In the Rancher's Arms, page 14
“My birth mother...” Why was it so hard to say the words when it had occurred more than two decades ago? “She kept me locked in a closet. I slept in there, ate in there, played in there. She only took me to the bathroom once a day.”
“Oh, Neil.” Arden’s hands gripped his tighter. The heartfelt empathy in her eyes made him want to kiss her. But then, the truth was that lately just about anything made him want to kiss her. It had nothing to do with what she’d gone through and everything to do with the fact that she was a beautiful, thoughtful, hardworking woman.
“Someone reported her—I still don’t know who because the call was anonymous—and child services removed me from the home. I remember crying for my mom, but it was only because she was all I knew. I had no idea where I was going, if it was even worse. I never saw her again.”
“I can’t imagine. I mean, I’ve seen people living in truly horrible conditions, others who’ve committed vile atrocities, but even with all I’ve seen I still don’t understand how people can mistreat their children the way they do.”
Neil sat back against the bench and pulled Arden close to his side, keeping one of his hands around hers. “It was scary at first, and I didn’t say anything for probably a couple of weeks. But Mom kept feeding me all this wonderful food I’d never tasted before, and Dad would take my hand and lead me out to the barn to see the horses. We had a black-and-white dog back then, Cookie, and she slept with me. As I quietly cried myself to sleep every night, Cookie would lick my tears away.”
He looked at the blue sky, surprised by how emotional he was becoming with the retelling. “I still remember the first time Mom told me she loved me. My birthday was shortly after I arrived, and she made what I thought was the biggest cake ever made. Her chocolate cake. It was the best thing I’d ever put in my mouth, and I must have shown how I felt because I looked up and Mom was smiling and crying at the same time. I was confused, afraid I’d done something wrong but wondering why she’d smile if I had. She said I hadn’t done anything wrong, that I made her happier than she’d ever been, that she loved me. Even though I’ve had her cake who knows how many times since then, I can still remember what it was like to taste it that first time. This happiness came bursting out of me. I hadn’t known it was even possible to be that happy. They had seen me at my worst and still loved me.”
“Your parents are amazing.”
“Yes, they are.”
“Do all your brothers and sisters have stories like that? It hurts to think of that much sadness.”
“They all have different things they went through, yes. And they’re all as equally grateful to Mom and Dad. That’s why we’re so protective of our parents and the ranch. It’s our home—not one of birth but one that means even more than if we’d been born to it.”
Arden leaned her head against his shoulder and watched as a couple paddled a canoe across the lake. “Thank you for sharing your story with me.”
“I know it’s not the same thing you went through, but I hope it helps show you that you can get past this. It might take a while and the support of people you never expected.”
She leaned back and looked into his eyes. “I certainly never expected you.”
His heart sped up and he couldn’t help glancing at her lips. It would take so little to bring his mouth down to hers. But how could he do that when he knew how much she was struggling to feel normal again?
“Arden Wilkes?”
They both jumped at the sound of a woman’s voice. Neil looked past Arden to see a well-dressed woman and behind her a man with a TV camera.
“I’m Shannon Barber with—”
Neil stood and moved to block Arden from the reporter. “You need to leave.”
“Sir, I’d just like to talk to Miss Wilkes about her recent captivity, give her a chance to tell her story.”
“Don’t pretend as if you’re doing this for her,” he said, his anger rising. “She’s a reporter, too. Don’t you think if she was ready to tell her story, she would have done it already? Have some compassion.”
The reporter’s friendly expression dimmed. “And you are?”
“None of your business, but I am friends with everyone who works at the local sheriff’s department. I don’t think they’d take kindly to you harassing their citizens.”
The reporter heaved a sigh. “Okay, I’m leaving. But here’s my card if Miss Wilkes changes her mind.”
Neil didn’t move an inch until the pair had made their way down the path and out of sight to wherever they’d parked.
When he finally relaxed his stance and turned around, Arden was standing facing him. Before he had time to realize what she was about to do, she closed the space between them, lifted to her toes and kissed him.
* * *
NEIL MIGHT SMELL like warm Texas air and fresh, clean soap, but he tasted like the peach ice cream he’d eaten. She’d acted on impulse, maybe thinking somewhere in the back of her mind to just give him a thank-you kiss. The moment their lips touched, however, everything changed.
His arms came around her, hesitant until she ran her hands up his chest. The feel of his firm muscles under her palms brought images of him throwing bales of hay with ease, reining his horse to and fro while driving cattle, lifting her into his arms as if she weighed no more than that peach ice cream cone.
Neil moved closer, his body now flush with hers, and deepened the kiss. Something in the middle of her chest stood and cheered at the realization that she hadn’t been wrong about what she’d thought was interest on his part.
She couldn’t help the moan of pleasure that escaped her, or the one of disappointment that followed when Neil pulled away. Could he think she didn’t know her own feelings? That this was some bid to just forget her recent past?
