Road Warrior, page 21
“Well then,” I say firmly as I start untying her wrists. “We’d better prepare for his return. We will have to trust you. But, why couldn’t you just have told me? Why kidnap Thomas and put Maria through all this pain?”
“I don’t know. It was like I went on autopilot. I’m so sorry. Let’s get over to Thomas and make a plan, and then I’ll explain if there’s time. Remember,” she says urgently, “he has a gun. I don’t want you or Thomas harmed any further.”
“Okay, that’s done,” I say as I finally manage to loosen the rope on her ankles as well. She then takes my hand and leads me over to the door and Thomas.
We settle beside the door. Alex sits closest to the hinges with me beside her, and then Thomas slowly crawls into my lap. Alex says, “Don’t worry about making noise. The room is soundproofed as long as the door is closed.”
“Where does the other door go?” I ask. “Could he come in that way?”
“He could,” she says. “There’s an entrance from the garage—it’s how I got Thomas in here when we first came.”
“We would be pretty exposed if that happened, wouldn’t we?” I ask. “What’s to stop him coming in that way?”
“You’d hear him,” she says. “He has to move a large cabinet out of the way of the trapdoor. I’m not sure he even knows where the entrance is.”
“Okay,” I say. “It’s time for us to make a plan.”
Between us, Alex and I decide that when we hear Paul at the door, the best thing we can do is push at it forcefully. We hope this will make him drop the gun and cause him to lose his balance. This will give Thomas the opportunity to run out while we try to subdue Paul. We explain again to Thomas that no matter what he hears, he should keep running out of the house and get help. He snuggles up even closer to me and agrees.
And then all we can do is wait. As Thomas’s breath evens out and I feel his tense body slacken, I realize he has fallen asleep. It is heartbreaking to feel him so close and yet still not safe. In the silence, I lean over and demand that Alex explain herself. I am feeling pretty angry that she befriended me and turned out to be so duplicitous. She has to be screwed up, I think, as she starts to tell me her story.
CHAPTER 30
“I WAS A FOOL,” ALEX SAYS DOLEFULLY. “I didn’t mean to hurt Maria. Something inside me just snapped.” She remains silent for a second and then draws a deep breath before she continues.
“You know, in order for you to understand, even a little, I have to tell you about my life with Paul. When we were small, we lived with our mother. We had different fathers, and neither of them were part of our lives. She was on welfare; she worked the streets and struggled with drugs. She and I lived together just the two of us until she had Paul when I was about eight years old. I always took care of my little brother when our mother went out. We had to move around a lot and, at some point, she came up with a plan to leave us at home in the dark to keep the neighbours from calling the Children’s Aid Society. We had to be quiet otherwise they would know we were there alone.
“What Paul said was true: I always thought of the dark as safe because it meant that he and I were alone. When Mom came home she would often bring men, and they would sometimes hurt her or my brother … or me. I always tried to protect him, but there was one man…” she falters … “who wanted only Paul. My poor brother was only four then, and this man came to our place on and off for about a year.…” Alex trails off into silence again.
My heart melts, of course. “That is horrible. Did you ever tell anyone?” I ask, imagining how terrified the young girl would have been.
“No, not then. Mother knew, of course. But back then I was too afraid; the man threatened to kill Paul if we stopped him. Then, when Paul was around five years old, he started acting out in the neighbourhood. I couldn’t control him anymore. He would start fires or hurt little animals, which brought the CAS down on us again. That time,” she says sadly, “they took us from our mother for good and put us into foster care.
“Paul was moved out first. He was younger—I guess that’s what made them take him. When I started looking for him later, I found out that he went to a number of foster parents and moved around a lot for a couple of years before he was adopted by a family from New Brunswick. It didn’t go so well for him there either.
“It was different for me. I guess you could say I was lucky. My new parents were an older couple who wanted to help make a foster child’s life better. They were loving and thoughtful, and, when they saw how traumatized I was, they got me some counselling. That helped a little, but I never forgot my brother and I couldn’t shake the feeling I had not protected him well enough. My parents never tried to make me forget Paul. My father even helped me make the headboard in the child’s room.” Alex’s voice quivers, as if she is close to tears, then she continues. “I carved out two children on the headboard as a way to remember him.”
“And when my new parents saw how smart I was, they made sure I was well educated and spared no expense helping me get into law school. I studied family law and human rights, and, once I felt some autonomy for my life, I also started looking for Paul again. Whenever I had a break—which was not very often with all the studying—I would look for him, either by researching his path or by going to the places he had been.”
She sighs and is silent for a minute. I am totally immersed in her sad story and find myself almost forgiving her, although I’m still not sure how she had come to take Thomas like she did. I take her hand in comfort while continuing to hold on to the sleeping boy. Then, in the silence, I think I hear a sound.
“Hold on, Alex, I thought I heard something. Be quiet for a sec.”
In the dark, we strain our ears, but I hear nothing more.
“Maybe Paul was doing something upstairs. I don’t hear anything now,” Alex says after a few minutes of silence. “But I’ll talk more quietly, if you like. I feel like I owe you my story after I betrayed you so badly.”
