Forget-Me-Not Blue, page 13
He put his arm around her shoulders. “Because Mom is Mom.”
A kid went by on a bike and looked at them like they were acting very weird in the middle of the sidewalk.
But Sofie didn’t want to go back to the house and face the scarecrow. He was so kind to her. She couldn’t believe he was going to make her move downstairs where she’d never sleep. For that, she kind of hated him. But the thought of him dying before her mom came home was horrible.
“We’re going to have to make changes, Sof,” Con said. “We can’t stop time until Mom gets home.” His face was pale. “And Gunner’s right. We’ve got to do what the social worker says or else...” He shook his head. But the fear in his eyes said or else we might be separated.
“So will you take Mom’s room?” he asked.
“No!” She would die of heartbreak in there.
“Then you need to go back to your old room and we’ll let Gunner have Mom’s room.”
That felt so wrong. Even if the scarecrow was nice, the room would begin to smell like him instead of her mom. She saw her mom, so beautiful, stretched out in her bed, her feet poking out from under her silky sheets.
Finally she said, “He mustn’t move her things.” But then she took a deep breath and swallowed hard. The room would make the scarecrow sad too. “Unless he really, really needs to.”
chapter 25
The day was hot and steamy. Sofie sat between her granddad and Con in the truck, her heart jumping around like a frog.
“Are you kids ready for this?” her granddad asked.
“Ready to get it over with,” Connie muttered.
For the past two weeks he had disappeared into the attic. Sofie saw fury and misery in his eyes. And she felt the scarecrow hanging on from one meeting to the next.
Connie was sitting pulled away from her so their arms didn’t touch. She ached to lean against him, but not if he didn’t want her to.
She wished he’d come to the garden with her and the scarecrow. The snap beans starting to grab hold of the teepees with their wavy little arms felt hopeful. And when she came home from the garden, tired and dirty, she could sleep. Con looked like he never slept.
The social worker’s visit had been two whole weeks ago, and until yesterday Con had refused to visit their mom, and Sofie wouldn’t go either because she knew it would break her mom’s heart if Connie wasn’t with them. And the scarecrow didn’t want to go without them because he thought they should all go together.
But Tommy had come over yesterday on his day off and talked Con out of the attic to go have a couple of beers—which Sofie knew was silly guy talk. But Con had gone.
When he came back three hours later he said he’d had a good time. They’d gone to an arcade and Tommy had taught him to shoot pool. And he’d go see their mom but he didn’t want to talk about it.
Sofie had been so grateful for Tommy she didn’t know what to say, so she had smiled her very, very best smile. And he had nodded as if to say You’re welcome, Princess.
When the scarecrow got on the interstate, Sofie clenched her fists. She was afraid the rickety truck might die or fall apart right in the middle of whizzing traffic. Also, she thought the scarecrow was too old to be going fast. And deep down, she dreaded getting to the jail any sooner than they had to.
“Being in jail is rough,” the scarecrow said. “Your mom will be in a bad way. We need to do all we can to lift her spirits.”
Sofie fought tears at the thought of her mom being in a bad way, but last week the advocate had explained things and now Sofie felt all mixed up about her mom.
The advocate told them she was pleading guilty for a lighter sentence. After a sentencing hearing, she’d go to prison—almost certainly for many years, the advocate said—because she and the stupid boyfriend had bought and sold drugs in more than one state, burglarized rooms in a Las Vegas hotel, and robbed a convenience store in Nebraska. A person who worked there had been shot and seriously hurt by the stupid boyfriend with their mom standing right there.
Those details made Sofie so angry she never wanted to see her mom again. Her mom had gone off and left her and Connie all alone, and then done those mean, awful things. And because she’d done them, now they’d be without her for a long, long time.
But maybe their mom had done those things because the stupid boyfriend made her. Maybe he’d threatened her with the gun. If she didn’t do them...he might have killed her. Sofie shoved that thought away.