“Let’s not do this here,” he said as he caressed her cheek.
Did he mean he wasn’t opposed to continuing somewhere else more private?
He looked at her as if trying to memorize every facet of her face. There was something incredibly intimate about how he looked at her, something that touched her heart. She’d never been a believer in something as woo-woo as fate, but in this moment she was second-guessing that lack of belief. She didn’t think she’d been kidnapped just to be brought to Neil, but maybe fate had decided she needed him after what she’d been through. Or maybe she was looking for bigger reasons than the simple fact that they were attracted to each other.
“How about we go for that horseback ride?” he said.
Despite how much the majority of her wanted to stay with him, to continue what they’d started, that part of her that was still trapped in Uganda imagined riding out across the ranch again, worried that she’d suffer another panic attack.
“You’ll be safe,” he said, making her wonder just how much worry had shown on her face. “I promise.”
She had to get past the fear, right? And if she took a step in the right direction and it happened to be alongside an incredibly handsome man she now knew to be an excellent kisser, all the better.
“Okay. But take me to get my car first.”
Her nerves—the ones dedicated to thoughts of kissing Neil again—buzzed all the way to Gia’s parking lot. Worrying that she might be rushing things, she told Neil that she had to stop by the courthouse to take care of the title and registration for her car. But he simply accompanied her, then again as she stopped to arrange for insurance. By the time they reached his family’s ranch, she thought her nerves might vibrate right out of her body.
When they stepped into the dimmer interior of the barn, Neil took her hand and pulled her slowly into his arms.
“There’s no need to be nervous.”
“Who said I was nervous?”
He smiled. “I have eyes.”
She looked up into them and liked what she saw. “I know.”
Neil gave her hand a quick squeeze then proceeded to saddle two horses. Before they could leave, however, Ben entered the barn.
“Decide to take a vacation day?” he asked his brother, a mischievous grin tugging at the edges of his mouth.
“Had things to do. You saying the place fell apart without me?”
Ben snorted. “Hardly noticed you were gone.”
Arden envied the brothers their easy joking. Even though they didn’t share any blood, the Hartley siblings were closer than a lot of brothers and sisters who did. She’d witnessed sibling interactions throughout her life—all around the world and in many different cultures—that had made her wish for brothers and sisters of her own. This was another of those times. She felt like an outsider, an observer.
But then Neil glanced her way as if he sensed her feelings. He didn’t say anything, didn’t even smile, but she saw the concern and support in his eyes. She smiled, however. Looking at him made it easy, easier than it had been in a long time.
“I’m afraid it was all my fault,” she said, drawing Ben’s attention. “I needed a second opinion on a car I was considering buying, and I didn’t want to burden my dad while he’s recovering.”
Ben nodded but there was still mischief in his eyes. “Must have taken a while for you to decide.”
“I don’t like to jump into things.” She realized how that might sound to Neil, even though it wasn’t what she meant. Or was it? Was her rational mind trying to talk her out of continuing what had started next to the lake? Well, her rational mind could go take a really long hike off the end of a pier because Neil was the best thing in her life right now.
Ben finally made his way farther into the barn, disappeared through a doorway that she thought led to the tack room based on what little she could see.
“You ready?” Neil asked, drawing her attention to him.
A momentary flare of panic tried to invade but she used all her willpower to push it out of her mind and took the reins of the horse Neil had saddled for her.
She felt surprisingly safe riding alongside Neil as they left the barn and house behind. If only it would last. Though she definitely felt stronger than the day she’d arrived home, she wasn’t naive enough to think one kiss had magically restored her to the person she’d been before that fateful drive into the Ugandan countryside.
But while it wasn’t the end of her post-trauma issues, was it the beginning of something else? Was she ready for that? Neil had already been through his own horrible experience, so was it fair for him to have to deal with hers as well?
A burst of noise from their left startled her, causing her to gasp and her horse to sidestep.
“Whoa, fella,” Neil said as he smoothly rode up next to her and soothed Hector.
The flock of birds that had caused the commotion flew off to the south.
“Sorry.”
“You need to stop apologizing to me when there’s no reason.”
She sighed and rubbed along her horse’s mane. “I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever stop being so jumpy.”
“It might take a while, but you’ll get there.”
“You seem so sure about that.”
“Voice of experience.”
He maneuvered to her side and they moved forward again across a seemingly endless landscape.
“So you don’t have any residual effects of what happened to you?” She couldn’t imagine how he’d turned into such a strong, supportive, kind person considering how his life had started out.
“I don’t like tight spaces, and I’d a million times rather be outdoors than cooped up inside. It’s actually perfect that this is where I ended up.” He pointed toward the wide-openness of their surroundings.
Well that didn’t seem like a good pairing, did it? A man who needed to be out in the very type of environment that threatened her with panic attacks. Maybe her experience with Neil wasn’t fate at all, unless fate liked to mess with people’s emotions for fun.
