The Wives, page 13
Daniel’s voice pierced her thoughts almost painfully. She turned to shout at him. To tell him she knew everything. But before she could, he was there, his arms wrapped around her, holding her, making her feel… what? Loved? She didn’t think he loved her and was sure she didn’t love him. But he made her feel safe. Him or his money? It wasn’t as simple as that. She thought he’d keep her safe and give her the children her life needed. Thought he’d protect her from all that could be dragged up from the deep nooks and crannies of this hideous world. Thought he was one of the good guys.
It seemed she was wrong on all accounts.
She couldn’t meet his eyes; he’d see the truth written in them. Instead, she rested her head on his shoulder. ‘I’m tired, that’s all.’
‘You feel tense,’ he said. Reaching behind, he opened the door that had automatically slid shut behind him. ‘Let’s go to bed; I know what’ll help relax you.’ He must have sensed her reluctance because he added, ‘Maybe this will be the time we get you pregnant, eh?’
And finally, finally, she could admit it. She hated the bastard.
31
THE WIVES
It was an early start the following day. They had to be at the embarkation point on deck six by eight o’clock. Staying in the penthouse suite, Daniel and Natasha had priority boarding of the water shuttle, but to his annoyance, she insisted they join their friends. ‘We’re doing the excursion together,’ she said, in a tone of voice that said she wasn’t going to argue about this.
When they arrived at the general disembarkation desk, Ralph and Barbara were standing nearby.
‘I tried to get shuttle tickets for all of us,’ she said, greeting Daniel and Natasha with a smile. ‘But unfortunately, they said we have to wait until we’re all together. When we get them, then we have to wait till our group is called.’
Natasha saw Daniel glance towards the sign pointing towards priority disembarkation and waited for him to make some comment. She linked her arm through his. ‘It doesn’t matter; we’re in no hurry. They’re so well organised, we’ll all be off in a few minutes.’
She would have been right had their friends arrived at the agreed time, but although Michele and Don arrived a minute later, it was another ten before they saw Tracy Ann and Blake hurrying towards them.
‘We’re so sorry,’ Blake said, holding his hands up in surrender. ‘You should have gone ahead without us. I couldn’t find my crown medallion and you know we can’t disembark without it.’ There had been a warning on the TV information channel and a similar one highlighted in red on the day’s event guide. ‘I thought I’d hung it on the hook on the back of the door as always but we were about to leave and it was nowhere to be found.’
‘It was in the pocket of his robe,’ Tracy Ann said with a shake of her head. ‘Of course, it was the last place we thought to look.’
‘Well, let’s get our tickets and get on the damn shuttle.’ It was probably the longest sentence Ralph had made for some time. His tone raised eyebrows and made Barbara’s face take on the pinched look she’d worn more and more recently.
‘You’re the last!’ The cheerful crew member holding the tickets sang the words out, as if being last was a badge of honour. ‘You don’t need to bother with tickets now, just make your way towards the gangway where the crew will guide you onto the shuttle.’
‘Last,’ Daniel muttered to Natasha. ‘We could be ashore by now.’
Ignoring him, she tapped her crown medallion on the monitor as they left and stepped onto the short gangway to the water shuttle. Daniel insisted on climbing up to the outside deck. ‘We’ll get a good view,’ he said, urging Natasha to follow.
She shook her head. ‘I’ll sit inside, you go, enjoy.’ Maybe fall in and end all her problems.
Only Blake joined Daniel on the outside deck, the rest of them taking seats inside.
It was a short, bouncy trip to the wharf at Kigomasha. From where they sat, there was little for the inside passengers to see, the gap visible around the helmsman giving only a tantalising glimpse of blue sky, nothing of the island ahead. The rhythmic bounce of the shuttle hitting the water wasn’t loud enough to prevent conversation yet they sat quietly.
Natasha was staring straight ahead. Suddenly, above the sound of the shuttle’s engine and the rush of the sea, she heard Daniel’s booming laugh roll down the steps from the upper deck. A totally free, unconcerned sound of amusement. She wondered what had caused it. Was he thinking of her, and how he’d deceived her? Was he laughing that she was so easily fooled?
