Nancy’s Theory of Style, page 27
“I’m just following directions, sweetheart. If you want, I can make you a champagne flip and we also got blackberry wine.”
“I’m the boss here and I want you to stop drinking and stop serving that paint thinner. Champagne flips and wine only.”
As she left the music hall, she noticed that guests were arriving quickly. More actors appeared in grimy costumes. A contingent of hookers sashayed by and tall one said, “Cute shoes,” in a deep voice.
“Thanks,” Nancy said automatically.
The actress said to one of her…or his companions, “I know a couple of these rich johns. Ooh, crab legs!”
Nancy hurried down the wooden sidewalk so quickly that one heel caught between planks and she teetered into the roughhewn boards of a hitching post. She regained her balance, but her dress snagged on a board and ripped at the seam. She tried to hold the seam together while greeting incoming guests.
She had reached the door and was going to go to the staff trailer and repair her dress when Mrs. Bentley Jamieson Friendly, in a floor-length silver and black beaded gown, entered on the arm of a silver-haired man in tails. For the special occasion, the Museum’s benefactress was wearing a towering wig of curls and she had new oversized glasses.
“Mrs. Friendly, welcome!”
“Hello, Nancy. I decided I should have an escort, and the Ambassador stopped by so I told him to put on his fancy duds and see how this town throws a party.”
Nancy had no idea if this man was, but his jacket was so beautifully cut, she would have let him in even if he was dragging a dead body behind him. “Mr. Ambassador, so delighted that you could come. We’re honored.”
“This is something!” Mrs. Friendly exclaimed. She tapped at the frame of her glasses. “I had my cataract surgery and I can see swell. What happened to your dress?”
Nancy hoped that Mrs. Friendly’s improved vision wouldn’t spot the desperation behind her smile. “I hope you’ll find that the party conveys the authentic spirit of the Barbary Coast.” Nancy spotted Sloane approaching and said, “One moment and I’ll have your escort.”
She intercepted Sloane and said sotto voce, “Sloane, will you please take Mrs. Friendly to the poker parlor and give them enough chips to keep them occupied for a little while? Her date is an ambassador, so find out his identity, so we can give him a welcome during the program.”
“Happy to do it.”
“Oh, and make sure to give them champagne flips because the house whiskey is poisonous. Thank you!”
Guests kept pulling Nancy aside to talk. She knew she must have responded, but she couldn’t recall one conversation as she moved to the next. The party grew loud as the hall filled up and more guests discovered the music hall.
When Nancy spotted GP, she waved him over and said, “I told the bartender in the music hall to stop serving that evil whisky concoction, but I have a feeling he’s still doing it.”
“It’s an authentic recipe.”
“I appreciate your dedication to historical fact, GP, but I don’t want any of our guests to get authentically poisoned.”
“You’re right,” he said, abashed. “I’ll go check on him.”
Later Nancy would remember the first crash. She was talking the catering manager, saying, “Bring out as many hors d’oeuvres as you can because we need something that will soak up the whiskey,” when she saw a young men dressed as a street tough shove another too enthusiastically. The second actor bumped into a waiter carrying a tray of champagne glasses.
The silver tray teetered momentarily and then fell. The huge clang and the shattering of a dozen glasses cut through all the cacophony and everyone stopped talking to turn to the noise. Then one of the actors guffawed, an uninhibited, crazy laugh, another followed, and the rest of the crowd joined in.
The catering manager said to Nancy, “I’ll get that cleaned up and expedite the next rounds of canapés and what the hell is that?”
Nancy turned to see where he was looking and saw something dark and hairy with white teeth lunging through the crowd after a chicken. “A dog,” she said. “What’s a dog doing here? What’s a chicken doing here?”
The chicken flew with a squawk onto a sign that said Frisky and Sporty Entertainment for Full-Grown People, and the mangy dog started yelping madly and leaping at it, and another dog appeared and joined in the attempt at poultricide.
Nancy was frozen in place, unsure of whether she needed to call her doormen, but people were laughing. Then an actor, dressed as a lumberjack, shouted, “Dirty, lying, no ‘count son of a bitch!” and threw a punch at an actor dressed as a dandy. The dandy retaliated with a blow, shoving the lumberjack back into a cluster of actresses dressed as ladies of the night.
