Only Regrets, page 15
“That might be hard to do, with the public fight that we just had outside,” I whisper and he shakes his head, still staring out the window.
“It was just the staff outside that heard it. Everyone else was inside,” he says and I sigh.
“I hate this. I hate that no matter what, we can’t just be happy together. I hate that we constantly have to hide,” I admit, and he turns to look at me, his expression soft and sad before he walks to me and kneels, his hands running through my hair.
“I know, little bird, but not for long. Just give me some time to figure this out. I will come up with a solution, I promise,” he vows, but it doesn’t ease my worry.
“How?” I ask, sadness filling my heart.
“I don’t know yet, Lissie. But just trust me. Just hang on for me and be my fierce little lion, can you do that?” he asks, tangling his fingers in my hair as his eyes search mine.
“Yes,” I say, and he presses his forehead to mine before kissing me long and softly, his lips memorizing mine in detail.
I try not to focus on it too much, but I can’t help but feel the sadness that’s in my heart now appear on his lips.
42
The party ended around midnight, and I told Sarah I was staying with Nathan.
We made love without any rush when everyone left, just basking in each other’s presence as we whispered our love into each other’s mouths and showed it with our bodies. He held me in his arms after and had a nightmare that awoke us in the morning.
When I grabbed his shoulders to shake him awake, his eyes met mine and he pinned me down and fucked me with such ferocity, like he thought I was going to disappear. It was frantic and fast and when we were done, I let him hold me again silently even though I wanted to ask what the dream was about. A part of me knew it wasn’t of the accident. I could tell by the way he fucked me it was something different, something terrifying.
I’m standing in his shower now, warm water easing the tense muscles in my body as I stand with my back to the shower door. When I finish washing my hair, I grab the bottle of lavender soap he bought for me and lather it over my skin, jumping when the shower door opens and Nathan walks inside in his glorious nudity. I can’t help but pause, my eyes roaming over every tan, muscled inch of his body.
“Don’t stop,” he says, his eyes on my breasts as he nods towards my soapy hands that rest on my belly.
I continue soaping my body, my eyes on his cock as his large hand covers it and fists it, pumping it slowly as my mouth waters.
“See what you do to me?” he gruffs out, pulling on his hard dick as it stares back at me, angry and red, a drop of precum spilling from its head.
I don’t stop the wanton moan from leaving my lips. I grab my breasts and soap them, palming and rubbing them as he watches me with hungry eyes, his hand still pumping his cock as I rinse my body.
“Spread your legs. I want to watch you touch your pussy,” he growls, and I obey, standing against the shower wall as I spread my legs and begin circling my clit with my wet fingers, moaning from the contact and wishing it was him.
“Did you ever think of me when you would touch yourself?” he asks and I nod my head slowly, watching with rapt attention as he pumps his cock faster.
“Did you whisper my name when you would finger your pretty, pink pussy, Alyssa?” he growls and I nod again, moaning as I circle my clit faster, his cock staring at me as he fists it.
“Did you see my face when you would come?” he gruffs out and I feel my orgasm hit its peak, spilling from me and onto my fingers as I cry out.
“Yes! I thought of you. I always thought of you!” I cry out, shaking with my orgasm as he pumps his cock two more times before spilling on the shower floor, his come washing away with the spray of the water as he walks to me and pulls me into his arms, kissing me deeply.
“I love you,” he growls against my lips, and I smile wide, my hands traveling up and down his strong back as the water drips from it.
“I love you too,” I say and then he turns off the shower, drying us off before dressing us and feeding us breakfast.
He drops me off at my apartment in the evening, walking me up and inside. Sarah left a note on the fridge letting me know that she was out for the night with Max, and I don’t miss Nathan’s growl when he reads his name.
“Don’t ruin our bliss with your jealousy,” I scold him and he scoffs at me as we walk into my bedroom.
“He clearly wants to fuck you,” he says as I change into a set of fresh shorts and a baggy t-shirt.
“And he’s clearly not going to, so put your green monster away and kiss me,” I say as he stares at my bare thighs before walking over, grabbing my face and kissing the daylight right out of me.
“What in the actual fuck!” I hear a yell from my doorway as we break apart and meet the angry face of my mother.
She has a suitcase in her hand, but I don’t stare at it long because all I can focus on now is the complete and utter disgust that’s laced across her face.
“Mom! I can explain-” I try to say, rushing to her before she holds up a hand, halting me as she stares at Nathan with so much hatred, it breaks my heart.
“What the hell are you doing near my daughter? Trying to steal this one too?” she hisses, cutting us both.
“Susan, I’m sorry you had to find out like this. Let me sit down and explain what’s been going on,” Nathan says calmly from behind me, but my mother shakes her head in fury.
“Been going on? You’ve been seeing him, Alyssa? Are you fucking kidding me?” she roars, and I flinch from her anger, tears pooling in my eyes.
“Mom, please. Please let me explain,” I plead, but she just shakes her head at me.
