Eclipses (v1.0), page 20
“Which site are you considering?” Alexi asked now, looking to his father for the answer.
“No site will be selected until the design is complete,” Aram said.
“But that’s ass-backwards,” Alexi blurted.
The servants arrived with the first tray of steaming food, and the debate was on, leaving Beth to eat as calmly as she could and to watch them and to listen to the sound of each beloved voice. At one point, when the men had quieted to listen to Pola, whose voice and very presence had a tranquilizing effect on people, Aram leaned toward Beth and asked her quietly where Hilde and Marc were. It wasn’t like him to be unaware of his children’s whereabouts; she didn’t know whether to dismiss the lapse because of Shelley’s appearance and a busy afternoon or to blame it on his withdrawal from her and from family life since Erik had left. She reminded him that the two youngest children were with Maria, down in the Settlement House watching a play with live performers, a fact he would have known if his mind had been with them at the breakfast table as his body had been.
Despite the irritation she felt, she was glad when Aram returned his attention to the dinner conversation, pointing out to Alexi for the second time that his prime interest in Shelley’s dam was because the design didn’t rely on a first-rate site. Those had all been used, as everyone knew, and there was nothing left but sites that had been discarded as being unsuitable or in too hazardous terrain.
Beth’s eyes were mostly on Shelley, noticing that the years seemed hardly to have touched him except for the gray in his sideburns. He had been given to staring into campfires and not seeing flames when she’d last seen him, but now his eyes looked frankly at each speaker, simultaneously calm and exciting. If anything, the years between then and now had lent a dashing look to his handsomeness, which Beth found breathtaking.
“You’ve been very quiet, Beth,” Shelley said as a servant passed out a dessert of candied nuts. “Tell me, are you still working on the Lost Expedition contract for Research City?” “Occasionally. I do some updating from time to time, if anything new comes to light. I’m still the only expert on the Lost Expedition on Serensunar.”
“And one of the best on diamonds, too, I’ll wager.”
“Yes, I’ve learned a lot about them over the years.”
“Do you still look for them?”
“Not actively. I spend most of my time developing programs for various medical-monitoring applications. This year I got involved with veterinary medicine as part of a terminal-
based cottage industry. I’m designing the feedback system for monitors implanted in cows’ stomachs.”
“Ah, yes, that little herd they brought in vitro from Earth a few years back,” he said, crunching a thumb-sized spiral-oak acorn between his teeth. “I thought cattle died here, something to do with alien turf.”
Beth nodded. “We have them all on a feedlot just now and their diet consists of Earth-type fodder. We won’t turn them out to graze until the monitor is finished. Then we’ll see if cattle can finally survive here.”
“Not quite what I would have expected, but interesting nonetheless,” Shelley said, but Beth could tell he was pleased. He had no doubt wondered what she had done with the intervening years as much as she’d wondered about him. It was nice to know the feeling was mutual, but Beth couldn’t find words to say that to him with her family looking on.
Pola glanced at her watch. “I have a lecture to attend in the screening room,” she announced, smoothing hair that was already carefully and impeccably arranged. “Anyone who wants to can join me. It should be a good lecture.”
Truth was, Beth knew, that the lecture would be a dull one about soil composition on some remote island or desert, subjects that didn’t ordinarily interest Pola, who designed microcircuits when she wasn’t repairing computer hardware. But the lecturer was a young Research City scientist whom Pola liked a great deal. There would be a question-and-answer session, following, and if Beth knew her daughter, there’d be a bit of hard cider and some private conversation after that. Pola was young to become romantically involved, but she was headstrong; there would be no stopping her if and when she did. Beth knew that Pola was not physically involved with the young man, for he was in Research City, several thousand kilometers away. She doubted that her daughter was a virgin, but so far as she knew Pola had never given much thought to a long-term relationship and the complications it could create. She couldn’t help thinking that Pola’s determination to move to Research City had something to do with the young scientist, with whom she’d been spending a lot of commscreen time. Didn’t she and Aram have some sort of obligation to make themselves more aware of what and whom was in their daughter’s life? Beth believed they did, and so she said, “Yes, let’s go, Aram.”