Suddenly all the performers were brawling, fists hit flesh, bodies crashed against one another, but it looked much too real and confused guests moved away from the fighting. Nancy, desperate to salvage the situation, shouted, “Wonderful performance! Bravo!”
She put her clipboard on a table and began clapping wildly, hoping others would join in when someone put a hand on her arm. Nancy turned to see Bailey.
He was wearing a three-button, notched, black tuxedo jacket with a white shirt, and pleated trousers, and he was doused with a sport scent. His expression was concerned and he leaned toward her, a handsome man who was always calm because things always went his way.
“Nance, what’s going on?” he said over the din as the actors tumbled against tables and guests shouted, “Watch out!”
Nancy looked of the pleated pants and smelled the sports scent and thought of how she hated to be called Nance. “I was going to ask you the same thing. Are you teaming with Todd’s to break my pre-nup? Was it planned that Junie see me at your house?”
He opened his mouth, shut it, waited and then smiled. He bent down to speak close to her ear. “I was helping out a bro in a tough situation, but it became obvious that Todd never deserved you.” He stroked her arm. “We’re two of a kind, Nance. We can recognize when a better opportunity comes along.”
“So you’re willing to shift sides?” she asked incredulous.
“Absolutely, babe. Say the word and I’ll throw Todd under the bus. No worries about Junie saying anything. She’s been in the palm of my hand ever since she lived in that crappy apartment with a nylon rug.”
“You were the one who gave her the nickname,” she said.
“What nickname?” he said with a grin. He dropped to one knee and said, loudly because the noise had gotten ever louder, “Nance, will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Bailey Carson Whiteside, the Third?”
Nancy didn’t consider strategy and she didn’t consider public appearance. She didn’t calculate whether Bailey was still a viable option. She didn’t bask in satisfaction that she had conquered one of the City’s most eligible bachelors.
Instead, she emulated the lumberjack actor and cried, “Dirty, lying, no ‘count son of a bitch!” as she shoved Bailey Whiteside, the Third, off the walkway. Someone shouted in a falsetto, “Got to be real, girlfriend.”
Nancy was reveling in her act of violence when the crowd gasped. She looked around and followed gazes to the focus of the attention. A man in western garb had pulled out a big, gleaming gun and pointed it at the ceiling. He screamed, “Yahoo,” and an earsplitting blast went off.
Guests screamed and everyone moved like a herd away from the sound.
That’s when the men in black pajamas crashed through the windows, swinging in on ropes, and delivering blows to all in their way. The sight of them was so astonishing that everyone stopped talking, fighting, and drinking as Mrs. Friendly’s elite security force swept through the warehouse, swarmed around the heiress and the Ambassador and carried them outside and away from any threats real or amateurishly choreographed.
An actor in seaman garb beside Nancy said, “Motherfucking ninjas!” and gave her an elated, gold-toothed smile, “That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Before anyone could gossip about this amazing development, a woman shrieked “Fire!”
Nancy sniffed and smelled the smoke. In a second she saw a thin gray plume rising from somewhere in the corner. It didn’t look like much, but people began screaming, “Fire! Fire!” and rushing to the entrance.
Nancy yelled, “Please calm down! Calm down and exit in an orderly fashion!” No one listened.
GP was suddenly beside her. “It wasn’t a real gun, Nancy! It was a prop.”
“It’s okay. Help people get out safely. Keep them outside in case it’s nothing and we can bring them back in for dinner.”
The crowd shoved her forward. She saw Sloane being jostled up ahead and then she didn’t see her anymore. “Sloane!” Nancy pushed people aside and she found her friend crouched against a wall. “Are you okay?”
Sloane nodded and Nancy helped her up. She looked back and saw that the room was almost empty. “Call nine-one-one and wait for me outside!”
Nancy dashed back toward the smoke and saw flames licking u from a kerosene lantern had fallen over, setting a tablecloth on fire.
