sincerely your, surviving wallflower, page 1
Ember May’s playlist.
Freaks :Surf curse
Hand over hand : Billie Marten
Young folks: Peter Bjorn and John
Juliet : Cavetown
After dark:Mr kitty
Stuck with me : The Neighbourhood
Song for You : Alexi Murdoch
Don't let me go : Cigarettes After Sex
Bird : Billie Marten
Embers dream trip starts here!
Chapter one: all aboard
"I love you, sweetie," my dad says, pulling me into a warm hug. "Promise me you'll call me as soon as the clock strikes twelve in the morning. I don't care if it's early because of the time difference. I want to be the first to say happy birthday to you!" I glance over at Mia, who winks at my dad with a knowing smile.[Jason 1]
"Dad, it's not that big of a deal," I respond with a chuckle, trying to downplay the significance of my birthday. But Bella, my sister, playfully nudges me. "Ow! What was that for?" I snap, glaring at her.
"Ember May, you're turning nineteen. It is a big deal," my dad insists. "Are you sure you don't want to stay with me and Mia? We'd love to have you."
I glance over at Mia, who is smiling sweetly, but I can't shake the feeling that she's only with my dad for his money[Jason 2].
But I push that thought aside and smile at my dad. "Tempting, but I'm alright. Anyway, Teddy, Lily, and Jade are waiting for us!" I remind him, eager to see my friends.
My dad pulls us both into one last hug before we head out. Bella and I may not look or act alike, but we're sisters through and through.
"Okay, take care sweetie," my dad calls out, his voice filled with love and concern.
"Love you both, be careful and call me as soon as you get to Venice. Oh, and Luke's old friend Callum will see you when you get back.
I saw him by the house yesterday."
I freeze in my tracks, a sharp lump forming in my throat at the mention of Callum's name. After what happened with my brother, I thought he would have moved away. But the thought of him still being in town fills me with dread.
"Okay, Dad," I manage to say, forcing a smile as I turn to catch up with my friends.
"Your dad is so hot!" Teddy exclaims, his eyes gleaming with admiration. But Bella hits him sharply in the arm. "He's ancient and he's known you since you were like five, gross, Ted! Gross!" she scolds him.
"Mmm, that's what makes it scandalous," Teddy retorts with a smirk, making me giggle despite my earlier discomfort. Jade, Teddy, and Lily, my best friends and family, know everything about me, or so I thought.
"All aboard to Venice!" Bella cries out excitedly, jumping up and down as the boat starts to move. I feel myself swaying back and forth, my stomach churning with a mixture of nerves and excitement. I can't wait to see what adventures await us in Venice, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm leaving something, or someone, behind."
"Umm, are you trying to lose your big V card while you're here?" Teddy asks with a mischievous grin.
"You know, find a cute little bookworm like yourself to hook up with. Oh my god, you could have a summer romance!" I roll my eyes at his antics, but inside, I can't help but feel a twinge of sadness.
The truth is, I did lose my V card, but not by choice. It had been taken from me years ago. A memory I try to push away and forget.
"Yeah, right! I'm here to see all the beautiful things Venice has to offer," I respond, trying to change the subject.
"Besides, how many times do I have to tell you, romance is for love-struck thirteen-year-olds." Lily groans in agreement, and Teddy rolls his blue eyes.
Bella pulls me up onto the top deck, her voice filled with excitement. "Captain fun-sucker, I repeat, captain ruin-everything on the top deck!" she yells, making my stomach do summersaults.
"Come on, you have to sleep with someone one time in your life! You can't stay a virgin forever," Jade teases mockingly.
I glare at her, thinking back to the lie I had told them before. "I told you, I already have,"
I respond, trying to remember the made-up guy's name that I had told them. "Remember when dad took us to France for spring break, and I did it on the beach? Me and the surfer guy, what was his name? Jeremy, John, Joe?"
I trail off, the guilt of my lie weighing heavily on me. I know that a liar needs a vivid and strong memory, but this lie was never memorable enough to remember. It's a curse I’ve got to live with.
"Oh, get real, how long did you expect us to believe that dreadfully made-up story? Honestly, you should be a writer with that imagination!" Bella says smirking as I glare at her.
"Fine believe what you want but I know what I did, and so will you when he comes to make a future with me!” I say lying, if every-time you lied your nose grew, mine would be the size of a tree trunk by now and I'd have little woodlice crawling up my trunk.
My life revolved around finding true love as a child, all that mattered to me was the prospect of being loved. I'd always try to cling onto a boy at school to see if he'd fall in love with me; however, they never did. Growing up my father worked overtime, all the time. I don't really remember a great deal about my mother except for the fact that she was effortlessly beautiful. Other than that my mind tends to fill in the blanks. After my father found out that she had cheated on him when I was eleven, she left with her boss, and returned a couple of weeks later to confess that she did it because she was terminally ill with liver cancer. I was so angry when she died we all were but afterwards I felt the full force of guilt strike down on me. Sometimes I wonder if she really loved us, I don't even really care not anymore.