Neil led her away from the pasture toward a line of trees at the bottom of a gentle slope. When he reached the trees, he reined in Bosco and dismounted. But while she stopped as well, she stayed astride and stared at the shadows in the wooded area. Her attackers had appeared suddenly from an area similar enough to this that her heart started hammering and she broke out in a sweat.
“I can’t do this,” she said past the rising lump of fear in her throat.
Neil approached her slowly, as he might a terrified animal. When he reached her, he placed his hand atop her leg.
“Yes, you can. Nothing here will hurt you. There’s no one around but me and you.”
She made herself take her gaze off the trees and look at him. He seemed to believe in her so much that she wanted to prove him right. She thought of her parents, how they needed her to be strong. How she needed to regain her strength for herself.
Arden looked upward and closed her eyes for a long moment, reminding herself that she’d been a strong, daring person for way longer than she’d been this timid, easily startled version of herself.
She allowed Neil to help her to the ground, and the feel of his strong hands gripping her waist did a lot to supplant any lingering thoughts of external threats. When they stood face-to-face, she remembered how she’d been the one to initiate their first kiss. How she’d seen something she wanted and went for it. So there was some of her former self banging around inside her. She just had to allow it to grow and come to the surface, let it reassert itself and shove aside the person her abductors had made her.
Neil’s hands dropped away from her waist, and she resisted the urge to snatch them back. Instead, when he took her hand in his, entwining their fingers, she allowed him to lead her into the copse of trees. They hadn’t gone far when she heard running water that, after they’d taken a few more steps, was revealed to be a pretty little creek.
“I didn’t expect this,” she said.
“It’s nothing but a dry creek bed during most of the year, but when we have a lot of rain like we have lately, it’s one of the prettiest places on the ranch.”
“Do you come here a lot?”
“Not as much as I’d like. Don’t really have the time.”
She turned toward him. “Says the man who has acted as if he has all the free time in the world today.”
“Maybe I needed a day off.”
“Ha, some day off.”
He lifted his hand to her face, cupped her jaw as if she was something precious and delicate. “I enjoyed myself.”
She stared at him and that full feeling in her chest returned. “I did, too.” She paused for a moment, hoping what she was feeling was real and not a reaction to what she’d been through. “I still am.”
Neil lowered his mouth toward hers slowly, as if to give her plenty of time to change her mind if she wanted to. But if there was anything she was certain about in this moment, it was that she wanted to kiss Neil Hartley again.
When she opened her mouth to him, she felt as if they were one phoenix that had caught fire. She had the crazy thought that maybe she was like that mythical bird, rising from the ashes of the horror of the past two months, to be born anew into a beautiful new life. Maybe that was the key—not to reclaim her old life but instead to figure out how to build a new one. A brighter and better one. Perhaps one that included something she didn’t have before—a man who made her feel as though anything was possible.
Chapter Eleven
The way Arden responded to him, it didn’t seem as though she’d been through anything traumatic at all. But she had. He lifted his mouth from hers—reluctantly—and peered at her.
“I’m okay,” she said. “You don’t have to look so worried.”
He ran his fingertip across her cheek. “I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to.”
She tilted her head a little. “Did any part of that seem as if I didn’t want it?”
He smiled. “Well, no.”
“Then just pretend I’m any other woman and kiss me again.”
“But you’re not any other woman.” He held up a finger to stop her when she started to protest. “It has nothing to do with what happened to you. I don’t want to kiss any other woman.”
This time she smiled, the smile of someone quite pleased with what she was hearing. “Very good response.”
Even a man with the best of intentions could resist temptation freely offered for only so long, so he lowered his mouth to hers again and pulled her close. His heart beat faster as he deepened the kiss. They sank to the ground and stretched out beside each other, barely pausing long enough to breathe in necessary air.
Somewhere in his mind two specks of common sense found each other and urged him to slow things down. He lifted his mouth from hers but continued staring at her.
“So, Neil Hartley, is this your get-lucky spot?”
The question surprised him so much that he sat up straighter. “No. I’ve never brought anyone else here. I just thought you might find it peaceful.”
Arden rose to sit next to him and placed her hand against his cheek. “Hey, I was teasing. I don’t think you’re that kind of guy. You may be the nicest man I’ve ever met.”
Her unexpected compliment made him feel as if a balloon of warmth was expanding in his chest. Though he did his best to help her, he didn’t feel worthy of the compliment.
He dropped a kiss on her forehead then wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her next to his side.
“You were right,” Arden said. “This is a peaceful spot. I don’t know when I’ll be ready to sit someplace like this alone, but I quite like sitting here with you.”
“Me, too. I didn’t expect this any more than you did.”
“Seems life is like that, throwing things at us we never expected—good and bad.”
They sat quietly, their fingers entwined, watching the flow of the rain-swelled creek. The wind shifted, rustling the leaves in the canopy above them. He was in tune with the moods of Mother Nature enough to know that they’d have to head back soon or risk being caught in yet another rainstorm.