She looked at Con, his face set. Maybe the boyfriend had lied about her mom so he got a lighter sentence. She and Con had lied once. They said Dylan’s mom was lying when she was telling the truth.
All this went around and around in Sofie’s head, but her real mom—the one who was funny and kind and beautiful—kept sneaking back into Sofie’s heart. That mom would come home soon. Somehow. Because Sofie needed her.
Could they be at the jail already?
Her mom had seemed so far away the last three weeks, on another planet. She felt Con’s surprise too. He grabbed the door as if he wanted to hold it closed as they turned into a big parking area.
There were no other buildings close to the jail, which was huge. It looked kind of like an office building except there weren’t many windows, and those were all up high. They parked near a sign saying county jail visitor entry. Someone had sprayed graffiti on it.
They walked up a long, wide sidewalk. Outside the entrance, a woman in a red shirt, her hair tied in a bandana, sat on a bench talking on her phone.
Con held the door open for Sofie and the scarecrow. He looked so miserable and scared Sofie feared he might let the door close behind them, then run back to the hot truck and lock himself in.
She was shaking inside. Con let his hand brush hers and she looked up at him. For a second, she saw her real brother. The red-shoe brother.
There were other people coming and going, but she didn’t look at them and hoped they didn’t look at her. When the scarecrow said they were here to visit Ashley Jones, Sofie wished he hadn’t said it so loud.
At the security gate, the scarecrow took off his belt and boots and put them in a plastic tub. Then he emptied his pockets and pushed the tub onto the conveyor belt. The guard motioned the scarecrow through the security arch. On the other side of the arch, the scarecrow took his things out of the tub, then turned and motioned her to be next.
She didn’t have anything in her pockets and she hadn’t even worn her sparkly studs because she knew she couldn’t have any metal on her body. She slipped off her red shoes and put them in a bin. She hoped the guard would smile and maybe say something about them, but he just waved her through the arch.
When the alarm went off with a huge staccato blare, she leapt off the floor and then froze, her heart pounding. What had she done?
The guard motioned impatiently for her to come through and the awful blaring quit. He smelled like garlic as he passed a short, fat wand all around her, her shorts, her top. He told her to lift her arms.
She looked at the scarecrow. What was going to happen to her?
When the wand passed over her head, it beeped.
Her hands flew up and touched the barrettes that held her frizzy hair in place. She felt her face flame. “Sorry,” she whispered. Then more loudly, “I’m sorry.”
“Take those out and put them in the tub,” the guard said. “Then go around and come through again.”
Her legs were shaking so much she was afraid she’d fall, and she didn’t know if she should go through the arch again or around it. What if she did the wrong thing?
“Come on, Sof,” Con said in his deep voice. “It’s okay.”
When Sofie came around, Con squeezed her shoulder. Tears filled her eyes, but she went through a second time and didn’t set off the alarm.
She sat beside the scarecrow, who was lacing his boots. Con was coming through the arch. She slipped on her shoes and tried to put the barrettes back in her hair but her hands were shaking and slick with sweat. She tried not to cry, but tears rolled down her hot cheeks and a little sob exploded.
“Hush now,” the scarecrow said. “You don’t want your mama to know you’ve been crying.”
Con stepped up to the scarecrow, his face white.
“You don’t get to tell my sister not to cry. It not her fault we’re here. Sofie’s not doing anything wrong.” He spaced the words so they felt like blows. “Old man.”
“Connie!” He shouldn’t talk to the scarecrow that way.
The scarecrow didn’t say anything. He laced his other boot and stood.
“Here,” Con said to Sofie. He took the barrettes from her hands and fixed her hair so at least it didn’t fall in her face. She blotted her cheeks with her palms and wiped her hands on her shorts.
They stood in silence for a minute.
“Ready?” the scarecrow said.
She nodded.
There were several people in the visiting area, and Sofie’s eyes darted around. Her gaze slid right past the pale person in the bright green scrubs until the woman called, “Sofie!”