Before the sound of his laughter died, she knew what she had to do.
Tracy Ann was dreading a full day in Daniel’s company. Blake wasn’t the most observant of men, but even he was likely to see how uncomfortable she was every time she was in Daniel’s vicinity. Her ruse to prevent their departure had failed when Blake insisted they could go to the disembarkation desk and explain that he’d lost his crown medallion.
She’d tapped her wrist watch. ‘We’ve probably missed the last shuttle anyway. They won’t have waited for us. It doesn’t matter; we can have a relaxing day on board.’
Blake had looked at her in surprise. ‘But you were looking forward to seeing Kigomasha.’ He shook his head. ‘No, come on, we’ll go and explain. I’m sure it happens all the time.’
There didn’t seem to be any point in continuing the lie. She pointed towards the closed door of the bathroom. ‘Have you checked the pockets of your robe? Remember, you put it on last night to go out on the deck.’
He had, and later while her beloved husband was sleeping the sleep of the innocent, his cheating, lying wife snuck over to the door, took the lanyard down, curled it around the crown medallion and looked around for somewhere she could hide it. Deciding on the pocket of the robe he rarely wore, she slipped it inside, then crept back to bed and lay staring at the ceiling wondering how many more lies she’d be forced to tell.
On the shuttle, she was seated between Barbara and Natasha. Both were ignoring her. In fact, none of her friends had addressed her since her ill-judged confession. An ill-judged confession of an ill-judged act that wasn’t even half the story. The lump that seemed to be constantly lodged in her throat these days felt bigger, heavier. And then she heard it. That bastard’s laugh, tripping down the short stairway from the upper deck. She imagined him up there, head thrown back, mouth open to show his over-whitened teeth. What was he finding so amusing? Was he thinking about her, and her pathetic attempt to delay the inevitable? God, how she hated him. And as the last note of his laugh grated on her nerves, she knew there was only one thing she could do.
Michele had fallen asleep late and slept through her normal waking up time to discover they only had an hour to get ready and have breakfast before the agreed meeting time at the disembarkation desk. She poked Don in the side. Twice, harder the second time, getting a grunt in response. ‘Do you really want to go on this excursion today?’
That woke him faster. He pushed up onto an elbow and looked at her with sleepy eyes. ‘Of course, it’s going to be amazing.’
She’d seen photographs. It did look stunning. Was she really going to allow Daniel to spoil what might prove to be the highlight of the trip? Hadn’t he done enough damage.
‘Right, well we’d better shower together to save time.’ She grinned at her husband’s expression before jumping out of bed and running into the bathroom. She was in and out of the shower before he’d dragged himself from the bed. She stood with a towel wrapped around her and stared at him. ‘You missed out,’ she said with a shake of her head. ‘But we’d better not miss out on breakfast. So get a move on.’
They had a buffet breakfast for speed but it was still a few minutes after the agreed time when they reached the desk. Barbara and Ralph were standing to one side, Natasha and a visibly annoyed Daniel on the other. Michele had read the daily event page thoroughly. She was aware that Natasha and Daniel could have gone for priority boarding. She guessed the choice not to hadn’t been his and dared to give Natasha a conspiratorial wink that was returned with an accompanying smile.
Almost as soon as Tracy Ann and Blake arrived, several minutes later, they were shooed towards the disembarkation point. She listened to Tracy Ann and Blake’s story of the missing crown medallion and laughed appropriately even as she saw unease cross Tracy Ann’s face. Something is definitely not right with her, she thought.
It was the last shuttle to head across, and they were the last passengers to board. A few others were already inside, waiting patiently.
‘Upstairs,’ she heard Daniel shout. Only Blake followed him. She headed to the one empty bench at the rear of the inside and slid along to the end. Barbara cosied up to her with a smile. Tracy Ann reluctantly sat beside her, staring straight ahead when Natasha took the last space. Don and Ralph sat separately. And then they were off.
