Clan, Honor, and Empire, page 17
part #3 of Clan Beginnings Series
Flencik tried to be as nonchalant as his lover, though he knew he didn’t succeed. “All right. I’ll see you then.”
Rajhir beamed again. “Don’t work late, Imdiko. End communications.”
Rajhir disappeared, leaving Flencik looking at the open door of his office and the award vids on the hallway wall across from it. The Imdiko sighed in a mix of loss and happiness. It was nice to have had the brief sight of Rajhir, but now his mind raced over what it was the Dramok wanted to discuss tonight.
He knew it was something big, simply because Rajhir had taken such pains to withhold emotion over it. Flencik tried to calm the sudden jolt of ridiculous hope. It was much too soon to hope Rajhir would ask him to clan. Unless he’d fallen as head over heels as Flencik had? No, Rajhir was too aware of duty to do such a thing. The man had great emotional depth, but he never let his feelings get in the way of honor.
It was feasible that Rajhir would want to discuss a trial living arrangement, though. They had spent more nights together than not lately. That idea had Flencik’s heart galloping again, and he tried to put the brakes on his fantasies. The attempt was easier tried than done, however.
Flencik wanted to be clanned. Scratch that; he wanted to be clanned to Rajhir. All the other infatuations he’d suffered through in the past paled in comparison to this love affair. They had been mere hints of what a real relationship could be. Rajhir was the one and only Dramok for Flencik. It was as simple and momentous as that.
The Imdiko blew out another heavy breath. Despite the neediness that had colored his affairs before, Flencik knew his feelings for Rajhir were the real thing. With that man he could put his past hurts behind him. He could love without fearing it would be ignored, or even worse, pushed away. He mattered to Rajhir.
Flencik drew in a deep breath and tried to settle himself. He would find out what the Dramok was up to soon enough. He had a few hours before that would happen, which meant he needed to get to work again. Yet as he tried to take up his post-surgical report once more, Flencik’s thoughts turned to worry and hope over what that night might bring.
“Excuse me, Dr. Flencik. Is this a bad time?”
Flencik jerked his gaze up, which had settled blindly on the vid showing his incomplete report. Dr. Wyb, the lab research supervisor, stood in the doorway.
Flencik stood and bowed. “Not at all, Doctor. Please, come in. Sit down.”
Imdiko Wyb, one of the supposed bad guys shipping bio samples to the Bi’isils, stepped into the office with a smile. At the Kalquorian middle-age range of about 125 years, he hardly seemed the kind of man who would turn traitor to the Empire. The clothing he wore was well-made and fitted, but didn’t scream extravagance. He never put on airs either, at least not that Flencik had ever noticed. Wyb was as often in the middle of research projects as his underlings when his administrative tasks would allow it. From what Flencik had seen, Wyb liked performing even the most tedious lab tasks.
The elder Imdiko’s face showed the first creases of maturity, but no gray dusted his ebony hair. As usual, Wyb’s tresses were drawn back in their customary neat braid that ended between his shoulder blades. A streamlined version of the muscular Kalquorian race, Wyb participated in various endurance races that included running, swimming, and climbing. Flencik caught himself envying the man’s grace.
Wyb took the seat across from Flencik and motioned for the young surgeon to sit as well. Flencik did so and smiled expectantly, though he wondered what had brought the head of research into the surgical wing of the clinic.
Wyb gazed at him for a few seconds before shaking his head. “So here you sit, our double threat. So fresh-faced and innocent, and yet much more than you appear to be on the surface.”
Flencik felt as if his heart slammed to a stop for a moment. His first thought was of the information he’d turned over to Ospar and how he’d let Jol into Erow.
Somehow his voice managed to squeak out a single word. “Sir?”
“First of all, you’re a surgeon masterful beyond his years and training.” Wyb smiled at Flencik with open approval. “I hear preliminary tests show Dramok Usalm may actually achieve his dream of climbing Joshada’s Mount Ryzslix before he dies, thanks to your work this morning.”