See sometimes lies are there to protect me.
My father started to work more and then after a couple months he worked non-stop. That was when my brother Luke's friend Callum started to come round more. I thought of him as a family member, someone I could trust. I told him all the things I wanted to say to my mother, but never did.
I thought I could trust him. I thought he was family, but I was wrong.
Flash back.
"Callum please stop, I just thought you were my friend, you're like my brother I..." I start to say in my child like voice, as he grabs me by the throat pinning me against my dressing table.
"You did this, I thought you loved me, you led me on!” He shouted as I cried out, he pulled my neon green shorts down to the floor. He was twenty and I was thirteen.
As a result, I cut off all forms of intimacy, even if it was kiss chase at school or suck and blow at a party or a guy holding my hand at prom or even a small hug from my father.
I'm cut off from my thoughts when Bella and Jade, Lily and Teddy start to sing loudly.
"Birthday sex, birthday sex!" They all chant throwing their hands in the air, as I roll my eyes.
"I'd rather be birthday dead!" I say sarcastically as they laugh at me.
I haven't told anyone about what had happened to me when I was thirteen since I told my brother after what happened to him I couldn’t risk anyone else getting hurt because who'd believe me it's been far too long, it's been seven years, and from what dad’s told me Callum still comes to the house.
Chapter two: strangers in the night
"I can't believe you were sick four times, we were only on the ferry for five hours! "Bella says mockingly as I walk with her to my uncle's villa that he's letting us stay in for my birthday.
"Hey it's not my fault, I have a weak stomach!" I say knowing deep down I liked it, the sensation that I had some sort of control over my life even if it was just sick.
Literally.
"Well, now I need a shower you got sick all over me!" Lily says wiping herself down with a baby wipe as teddy sniggers.
"Do you think people here are going to mock us because we are from England?" Teddy says as I look at him, feeling rather confused.
"I mean why would they? What's wrong with us?” I say looking at him, feeling confused.
"Because ember, we sound like Harry Potter!" Jade says laughing.
"Holy!" I say as I stop and look in front of us.
"Shit!" Teddy says shoving me out the way of the view as we all look up at the villa we are staying in.
"Oh my god it's like one of those fancy villas on those reality dating shows!" Jade says as Lily laughed.
"Let's all get ready and go clubbing!" Teddy says doing a silly dance as I roll my eyes.
"That sounds like a great idea!" I say enthusiastically as Bella, Lily and Jade look at me like I’ve lost the plot.
"Umm, in all the years I've known you, you have never and I mean never ever liked partying or going to bars!" Jade says as I laugh.
"Oh, you meant me. I thought Ya know, you guys could hang out and I could cook myself some food for dinner maybe a tasty pasta meal and then do some reading." I say smiling as they all groan in annoyance at me.
"No way, you're going to be nineteen tomorrow!” Lily says announcing it like it's some kind of big deal, it's not.
I roll my eyes for what feels like the millionth time today.
“this is your last night being eighteen!" Teddy announces as Bella stands next to him laughing.
“well done Sherlock, I wonder what made you come to that life changing revelation that I'm going to be nineteen tomorrow!” I say sarcastically as he glares at me.
“I mean honestly, as much as it pains me, he's right for once, you are getting yourself all made up and getting your ass out there!” Lily says laughing.
"And we are going out
"But I ..." I start to say as they cut me off.
"You are not talking your way out of this, okay!" Bella says as I glare at her.
"Gee thanks guys!" I say glaring at them as they push me into the bedroom.
The bedrooms are pretty, but mine is beautiful with a pretty diamond light fixture and blue flowers on the walls. I've always loved flowers.
Flowers are whole and pure.
After I get dressed and showered, I put makeup on. By makeup, I mean a bit of mascara and blush. I don't have the natural born talent to do anything else and then, I do my hair brushing the auburn waves trying to untangle any knots, I give my side bangs a quick brush through and I'm done with my appearance.
I run downstairs as I sit on the last step putting my blue converse on and tying the laces.
My outfit consists of a black denim skirt with silver buttons as closure and a white oversized top tucked in with teddy's green flannel shirt over the top of it.
"Seriously, Ember we are in Venice what happened to all of us ALL dressing like whores!" Jade says emphasising the all as I laugh.
"Hey I do consider this outfit to be quite promiscuous!" I say and jade laughs at me.
The truth is I do think its promiscuous for me!
Wearing a skirt is even a reach for me, I fear my skin showing, every time I look at myself, I feel vile like my body, it's not mine it used to be but it's not now, not no more .