For all the fuss, the flames weren’t much worse than Todd’s barbecue attempts. The actress with the deep voice had already found a fire extinguisher, and Nancy ran to a nearby table of appetizers. She grabbed a bin of ice and oysters tossed them on the small fire. She ran back to get a tub of ice with shrimp.
“It’s going out, sugar,” the actress called to her. “Don’t waste those crab legs!”
That’s when the firemen rushed in, jostling Nancy aside, wielding axes with unnecessary enthusiasm at the smoldering table.
“Don’t use the water!” Nancy pleaded as the firefighters turned on a hose and doused the remnants of the fire.
The stench of burned seafood and smoke permeated the room and Nancy thought quickly. If she could find the catering manager and her staff, there was a chance she could relocate the party outside. She remembered to grab her clipboard before she ran down the wooden walkway. Her heel got caught again, so she left it there and kicked off the other.
Outside, guests were milling and chatting excitedly. People called her name, but she wove through the crowd, looking for one of her assistants.
“Nancy Carrington-Chambers!” an imperious voice barked, but this time the sound of her name wasn’t confirmation that she’d done everything right in her life.
The crowd fell silent and parted to allow Mrs. Friendly, her towering wig askew, to make her way slowly to Nancy.
Nancy smiled and said, “A lantern fell over and the fire was minimal. Everything is fine now. We’ll have the tables brought outside and dine al fresco!”
Mrs. Friendly’s glare was especially frightening since her recent surgery allowed her to focus her gaze like a magnifying glass focuses a beam of light on an unfortunate insect. “The Ambassador has already left,” Mrs. Friendly said. “You’ve embarrassed me and tarnished the reputation of the Barbary Coast with your sloppy execution of a simple party.”
“I can explain. The gun was a prop and we were going for the authentic experience, revitalizing this event just as you asked…”
Nancy looked around for GP and saw him at the edge of the crowd struggling to hold up the drunken bartender and dance hall girl.
“Save your excuses,” Mrs. Friendly said. “I’ll be damned if I’m paying one cent for this catastrophe and I’ll see to it that you never even get near a party while I’m still alive. Now get out of my sight and I’ll clean up your mess.”
“I can talk to the fire--”
“I said, get out now!”
As Nancy turned to leave, she saw Gigi Barton cozying up to a fire fighter, and Gigi flashed an okay sign and a grin. How could anything be okay?
Although Nancy wanted to run away from the critical stares of the guests, she walked with as much dignity as she could muster to the staff trailer to get her things. She didn’t make eye contact with the coat check girl who was changing out of her costume.
Nancy’s purple handbag had fallen over and when she picked it up, the empty vodka bottle rolled out. She retrieved it and said to the coat check girl, “I’ll recycle it.” She took her phone from her clipboard and tossed it into the bag with the empty bottle.
Nancy walked out to her car, which was parked on the far side of the lot near Aldo’s coffee shack. The rear tire had a chrome-yellow boot on it. Nancy had a crazy urge to laugh. Todd really had learned from Sun Tzu and planned his strategy to every detail. She felt a new admiration for him.
“Nancy!” Sloane was coming through the aisle of cars. “Are you okay?”
“My car got booted.”
Sloane said. “Mrs. Friendly sent the rest of us away and she’s sending for her staff to clean up. I’ll take you home.”
Nancy looked over the cars and saw Bailey supporting the red-headed patroness as she talked to the fire chief. “Thanks, Sloane. I’d appreciate it.”
Sloane’s older Volvo was nearby. She moved aside toys and drawings so Nancy could sit on the front seat. When they were in the car and on the road, she said, “Mrs. Friendly’s escort was the Ambassador of Lithuania. What happened, Nancy?”
“Me, that’s what happened.” She managed a smile and said, “GP told me he was going to make the party authentic and I didn’t pay any attention. Eugenia told me Derek is called Rick, and I didn’t pay any attention.” She glanced at Sloane. “Derek’s real name is Rick and Todd paid him to spy on me because Todd wants to break the pre-nup. Bailey was part of it, too.”
“Why would Todd want to do that to you?”
“So he can use information make me stay with him, or break the pre-nup so he could get to my money. He knows that my family would want to avoid the scandal that I was cheating on him.”