Flencik relaxed. Whatever had precipitated Wyb’s visit, it didn’t seem to be because of Flencik’s underhanded activities on Ospar’s behalf.
Feeling a guilty flush rise to his cheeks, he said, “I hope Usalm will climb that last peak, though it will be a few days before we know for certain.”
“Still, to offer a man hope when there was none before is quite an accomplishment. Congratulations.”
Flencik was so relieved he thought he might faint for a moment. “Thank you, sir.”
Wyb settled back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other. He again eyed Flencik speculatively. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been keeping up with your latest project in the lab.”
Flencik nodded. “I’m delighted you’ve taken an interest. I left my tests and results on the public frame in hopes someone would check my work and advise me. Thank you once more for allowing me to use samples from the deceased Mataras for my private experiments.”
“Not at all. I’m fascinated with your ideas on DNA strand destruction and rebuilding. You are pursuing the theory that the virus altered us on the most basic levels?”
Flencik straightened in his chair, energized over his pet project. “There has been evidence to suggest it. You’ve read about the anomalies discovered by the council-mandated research team?”
“I have. I’ve been following it closely. I’m excited with your findings and your proposed solutions.”
Flencik nearly stopped breathing. “Then you think my ideas have merit?”
Wyb chuckled. “I think you are brilliant, young Flencik. In fact, I’m assigning you your own research station to continue your work. Any time you get a moment to pursue your theories, please feel free to do so. And send all your sample requests directly to me. I’ll see you get everything I’m able to allot.”
Not trying to contain his delight, Flencik jumped up to bow to Wyb once more. “Thank you, sir. Thank you!”
Wyb grinned and waved him back down to his chair. “I admit to being rather self-serving when it comes to your research, Doctor. It would be quite the feather in Erow’s cap if one of ours came up with a solution to our population issues.”
“I’m for anyone who can stop us from extinction. If you or any other researcher wants to take my work and run with it, please know I’ll hand the project over.”
Wyb’s brows crinkled together. With a tinge of wonder in his voice, he said, “You are not one for greed or self-promotion despite all your abilities, are you? That’s rare, Dr. Flencik. Rare and commendable. You know, you could end up being one of the great doctors of Kalquor. I sincerely believe that. So do Dr. Esu and Dr. Gen. We’ve got our eyes on you.”
With that compliment, Wyb stood. “Give us your continued loyalty, Doctor, and we’ll supply all you need to make that happen. Anything at all that you require, come see me.”
Flencik lumbered to his feet, stunned by the recognition and carte blanche to continue his research hobby. “I don’t know what to say, Dr. Wyb. I can’t thank you enough for the opportunities I’ve been given.”
“Just remember who gave you your start.” Wyb’s eyes narrowed for an instant before he bowed and walked out, leaving Flencik staring after him.
Chapter 10
Throughout dinner, Flencik burned to know what Rajhir wanted to talk about. However, much to his dismay, conversation centered on other subjects.
The two men sat across from each other at a small table in the greeting room, which was much more intimate a setting than the dining room. At the start of the meal, Rajhir asked about Flencik’s day, and the Imdiko shared his conversation with Dr. Wyb. Rajhir responded with delight, insisting on congratulating and toasting the recognition Flencik’s research had received. Then he pushed for more details about the conversation with Wyb. Flencik wanted to think Rajhir’s pleasure over the accomplishment was like that of a clan leader for one of his clanmates, but he reminded himself firmly that it was too soon for such things. Then conversation turned to Rajhir’s work and the conversations he’d had with other aides that day. To Flencik, it felt like his lover would never get to whatever subject he’d alluded to in his com.
So he exercised patience to the best of his ability. Flencik didn’t want to be the one to bring up whatever it was Rajhir was planning to discuss. He was afraid of appearing too eager. As a result, he barely tasted a single bite of his kloq-marinated grilled ronka. Flencik knew it must have been good because Rajhir ate every scrap on his plate with gusto.