Michele wondered if she shouldn’t have insisted that they stay behind. Maybe had a relaxing day on the ship. Almost like having it to themselves. She’d noticed they were doing special offers in the spa; she could have had a massage at half the price it usually was. The thought made her shiver with longing. A nice, relaxing massage to smooth away the stresses and strains. Maybe if she relaxed enough, a solution to the mess their life had become would come to her.
She was still thinking about the joy of a full-body massage when she heard something that sent a shiver of pure hate darting through her. Daniel laughing, the sound curling in the air, almost hanging there malevolently. Was he up there thinking what a fool he had made of Don? Thinking how to use him in future? Because men like him, they never stopped.
She stared up the flight of steps, wishing she could see him falling down, breaking his neck, ending their awful dilemma. And before the thought finished, she knew exactly what she needed to do.
Barbara relaxed into the sway of the shuttle, rubbing arms with Michele on one side, Tracy Ann on the other. It would be good to be on land, even for a few hours. Cruising, she’d decided, wasn’t for her. Or maybe it was just this cruise… with these people. It should have been perfect. Four good friends and their partners. But everyone seemed to be on edge. Maybe being in such close proximity for an extended period of time had been a mistake. They were all rubbing against each other, causing abrasions. Bruises. She glanced down at Tracy Ann’s hand where it lay resting in her lap. The marks had turned a lovely shade of green. It was hard to believe Blake had been responsible, but if Natasha was to be believed, Tracy Ann had lied about falling. If Natasha was to be believed. If Tracy Ann was lying. She suddenly wondered if she knew these women at all. Or just the face they had shown her for all these years.
She regretted telling Natasha about Daniel’s vasectomy. What had she been thinking? Had she really believed that if they’d split up, he’d have turned to Barbara for consolation? She almost laughed out loud at the absurdity of her obsession. Stupid old woman. With a sigh, she looked to where Ralph was sitting, wearing the hangdog expression he’d taken to wearing recently like a favourite coat. She’d loved him almost from their first meeting. She still did, but… That made her give a weary smile. It had come to that, hadn’t it: she loved him, but… but she wished he hadn’t suddenly turned into a grumpy old man.
When they got home, she’d insist he went to see a doctor. She’d go too. It wasn’t only Ralph who was feeling out of sorts recently. Some days, she barely recognised the woman she’d become. This obsession with Daniel, for instance: what the hell was wrong with her? It was totally out of character for her to behave so irrationally. She was forty-one. Getting old. Feeling older. It mightn’t be any harm for her to have a chat with her doctor too. Get a blood test, see if she could blame everything on the approaching menopause. It would almost be a relief to have a reason for how she was feeling. Nice to know she wasn’t simply going crazy.
At least she hadn’t acted on any of the erotic thoughts she’d had about Daniel. Not like Tracy Ann. What a fool she’d been to have confessed to kissing him. Was that all she’d done? They’d looked awfully cosy in the hot tub together. Had he flirted with her the way he’d flirted with Barbara? Because she wasn’t imagining the little smiles, the accidental brushes of his hand against hers, the way his eyes would linger on her cleavage then rise to meet her gaze and open his mouth, just a little. He’d played with her. Like a cat with a particularly stupid mouse. Had it been fun for him? Make dowdy old Barbara fancy her chances with him? He’d made her value her base desires higher than her friendship with Natasha. What a fool Barbara had been. What a fool he’d made of her.
Her head jerked upwards when she heard the distinct sound of his laughter coming from the top deck. She pictured him with his handsome head thrown back, mouth open, a lock of hair falling over his eyes that he’d brush away with a flick of his strong fingers. And she hated him for the lick of lust she couldn’t prevent from darting between her legs. As the laughter seemed to peal again and again, the lust died and only the hatred remained.
