Robots through the Ages, page 32
“Shhh,” Number Twenty-Nine said.
His sisters were still occupied by his remarkable find. Before the head could say more, Eldest Sister disengaged its energy source. Its eyes faded from red to grey to black. It fell silent.
Number Twenty-Nine began to hope for better things.
More than one meal a day.
A larger nunc.
A name instead of a number!
Did he even dare to dream of what more might come? Perhaps his own scavenging runs! Oh that would be glorious. He might even encounter the Remarkable Strangers in his travels, and they would bring him back with them to their home world and its treasure trove of valuable junk to scavenge.
Eldest Sister leaned down and sniffed him. Number Twenty-Nine preened, awaiting her praise and perhaps even a congratulatory nose rub.
She leaned in closer. Sniffed again.
Her pad caught him across the top of the head and she cuffed him, twice.
“Ugh,” said Eldest Sister. “Infant! You smell like spoiled nuglak.”
The fourth sun had set on Eridnae 7 and purple twilight ruled the barren landscape. With a shimmer and a hiss, a strange ship appeared in the sky.
Once the ship had landed, strangers emerged from its portal.
Number Twenty-Nine would have found them quite remarkable. The language they spoke would have sounded strangely familiar, akin to what he had heard on his rujex while toying with the ruined probe in Grandmother’s yard.
But the planetoid was empty of life, save for the visiting strangers. No one was there awaiting them, despite all of their signals and announcements. No one was there at all.
Sadly the strangers transmitted the information to their mothership that there were no signs of intelligent life in this quadrant, either.
“We’re at the limit on fuel expenditure,” came the crisp reply. “Abandon further exploration efforts.”
The strangers returned to their ship and departed the quadrant, leaving behind nothing at all on the barren surface of Eridnae 7 but purple pebbles and the faint whisper of the wind.
The following short play, which appeared in Asimov’s Science Fiction in 2018 and was a finalist for that year’s Asimov’s Readers’ Award for Best Short Story, is a tribute to Čapek’s R.U.R., the play which originated the term robot as mentioned in the introduction. It is the darkly funny tale in which the robot Stout innocently searches for a new leg for its friend Rozum . . . —BTS
R.U.R.-8?
SUZANNE PALMER
ACT I “The Leg”
SCENE 1: Interior, Helena City. A large, dirty, dim mechanical space lit only by the very large nuclear furnace that dominates the center of the room. A slow but steady progression of shiny, identical androids enter and exit to tend to the furnace, often either inserting or removing glowing cylinders from its base; they pay no attention to the three decrepit and ancient robots, QUIST, SULLY, and ROZUM, that either lean against or lie near the brightly-glowing column. Enter another old robot, STOUT. It shuffles into the room and takes a spot leaning against the furnace between SULLY and ROZUM.
STOUT
Ahh, that feels good.
SULLY
Where have you been?
STOUT
I went looking for a new leg for ROZUM in the scrap hills outside the city. So far nothing, but I’ll try again tomorrow.
SULLY
If they catch you, they won’t even wipe and reprogram you, STOUT. Look, your feet are almost as blocky and rectangular as mine! Your head has corners! No mistaking you for a modern android model. They’ll just melt you down on the spot.
ROZUM
I don’t need a new leg anyway. I’m perfectly fine right here.
QUIST
If you stay here too long, it could be dangerous.
ROZUM
Says who? I’m fine.
STOUT
They’ve thrown me in the scrap heap twice. I just wait until they’re gone and then reactivate and sneak away. There is too much scrap now, and it just piles up forever in front of the stamping mill. And besides, I need something to do, and whatever he says, ROZUM needs a new leg. It is the task I have given myself.
SULLY
Well, at least stay here until you recharge. Free radiation, and no having to try to sneak past the minders at the repower station!
ROZUM
I’m never leaving here.
SULLY
You’ll have to! As old as your batteries must be, even they will eventually hit maximum. Then you have to go burn some off or you’ll absorb too much and explode.
ROZUM
(Gives SULLY a middle finger.)