At last the Dramok pushed his empty plate away and poured them both fresh glasses of bohut. Then Rajhir folded his arms on the surface of the table and leaned on them, putting him closer to Flencik.
“I told you there was something we needed to discuss.”
“The curiosity is killing me,” Flencik admitted. His pulse had jumped and a shiver of nervousness trembled up his spine.
Rajhir chuckled. “Since I don’t want to see you expire, let me get this out then. I believe it’s time for you to introduce me to your parent clan.”
Flencik’s gut turned to ice and he went very still. Of all the scenarios he’d had going in his head, this was not one of them.
He drew back, sitting up very straight on the seating cushion he perched on. In a tone as cold as his stomach, he said, “I don’t want you to meet them. It’s not necessary.”
Rajhir’s brows drew together, forming a deep line between them. It might have been concern or carefully controlled anger. In his sudden state of terror, Flencik couldn’t tell which his lover felt.
Rajhir told him in a no-nonsense voice, “I think it is necessary and proper, given our stated interest in each other. I know they’ve hurt you, but you can’t cut them out of your life entirely. They need to know about us.”
A lump of hurt started in Flencik’s chest. It worked its way up into his throat, trying to choke him. He managed to speak past it anyway. “I can keep them out of my life, and that’s exactly what I intend to do. They have no interest in me. I decided some time ago that I am happy to return the favor.”
“They’re your parents, Flencik. They are a part of you, and I need to meet them.”
The ache in the Imdiko’s throat wanted to burst out of his mouth in a humiliating sob. Flencik swallowed. He would not cry over his fathers or his mother. Especially not her. He’d sworn that Bosab would never claim another tear from him in his life, and he was damned if he’d break that promise to himself.
He made the pain turn to anger. He twisted it so he could be strong and not crumble in front of Rajhir. He spat, “All those people have ever done is hurt me. I am not opening myself up to that any more, Rajhir.”
Rajhir’s expression and voice firmed. “It is not proper for us to continue our relationship without them being aware that I’m in your life.”
Flencik got to his feet. Rage and grief mixed in his head as he took in Rajhir’s words.
It is not proper for us to continue our relationship...
He shouted, “Fine! If you want this over with, all you had to do was say so.”
The Imdiko turned and rushed for the in-house transport’s door. His heavy footsteps thudded across the floor. The transport’s door opened obediently for him as Rajhir’s startled voice called, “Flencik? Hey! Flencik! Wait!”
Flencik stepped into the conveyance and commanded, “Shuttle bay.”
He turned back towards the home’s interior in time to see Rajhir running across the room towards the him. Flencik had one last look at the Dramok’s disbelieving face before the door closed and shut him out.
The Imdiko regained his senses as soon as he got to his shuttle, which was parked in the three-vehicle bay assigned to Rajhir’s home. He paused next to the blunt nose of the craft and was walloped with a sense of horror.
What the fuck did I just do?
Flencik knew perfectly well what he’d done. He’d walked out on the man he loved, effectively ending their relationship. He’d fucked up the worst he’d ever fucked up in his entire life.
He was too stunned to erupt in the emotional agony that the situation warranted. And monumental grief would come, because he’d slammed the door shut in Rajhir’s face. Surely the Dramok would never speak to him again, not after Flencik walked out on him like that. A man of Rajhir’s talents, good looks, and fine breeding could have any Imdiko he wanted. He would wash his hands of Flencik’s emotional mess and thank the ancestors he’d dodged the bullet of continuing on with him.
Flencik pounded his fists against the nose of his shuttle. Then he banged his head against it. Of all the stupid things to have done! He had wrecked the one thing he wanted above all: a relationship with a man who excited him not only sexually, but intellectually and emotionally as well. He hit his head against the shuttle again, not caring about the dull pain he gave himself. It beat the terrible feeling building in his gut; the one that would soon have him bawling like the idiot child he was.
“Stop that before you dent the shuttle with your hard head.”
