Sleighed, page 5
“I’m saying I want to get laid right now, if that’s what you want, too.”
My mouth curved into a huge smile as I nodded. “Sleighed.”
Her eyes widened. “What?”
“Getting laid over Christmas time…‘sleighed’.”
She snorted. “That’s probably the corniest thing you’ve said thus far, Fugger.” She ran her hands through my hair. “It’s a good thing you’re irresistibly handsome…with special talents.”
“You have no idea.” I gestured toward my bag. “I’ve got two penis maracas in there I’ve got plans for—and a hungry tongue. It’ll officially be next year by the time you want to leave this room.” I lifted her up.
She wrapped her legs around me. “Well…Merry Fugging Christmas to me!”
LIGHTS OUT LOVE
Cole is utterly annoyed by his neighbor Josie’s obnoxious Christmas display. When she blows out power on the street, he marches over and lets her know what he thinks of the mess she’s made. But when the only generator in town brings the two nemeses together…the Christmas display isn’t the only thing burning bright.
CHAPTER 1
* * *
Josie
“What in the hell are you doing?”
I was bent over, wrapping lights around the base of my mailbox, and the bark of a man’s voice behind me made me jump. When I stood up, my head whacked against the mailbox above me.
“Owww.” I rubbed the top of my head and squinted at the man whose voice had startled me. My neighbor was parked in front of my house, sitting in his ridiculously large truck. “Jesus—don’t sneak up on people like that. What the hell does it look like I’m doing?”
He glanced around my lawn. “It looks like someone vomited Christmas all over the place.”
I scowled. God, this new neighbor was always so grumpy. It was too bad, because he was also pretty damn hot. He reminded me of that British actor from the Divergent movies…Theo something or other. But just because he had full lips, a chiseled jawline, and eyes the color of molten chocolate, didn’t mean I’d put up with his insulting my pride-and-joy Christmas display.
My hands settled on my hips. “I’m just getting started. It takes me a full two weeks to get everything set up.”
“You mean there’s more than all this?”
“Of course there is.”
He shook his head. “Those lights on your roof are already going to be shining in my window at night.”
I almost laughed. He was worried about the two measly strings I’d put up this afternoon? This was nothing compared to what it would look like by December 1. I was pretty sure astronauts in space enjoyed the glow of my house during the holidays.
I shrugged. “Perhaps you should get those black-out shades people who work nights and sleep days use.”
Mr. Grumpy frowned. Without a word, he nailed the gas and pulled into the driveway across from mine. I thought that was going to be the end of it, but after he got out of the car, he ambled back across the street.
“Please don’t tell me all of this attracts attention and people come by at all hours of the night to see a bunch of lights and silly figurines moving on your lawn.”
I pursed my lips. “Okay. I won’t.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You won’t what?”
“I won’t tell you that people come from all over to see my display, even though it’s the truth.”
Mr. Grumpy dragged a hand through his hair. “I bought this house because the neighborhood is quiet. Most of the homes around here are only used seasonally, and I travel most of the summer when it gets busy. I figured it would be empty in the winter.”
He wasn’t wrong. This area of the Hamptons was mostly second homes. The population in the summer grew to fifteen times what it was in the winter. Year-rounders like me weren’t the norm.
“It is quiet for most of the winter,” I said. Though I didn’t bother to add that in just a few weeks, our little block would have a constant stream of cars passing by. People came from all the surrounding towns to see my decorations. He’d have to deal. After all, the money people donated when they came by went to charity.
Mr. Grumpy’s eyes roamed my face. Apparently whatever he was looking for he didn’t find, because he frowned and stomped back to his house without another word.
Sighing, I kneeled back down to finish setting up the mailbox lights and mumbled under my breath, “So rude.”
“Rude is being inconsiderate of the people around you!” my neighbor yelled as he walked up his driveway.
How the hell had he heard me?
I cupped my hands around my mouth and leaned toward his house as I yelled back, “Or saying someone’s hard work looks like vomit!”
He responded with the loud slam of his front door.
What a jerk.
***
The following week, I went shopping with my friend Sarah for new decorations to add to my display. Sarah lived in Manhattan and mostly spent summers in the Hamptons, but all I’d had to do was mention shopping and she’d come out to visit me for the day.
Our mission complete, we’d started to unload the packed trunk of my car back home in my driveway. There had to be at least twenty bags of lights and decorations, plus the backseat had two gorgeous, six-foot-tall nutcrackers I’d snagged at an incredible pre-season sale. As I collected another handful of bags, Mr. Grumpy’s big, obnoxious truck came down the street. I hadn’t seen him since our lovely last encounter at my mailbox a few days ago. He shook his head as he rolled by and parked in his driveway.
My friend turned and caught a glimpse of the man behind the wheel. “Ooooh…” she cooed. “I forgot all about him. Hot Neighbor moved in during the spring, right? Why didn’t we see him at all over the summer?”
I shrugged. “He bought the house in April, I think. But he wasn’t around much until recently.”
Sarah looked across the street and waved. “God, he’s really gorgeous. Emily Vanderquint’s husband mentioned him at your Labor Day party. He said he’s some sort of author. Something about a summer book tour? Apparently he’s very popular—that’s probably why he wasn’t around much.”