“How long?” she asks and I bow my head in defeat.
“Since I’ve been here,” I whisper and she scoffs.
“Susan, please. Don’t take it out on her. Let me-”
“Don’t you ever tell me how to speak to my children! You’re the reason our family has been ripped apart! You! Don’t even speak to me!” she screams and the room is silent.
A few minutes pass and I feel Nathan’s hand on my back as he brushes past me.
“I’ll let you two be. I’m sorry, for everything. I’ll call you later, Lissie,” he says before leaving the apartment.
“Mom-” I start but she turns away from me.
“I can’t even look at you! What is the matter with you? Never mind that he dated your sister, but he fucking killed her, Alyssa! And as soon as you get here, you open your legs for him? Have I taught you nothing?” she screams at me and I can’t stop the tears from pouring.
This is everything I’ve hidden from. This is everything I’ve tried to avoid, unveiling before me.
“Please, Mom, it isn’t like that. Just let me explain!” I’m begging now, frantic, but she just stares at me with so much anger in her eyes, I can almost swear that she hates me.
“There’s nothing that you could say that would fix this,” she says and I cry, but I don’t stop trying.
“You don’t know him like I know him, Mom. You don’t know the truth of everything. He’s good, Mom. He’s innocent and pure and loving and you have to let me explain. He was there for my first performance when you couldn’t show. He’s been protecting me here. I love him!” I say, but she just shakes her head.
“Your sister would be rolling in her grave right now if she knew. I hope you’re pleased with yourself. Now your mother has no daughters,” she says sadly, running out of my apartment and slamming the door behind her as I fall to the floor with deep, heavy sobs.
I cry for what seems like forever, ugly and hard as I bang my fists against the floor. I’m alone and I’m broken and the only person I want right now is him. The only person that can make me feel better is the one who contributed to my break, so I get up, grab my keys and go to him.
43
Nathan
* * *
I left her apartment in a hurry.
My mind is racing and I’m doing absolutely everything I can not to go back inside, grab her from her mother and take her away forever. I hate the way Susan spoke to her. How she made her feel worthless even though she’s worth everything good in this world. I have to do something to fix this. I have to make this right because seeing Lissie hurt like that is enough to break me in two, so I do the only thing I can think of, I drive to the source of all of our madness, my father’s house.
He doesn’t get back from his office at the stadium until late, usually because he’s out fucking God knows who behind his desk, so I should be in the clear for another hour or so. There has to be some paperwork in his home office, some contract he had Amber sign about their affair. I’ve seen a number of them from his other mistresses when I would snoop when I was younger. My father is a rich man with a solid reputation he tries to maintain, so he’s no stranger to making his mistresses sign NDAs. I know for a fact he had Amber sign one, he’d be an idiot not to.
I speed to my childhood home and cringe when I stop at the wrought iron gates outside of our brick mansion, the guard buzzing me in when he sees me. As soon as I near the end of the driveway, I rush inside and pass the maid.
“Where’s my father?” I ask and she shakes her head.
“Not here. Still at the office I guess,” she says in a thick Hispanic accent.
I nod and run upstairs, going to my childhood bedroom to find the spare key I had to his office. I kept it hidden in a book of poetry that I knew he would never search through, sighing in relief when I find it and march to his office door, unlocking it and pushing inside.
I make my way to his desk and start flipping through his files in his drawer. He keeps them all in the back, hidden behind football contracts and schedules. Low and behold, I find all the files from his past and flip through them until I find Amber’s name, dread filling me as I pull it out.
Not only did he make her sign an NDA, but he also knew about her pregnancy and her plan to keep it because I see a check made out to Planned Parenthood. An expensive check that costs a lot more than a checkup, and more like a paid abortion that never happened.
I flip through the papers and freeze when I come across photos, background checks and receipts. Some of which are of Amber, at practice or shopping or at home, all pictures taken from a distance. I pause on a photo of a man with a background check. A man by the name of Moses Jiminez, a large, Hispanic man with face tattoos and a history of assault charges. Some of which were robberies, most of them were hits that he was hired for. Then I see the bank transactions that were wired to him from my father. Expensive transactions.
When I see the note, anger blinds my vision. It’s an email that was made from an encrypted account, detailing the hit that my father ordered for Amber Adams, which would explain the photos he had of her. I feel a sickness spread across my chest, nestling its way into my thumping heart as I read and realize that my father, my flesh and blood, not only got my ex-girlfriend pregnant, but planned and paid for someone to kill her when she decided to keep the baby.
“Holy shit,” I gasp, not believing what I am seeing.
I start to grow paranoid. I have no idea when he’ll be back, and I can’t be here in his office when he is. I also can’t take the files, so I pull out my phone to take pictures of them, cursing when I realize it’s dead.
“Fuck!” I shout, closing the files and putting them back in their designed spot before I straighten everything, shut the door and lock it in place. I keep the key on me since I obviously have to come back at a better time, with a charged fucking phone apparently.