Flencik whirled around at the sound of the voice behind him. Rajhir stood there, his brow furrowed. They stared at each other for a couple of beats.
Flencik fought off the urge to throw himself at Rajhir, to beg his forgiveness in a hysterical outpouring of grief. His voice sounded choked as he said, “You came after me?”
“Of course I did. Flencik, I – fuck.” Rajhir swept a hand through his sleek hair, tangling it as he glared at the Imdiko with a mixture of concern and frustration. “Get your ass back in the transport. We’ll talk about it in my apartment.”
Feeling miserable enough to puke up his ronka steak, Flencik muttered, “You can tell me we’re over right here.”
Rajhir shook his head. “You are the sweetest man I know and the smartest man I know, but you can be so damned thick sometimes.” He pointed towards the in-house transport and assumed that commanding Dramok attitude he wielded so well. “Go. Now, Imdiko.”
Flencik’s feet began walking back through the shuttle bay towards the conveyance before his brain knew they were doing so. A small part of his mind cursed Rajhir’s ability to dominate him so easily. But most of him felt a revival of hope. Maybe he hadn’t wrecked everything after all.
Flencik got into the transport and Rajhir got in with him. Seconds later the door opened to Rajhir’s greeting room.
The Dramok pushed him towards the lounger. “Sit. We need to have a talk.”
Flencik obeyed him. Rajhir remained standing, looking down on the Imdiko. Flencik stared up at the handsome face, feeling miserable.
Before Rajhir could start berating him, Flencik said, “I am sorry I walked out. It was childish of me. It’s just – Rajhir, I hate being around my parents. All I hear about is my shortcomings as a son and how lucky I am to have a mother like her.”
Rajhir snorted. “You are considerate and honorable, Flencik. I see that. I recognize it. I could never believe otherwise, no matter who told me differently.”
“Thank you. Will you forgive me for storming out?” Flencik felt like a youngling begging to get out of punishment. What the hell; it was how he felt. He had really fucked up.
Rajhir finally smiled, and the sight warmed the Imdiko from head to toe. He told him, “Done and forgotten. I knew you wouldn’t be enthusiastic about my insisting on introductions.”
Flencik laughed at the understatement. ‘Not enthusiastic’ didn’t begin to cover his feelings on the matter.
Rajhir chuckled as the tension between them eased. “That’s better. I hate seeing you upset.”
The Dramok knelt down on one knee, putting them more at eye level. He leaned in close to Flencik, taking the other man’s hands and looking deep into his eyes. “Flencik, I believe we will make things work between us. More than just work, in fact. Can’t you tell how much you mean to me?”
The knot of emotion was back in Flencik’s gut at Rajhir’s words. He felt he could weep again, but this time from happiness.
He told Rajhir, “I keep hoping to hear you care for me. Do you realize I’m devoted to you? I can’t imagine my life with any other Dramok.”
There. He’d laid it out, as black and white as it could get. Now Flencik had to hope it wouldn’t scare Rajhir away.
Rajhir’s hands tightened on his. “Do you want to know how much I care? Then let me tell you, I am having a difficult time not asking you to clan right now. Truly.”
Flencik’s heart pounded so hard he thought it might burst from his chest. It was what he’d spent the last couple of weeks wishing he could hear. Now that Rajhir had spoken the words he felt unreal, as if his consciousness might float right out of his body.
Yet Rajhir was not asking him to clan. Something held him back, and Flencik had an idea he knew what that was. He prodded Rajhir. “But?”
The Dramok sighed, sounding as unhappy as Flencik was elated. “But my parents would string me up for clanning someone I’ve known for only a few weeks. Even though we are both old enough to do so without permission, it would be unseemly. Gegra would march me straight to Emperor Zarl and demand a royal decree de-clanning us.”
Flencik blinked in surprise. De-clanning was reserved for only extreme circumstances. “Your father has that kind of influence?”