“Yeah, well, he’s also a jerk.”
“Really?” She licked her lips. “I don’t mind jerks. The bigger the chip on the shoulder, the hotter the sex. Are you…interested in him?”
I scoffed. “Definitely not. If he doesn’t already hate me, he’s going to in six days.”
“So…you wouldn’t mind if I went over and said hello, then?”
An unexpected pang of jealousy hit me, though that was ridiculous. I shrugged and closed the trunk. “Suit yourself. Have at it.”
Sarah smiled, smoothed her hair, and gave a little tug to the hem of her sweater, which caused the V-neck to showcase more cleavage.
“Leave the big nutcrackers in the backseat,” she said. “I’m going to ask him for help lifting them out.”
“Uhhh... That’s probably not a good idea. The man loathes my Christmas display.”
But Sarah was already walking across the street. She raised a hand and called out as he walked to his front door. “Yoo-hoo! Mr. Neighbor Man!”
I rolled my eyes and headed to the garage to store the packages from my trunk. A few minutes later, Sarah came back with Mr. Grumpy in tow.
“Cole here is going to help us lift out those heavy nutcrackers.”
I smirked at him. “Cole? Is that your real name or what old Saint Nick leaves in your stocking because you’re such a scrooge?”
Mr. Grumpy tried to keep a stoic face, but I caught the little twitch at the corner of his mouth. Sarah opened the back door of my car, and he peered inside.
“Gee, a nutcracker for the woman who likes to bust my balls. How appropriate.”
“Good one.” I laughed. “Your wittiness doesn’t make up for your grumpiness, though.”
Sarah interrupted, “I, uh, actually have to run—late for an appointment. Have fun!”
She disappeared, getting into her car before I could even give her a dirty look. She’d intentionally left me alone with this curmudgeon guy.
He watched her drive away, then turned to me. “So why exactly am I contributing to this holiday vomit again?”
I tilted my head. “Because deep down you have a soul, Cole?”
“Nope, that can’t be it. I gave up my soul for Lent last year and never got it back.” He winked, flashing a mischievous smile that made me tingle a bit.
Cole the Asshole was downright hotter than hell.
“Well, I appreciate you letting me borrow your muscles in any case,” I said.
He looked around at the decorations and lights I’d put up thus far. “Seriously, why do you bother with all this? It’s a lot of work. Why not just go visit lights somewhere else?”
“If everyone thought that way, there would be nothing in life to enjoy. Sometimes you have to be the change you want to see in the world.” I tried to disregard the emotions bubbling up, because deep down, I knew that wasn’t my only motivation. “Anyway…I have my reasons.”
Cole raised a brow. “You get off on the attention?”
“If attention means making other people happy, then yes, I get off on it.” I squinted. “And by the way, given that you’ve chosen not to participate in our block’s line of lights, don’t be surprised if you see kids crying when they pass your house because it’s such a disappointment. You’re going to stick out like a sore thumb, being the only dark house.”
“There’s only five houses on our little block, and I haven’t seen a light on in two of them in weeks.”
I pointed to each home as I spoke. “The Martins’ son will be here this weekend to put up their decorations. They winter in Florida, but their son still comes and sets up a simple display that works on a timer. The Ackermans hire a company to set up theirs, and old Mrs. Becker comes out and puts up her own lights even though she’s nearly eighty. It’s for charity, and it looks nice when the whole block is lit up around my display. You’re the only scrooge.”
“I’ll live with that guilt, but thanks for the warning.” He bent to reach into my backseat. “Anyway, let me get these out for you.” I watched as my neighbor slowly and carefully lifted the first heavy soldier out of the car. “Where do you want him?”
I pointed. “On the left side of my front door, please. The other can go right across on the opposite side.” I snorted. ‘They’re going to be standing guard.”
“Awesome,” he said. He deposited the soldier and returned to the car. “And to think I just installed a home security system. Had I known these things were going to be protecting the neighborhood, I wouldn’t have bothered.”
After he placed the second soldier in its rightful spot, I said, “Well, thank you for the help.”
He rolled his eyes. “Maybe Santa Claus will be nice to me this year.”
For some reason, I felt like I should offer him something to say thanks. “Would you…like to come in for a glass of wine?” What am I doing?
He scratched his chin, looking down at his shoes. “Actually, I can’t. I have a virtual meeting for work in a few minutes.”
“Or it could be that you don’t want to fraternize with the overly jolly neighbor.” I chuckled, feeling dumb for asking him to come over. “What exactly do you hate so much about Christmas lights anyway?”
“Well, for one, it invites unnecessary attention. There’s a lot to be said for peace on the home front. I want to be able to walk around in my underwear without having to worry about someone peering in my window.”
“Christmas has to stop because you don’t want to wear pants?”
“Well, I didn’t know what I was signing up for when I moved to Santa’s Village.”
That made me crack up. “Fair enough. Anyway, thank you for the help.”
“No problem.” He nodded and headed back across the street.