32
NATASHA
There was a welcoming party waiting on the wharf when the shuttle pulled up. Those inside were first off, the four friends walking together, with a distance between them that wasn’t counted in space. The excursion organisers bustled about, welcoming them to the island, handing them each a map of their location with strict instructions to return to the wharf in three hours. ‘It will,’ they insisted, ‘give you plenty of time to walk along the beach and to have a look around the market that runs between it and the town.’
Tracy Ann raised a hand. As if she were in school. Had she raised a hand to ask if she could kiss Natasha’s husband? She shut her eyes on the mean thoughts that were rattling around her brain, the one where she hoped Blake would bash his wife’s head in.
Oblivious, Tracy Ann kept her hand up until one of the excursion organisers smiled in her direction. ‘Madam?’
‘Are we going by coach to Makangale Beach?’
Natasha’s laugh was cuttingly sarcastic. ‘It’s ten kilometres away; I don’t think they expect us to walk in this heat.’
Colour flared in Tracy Ann’s cheeks. ‘I meant was it by coach or taxi, that’s all. A coach means we have to wait till everyone is back. If it was by taxi, we wouldn’t have to hang around.’
‘Right.’ Natasha shrugged. She was being a bitch but should Tracy Ann expect anything different? That she was having problems in her own relationship didn’t excuse her for making moves on Daniel.
Oblivious to the sudden tension in the little group, the organiser beamed a smile which managed to include them all. ‘The journey will be by coach, madam. It will take us to the hotel where we will have lunch. After, there will be more free time to wander about.’ He gave a slight bow, this time an individual one directed at each of the group. ‘Enjoy your stay in this beautiful spot.’
It was indeed beautiful, Natasha thought, as they turned to walk towards a row of tall palm trees framed against a gentian-blue sky. It looked almost unreal. But then recently, she’d felt disconnected from everything. She’d hoped this cruise would help to restore some peace in her head. Slim hope of that happening now.
Lost in her thoughts, she was startled when Daniel grasped her hand. ‘Let’s go,’ he said, tugging her along. ‘Three hours isn’t long enough to be standing around in a daze.’
‘It’s better if we split up, don’t you think?’ Michele said. ‘I want to mosey around the market. We can meet back here for the coach.’ Without waiting for an answer, she linked her arm through Don’s and the two walked off towards the palm-thatched stalls of the market.
‘She’s right,’ Barbara said. She nodded towards a denser patch of trees at the far end of the beach. ‘We want to investigate the mangroves.’ She walked off, leaving Ralph to shrug and follow.
The awkward silence in their wake was broken by Daniel’s impatient, ‘Come on then, I want to dip my toes in the Indian Ocean.’
‘I think I’d like to go to the market first,’ Tracy Ann said, tucking her arm into Blake’s. ‘See you back here in a few hours.’
‘That’s worked out perfectly,’ Daniel said, linking an arm around Natasha’s shoulders as they walked towards the beach. ‘Nice to get some private time in this beautiful spot just for us, eh?’
Natasha couldn’t bring herself to reply. Instead, she took in the view. The sea was that shade of turquoise usually only seen in travel brochures, the beach a golden fringe that curved towards the dense woodland that Barbara had insisted she’d wanted to see. Natasha guessed that desire had been an excuse to break away from the others.
Within a couple of steps, the fine sand had worked its way into her flat sandals. Daniel had already taken his off and was heading to the edge of the ocean to dip his toes. She wished he’d keep going, walk into the sea, and never come back. Take the decision about their future from her. The sand was hot under her feet; she curled her toes, feeling it crunch as she watched him wade further out, the water now mid-calf. She found herself humming the theme music from Jaws. Smiling, she sat to wait for his return.
‘Come in, it’s warm,’ he shouted, kicking his foot up to send a stream of water into the air.
She shook her head, sending the broad-brimmed hat she was wearing tilting forward. Suddenly, she was in darkness. He was gone and she was alone. And then, without warning, she was back there in the intensive care unit, helpless as one after the other of the patients in her care succumbed to a virus nobody had anticipated. Maybe, after all, the cruise had had a benefit, because for the first time, she understood that she needed help. When she got home, she’d seek it out and hope that coming to terms with her past would enable her to face the future.