“We’re related to the Imperial Clan. Cousins, distant enough that most don’t know but close enough that Gegra can get favors granted. I’ll thank you to not broadcast it, as advertising my blood relationship to the throne would be seen as bragging, another ‘unseemly’ activity. Fucking honor and Empire.” Rajhir rolled his eyes, looking disgusted with the situation.
Flencik thought the scenario over. He voiced his main concern. “I take it Gegra doesn’t see me as a worthy candidate to be your Imdiko?”
Rajhir started. “Are you kidding? With your pedigree and standing at such a young age? He’d be delighted for me to clan you. All of my parents like you. It’s just that it’s too soon. And there’s the issue of not all the proper steps having been taken yet.”
Rajhir beamed again. “Don’t work late, Imdiko. End communications.”
Rajhir disappeared, leaving Flencik looking at the open door of his office and the award vids on the hallway wall across from it. The Imdiko sighed in a mix of loss and happiness. It was nice to have had the brief sight of Rajhir, but now his mind raced over what it was the Dramok wanted to discuss tonight.
He knew it was something big, simply because Rajhir had taken such pains to withhold emotion over it. Flencik tried to calm the sudden jolt of ridiculous hope. It was much too soon to hope Rajhir would ask him to clan. Unless he’d fallen as head over heels as Flencik had? No, Rajhir was too aware of duty to do such a thing. The man had great emotional depth, but he never let his feelings get in the way of honor.
It was feasible that Rajhir would want to discuss a trial living arrangement, though. They had spent more nights together than not lately. That idea had Flencik’s heart galloping again, and he tried to put the brakes on his fantasies. The attempt was easier tried than done, however.
Flencik wanted to be clanned. Scratch that; he wanted to be clanned to Rajhir. All the other infatuations he’d suffered through in the past paled in comparison to this love affair. They had been mere hints of what a real relationship could be. Rajhir was the one and only Dramok for Flencik. It was as simple and momentous as that.
The Imdiko blew out another heavy breath. Despite the neediness that had colored his affairs before, Flencik knew his feelings for Rajhir were the real thing. With that man he could put his past hurts behind him. He could love without fearing it would be ignored, or even worse, pushed away. He mattered to Rajhir.
Flencik drew in a deep breath and tried to settle himself. He would find out what the Dramok was up to soon enough. He had a few hours before that would happen, which meant he needed to get to work again. Yet as he tried to take up his post-surgical report once more, Flencik’s thoughts turned to worry and hope over what that night might bring.
“Excuse me, Dr. Flencik. Is this a bad time?”
Flencik jerked his gaze up, which had settled blindly on the vid showing his incomplete report. Dr. Wyb, the lab research supervisor, stood in the doorway.
Flencik stood and bowed. “Not at all, Doctor. Please, come in. Sit down.”
Imdiko Wyb, one of the supposed bad guys shipping bio samples to the Bi’isils, stepped into the office with a smile. At the Kalquorian middle-age range of about 125 years, he hardly seemed the kind of man who would turn traitor to the Empire. The clothing he wore was well-made and fitted, but didn’t scream extravagance. He never put on airs either, at least not that Flencik had ever noticed. Wyb was as often in the middle of research projects as his underlings when his administrative tasks would allow it. From what Flencik had seen, Wyb liked performing even the most tedious lab tasks.
The elder Imdiko’s face showed the first creases of maturity, but no gray dusted his ebony hair. As usual, Wyb’s tresses were drawn back in their customary neat braid that ended between his shoulder blades. A streamlined version of the muscular Kalquorian race, Wyb participated in various endurance races that included running, swimming, and climbing. Flencik caught himself envying the man’s grace.
Wyb took the seat across from Flencik and motioned for the young surgeon to sit as well. Flencik did so and smiled expectantly, though he wondered what had brought the head of research into the surgical wing of the clinic.
Wyb gazed at him for a few seconds before shaking his head. “So here you sit, our double threat. So fresh-faced and innocent, and yet much more than you appear to be on the surface.”