I watched as he walked away, enjoying the view of his mighty fine backside, and imagined him prancing around in his underwear to the tune of “Jingle Bell Rock” coming from my front lawn.
CHAPTER 2
* * *
Cole
All men manscape, right?
It was time for my once-a-month trimming. So I stripped off my clothes and stood in front of the bathroom mirror, taking some time to appreciate the results of the hard work I’d been putting in at the gym.
As I turned on the razor, I thought about my crazy neighbor Josie. I might’ve given her shit, but she was pretty damn cute. Too bad she reminded me of someone I wanted to forget, and that made me uneasy around her.
Josie. Trimming her tree across the street, while I was over here trimming the hedges around my cock.
Laughing inwardly, I’d just started to shave the first section when everything went black. The lights in the bathroom had gone out.
“What the fuck?”
I was pretty sure I’d shaved over something I hadn’t intended to. I turned off the razor and exited the bathroom, only to find that the lights in the entire rest of the house were out, too.
I looked out the window. The other houses on the street were also dark. Then it hit me: Josie. Today was the first evening of her lights display. It had nearly blinded me on my way back from having a drink with some friends. This was the first night of her holiday shenanigans, and suddenly all the power went out? There was no way those two things had nothing to do with each other.
I couldn’t see shit, but I made my way to my closet and grabbed what felt like a pair of jeans. I huffed and pulled them on before finding a shirt to throw over my head.
I carefully ventured downstairs and grabbed a flashlight from under the kitchen sink. Then I walked across the street to Josie’s. There didn’t seem to be anyone home at the other neighbors’ houses. They now had decorations out, but I hadn’t noticed their lights on earlier tonight. Clearly Josie had blown the entire street.
She was already standing in front of her house when I got there, as if she’d been expecting me.
Her hands were on her hips. “So…your wish came true,” she said. “Now not only are my lights out, but the whole street’s gone dark. Happy?”
She’s got to be kidding. She’s putting this on me? I shook my head. “Yeah. I’m thrilled. I love writing in the dark when I’m on deadline. I especially love when my laptop isn’t charged, and I have no way of even getting to my manuscript.” I shook my head. “Is this a common occurrence when you drain the neighborhood of power?”
“Don’t put this on me. It’s not my fault the lights went out. I blame your bad juju more than me using a little extra power.”
I scoffed. “A little extra power? That’s like saying the Kardashians are a little overexposed.” The woman had a full ice rink set up in her driveway with a half-dozen life-size skaters milling around to damn Christmas music—and that wasn’t a fraction of the shit she had going on.
“Maybe it was you who blew the power,” she countered. “I see you messing with saws and stuff in the garage sometimes. What power tool were you tinkering with today when the power blew?”
That almost made me laugh. I’d been messing with a power tool alright… I cleared my throat. “How long does this usually last?”
“I don’t know.” She huffed. “The power has never gone out before.”
Great. Just freaking great. “Well, did you at least call?”
“No…did you?”
I sighed and raked a hand through my hair. “Do you have some candles? I’m not exactly prepared for a blackout.”
Josie nodded. “I do. But can you come in the house with that flashlight so I can dig them out? I had to use the batteries from my flashlight for something on my display.”
I mumbled, “Of course you did.”
The inside of Josie’s house smelled like a bakery. I shined the light into the kitchen. “Were you making cookies or something?”
“Chocolate chip and pumpkin oatmeal raisin. You want one?”
Considering I was salivating at the smell, and my plans had been to use electricity to microwave a frozen dinner later, it didn’t seem wise to pass up the offer. “Sure.”
“Can you point that flashlight at the table, please? It’s to your right.”
I moved the light that direction, and my eyes went wide. “How many freaking cookies did you make?” There had to be at least a dozen trays lined up on her table, each one with a heaping mound of cookies wrapped in cellophane.
She peeled back the wrapping on one of the trays and slipped out two cookies. Passing them to me, she said, “I made eighteen dozen. Last year I made fifteen on the first night, and I ran out an hour before the end of the evening.”
“Jesus, I figured you got traffic, but not those kind of numbers. I didn’t think there were a hundred-and-eighty people left in this part of Westhampton Beach.”
She smiled. “I teach third grade in East Hampton. A lot of my students come—some are in college now and still come back every year.”
I bit into one of the cookies. “Damn. These are good. I guess if I had a teacher who looked like you and made shit that tasted like this, I’d probably still be coming back at my age.”
Even with only the light from the flashlight, I could see Josie blush. That surprised me; she had to be used to compliments with the way she looked.
“Umm…my candles should be in the top drawer of the sideboard in the dining room,” she said. “Follow me with your flashlight.”
She pulled a bunch of candles from a drawer, and then walked to the mantel over the fireplace and grabbed a lighter. After lighting a few candles around the room, she handed me two unlit ones.
“Here you go. These are from Thanksgiving, so they might smell like pumpkin or spices.”
I nodded. “Thanks.”
The flicker of the candle she held in her hand caught the blue of her eyes, and damn, her eyes were gorgeous. I forced my gaze elsewhere and nodded toward the door. “I’ll, uh, head back over to my place and give the power company a call.”