Relaxing a little, I hear my stomach grumble and laugh wryly. “Maybe it was just my meal alert signal here. That little bit of soup must have turned it back on. I really did hope that someone would notice that I never returned to the shop and start looking for me,” I say, feeling disheartened. “Not much chance of that now that Paul did a misdirect. Even so, it’s not like me to be gone this long, especially since Maria is in such a terrible situation. I’m sure they’ll start looking soon. In the meantime, yes, I would like to hear the rest of what brought us to this.”
“Okay, here goes,” she says as she starts talking again, more quietly than before.
“When I started digging,” she says sadly, “Paul’s story didn’t sound very good. He got into a lot of trouble while with the family in New Brunswick. They didn’t want to talk about it, but some neighbours said they heard loud fighting and the police were called frequently. Paul took off when he was still pretty young—around fifteen, I think. He traveled to the Alberta oil patch for a while and then to Northern Ontario. I was always a few steps behind him as he drifted from one menial job to another.
“And then there were the rumours. In Marathon and Fort Frances, two of the towns Paul blew through in Northern Ontario, he got in trouble again. I couldn’t get much information, but I feared the worst when I heard that a child had gone missing.” Alex starts crying quietly. “I felt so awful for them and for Paul. It was then that I realized how damaged he was by his life—the early abuse and whatever happened with his adoptive family in New Brunswick.”
She takes a moment to collect herself. The dark room is airless and oppressive, and the damp from being underground is creeping into my bones, but it is way better not being tied up. I shudder to think of how Thomas coped with being all alone down here in the dark. That thought brings me back to the monstrosity of her act. Yes, she is damaged too, but how could she do this to a little boy when she knows what it’s like? But then I remember that to her, the darkness was a friend. With another little shiver, I pull Thomas closer.
“I wanted to find Paul and help him,” she says, breaking into my thoughts. “I kept going, overwhelmed by guilt, feeling like I had let him down. And look what I’ve done. I couldn’t protect him, and now I haven’t been able to protect Thomas from him either. What a fool I’ve been.”
“I wish you’d trusted me enough to tell me,” I say sadly.
“I know. I was going to tell you yesterday, and now it’s too late.”
“I’m not giving up yet, and neither are you. But this darkness is creeping me out, so please, go on with your story. It helps me understand and keeps me from going buggy down here.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll go on now.
“I tracked Paul to Toronto, which was lucky because I already was working in the law firm with Roger. Some people who knew him up north told me that he had said something about wanting to be back near fish and that he was going to Toronto. It sounded like a strange juxtaposition, and it was unusual for Paul to hit a big city—he had mostly avoided them so far—but maybe he thought he would be less visible here. I don’t know. Anyway, I tracked him down and then just watched him at the shop to start. I knew it was him because he’s the spitting image of the man who fathered him. That horrible man lived with us for only a year, but it was long enough for me to remember that pointy face.
“I didn’t plan for us to become friends; that was just a terrible but wonderful coincidence. Then I wanted to tell you what was going on, but I didn’t know how. When you told me about the troubles Maria and Frank were having, about Thomas and Paul becoming chummy, and finally about Thomas starting to be a runner, I just snapped. I had to protect him from Paul and Paul from himself. When you described Thomas’s situation, I knew he was in the perfect position to be preyed upon—he was very vulnerable.”
She continues. “I knew I had to confront Paul to tell him who I was. I had to tell him I could see what he was doing. So, after you and I left the Free Times, I went to see him. I knew where he lived—in a rooming house on Cecil Street near the Market. But,” she says brokenly, “he didn’t want anything to do with me. When I explained why I was there, he became very angry and said I didn’t know what I was talking about. He said he had to go somewhere and stormed out of his place. I was so upset and worried that I decided to go up to Maria’s to make sure Thomas was okay. I swear I didn’t have a plan—I just wanted to do something.
“When I got there, it was late and I saw Thomas leaving the house with his bike. I stopped my car a little way past and walked back. I didn’t want to scare him so, at first, I just said hello and asked him what he was doing out so late. He said it was a secret. I guessed that Paul may have already groomed him and was on his way. So, I know now it was crazy, but I said that Paul had sent me to get him.
“I figured if I said that and Paul hadn’t gotten anything organized with Thomas, Thomas would think I was a freak and might go inside again, and I could relax. If he had planned to meet Paul, then my mentioning his name might make Thomas trust me. After all, he did say it was a secret. My thinking at the time was that if they had a plan, my mentioning Paul would mean I was in on the secret. It all sounds very convoluted when I say this to you now. Thomas was so sweet. He just said okay, pushed his bike behind a bush, and got into my car with his backpack. It broke my heart.
“Then it was like I said—I was on automatic pilot. I got him to my house and drove into the garage. I made it like an adventure for him. This room, an old coal cellar, leads from the garage to the house. I’d found it by accident one day, fixed it up, and decided to keep it hidden; maybe old safety habits die hard, I don’t know. It felt like a safe hideaway for me. Anyway, I had Thomas help me move the cabinet in the garage and led him down the stairs into this room. It was empty then, except for a desk and chair I’d put aside in here.”
