Grace, page 36
‘Well, for your sake – and not for Piers’ sake, let me make that clear – I do hope she comes to you. I can see how much you love her.’
‘Yes, I do,’ said Amelia, nuzzling Grace’s downy head. ‘I do. But sadly, I fear that love will not be enough.’
31
February 24th
Michelle
Final hearing, Day 2
‘Miss Stone – can you please confirm your name and your role?’
‘Yes, madam. I’m Marion Stone, the children’s guardian appointed in this case. I work for Cafcass.’
‘Thank you, Miss Stone,’ said Judge Joshi, turning her attention once more to the wider group. ‘Now, we have all read Miss Stone’s final report into this matter. I’d like to ask Mr Shelley to begin questioning, please.’
‘Certainly, madam,’ he replied, picking up his copy of the report, which Michelle could see was full of pen markings and stickers highlighting sections he obviously wanted to raise. She knew that Sally’s copy looked pretty similar. She’d read it out to her a few days previously and although it was long and confusing in parts, Michelle had found it surprisingly okay. It hadn’t condemned her as a drug addict, or a thief, or as a waste of space. In fact, it had said pretty nice things about her. Which was a relief, given yesterday’s car crash of a hearing. Today could only be better, she hoped. It definitely couldn’t be worse.
‘Miss Stone,’ said the local authority’s barrister. ‘How many hearings of this type have you worked on in your career, would you say?’
‘I can’t give you an exact number, but I’d imagine well over fifty,’ the guardian replied.
‘And in how many of these cases did the child go back into the care of the birth parents?’
‘Again, I can’t give you an actual statistic,’ she replied, ‘but very few, I suppose. But they do, sometimes.’
‘In your report, you lay out clearly how things stood at the time Grace was taken into local authority care. You appear to agree absolutely that this was the right decision?’
‘Yes, I do. At that time, the birth mother was asking for adoption, the birth father wasn’t expressing any interest in his child, and the couple’s home life was chaotic.’
‘But you think this has changed? The chaos is a thing of the past?’
‘Yes, in the sense that the mother is now living with support in a stable environment and the father has taken a similar route, with the support of his parents.’
‘However, the birth parents, previously in a long-term relationship, cohabiting, have split up. Do you feel that this provides a solid basis for the child’s upbringing?’
‘Given what they have each told me, I feel they are probably better apart than together,’ Marion Stone replied, pulling herself up as she did so.
‘And you were able to judge this, how? How many hours did you spend with them? Did you drop in on them unannounced?’
‘No, I always arranged my visits.’
‘Is it possible, therefore, that things might not be as settled as they seem?’
‘That is always possible.’
‘Quite. Miss Stone, moving on to the prospective adopters. They are a married couple, are they not?’
‘Yes. They have been married for about six years, I believe.’
‘And are they settled?’
‘Yes, they share a home, have a stable income and have plenty of time to spend with the child.’
‘And are they habitual drug users? Do they shoplift?’
Michelle saw Marion Stone give Philip Shelley a withering stare.
‘Mr Shelley, you and I both know that we vet potential adopters very carefully. But that’s not the point of this, is it?’
‘Miss Stone – their suitability aside, it is to be assumed that they are caring well for Grace?’
‘Yes. They have fully bonded with Grace, and her with them, I’d say.’
‘What, in your opinion, would be the effect on Grace of removing her from their loving care, at this stage?’
Marion Stone poured herself a cup of water and took a sip before answering.
‘Grace is now nearly five months old. She is capable of recognising familiar faces and will see her foster parents as primary caregivers – her mum and dad, essentially – at this stage. However, separation anxiety doesn’t really kick in until eight months, so any transfer before that stage shouldn’t upset her too much.’
‘So, if care were to be handed over to either of the birth parents, you would effectively be separating baby Grace from the only people she really knows as her mother and father?’
‘If you want to look at it that way – yes,’ she replied, looking, Michelle thought, a little flustered.
‘Thank you. No further questions, madam,’ the lawyer said.
