about my shoulders. It’s a feeling I know intimately. It’s familiar, safe.
“But there is still so much to do. I haven’t gone through my cleansing ritual.”
Altris stands and crosses his arms, staring down at me for a moment. I feel him probing at the bond, more like slamming against it, looking for falsehoods, but I stand firm, not giving him an inch. I even bow my head in subjection just to sweeten the lie.
“I’ve never been told of a cleansing ritual. What does it entail?”
“Oh. That I do not know, my Lord Alpha.” At least that part is true. “I just know it’s something of great importance at the commune. A moment between omegas after they’ve had their heat. Between you and me, I think it’s a bout of gossip, but they consider it highly important. I would very much like to go back to the commune and perform this ritual before going home.”
He pauses and strokes his chin, his eyes boring into mine. “No need,” he responds after several nerve-wracking moments. “Seems that two omegas have followed you here. I will converse with them and see what needs to be done.”
My heart sinks as he leaves the tent. No doubt whoever he asks will blow my story out of the water, ruining the tentative trust I was building between us. Why can’t things just be easy? Within minutes, a familiar voice seeps through the curtains. It’s Alexi! If anyone will help me out of this, it’s her.
When the flaps open, both she and Ladria step inside and give a small bow. “We will have her back in time for you to enjoy your evening together. The goddess Ilaria smiles down upon you as you allow our fellow omega a chance to cleanse herself and prepare for your next bout of love play.”
Still, Altris doesn’t say a word, but he does walk over to the pole and loosen up the chains. Watching me from the other side, I feel his side of the bond growing more agitated and rankled. He knows something’s up, but he doesn’t have proof of it. Hopefully, Alexi can help me get away before he notices. As he stares down at me, an odd feeling, almost like that of suspicion, nearly takes my breath away.
It adds to the guilt already piling up in my heart. Although he doesn’t trust any of this, he’s still willing to let me go, to give me this thing he believes I need. It makes my very soul ache as the repercussions scream at me, filling my brain with a staticky noise. Perhaps the gods will understand and not hold any of this against me.
“As soon as you’re done,” he growls, wrapping a tunic around me, “you come right back here. It’s not safe around these males. You will do your ritual and not linger. Am I understood?”
The bite of his command smashes into my heart, leaving me breathless. It almost rips away the walls I erected to keep him out. Unable to fully respond without giving myself away entirely, I merely nod and walk over to the other girls.
“Omega Alexi. If anything happens to my Karis, I will hold you responsible.”
“Understood, my Lord Alpha.”
All three of us bow to Altris before exiting the tent. Once we clear the flaps, Alexi grips my hand in hers and leads both Ladria and me away towards a thin stream. Her fingers wrap around my hand so tightly that pain shoots into my wrist and up my arm, but every time I try to pull back, she tightens even more.
As soon as we’re out of earshot of any noticeable Alphas, she hunches down at the bank so that her words are muffled by the sound of the rushing water. “Want to tell me why I just lied to an Alpha for you? We have an hour tops, so you better make this quick.”
Her eyes drift from mine to look at my exposed shoulder where my mark lays bare and throbbing. As she reaches out to touch it, I pull back, the need to keep this secret and hidden swirling in my gut. It’s Alexi, my friend, but somehow, it’s all still too raw, too new.
Without saying a word, she parts my tunic and stares at the bruises and cum that litters my skin, her eyes growing at each expanse she uncovers. I don’t dare tell her that most of these came from him giving me pleasure. She just wouldn’t understand. Or would she?
Again, the pain of Altris’s betrayal flutters in my gut, and I hate it. In all actuality, he did nothing wrong, not as an Alpha and me as an omega, but still that roiling in my insides, the whispers that coat my mind like a rotting film, scream at me that it’s wrong. All wrong. The bond is wrong. Our pairing is wrong.
Everything is so overwhelming, and I haven’t even breathed, really. Looking deep into Alexi’s eyes, I reach out my hands and grip hers, trying to figure out what to say. No doubt if I tell her everything, she’ll just tell me it’s par for the course. It’s easy for her to sit there in judgment since she knew she was an omega from birth.
She was trained to take the affections of an Alpha; I never was. She was born into a world where she knew what was expected of her; I was trained for a life of a beta—free, mostly, to do as I will. Even now, I feel the shackles of Altris’s “affections” as he reaches out into the bond.
He’s probably spying on me, wondering what it is we’re doing. The main issue I have is that I have no clue how this bond works. Can he actually pick up on thoughts and hear them as clear as day? Or can he only sense my emotions? So many things I wish I knew. So many things I wish I was prepared for. But it’s done now. I’m claimed, mated, and chained to a barbarian that seems more animal than a man at times.
“I - I need to get away.”
“Is he hurting you?” Alexi’s eyes are calm and comforting, a balm, as she stares at me.
But what can I even tell her? What would be less embarrassing? If I tell her the truth, that I liked what the bite of pain did to me, will she look up upon me with derision? Will she brush it off as just a weird phase? Do omegas normally like pain?
Now, more than ever, I wish I could curl up at the Clan Mother’s feet. No doubt in her long life she’s picked up far more than I ever could. It’s like I’m navigating a foreign stream with no way of steering myself. Everything is just so out of control now. Even my plan to bolt. I feel like I’m at the precipice and have no way of turning back.
“He’s not what I imagined.” I finally concede, feeling that it’s the best way to be truthful, but hide my inner shame at the same time.
Smirking, Alexi pulls the tunic back up. “Most Alphas usually aren’t. Did you enjoy him at least?”
Ladria looks up at me at that part, and that’s when I remember that she’s still a virgin. Of course she’ll want to know all the dirty details. I want to tell her. I want to spill my guts to her and let her know about the blissful pleasure that overtakes your body, sending it over the edge until it shatters into nothing. But I also want to warn her of the blinding pain that comes when an Alpha marks you, forcing you to be his own.
There’s so much to say, but certainly not enough time to say it in. I have no way of judging how much time has passed, but I know Altris will come for me sooner rather than later. The bond buzzes in my heart, mirroring what I can only assume is his anxiousness to get me back under his control.
Forcing the anxiety aside, I reach out and pull Alexi into a hug, despite the pain searing through my shoulder. I hold her tight for as long as I dare before holding her at arm's length. “Don’t lie if you don’t have to, but please, as much as you can, allow me a head start.”
I turn and hug Ladria as well, forcing myself to ignore the tears that well up in her eyes. She’s so soft, so new. She’s not even marked, yet the moment she gets to Stanlion, that is, if the Alphas decide to take Alexi and Ladria with them, she’ll have no choice but to be put up in High Sanctum.
The only bright spot I have is that Alexi escaped from there once, and I know she can do it again. I don’t worry about her. I worry about Ladria. There’s a pain lurking in her eyes, one that I can’t pinpoint, and now will never have the chance of finding out.
“You can’t leave,” Alexi hisses, looking up and down the river. “An omega out there alone? Where will you even go?” Once more, she glances about, worry pinching her face. “You just finished your heat, but that doesn’t mean your body won’t go through another one. With all the suppressants you’ve had, there’s no telling what might happen.”