She tilted her hat back to stare out to where Daniel had moved along the beach, looking smaller now, still kicking the water. Like a child.
It seemed she was wrong on all accounts.
She couldn’t meet his eyes; he’d see the truth written in them. Instead, she rested her head on his shoulder. ‘I’m tired, that’s all.’
‘You feel tense,’ he said. Reaching behind, he opened the door that had automatically slid shut behind him. ‘Let’s go to bed; I know what’ll help relax you.’ He must have sensed her reluctance because he added, ‘Maybe this will be the time we get you pregnant, eh?’
And finally, finally, she could admit it. She hated the bastard.
31
THE WIVES
It was an early start the following day. They had to be at the embarkation point on deck six by eight o’clock. Staying in the penthouse suite, Daniel and Natasha had priority boarding of the water shuttle, but to his annoyance, she insisted they join their friends. ‘We’re doing the excursion together,’ she said, in a tone of voice that said she wasn’t going to argue about this.
When they arrived at the general disembarkation desk, Ralph and Barbara were standing nearby.
‘I tried to get shuttle tickets for all of us,’ she said, greeting Daniel and Natasha with a smile. ‘But unfortunately, they said we have to wait until we’re all together. When we get them, then we have to wait till our group is called.’
Natasha saw Daniel glance towards the sign pointing towards priority disembarkation and waited for him to make some comment. She linked her arm through his. ‘It doesn’t matter; we’re in no hurry. They’re so well organised, we’ll all be off in a few minutes.’
She would have been right had their friends arrived at the agreed time, but although Michele and Don arrived a minute later, it was another ten before they saw Tracy Ann and Blake hurrying towards them.
‘We’re so sorry,’ Blake said, holding his hands up in surrender. ‘You should have gone ahead without us. I couldn’t find my crown medallion and you know we can’t disembark without it.’ There had been a warning on the TV information channel and a similar one highlighted in red on the day’s event guide. ‘I thought I’d hung it on the hook on the back of the door as always but we were about to leave and it was nowhere to be found.’
‘It was in the pocket of his robe,’ Tracy Ann said with a shake of her head. ‘Of course, it was the last place we thought to look.’
‘Well, let’s get our tickets and get on the damn shuttle.’ It was probably the longest sentence Ralph had made for some time. His tone raised eyebrows and made Barbara’s face take on the pinched look she’d worn more and more recently.
‘You’re the last!’ The cheerful crew member holding the tickets sang the words out, as if being last was a badge of honour. ‘You don’t need to bother with tickets now, just make your way towards the gangway where the crew will guide you onto the shuttle.’
‘Last,’ Daniel muttered to Natasha. ‘We could be ashore by now.’
Ignoring him, she tapped her crown medallion on the monitor as they left and stepped onto the short gangway to the water shuttle. Daniel insisted on climbing up to the outside deck. ‘We’ll get a good view,’ he said, urging Natasha to follow.
She shook her head. ‘I’ll sit inside, you go, enjoy.’ Maybe fall in and end all her problems.
Only Blake joined Daniel on the outside deck, the rest of them taking seats inside.
It was a short, bouncy trip to the wharf at Kigomasha. From where they sat, there was little for the inside passengers to see, the gap visible around the helmsman giving only a tantalising glimpse of blue sky, nothing of the island ahead. The rhythmic bounce of the shuttle hitting the water wasn’t loud enough to prevent conversation yet they sat quietly.
Natasha was staring straight ahead. Suddenly, above the sound of the shuttle’s engine and the rush of the sea, she heard Daniel’s booming laugh roll down the steps from the upper deck. A totally free, unconcerned sound of amusement. She wondered what had caused it. Was he thinking of her, and how he’d deceived her? Was he laughing that she was so easily fooled?
Before the sound of his laughter died, she knew what she had to do.