‘Thank you, Mr Shelley. Mr Carraway? Do you have questions for Miss Stone?’
‘I do, madam,’ said Len Carraway, getting to his well-heeled feet. I bet those shoes cost more than my whole suit, Michelle thought. ‘Miss Stone – I appreciated the time and obvious thought that you have put into your report. I see that you were impressed by the family unit my client, Robert Allcott, is now part of.’
‘Yes, I felt that the support he is getting from his parents is most valuable. Their home is of course well set up, and they’ve given a lot of thought to how they will accommodate a new family member. I felt also that Mr Allcott seems determined to make positive changes in his life.’
‘That’s wonderful to hear, Miss Stone. Why, then, have you not recommended that Mr Allcott should have custody of his daughter, given your view on those subjects?’
‘I had to take everybody’s situation into consideration as a whole, Mr Carraway. I have to decide what is best for Grace in the long run – where she will be safest, and where she will be happiest. I have to consider the character of each adult in this case, their past behaviour and their current situation, and I also have to consider the possibility that they may fail in their effort to begin a new life and fall back into old ways.’
‘What evidence do you have for that concern, Miss Stone?’
‘It is always a risk, Mr Carraway.’
‘And what evidence do you have for Mr Allcott’s alleged drug use currently, or alleged abuse of his partner? My client says that he has put his drug use behind him. He recently took a drugs test, which he passed with flying colours.’
Pretty easy to do that when you’re living with your mum and dad and it’s been weeks since you last took anything, Michelle thought.
‘No, Mr Carraway, but I trust the judgement of my fellow social workers,’ replied Miss Stone.
‘I see. No further questions.’
Len Carraway sat down, and Michelle thought, just for a second, that she saw the judge stifle a sigh.
‘Right, Ms Mucklow. I assume you also have questions for Miss Stone?’
‘I do, madam,’ Sally replied. ‘Thank you.’
Go on, Sally. Show them that I’m not a public liability, thought Michelle. Someone has to.
‘Miss Stone, I was delighted to see that you were so positive about Miss Jenkins in your report,’ Sally began. ‘Indeed, in your conclusion, you said that you felt that Grace would be safe with her, and that returning her to her mother was a real option. Can you tell the court how you came to that conclusion?’
‘Certainly, although of course I must point out that in my conclusion I also say that I feel she is also safe in her current setting. However, I wanted to give Miss Jenkins the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to set out her stall here in court.’
‘Yes, she will be giving evidence later on today,’ Sally answered. ‘However, in terms of your conclusions – can you tell me why you feel that Miss Jenkins would be a safe choice for Grace?’
‘Michelle – Miss Jenkins – is, in my opinion, a very impressive young lady, who was given a terrible start in life,’ she replied. ‘I know that social services played its part in that, and I acknowledge that absolutely. At the time of Grace’s birth, she was receiving no support from anyone, and I am not surprised that she considered surrendering her to be the best option. However, she has now found a very successful placement with experienced fosterers, and she has made great strides in her personal life. She has made it clear that her intention now, if the judge decides she should have custody, is to focus on Grace for the time being, with the support of the two other adults where she is living. I believe that this would be a safe way to begin her parenting journey, with ample support from social services. Should, as I say, the judge decide to pursue this path.’
‘Thank you, Miss Stone. One more thing – you do not recommend in your report that Mr Allcott should be given sole custody of Grace, yet you are prepared to consider that option for Miss Jenkins. Why is that?’
‘I did not feel that he was as dedicated in his intention to parent Grace as Miss Jenkins. When I spoke to him alone, he was somewhat lacklustre and unsure. I just didn’t get the right message from him.’
‘I see. Thank you, Miss Stone. No further questions.’
*
‘Would you like a hot chocolate? I got one from the machine down the corridor earlier, and it wasn’t too bad…’
‘No,’ Michelle replied.