Sofie threw her arms around her mom, who looked so different and smelled so different, but the familiar softness was home. Sofie hung on.
“We’re not supposed to do that,” her mom said, loosening Sofie’s arms.
Sofie had read it in the dos and don’ts online, but forgot. Guards standing around the room watched them. One was staring at Sofie. She’d done another wrong thing.
“We’re supposed to sit down,” her mom said, pointing to metal tables with benches on either side, all bolted to the floor.
When Sofie tried to sit beside her, her mom said, “You guys are supposed to sit across from me. Rules.”
The rules said they could have twenty minutes. Now that she was across from her mom, Sofie didn’t know what to say. Her tongue felt like wood.
“How are you?” her mom asked, looking at them like they were food she was starving for.
“Fine,” she and Con said at the same time.
Their mom looked at the scarecrow. “How’s your new job, Gunner?”
“Fine.”
“How’s jail?” Con said in a voice so snarky Sofie winced.
His mom’s head moved as if he’d slapped her.
Sofie jabbed Con’s leg with her finger.
“What?” he said, pretending he didn’t know.
Why was he being so horrible? But she saw the pain in his eyes.
Her mom was staring at the light from one of the small, high windows that ran around the room. Sofie couldn’t bear it if the only part of outside she saw was a small square of sky.
“There’s nothing to do here,” her mom said. “Nothing, nothing, nothing.”
“You were doing a lot when you were on the road with that nut with the gun for three weeks,” Con said.
Her mom flinched but kept staring at the light.
“Did you think about how Sofie could have got killed when he started waving the gun around?”
His voice was quiet so others didn’t overhear, but Sofie felt the rage coming off him. She leaned against his arm.
Their mom kept staring at the windows, but Sofie saw her swallow hard and her mouth quiver.
The scarecrow looked sad. He probably knew how their mom felt.
“We were so scared, Mama,” Sofie said. “When you didn’t come home, we thought something awful might have happened to you. We thought you might never come back. We were terrified of foster care, of being apart. I’d have died if I’d been separated from Connie.” The huge knot in her throat ached when she said, “That would have been your fault.”
Her mom closed her eyes and sat very still.
The scarecrow cleared his throat and leaned across the table a little. “Prison will be better, Ashley. You’ll see,” he said.
Sofie stared at him. Wasn’t prison worse than jail?
“There’s nothing worse than county lockup,” he said. “That’s where you wait until you find out if you’re going to get to go home. If you’re not going home, you stay locked up in jail until you can be sent to prison. Hopefully it won’t be much longer.”
Her mom got even more pale. “My lawyer says I’ll probably be sent to a federal prison first. In another state.”
It took a while for the words to have meaning to Sofie. Another state. Far away. The scarecrow’s truck couldn’t make it far away. They didn’t have money to go far away.
She caught her breath. “Why? Why can’t you stay here?”
Although she was angry at her mom, Sofie still needed her close. “How will we visit you in another state?”
She was being too loud. She saw a guard watching. She put her hand over her mouth, her heart pounding.
Even Con looked truly crushed at this news, but the scarecrow nodded like he’d been expecting it.
Her mom shook her head, her limp hair falling around her face.
Sofie’s beautiful mom with the movie-star hair and the single dangly earring who claimed all their energy was dead. She’d been killed by this drab, sad mom who did truly bad things. So how could Sofie still love her? How could her being far away until she was old—maybe as old as the scarecrow—break Sofie’s heart?
“When you get to prison, you’ll have things to do,” the scarecrow finally said, his voice scratchy. “After a while, you’ll get a job. You’ll make friends. You’ll probably be able to take classes if you want to. I know.”
Anger flashed on her mom’s face and she snapped at the scarecrow. “You’re telling me prison is something to look forward to?”
Again, the guard was watching.