“But you weren’t, Nancy.”
“Yes, I was, Sloane.”
They reached Chateau Winkles and Nancy parked in front.
“With Bailey?” Sloane asked.
“No, thank goodness for that. He’s been trying to get me to into his bed. He almost did, too,” she said. “You know, Sloane, you’ve been one of the few people I can count on. Not that I treated you very well. I thought that you were just this mother.”
“Maybe I didn’t treat you so well either. I should have told you about Bailey.”
“What do you mean?”
“He got Lewis into gambling. Then Bailey convinced him to invest in ventures that sounded great. Lewis lost everything, but Bailey always came out with a profit and he’d manage to lure Lewis into another scheme.” Sloane shook her head. “Our credit was maxed out, my jewelry disappeared, and then Lewis took off in the minivan and left me with two toddlers and no car.”
“Oh, Sloane, I didn’t know it was that bad.”
“When I went through Lewis’s files, I found inconsistencies between his personal records of investments and financial reports. I thought these must be mistakes,” Sloane said. “I still trusted Bailey then, so I went to see him – he was living with a rich divorcee, and I showed him what I had. He promised to help. Instead, he blocked my calls and emails and moved.”
“It’s awful to be betrayed,” Nancy said, thinking of how she and Todd had betrayed each other.
“I couldn’t believe it when I moved here and saw that Bailey had established himself with a clean slate. I hoped he’d changed. I was going to ask for you to talk to him, since he seemed to like you, but I didn’t know if you’d believe me.”
“Bailey got Todd involved in a venture, too, and Todd lost every cent he put in. Now I wonder,” Nancy said. “Give whatever you’ve got to me and I’ll have my father look into it. I’ll talk to you in a few days.”
Nancy hugged her friend and got out of the car. All she wanted to do was crawl in bed next to Eugenia.
She took the elevator up, too tired to think about toning her legs on the stairs.
Eva, the babysitter from Three Bridges, met her at the door to her apartment and said, “Are you all right? The party was on the news.”
“I’d rather not talk about it. How was your evening? Did Eugenia behave?” Nancy walked into her apartment and went to her writing table. She pulled out a drawer and counted bills to pay the babysitter for the entire night.
Eva put on a puffy jacket and said, “She’s a great kid. Her mom came and picked her up about an hour ago.”
Fear crashed down on Nancy like an icy wave, dragging the sand from beneath her feet, chilling her to the bone. “What? You let Eugenia go?”
“Roberta, is that her name? She said you were expecting her. Mrs. Kanbar said that you were watching Eugenia temporarily, and I tried calling you about forty minutes ago, but you didn’t answer.”
“I was away from it then.”
“I figured you were busy when I heard about the fire,” Eva said. “Eugenia was happy to see her mother, but she acted up about the kitten, so they took it with them. Her mother’s boyfriend is really handsome.”
“Yannis, a Greek man with a beard? Did Roberta say where they were going?”
“His name was Viktor,” Eva said, looking apologetic. “I hope that was okay. I checked Eugenia’s file before I came over and you’d written down that her mother, her grandparents, and her aunt were allowed to pick her up from Three Bridges.”
Nancy remembered filling out the forms when she was hoping that Birdie would come fetch her daughter. “Yes, I did.”
“Are you okay, Ms. Carrington-Chambers?”
Nancy tried to smile. “Thank you, Eva. Goodnight.”
“Good night.”
Nancy shut the front door and then went to the laundry room and opened her bin of earthquakes supplies. She took out the Altoids tin where she kept her emergency pharmaceuticals. She picked out two Percocets, took them to the kitchen and downed them with a glass of wine.
She went to her bedroom turned on the light of her closet. Eugenia’s nest of comforters and pillows was empty. The beautiful leather tote was gone, but books and her stuffed parrot had been left behind. Nancy picked up the red cape that Eugenia liked and held it to her face. The scent of the child clung to the fabric.
Still holding it, Nancy crawled into bed and cried in an ugly, primal way until the drugs seeped through her body, giving her a false sense of hope. Then she fell asleep.