* * *
I drive home with my mind racing yet again, needing to fix whatever is breaking Lissie right now before she hates me forever. I've known her mother for almost a decade, and I know for sure that she’s probably turned her against me by now because she doesn’t believe the truth. I’ve been playing the villain for too long and now it may cost me the love of my life once and for all.
* * *
I arrive at home and kill the engine, sitting back in my seat and sighing as I stare up at the ceiling in my car. I live a life that almost anyone could consider great on the outside looking in. I’m rich, successful, the best quarterback this state has seen and I have a mansion sitting in front of my brand new car. Everything is perfect, from the outside.
* * *
Inside, I’m living a daily fucking nightmare and I finally got some peace by letting Alyssa Adams into my life and now I’ll lose her forever. I’ll have nothing but the memory of her in my bed, smiling. Nothing but the ghost of her in my house as her faint laughter sounds through the halls.
* * *
I have to fix this. I have to save us. Otherwise, all of this bullshit I have can go to hell. Without her, nothing matters.
* * *
I grab my keys and walk inside, running a hand through my hair as I walk in the door and toss my keys on the table. I freeze, realizing that I didn’t unlock my door as I came in. I just walked right in. I’m certain that I locked it before I left and took Lissie home. I look to my right and notice my dad’s suit jacket laying across my sofa and dread fills my gut and spreads across my body. He never visits me at my house unless there’s an event. He definitely doesn’t come when I’m not home and uses his key.
* * *
Fuck.
* * *
I stride down the hall and into the next wing, stopping outside of my office as my dad wheels around in my chair, a fresh drink in hand.
* * *
“It’s good to see you, son,” he says, sarcasm lacing his voice.
* * *
My father is an intimidating man to most, his big stature is where I get mine from, though I’ve got almost an entire foot on him. His muscles are mostly covered with fat due to his alcoholism and his hair is halfway gone. To me, he’s a bug under my shoes. I could kill him with my bare hands if he drove me to it. I’ve imagined it quite a few times, and I’m imagining it more as I think of what he could threaten Lissie with. What he could do to her reputation. What he could do to her career.
* * *
If he harms her in any way, I’ll have no problem killing Jonathan Ross.
* * *
“What brings you here Dad? Something I can help you with?” I ask, walking into the room slowly as he sips his drink, eyeing me.
* * *
“Yeah, actually there is,” he says as he sets his drink out and leans forward, placing his elbows on the desk and staring at me with his hands folded together.
* * *
“See, I was on my way home and my phone alerted me that there was a motion detected past my cameras in my office,” he says, clapping his hands together and I know for sure I’m fucked now.
* * *
“And I knew it wasn’t my staff because nobody has a key to my office. Nobody but me that is. But I think you know otherwise, don’t you Nate?” he says, his voice dark and his eyes narrowed.
* * *
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, swallowing deep as he stares at me.
* * *
“Cut the shit, boy. I saw you in there. I saw you going through Amber’s files. Fuck, Nate. You’re nearly thirty and you’re still snooping around like a child. Getting your sticky fingers over all of my shit per usual,” he says, slamming his hands on my desk, rattling the picture I have of my mother.
* * *
“Maybe I wouldn’t have to do that if you didn’t fuck my college girlfriend and get her pregnant. Oh wait, and order a hit out to kill her because she wanted to keep the baby. You’re right, Pops. I went snooping. And I found everything I needed to find. I saw all your dirty little secrets,” I hiss, squaring up as I walk to my desk and stand over him.
* * *
I’m done giving him the power to control or even be a part of my life. I could kill this motherfucker right now, but I’d much rather be in bed with my woman later instead of sleeping in a jail cell. I clench my fists at my sides, ready to swing, but knowing his fights now are through manipulation and not violence.
* * *
“I never killed Amber,” he says and I scoff.
* * *
“You didn’t, but if she wouldn’t have grabbed the wheel that night you would’ve had her dead in the morning. I saw the receipts,” I say in a low tone, not backing down.
* * *
“She couldn’t have kept the baby, Son. Our lives would be ruined. You wouldn’t have had the career you did. Wouldn’t have this nice house. All this fucking money you have. I got you here. I carried you on my back and I’ll be damned if I let your little whore fuck that up.”
* * *
I snap then, reaching forward and grabbing his shirt, yanking him towards me. His eyes widen in fear, but he doesn’t flinch.
* * *
“So you admit it. You made a hit out on her. You paid to have her killed and it would’ve happened if she didn’t die in that car accident,” I growl and after a while, after his eyes narrow and his throat clears, he nods.
* * *
“Yeah, I paid the fucker. I paid a man to kill Amber Adams, the bitch that asked for it by fucking with the wrong man. By getting pregnant like a fucking idiot, but thank God the bitch was stupid and went and got herself killed instead. Saved me the trouble, even though I’m out fifty grand." He spits and I would’ve clocked him, I would’ve broken his jaw right then if not for the soft gasp that sounds from the doorway.