“I told him to wait and that I would be right back. I went back to the garage and moved the cabinet back. Oh my God, when I see now what I’ve done, it truly is monstrous. How could I have been so stupid and cruel? I said to wait and that Paul would be here soon too. When Thomas realized he was going to be in this strange place alone, he started to panic. He cried and begged me not to leave him alone … but I did. I left him here in the dark.”
“Poor, poor Thomas,” I say quietly.
“Forgive me,” she says as she goes on, the words tumbling out. “Over the next day or so, I brought him the mattress and a few books. I fed him, and let him use the bathroom, but I started to realize that I had been crazy and had to tell someone. I was going to let you know everything yesterday, but somehow Paul found me. He told me he followed you to the community centre and then followed me home. He snuck into the house yesterday morning, maybe to confront me or maybe because he knew I had Thomas. He found me here in this room. I’d just brought Thomas some food and I didn’t hear him coming until Thomas called out a warning, and then it was too late. Paul overpowered me and tied me up. That’s how you found us. He tied Thomas up too. I didn’t do that before.
“Now I’ve told you pretty much everything,” she says flatly. “I’m scared. Paul’s not the little boy I knew anymore, and I don’t want anything to happen to you or Thomas. I wish I’d found Paul sooner and got him some help, but he’s a hard man now.”
“That’s a very tragic story. I can’t help but feel for you, but I’m still so angry that you took Thomas and that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me what was going on. I feel used. And, you’re right, it doesn’t look like Paul cares about your offer for help. I think we just have to focus on getting Thomas out of here safely, and hopefully we’ll get out in one piece too.” I pause. “Now that we have a plan, do you think you can stick with it? It will kill Maria if Thomas is hurt—surely you don’t want that.”
“Of course, Abby. I don’t blame you for not trusting me, but I only want Thomas to be safe. That has always been true.”
“Do you know what Paul meant about Dave? Did you know him?” I ask.
“No. I was wondering that myself.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t cross paths with Dave in your search. He was investigating Paul’s steps up north too. It sounds like you went to the same places. In fact, Alex, it sounds like you were doing pretty good investigating yourself.”
“I know. It sounds strange to me too.” She sighs. “I should have told you right away. I was still trying to protect my brother.”
“It truly sucks,” I reply. “I still wonder what Dave has to do with all this, other than what he has told me. I wonder if I’ll ever know.”
We both sit silently. I’ve figured out that if I keep my eyes closed, it helps me orient myself. I find myself wondering if this is something that other people do in the dark. It doesn’t make me feel safe to strain my other senses to make up for the loss of sight. I can’t imagine what Thomas has gone through and what his mind is like after being alone for so long, thinking he could trust people, and then feeling so betrayed. I hope he can get some help to work this out if we make it. What a nightmare for that whole family.
I know my family history is messed up and my father’s shenanigans were stressful, but I was lucky that my mother was so stalwart. I begin to feel bad again about how unfair I was to her when I was younger; I was so rebellious and angry. She must have had a very hard time. Silently, I thank Arabella for giving me some normalcy in my life.
CHAPTER 31
AS WE CONTINUE TO STEW IN THE SILENCE, the sound of Thomas’s even breathing is calming. My thoughts continue their meandering, and I muse again on the challenges of parenting. It must be the hardest thing to do—to be driven by unconscious behaviours and to try to find a balance between a child’s sense of safety and his freedom to explore. Knowing what I know about the dangers in the world, I can understand the temptation to keep children close and away from risk, even though that can also lead to anxious, rebellious, screwed-up kids.
As I daydream, I lose my ability to stay focused and find myself nodding off too, only to be jerked awake by Alex shaking me.
“Abby!” she whispers urgently. “This time I think I hear something. We need to get up!” I hear her get to her feet.
I haven’t heard anything, but then my hearing might be a bit impaired, having been exposed to a fair few heavy metal concerts in the past, so I take her word for it. Adrenaline starts to pump again. I gently shake Thomas awake, putting my hand over his mouth as a precaution. “Thomas,” I whisper, “it’s Abby. Can you be quiet? Someone might be coming.”
He nods into my hand.
I whisper, “Okay Thomas, do you remember the plan?”
As we both get to our feet he says quietly, “Yes, I know what to do, but I’m still scared.”
“That’s perfectly understandable,” I say, patting his hand. “Now watch carefully and wait until I say go. But if something happens to me or Alex and you see a chance to run, go anyway. No matter what, don’t look back—just run outside and go for help at the pizza shop on the corner. If you make it, that’s perfect, but if not, then just scream for help loud and long. Okay, let’s be quiet now and pay attention.”
We stand there, tense and ready—Alex in front, then me with Thomas stowed safely behind my back. We wait for what seems like a long time, and, just as I start to think it was a false alarm, the light goes on, temporarily blinding me. Blinking to adjust to the light and making sure Thomas is flat against the wall, I step beside Alex, and we stand waiting to slam the door on Paul. As we watch the doorknob turn, I’m worried, but I’m also ready to use every physical resource I have to make our plan work.
Paul starts talking gleefully before he steps in: “Okay folks. It’s time for Thomas and me to get go—”