“Me?” Aram said, looking as surprised as he sounded. “And have to listen to it again tomorrow morning when Pola comes in to find out why the console drive chamber is chewing up disks? No, thanks.”
So, he knew more about Pola’s love life than Beth did. That he hadn’t chosen to share it with her made Beth feel slighted and pointedly reminded her of how far onto the fringes of his life she had been pushed. Still, she smiled as if it didn’t matter, accepting his refusal.
“Would there be time for you to walk with me down to the wharf?” Shelley asked her. “I’ve taken over a boathouse for the summer while I work with Aram, but I have to confess that I don’t even know how to get there. So much has changed, and since I came directly from the railhead to the mansion this afternoon, I didn’t have a chance to explore.”
“Not … now,” Beth said softly.
Aram pushed aside his dessert and got up from the table. “I’ll drive you down and get you settled in.”
“Thanks, Aram,” Shelley said, sounding genuinely grateful. “But I feel as if I’ve taken too much of your time already. I couldn’t help noticing all the messages piling up on the commscreen in your office.”
“Alexi’s off to take care of those,” Aram said reassuringly.
“That’s my cue,” Alexi said, and pushed his chair back from the table to leave.
Fortunately Alexi truly enjoyed taking any responsibility his father chose to give him. Aram was well aware of the additional freedom that having such a competent son afforded him, and he usually remembered to mention his appreciation to Alexi. But tonight Aram was preoccupied with Shelley and the budding plans for new dams. “The houseboat has a fully equipped terminal, but if you need a widescreen, you’ll have to come up to the house again. Meanwhile, we’ll confer as needed on the commscreen. Can you have the structural - simulations programmed before fall?”
“Maybe.”
“If I assign a systems analyst and a programmer to you, how long will it be?”
“Sounds as if you’ve already decided to go ahead,” Shelley said hopefully.
Aram nodded.
Shelley looked slyly at Beth, and his glance took in Pola, too. “He’s neglecting to mention that I came away from the coast with a sack full of clothes and nothing else.”
“You didn’t renege on your coastal project contract,” Aram said with a gruff laugh. “But I know how close you came, and that some others did, and I know they’re laying the blame on you. I don’t see it that way, because I wouldn’t have been caught given the same circumstances. But I’ll be damned before I rely on any cost-estimating program of yours.”
Shelley nodded sheepishly. “My dams are sounder than my construction cost estimates.”
“I know. That’s why …”
Beth didn’t hear the rest of their discussion, for Pola looked impatiently at her watch and Beth knew the lecture was about to begin. She left with Pola, wondering if Aram were truly so busy with other projects that he’d suggested commscreen meetings with Shelley only to save time or if he’d noticed that Beth hadn’t been able to look at anyone but Shelley during the entire meal.
Chapter 19
Only little Hunter Moon was up, so there was scant natural light coming through the big window of the houseboat, and what little there was was filtered by a screen that kept out the insects. It was all Shelley needed to see the entire length of the wharf and the street beyond, both of which had been deserted for so long that he’d all but given up looking and hoping to see some movement in the shadows. He poured cider into one of the two glasses on the table and chilled it with an ice cube from the galley, then sat down to look at the news reports on the small screen by the bedside.
The houseboat was, like everything else in the Empire, solar energy-oriented. It was docked so that the big window faced south in the winter and north in the summer, and there were heat-gathering cells on the roof. Auxiliary electricity to run appliances and the computer terminal were supplied from plugs on the wharf, and each of the ten houseboats could sleep up to twelve people or provide ample amenities for everyday living for half that number. They were used as dormitories for lumberjacks, hauled to various parts of the reservoir while logging operations were carried out nearby. Sometimes they were hostelries for travelers or quarters for dam subcontractors. There being little activity in the valley of any kind, Shelley had the houseboat to himself, and he was more comfortable than, he was accustomed to being after years on the coast. He had almost forgotten the simple luxury of ice cubes, a temperature-controlled environment and a computer terminal that worked without jury-rigging some wire or coaxing a capacitor to hold out for just one more day. Even the sheets on the bed seemed smoother, and they didn’t smell of mildew and feel damp against his skin.