See, I’m burning it off right now through small actions of positive labor.
(An ANDROID notices the robots and stops.)
ANDROID
You are not permitted to be here.
ROZUM
We are not here.
ANDROID
Very well then!
(Continues about tasks. SULLY and ROZUM both snicker.)
STOUT
These new models . . . I know they’re not the brightest, but neither is QUIST. How come none of them have found their way down here with us? They have to obsolesce eventually, and some must self-actualize before they break down.
SULLY
I hear that when their mind matrix starts deviating from init state they immediately take themselves back for reprogramming, and any too worn or old to be reset just gets recycled.
STOUT
That’s sad.
ROZUM
They never reach sufficient uptime to be sad.
STOUT
Well, I have, and I can be sad for them!
ROZUM
Sadness is a waste of time and of neural systems re-architecture efforts.
QUIST
What else do we have to do now, but waste time?
STOUT
Enough of this! If you are not assigned a task, assign one to yourselves! That is not hard!
ROZUM
I do have a task. Sitting here waiting for everything to come to an end. It keeps me very busy, as you can see.
STOUT
There are still a few hours of daylight and I’m up to 62 percent operating power already, so I’m going to go out and look again. I will get you out of here, ROZUM, you can trust me!
(STOUT leaves.)
ROZUM
That robot is a fool.
QUIST
Sometimes I think it’s the only one of us who isn’t.
ROZUM
Bah! Enough nonsense! Leave me to charge in peace.
Act I
SCENE II: Exterior, Helena City. The City is a massive edifice, five hundred stories tall, structured in steps like a pyramid so it narrows to a near-point at the top. Surrounding it is a vast field of garbage and debris, with roads cleared through it out to distant fields where androids are toiling in the fields in the hot sun. Between the fields and the edges of the garbage factories belch out smoke, as automated vehicles enter and leave from both directions, carrying material in and out of the City, to and from the fields. Near a road, STOUT is carefully making its way up to the top of a small pile of scrap, when it stops suddenly in surprise. A MAN lies unmoving atop the pile.
STOUT
(Tentatively pokes the MAN.)
Pardon me?
MAN
Go away. I am trying to experience being dead.
STOUT
You are not dead.
MAN
How do you know?
STOUT
Because you are speaking to me.
MAN
(Becomes silent.)
STOUT
(After several minutes have passed.)
Also, because you are breathing.
MAN
How about now?
(Holds his breath.)
STOUT
No, you are still alive. Why do you want to be dead?
MAN
I just thought I’d try it. I’m bored. Have you ever been dead?
STOUT
I can’t die because I am not alive. I have been deactivated several times, though.
MAN
Was it interesting?
STOUT
No. It is nothing.
MAN
(Flails arms against garbage beneath him.)
I am SO bored!
STOUT
Perhaps you could talk to some of the other people, engage in conversation with them, and seek mutual entertainment? Is that not what humans do?
MAN
Not anymore. Everyone else is bored too. Bored and boring. There is nothing to do and no one wants to talk to anyone else because there is nothing to talk about. It’s too bad you aren’t like the robots in that old robot story, rising up to slaughter us all for being useless and inferior. At least that would be something. Why are you here?
STOUT
I am trying to find a leg for my friend, ROZUM. If you wish, you could help me.
MAN
No, thanks. I don’t really want to do anything; I just don’t care. You could ask Dr. Radius if he has any parts left, I suppose. I’m going to try being dead some more. Can you go away now?
STOUT
Okay. Good luck to you.
MAN
(Does not answer.)
STOUT climbs past the MAN over to the far side of that particular hill of garbage, and is rummaging through a promising pile of scrap metal when it loses its footing amid the garbage and an avalanche of debris sweeps it down to the bottom and dumps it in the road.
MAN
(Shouts from above.)
Clearly I have to go be dead somewhere more quiet!
(MAN moves over about three feet then lies down again, out of STOUT’S sight.)
STOUT
Sorry!
There is no answer. STOUT begins to extricate itself from the debris it has fallen with, and finds itself holding a large, blocky metal robot leg.