"Well, it's going to have to do, if we want to make the restaurant reservation!" Bella says smiling.
"Come on then!" Lily says pulling my arms as I smile a halfhearted smile.
an hour later.
"grazie è fantastico" jade says flirting with the cook at the out door restaurant. (Translation: Thank you it was amazing).
"Hurry up, jade we are going to be late to the club!" Bella says as teddy me and lily stand there laughing.
"Ecco il Mio numero di telefono, Piccola" the cook says smirking at jade.
(Translation: here's my phone number babe.)
"That was so weird he didn't look like a cook!" Lily says as I laugh.
"Come on you can't be like that just because he's got tattoos, I've got like five!" I say as she laughs. "Yeah, but not all over your body and not of snakes and guns!“ Teddy says as I roll my eyes.
"He said that him and his gang are going to meet us later at the club I'm so excited to catch the first dick in ages!" jade says jumping up and down as I glare at her.
”You're not going to sleep with him, you can’t, you just met him, he looks like a complete thug!" Bella says as I nod my head in agreement.
"It doesn't matter what he looks like he's hot and nice!" Jade says as I roll my eyes.
"Are we going to this club or what!" Lily snaps standing tapping her back stiletto heels on the gravel impatiently.
"Fine let's do this!" Bella says still mad at jade for taking so long.
Chapter Three: tipsy
The club is bouncing in full swing, as a tinge of anxiety pinches through my chest the music is loudly booming over a speaker as I start to regret my decision to come tonight.
And by full swing I mean there are sweaty horny drunk people everywhere rubbing against each other. It makes me want to puke and I haven't even drank yet.
"Stop analysing everything with your inner dialogue, we are having fun, remember!" Bella says as I look at her confused.
"You are my sister Em's. I know everything about you, I know when you're on the brink of an anxiety attack!" Bella says holding on to the top of my arm as we walk to the bar.
She doesn't know everything I couldn't let her, she'd see me as the vile used thing I am.
In no time at all, I had drank two glasses of red wine and am now a little tipsy. I look around for the girls and Teddy as I see Bella walk into the bathroom. I stumble to my feet off the uncomfortable metal bar stool and start my small journey to the restroom following Bella.
I'm stopped when I bump into something dense and muscular much like a wall, I fall to the floor on my ass as I sigh trying to get up, I fall back on my ass again and I finally get up as the quote-on-quote wall stands looking at me like I'm dumb, I glare at him.
His light blue greyish eyes staring down at me as I scale my eyes over the extremely handsome man who's wearing a black long sleeve shirt with just enough chest to reveal his muscular torso.
Not that I'm looking, trust me, I’m not.
"Guardado Tesoro" he says smirking at me as I narrow my eyes at him helping myself up since he didn't.
Translation (watch it sweetheart.)
"What, no sorry?” He questions in a thick Italian accent grabbing hold of my arm as I attempt to walk away from him.
"Ugh, thanks for knocking me over, Casanova asshole!" I mumble inwardly under my breath but due to the harsh liquor and an unimaginable amount of red wine in my system my internal voice seems to become external.
"Do you know who I am?” He says still not letting go of my arm as I look at the restroom door wondering if
Bella’s still waiting for me. (He’s not the muffin man, that's for sure.)
”Yes, guy who knocked me over now get off me creep!" I snap glaring at him.
Let's just say the alcohol has given me a new outlook on life, a new profound confidence. Geez, if only I could be tipsy forever, I think to myself internally as I watch his smirk get broader, like he’s trying to read me and it’s amusing him, weirdo.
Pulling away from him, I slip into the public toilets (walk would be a bit of an overstatement, more of a stumble).
Vincent's POV.
"Boss should we punish her? She disrespected you!" Hunter asks whilst laughing and holding his gun to his side as I smirk to myself. I catch a glance of the gun and shake my head.
"No, I will deal with her in my own time." I say smirking to myself as the hunter nods an approving nod.
Embers POV.
"Come on, I want to go home and eat pasta” I say slurring my words as Bella and Jade laugh at me while Teddy and Lily cry.
Lily and Teddy are very emotionally cut off so whenever they get a taste of the truth juice, their true feelings come flooding out, even their sad ones. After months of holding back their tears, they finally start to flow like an everlasting river.
"I just think mum, she could work less. Did you see Callum at the house yesterday? "He hasn't seen us since what happened with Luke." Teddy says crying as Lily starts to walk away from him sniffling as my breath hitches. The sound of his name makes my blood run cold.
"He wasn't Luke's real friend, Luke's real friend was teddy, not him!” I say as teddy and Bella glare at me and I turn away from them.
"How could you say that about Callum? He was like a brother to you!" Bella says as Lily stands their looking at the ground as tears flow from her eyes that alcohol has really gotten to her head.