Tracy Ann was dreading a full day in Daniel’s company. Blake wasn’t the most observant of men, but even he was likely to see how uncomfortable she was every time she was in Daniel’s vicinity. Her ruse to prevent their departure had failed when Blake insisted they could go to the disembarkation desk and explain that he’d lost his crown medallion.
She’d tapped her wrist watch. ‘We’ve probably missed the last shuttle anyway. They won’t have waited for us. It doesn’t matter; we can have a relaxing day on board.’
Blake had looked at her in surprise. ‘But you were looking forward to seeing Kigomasha.’ He shook his head. ‘No, come on, we’ll go and explain. I’m sure it happens all the time.’
There didn’t seem to be any point in continuing the lie. She pointed towards the closed door of the bathroom. ‘Have you checked the pockets of your robe? Remember, you put it on last night to go out on the deck.’
He had, and later while her beloved husband was sleeping the sleep of the innocent, his cheating, lying wife snuck over to the door, took the lanyard down, curled it around the crown medallion and looked around for somewhere she could hide it. Deciding on the pocket of the robe he rarely wore, she slipped it inside, then crept back to bed and lay staring at the ceiling wondering how many more lies she’d be forced to tell.
On the shuttle, she was seated between Barbara and Natasha. Both were ignoring her. In fact, none of her friends had addressed her since her ill-judged confession. An ill-judged confession of an ill-judged act that wasn’t even half the story. The lump that seemed to be constantly lodged in her throat these days felt bigger, heavier. And then she heard it. That bastard’s laugh, tripping down the short stairway from the upper deck. She imagined him up there, head thrown back, mouth open to show his over-whitened teeth. What was he finding so amusing? Was he thinking about her, and her pathetic attempt to delay the inevitable? God, how she hated him. And as the last note of his laugh grated on her nerves, she knew there was only one thing she could do.
Michele had fallen asleep late and slept through her normal waking up time to discover they only had an hour to get ready and have breakfast before the agreed meeting time at the disembarkation desk. She poked Don in the side. Twice, harder the second time, getting a grunt in response. ‘Do you really want to go on this excursion today?’
That woke him faster. He pushed up onto an elbow and looked at her with sleepy eyes. ‘Of course, it’s going to be amazing.’
She’d seen photographs. It did look stunning. Was she really going to allow Daniel to spoil what might prove to be the highlight of the trip? Hadn’t he done enough damage.
‘Right, well we’d better shower together to save time.’ She grinned at her husband’s expression before jumping out of bed and running into the bathroom. She was in and out of the shower before he’d dragged himself from the bed. She stood with a towel wrapped around her and stared at him. ‘You missed out,’ she said with a shake of her head. ‘But we’d better not miss out on breakfast. So get a move on.’
They had a buffet breakfast for speed but it was still a few minutes after the agreed time when they reached the desk. Barbara and Ralph were standing to one side, Natasha and a visibly annoyed Daniel on the other. Michele had read the daily event page thoroughly. She was aware that Natasha and Daniel could have gone for priority boarding. She guessed the choice not to hadn’t been his and dared to give Natasha a conspiratorial wink that was returned with an accompanying smile.
Almost as soon as Tracy Ann and Blake arrived, several minutes later, they were shooed towards the disembarkation point. She listened to Tracy Ann and Blake’s story of the missing crown medallion and laughed appropriately even as she saw unease cross Tracy Ann’s face. Something is definitely not right with her, she thought.
It was the last shuttle to head across, and they were the last passengers to board. A few others were already inside, waiting patiently.
‘Upstairs,’ she heard Daniel shout. Only Blake followed him. She headed to the one empty bench at the rear of the inside and slid along to the end. Barbara cosied up to her with a smile. Tracy Ann reluctantly sat beside her, staring straight ahead when Natasha took the last space. Don and Ralph sat separately. And then they were off.