‘But some sugar will do you good, lovey,’ said Gillian. ‘Also, I’ve got some jelly babies in my bag.’ Gillian reached into her large batik tote and pulled out a large, unopened bag of the sweets, tore off the corner, and held it out to Michelle. ‘Go on. Have a few. You must be starving.’
‘I’m not hungry.’
‘I know you may not feel like you are, but trust me, you need something. Come on, lovey, take one, for me. I’ve been here all morning rooting for you, sending you positive vibes through the door, and the least you can do is eat one. Look, I’ll let you have a blackcurrant one, okay?’
Michelle smiled briefly and took a sweet.
‘Thanks. But honestly, I’m not hungry at all. It was still shit, Gill, even though the guardian had said nice things about me. I mean, she was nice, but she was hardly telling them to just hand Grace over, you know? She made it sound like I’m a kid, and that I need supervision. And I just know that this afternoon is going to be fucking awful.’
Gillian noticed that Michelle had finished the sweet, so held out the bag again. Michelle took another without a word.
‘Giving evidence is your chance to set the record straight,’ said Gillian. ‘And Sally told us this morning that she had some new evidence, didn’t she? Something that would make Rob look like the idiot he is? That’s got to be worth watching, eh?’ Gillian said, digging Michelle in the ribs. Michelle managed another brief smile.
‘Yeah, I s’pose,’ she said. ‘But… I can’t change the past, can I? I can’t pretend that I refused to let them take her, or that I never took drugs, or that I never nicked stuff from shops… That bastard of a lawyer is going to shoot me down, isn’t he? I can just see he’s dying to do it. And the judge – she’s got that report from Marion that makes me sound okay, you know, but she said in it she still had doubts about me. So all I need is Rob’s fucking bulldog to throw shit at me that sticks, and I’ve had it. She’s gone. I’ll never see her again.’
‘Where is Sally?’ asked Gillian, clearly keen to change the subject. ‘Has she gone to get lunch?’
‘No, she said she had a meeting to go to,’ Michelle replied. ‘But I think she’ll be back in a few minutes.’
‘Okay,’ said Gillian. ‘In which case, I’ll just go to find us a sandwich each, okay? I’ll grab us a ready-made one from that newsagent down the road. I’ll be back in five.’
‘Sure,’ said Michelle, glad to be given the chance to be alone with her thoughts. Gillian walked off at speed, keen, Michelle guessed, to be back to hear whatever Sally had to say. Michelle put her head in her hands and closed her eyes. She was interested in Sally’s news too, of course, but doubted that anything could blow the ‘new’ Rob and his expensive brief out of the water now. They were going to try to sink her first; that she did know.
‘Michelle?’ a familiar voice said. Michelle sat back up and opened her eyes and looked at her social worker, Laura.
‘Yeah?’ she said, almost as a challenge.
‘Can I sit down?’
‘It’s a free country,’ she said. You’re not getting a smile from me, she thought. No way. Not after your answers in court yesterday. Call that trying to help me?
‘I’m so sorry that I didn’t manage to pull things around for you yesterday,’ Laura said, sitting down in the seat Gillian had just vacated. ‘I did try, but I had to be honest, too, and the questions were quite skewed…’
‘Yeah, whatever.’
‘I mean it, Michelle. I am sorry. I want them to give you Grace.’
‘Do you really?’
‘Yes, I do. I really do.’
‘Hmmm,’ replied Michelle.
Then, Laura slid a letter across onto her lap.
‘This is for you,’ said Laura. ‘It arrived at the office this morning.’
Michelle stared at the envelope, which was addressed to her, care of social services, with neat curly handwriting, an air mail sticker and stuck with unfamiliar stamps. The stamps said it had come from Australia. Michelle’s stomach lurched.
‘Is this what I think it is…?’
‘I think so,’ replied Laura. ‘We didn’t want to tell you we’d located her unless she was happy to get in touch. But this suggests that she’s happy at least to write to you. I haven’t read it, of course. Because it’s for you.’
‘Wow.’