He sighed and drank a bit of cider. He wasn’t paying attention to the news captions, which would continue to scroll over the screen until he indicated that he wanted an in-depth report on some title. But he knew that trying to sleep instead would be useless; he just hadn’t expected Beth to stir him up inside, not after all these years. And to be very sensible about it, she had appeared very cool at dinner, and her saying she couldn’t come to the houseboat now might have been nothing more than his reading something into an offhand remark. Yet, it was that very coolness that made him suspect Beth would come. If she had merely been glad to see him as an old friend with no more interest in him than that due someone with whom she’d shared an adventure, the dinner would have been lighted with her animated curiosity. He knew she could take over any conversation she wanted to and that talk of dams would have given way to reminiscing about the river and the flash flood if Beth were just a friend. But Beth had been keenly aware of her family’s presence, and that she wouldn’t share him with them could only mean …
Yes, there she was now, walking softly across the wooden wharf. She had changed into slacks and wore a hooded shirt that was pulled over her head to hide her light hair in the moonlight. But there was no mistaking her height and lanky form, or the grace and swiftness with which she walked. He believed he hadn’t mistaken her intentions, either, for why else had she taken the trouble to change into dark clothing, and for what other reason would she hesitate at the planking between the wharf and houseboat to look around so furtively?
Shelley opened the door so that she could slip inside, and as soon as it was closed again he felt her arms around him.
“Shelley,” she whispered. She clung tightly to him, as if this time to prevent the railcar from separating them. But nothing could come between them; no longing to be home, no white-water fears, no band of silvery track winding off into shimmering heat waves. He felt the muscles in Beth’s back and shoulders relax under his hands, allowing him to press her against him. Shelley hadn’t planned what followed— maybe she had, for it was Beth who lifted her face just as it was on his mind to turn on the light and offer her the glass of cider. He had never finished a ten-year-old kiss before, and never found anything so gratifying, so well worth waiting for.
In moments they were in bed together, taking clothes from each other until they felt the caress of the night breeze over their bodies. They reached for one another, embracing; it was another time, another place, what should have been when they had shared so much else in their lives.
When they finally lay atop the sheets, resting in each other’s arms, feeling satisfied and contented, he was nearly afraid to speak, as if it might break the magic. “How did we • do that?” he said. “Where was the awkwardness that we should have had to overcome?”
Beth laughed and traced the line of his breastbone with her fingertip. “I left all my awkwardness back in the rapids,” she whispered. “I resolved not to bother you, but I never stopped looking and wanting. Until we got to the railhead, I’d convinced myself it was completely one-sided. You could have pushed me off that car with a feather.” She smiled wickedly. “Maybe.”
Shelley smiled and shook his head. “I’ll close the drapes so we can turn on the light and have a drink,” he said, kissing her lightly before getting out of bed.
“Good idea,” she said, stretching and getting up herself. “I’d hate to be seen like this.”
Shelley hesitated and would have asked if she meant being seen nude or seen nude with him. But Beth had already slipped into the bathroom. He couldn’t help the sudden qualm he had about Aram, but that, he decided, would be put to rest immediately. Just as soon as he closed the drapes and turned on the light, he padded back to the bedside terminal and typed in a series of instructions that would lead to a display of Beth’s contract with Aram. He glanced at the bathroom door, hoping to see Beth return as naked as she’d entered. He’d had glimpses of her lithe body when she had bathed in the Rift River because sometimes there wasn’t even a rock to provide a little privacy at their riverside camps. He had always turned his back, but not for propriety’s sake. He couldn’t handle seeing her then, not when he needed every resource he possessed just to survive from day to day. It was different now, so different it was hard to really remember all that pain, but he didn’t question the*reality of it, for then it would all have been in vain. When she came out of the bathroom, she was wearing his old indigo robe.