Michele wondered if she shouldn’t have insisted that they stay behind. Maybe had a relaxing day on the ship. Almost like having it to themselves. She’d noticed they were doing special offers in the spa; she could have had a massage at half the price it usually was. The thought made her shiver with longing. A nice, relaxing massage to smooth away the stresses and strains. Maybe if she relaxed enough, a solution to the mess their life had become would come to her.
She was still thinking about the joy of a full-body massage when she heard something that sent a shiver of pure hate darting through her. Daniel laughing, the sound curling in the air, almost hanging there malevolently. Was he up there thinking what a fool he had made of Don? Thinking how to use him in future? Because men like him, they never stopped.
She stared up the flight of steps, wishing she could see him falling down, breaking his neck, ending their awful dilemma. And before the thought finished, she knew exactly what she needed to do.
Barbara relaxed into the sway of the shuttle, rubbing arms with Michele on one side, Tracy Ann on the other. It would be good to be on land, even for a few hours. Cruising, she’d decided, wasn’t for her. Or maybe it was just this cruise… with these people. It should have been perfect. Four good friends and their partners. But everyone seemed to be on edge. Maybe being in such close proximity for an extended period of time had been a mistake. They were all rubbing against each other, causing abrasions. Bruises. She glanced down at Tracy Ann’s hand where it lay resting in her lap. The marks had turned a lovely shade of green. It was hard to believe Blake had been responsible, but if Natasha was to be believed, Tracy Ann had lied about falling. If Natasha was to be believed. If Tracy Ann was lying. She suddenly wondered if she knew these women at all. Or just the face they had shown her for all these years.
She regretted telling Natasha about Daniel’s vasectomy. What had she been thinking? Had she really believed that if they’d split up, he’d have turned to Barbara for consolation? She almost laughed out loud at the absurdity of her obsession. Stupid old woman. With a sigh, she looked to where Ralph was sitting, wearing the hangdog expression he’d taken to wearing recently like a favourite coat. She’d loved him almost from their first meeting. She still did, but… That made her give a weary smile. It had come to that, hadn’t it: she loved him, but… but she wished he hadn’t suddenly turned into a grumpy old man.
When they got home, she’d insist he went to see a doctor. She’d go too. It wasn’t only Ralph who was feeling out of sorts recently. Some days, she barely recognised the woman she’d become. This obsession with Daniel, for instance: what the hell was wrong with her? It was totally out of character for her to behave so irrationally. She was forty-one. Getting old. Feeling older. It mightn’t be any harm for her to have a chat with her doctor too. Get a blood test, see if she could blame everything on the approaching menopause. It would almost be a relief to have a reason for how she was feeling. Nice to know she wasn’t simply going crazy.
At least she hadn’t acted on any of the erotic thoughts she’d had about Daniel. Not like Tracy Ann. What a fool she’d been to have confessed to kissing him. Was that all she’d done? They’d looked awfully cosy in the hot tub together. Had he flirted with her the way he’d flirted with Barbara? Because she wasn’t imagining the little smiles, the accidental brushes of his hand against hers, the way his eyes would linger on her cleavage then rise to meet her gaze and open his mouth, just a little. He’d played with her. Like a cat with a particularly stupid mouse. Had it been fun for him? Make dowdy old Barbara fancy her chances with him? He’d made her value her base desires higher than her friendship with Natasha. What a fool Barbara had been. What a fool he’d made of her.
Her head jerked upwards when she heard the distinct sound of his laughter coming from the top deck. She pictured him with his handsome head thrown back, mouth open, a lock of hair falling over his eyes that he’d brush away with a flick of his strong fingers. And she hated him for the lick of lust she couldn’t prevent from darting between her legs. As the laughter seemed to peal again and again, the lust died and only the hatred remained.
32
NATASHA
There was a welcoming party waiting on the wharf when the shuttle pulled up. Those inside were first off, the four friends walking together, with a distance between them that wasn’t counted in space. The excursion organisers bustled about, welcoming them to the island, handing them each a map of their location with strict instructions to return to the wharf in three hours. ‘It will,’ they insisted, ‘give you plenty of time to walk along the beach and to have a look around the market that runs between it and the town.’