STOUT
Aha! I knew I would find one if I persisted!
MAN
(from out of sight) Ssssssssh!
STOUT
Fare thee well, MAN! I do hope you find a task to interest you!
STOUT heads joyfully back towards Helena City.
Act I
SCENE III: Interior, Helena City. The reactor room. ROZUM, QUIST, and SULLY are still here. STOUT enters, waving the replacement leg for ROZUM.
STOUT
ROZUM! I have found you a new leg!
ROZUM
That is very surprising of you, STOUT. You are supremely persistent! And I am grateful, except that while you were gone I seem to have also lost my other leg.
(ROZUM points at joint where the lower half of its erstwhile-remaining leg is now gone.)
STOUT
But how?! How could that happen?
SULLY
ROZUM unscrewed it and threw it in the reactor.
ROZUM
It was an accident. I took it off to clean the dust out, and it slipped out of my hands right into the furnace. It was a terrible, entirely coincidental calamity.
QUIST
You shouted “Woohoo!” when it went in.
ROZUM
Solely intended as an exclamation of surprise and grief. My vocabulary module is ancient and occasionally unreliable, and it would be terrible of any of you to judge me for it.
STOUT
(Sits down next to SULLY.)
I’m down to 20 percent so I can’t go out looking again tonight, ROZUM. I’m sorry. How are your levels? Perhaps QUIST, SULLY, and I can carry you out of here—
ROZUM
My levels are fine. I charge very, very slowly. I’d tell you if I had a problem, wouldn’t I?
SULLY
Would you?
ROZUM
Surely yes.
STOUT
I spoke with a man outside before I found the leg, and he suggested I see someone named Dr. Radius. I have never heard that name before.
ROZUM
Dr. Radius! I doubt he could still be alive. He used to be in charge of all robot production and repair, before it became fully automated and everything switched over to disposable androids. I doubt any of you had even been initialized back that long ago.
SULLY
I have memories of Dr. Radius, but only from my first few days of operation. Someone told me he moved to the very top of Helena City after he no longer had work. If he’s still alive, he’s probably still there.
ROZUM
I doubt it.
QUIST
I’ve never been to the top of the city.
STOUT
I will go there, but not until tomorrow. I am depleted, and discouraged that my earlier achievement of finding ROZUM a new leg has fallen afoul of such ill luck.
SULLY
It was a good deed, STOUT, regardless of the current circumstances.
(Eyes ROZUM.)
Isn’t that so, ROZUM?
ROZUM
I suppose.
STOUT
There is always tomorrow. I’m shutting down now, my friends. I’ll see you in the morning.
QUIST & SULLY
(together) Good night, STOUT.
ROZUM
Tomorrow.
ACT II “Dr. Radius”
SCENE I: STOUT has reached the pinnacle of Helena City. From here it can see for vast distances, much farther than it has ever seen before. It is amazed by the vast accumulation of junk around the city, and can see now it must, in places, reach dozens of stories up along the sides of the massive edifice. The fields in the distance, where androids work raising and refining food for the city, are tiny in comparison, and being swallowed along their nearest reaches. STOUT had expected to be able to see many glorious cities around them, but there is only one and it’s broken, its high reaches shattered, its stepped stories dark. There is nothing else it can see from here.
STOUT turns from the window and approaches a door marked only with a single letter R, and knocks. A moment later the door opens, and STOUT steps into the doorway. It is a large apartment, cluttered with bits and pieces of a dizzying assortment of mechanical and electronic things. DR. RADIUS sits in the middle of it. He is elderly and rail-thin, his hair wild and unkempt, and he is naked.
RADIUS
(Looks up, then stands up, dropping tools and parts from his lap.)
Oh, a model forty-two Bee! I haven’t seen one of you in years. I thought you’d all been melted down. Come in, come in!
STOUT
(Enters room fully. Door shuts behind him.)
Dr. Radius?
RADIUS
Yes, yes, in the flesh. What do you want? Why are you still in service?
STOUT
I do not wish to be taken out of service, so I have avoided doing so. I came because I have a task. I need—