‘I know. Look, I won’t stay, because you’ll be wanting to read that ASAP. But I will be in court today, until the judgement.’
‘Okay,’ replied Michelle, although she was not really listening. She was fixated on the envelope, and the longed-for message that both terrified and excited her.
‘Okay then. See you later,’ said Laura, standing back up. ‘Good luck.’
Michelle nodded but didn’t shift her gaze from the envelope that she was grasping with both of her hands.
Part of her was afraid to open it.
What if it contained an angry note from her sister, telling her that she blamed her for everything, and never wanted to hear from her again? It was possible. But then, what if it contained something wonderful, like a story of a happy childhood and her adventures in Australia? Shit, Michelle thought. If it’s the former, there’s no way I’ll be able to give evidence this afternoon. But if it’s the second, I’ll be dancing around the room. The only thing she had ever wanted to know was that her sister didn’t blame her, and that she was content. That was all. To her, that was not a small thing; that was everything.
‘I’m back! Amazing, I know. I used contactless and was on my way in a jiffy. Here you are – I got ham and cheese. Is that okay?’ Gillian stood in front of Michelle for a brief moment before she realised why Michelle was not responding. ‘Oh good lord – is that what I think it is?’ she asked, sitting down next to Michelle. ‘Is that a letter from Australia?’
‘Yeah,’ replied Michelle, her voice breaking. ‘Yeah.’
‘Have you opened it yet?’
‘Nope.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because it might have bad stuff in it. I should probably save it until later. Just in case.’
‘Don’t be silly. This is a letter from a sister you haven’t seen since you were six years old. You need to open it now.’
‘What if I can’t read it? What if I can’t make out the words?’
‘Don’t be daft,’ said Gillian. ‘Anyway, I’m here. I’ll help.’
‘Okay.’
Michelle’s hands were shaking as she tore the top of the envelope. Inside was a folded sheet of lined paper. She reached inside and pulled it out, and as she did so, something slid onto her lap. Michelle reached out and picked it up. It was a passport sized photograph of a beautiful teenage girl; she had sleek brown hair, a long straight nose, dark brown eyes and a broad smile. Her skin was lightly tanned, and she was wearing a loose red vest and denim shorts.
‘Oh my God,’ said Michelle. ‘She’s… amazing.’
‘She looks like you,’ said Gillian. ‘So much like you.’
Michelle unfolded the notepaper and began to read, with Gillian’s help.
Dear Chelle (I still remember calling you that!)
It was amazing to receive your letter. My mum and dad, they’re great (although a bit annoying!) but they have always tried to put me off tracing my birth family. I was always going to do it though, when I get to 18. I’m only two years off that now, so I was almost there, right? But now I don’t have to wait.
I’m so glad you’re okay, and how exciting that you have a baby! I can’t wait to meet her. I’m good. I hate school but it’s okay. I like science and cricket. I love the beach. I want to be a nurse.
Do you have an iphone? Can we facetime? I would love that.
Love,
Grace (your sister! Wow.)
By the time Michelle had finished reading the letter, there were blotches on the paper, making the blue ink run. Her heart was still racing and her hands were still shaking, but her grip on the letter was vice-like.
‘How do you feel?’ asked Gillian.
‘She isn’t angry with me,’ said Michelle, ignoring the question. ‘She isn’t. She says she wants to talk to me. She’s happy. Did you get that from the letter? I think she’s happy.’
‘Yes, I think she is,’ replied Gillian. ‘And she was never going to be angry with you, Michelle. You were six years old. You had no way of stopping her from being taken. You were not in control. As I keep telling you – it was not your fault.’
Suddenly, Michelle was back in that room with the Lego and the dolls, listening to her sister’s cries of alarm as she was taken out of the house and bundled into a car. And then she remembered the locked door and the tall, strong woman holding her back, who didn’t even try to comfort her when she cried.
‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘Yes. I couldn’t stop them.’
‘No, you couldn’t. Now, my lovely, eat your sandwich. You’re going back inside in ten minutes.’