Tracy Ann raised a hand. As if she were in school. Had she raised a hand to ask if she could kiss Natasha’s husband? She shut her eyes on the mean thoughts that were rattling around her brain, the one where she hoped Blake would bash his wife’s head in.
Oblivious, Tracy Ann kept her hand up until one of the excursion organisers smiled in her direction. ‘Madam?’
‘Are we going by coach to Makangale Beach?’
Natasha’s laugh was cuttingly sarcastic. ‘It’s ten kilometres away; I don’t think they expect us to walk in this heat.’
Colour flared in Tracy Ann’s cheeks. ‘I meant was it by coach or taxi, that’s all. A coach means we have to wait till everyone is back. If it was by taxi, we wouldn’t have to hang around.’
‘Right.’ Natasha shrugged. She was being a bitch but should Tracy Ann expect anything different? That she was having problems in her own relationship didn’t excuse her for making moves on Daniel.
Oblivious to the sudden tension in the little group, the organiser beamed a smile which managed to include them all. ‘The journey will be by coach, madam. It will take us to the hotel where we will have lunch. After, there will be more free time to wander about.’ He gave a slight bow, this time an individual one directed at each of the group. ‘Enjoy your stay in this beautiful spot.’
It was indeed beautiful, Natasha thought, as they turned to walk towards a row of tall palm trees framed against a gentian-blue sky. It looked almost unreal. But then recently, she’d felt disconnected from everything. She’d hoped this cruise would help to restore some peace in her head. Slim hope of that happening now.
Lost in her thoughts, she was startled when Daniel grasped her hand. ‘Let’s go,’ he said, tugging her along. ‘Three hours isn’t long enough to be standing around in a daze.’
‘It’s better if we split up, don’t you think?’ Michele said. ‘I want to mosey around the market. We can meet back here for the coach.’ Without waiting for an answer, she linked her arm through Don’s and the two walked off towards the palm-thatched stalls of the market.
‘She’s right,’ Barbara said. She nodded towards a denser patch of trees at the far end of the beach. ‘We want to investigate the mangroves.’ She walked off, leaving Ralph to shrug and follow.
The awkward silence in their wake was broken by Daniel’s impatient, ‘Come on then, I want to dip my toes in the Indian Ocean.’
‘I think I’d like to go to the market first,’ Tracy Ann said, tucking her arm into Blake’s. ‘See you back here in a few hours.’
‘That’s worked out perfectly,’ Daniel said, linking an arm around Natasha’s shoulders as they walked towards the beach. ‘Nice to get some private time in this beautiful spot just for us, eh?’
Natasha couldn’t bring herself to reply. Instead, she took in the view. The sea was that shade of turquoise usually only seen in travel brochures, the beach a golden fringe that curved towards the dense woodland that Barbara had insisted she’d wanted to see. Natasha guessed that desire had been an excuse to break away from the others.
Within a couple of steps, the fine sand had worked its way into her flat sandals. Daniel had already taken his off and was heading to the edge of the ocean to dip his toes. She wished he’d keep going, walk into the sea, and never come back. Take the decision about their future from her. The sand was hot under her feet; she curled her toes, feeling it crunch as she watched him wade further out, the water now mid-calf. She found herself humming the theme music from Jaws. Smiling, she sat to wait for his return.
‘Come in, it’s warm,’ he shouted, kicking his foot up to send a stream of water into the air.
She shook her head, sending the broad-brimmed hat she was wearing tilting forward. Suddenly, she was in darkness. He was gone and she was alone. And then, without warning, she was back there in the intensive care unit, helpless as one after the other of the patients in her care succumbed to a virus nobody had anticipated. Maybe, after all, the cruise had had a benefit, because for the first time, she understood that she needed help. When she got home, she’d seek it out and hope that coming to terms with her past would enable her to face the future.
She tilted her hat back to stare out to where Daniel had moved along the beach, looking smaller now, still kicking the water. Like a child.