The scarecrow’s voice was tired. “No. But it’s a lot more permanent and settled than this. You’ll make peace with it, Ashley.”
His words cut Sofie’s heart. She felt the stretch of time. The way her world was being changed forever.
Sofie reached across the table, her hands open.
After a few seconds, her mom took them.
“We love you, Mama.” Sofie fought to keep her voice steady as she was being crushed inside. “Don’t we, Connie?”
When he didn’t say anything, she looked up at him. He nodded. His face was red, like he might explode.
“It’s okay,” she said, holding her mom’s hands. She didn’t care what the guard thought. And she knew why Connie couldn’t touch her mom right now.
Finally, her mom turned loose of Sofie’s hands and brushed tears off her cheeks. She took a deep breath and said to Sofie, “Tommy came to see me a couple of days ago.”
Her mom shook her head as if it was weird that Tommy had visited her in jail. Then she opened her mouth as if she were going to say more. Then her face turned pink and she didn’t say anything.
“Tommy has been a godsend to me and the kids,” Gunner said.
Her mom nodded.
“He brought us leftovers while you were gone,” Con said.
“I know.”
While her mom was on the run with her awful boyfriend had she ever wondered how they were getting food? Had she thought about the water getting shut off? Of the landlord evicting them because they didn’t have money for rent? Of what could happen to them?
She saw embarrassment and shame in her mom’s eyes.
“I love you kids,” she said. “Believe it or not.”
Sofie nodded.
As they stepped back into the heat, Sofie stared at her red shoes taking one step after another, seeming to move on their own, having nothing to do with her. The lady in the red shirt was still on the bench.
That night after her shower, Sofie went into the kitchen to get a banana. The kitchen light was off because it was so hot and the brightness made it hotter. Her pajamas stuck to her.
Con and the scarecrow were sitting on the back step talking. As she slowly peeled the banana, she couldn’t help but hear.
Con was kind of apologizing for yelling at the scarecrow and the scarecrow was saying it was okay. But Con said it seemed like the scarecrow cared more about their mom than about Sofie. And the scarecrow said that wasn’t true. He wished with all his heart that he could go back and be a better man—especially for little Summer—but he’d take care of Con and Sofie as long as the court would let him. Con said he would take care of Sofie. He always had and that was his job.
Sofie ate her banana, licking her fingers at the end, then she folded the peel and put it quietly in the trash. Every time the scarecrow was two minutes late for anything she worried. Was he off somewhere drinking? What if he left them again? Would somebody beat him up again—maybe kill him this time? And Connie was so, so angry.
They needed to make a triangle. And they needed a circle.
chapter 26
The shouts of little kids at afternoon recess came through the open windows. Sofie’s sweaty arms stuck to her desk. It was the first week of school and Mr. Bloom had the windows cranked open. A fat black fly droned past, landing on the head of the kid in front of her.
The kid craned his neck, knowing the fly was somewhere. She watched for a while as the fly explored the boy’s hair.
He was new this year, and she’d seen him looking at the Student Explorer Award and asking questions about it. She’d pointed out Con’s picture on the wall and said that was her brother.
How long was the fly going to stay in the boy’s hair?
She caught AnaMaria’s eye. AnaMaria was trying not to laugh. Should they tell him?
Sofie decided it was mean not to. She wouldn’t want a fly lost in her hair. So she leaned forward and poked him. When he turned, she pointed to her own head. His eyes widened and he swung his hands around his head and the fly droned off and out the window.
“Thanks,” he whispered.
She shrugged.
She looked at her red shoes and the shoes of other girls. Hers were definitely the best. She would outgrow them before long, but she had her boots.
Con had his boots too. This morning, he’d gone stomping off down the street refusing to get in the truck for a ride to school. Stomping was how he walked all the time, like he was about to kick something. He was rude to the scarecrow. He wouldn’t really talk to her. He didn’t fix his hair, which was so black and thick and wild it made him almost scary looking.