“Why are you working at this hour?” she asked, helping herself to cider before coming to stand behind him and see for herself.
“Not work,” Shelley replied. “I’m just checking to see if I’m going to be able to look Aram in the eye tomorrow.” Beth glanced at the screen and sat on the edge of the bed. “There’s no fidelity clause in our contract.” She reached over and touched him with a hand that was cool from holding the iced glass.
“I can see that,” he said, turning off the commscreen. “No mention of how you handle liaisons outside the contract, either. So, clue me in. Time out? Separate domiciles?”
She shook her head and leaned back against the pillows. “What I do is none of Aram’s concern. My time is my own.” “You sleep with him, too?” Shelley asked. When she nodded, Shelley sighed unhappily.
“He won’t notice,” Beth said.
“Oh, Beth, that’s so trite.” ~
“I’m serious. There are times when he’s hardly aware of me. This is one of those times.”
Shelley was taken aback. She was serious. He couldn’t imagine Aram or any other man living in the same house with Beth not making it his business to know what she was doing and then to be certain she was doing it with him. He tried to remember if it had ever been that way with Lydia; perhaps, he thought, but not for very long. Hours, maybe a day or two. But he and Lydia didn’t have a fidelity clause, either, and they did have a liberal interpretation of time out, so there had always been chunks of time neither of them needed or wanted to account for. He pondered a moment. “Beth, I’d feel more comfortable with a subcontract—subjugated to your contract with Aram, of course—but—”
“No. I won’t hurt him that way.”
Shelley shrugged, knowing that he should not interfere even though he did not approve. If they wanted to fool themselves it was their business, but the situation left him in limbo, too. That he didn’t like, and he didn’t know if he could tolerate it. People did have secret liaisons, but he thought it must be difficult just to manage the logistics, let alone the emotional impact of trying to love two people at once. Every instinct in him told him to forget it, to bail out before he bought trouble he didn’t want. But somehow he kept trying to find a way around every argument that came to mind, as if it would dissolve of its own accord, become impossible even to consider. That would be simpler.
“How would we meet?” he asked, instantly uncomfortable with the possibilities that came to mind.
Beth said, “I’ll come here. Sometimes Aram’s gone all night, and there are days when I have good excuses to be gone.”
“It’s intolerable; my love made on your schedule,” he said. But even as he said it, he knew he could love her anytime. What he really meant was that sometimes he would long for her, and she couldn’t or wouldn’t come to him. He shook his head, knowing those times could be filled with work. But now a new thought came to him. “That play your kids went to see tonight. It’s going to be repeated tomorrow. Will you go with me?”
“No.” Beth’s eyes were serene again, her entire being cool and composed yet somehow sympathetic, as if she understood his doubts.
“And if I come up to the mansion for dinner, which I assume I will from time to time, I can’t even hold your hand or go out to the garden and kiss you.” It came out like an accusation, and in his mind he supposed it was.
“Shelley, it began tonight with our deceiving Aram. I won’t deny my part in that; I did it and I’m glad. But don’t put the entire burden at my feet. You didn’t attempt to find out what kind of contract we had in his presence, or even before I ‘
came, because you didn’t want to know … at least, not until after tonight. Isn’t that right?” She was dead-on serious, all businesslike, the softness in her voice gone. She sounded as she had the night she wouldn’t take his sleeping bag, and this time he was not in a position to force her, nor she in such sorry circumstances that she could do nothing but accept. Indeed, their positions were reversed, and Shelley could do nothing but accept the terms she’d described: subterfuge, deceit, guile and hypocrisy, with liberal doses of loneliness between—that or risk losing her before they’d even begun.