Flencik felt as if his heart slammed to a stop for a moment. His first thought was of the information he’d turned over to Ospar and how he’d let Jol into Erow.
Somehow his voice managed to squeak out a single word. “Sir?”
“First of all, you’re a surgeon masterful beyond his years and training.” Wyb smiled at Flencik with open approval. “I hear preliminary tests show Dramok Usalm may actually achieve his dream of climbing Joshada’s Mount Ryzslix before he dies, thanks to your work this morning.”
Flencik relaxed. Whatever had precipitated Wyb’s visit, it didn’t seem to be because of Flencik’s underhanded activities on Ospar’s behalf.
Feeling a guilty flush rise to his cheeks, he said, “I hope Usalm will climb that last peak, though it will be a few days before we know for certain.”
“Still, to offer a man hope when there was none before is quite an accomplishment. Congratulations.”
Flencik was so relieved he thought he might faint for a moment. “Thank you, sir.”
Wyb settled back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other. He again eyed Flencik speculatively. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been keeping up with your latest project in the lab.”
Flencik nodded. “I’m delighted you’ve taken an interest. I left my tests and results on the public frame in hopes someone would check my work and advise me. Thank you once more for allowing me to use samples from the deceased Mataras for my private experiments.”
“Not at all. I’m fascinated with your ideas on DNA strand destruction and rebuilding. You are pursuing the theory that the virus altered us on the most basic levels?”
Flencik straightened in his chair, energized over his pet project. “There has been evidence to suggest it. You’ve read about the anomalies discovered by the council-mandated research team?”
“I have. I’ve been following it closely. I’m excited with your findings and your proposed solutions.”
Flencik nearly stopped breathing. “Then you think my ideas have merit?”
Wyb chuckled. “I think you are brilliant, young Flencik. In fact, I’m assigning you your own research station to continue your work. Any time you get a moment to pursue your theories, please feel free to do so. And send all your sample requests directly to me. I’ll see you get everything I’m able to allot.”
Not trying to contain his delight, Flencik jumped up to bow to Wyb once more. “Thank you, sir. Thank you!”
Wyb grinned and waved him back down to his chair. “I admit to being rather self-serving when it comes to your research, Doctor. It would be quite the feather in Erow’s cap if one of ours came up with a solution to our population issues.”
“I’m for anyone who can stop us from extinction. If you or any other researcher wants to take my work and run with it, please know I’ll hand the project over.”
Wyb’s brows crinkled together. With a tinge of wonder in his voice, he said, “You are not one for greed or self-promotion despite all your abilities, are you? That’s rare, Dr. Flencik. Rare and commendable. You know, you could end up being one of the great doctors of Kalquor. I sincerely believe that. So do Dr. Esu and Dr. Gen. We’ve got our eyes on you.”
With that compliment, Wyb stood. “Give us your continued loyalty, Doctor, and we’ll supply all you need to make that happen. Anything at all that you require, come see me.”
Flencik lumbered to his feet, stunned by the recognition and carte blanche to continue his research hobby. “I don’t know what to say, Dr. Wyb. I can’t thank you enough for the opportunities I’ve been given.”
“Just remember who gave you your start.” Wyb’s eyes narrowed for an instant before he bowed and walked out, leaving Flencik staring after him.
Chapter 10
Throughout dinner, Flencik burned to know what Rajhir wanted to talk about. However, much to his dismay, conversation centered on other subjects.
The two men sat across from each other at a small table in the greeting room, which was much more intimate a setting than the dining room. At the start of the meal, Rajhir asked about Flencik’s day, and the Imdiko shared his conversation with Dr. Wyb. Rajhir responded with delight, insisting on congratulating and toasting the recognition Flencik’s research had received. Then he pushed for more details about the conversation with Wyb. Flencik wanted to think Rajhir’s pleasure over the accomplishment was like that of a clan leader for one of his clanmates, but he reminded himself firmly that it was too soon for such things. Then conversation turned to Rajhir’s work and the conversations he’d had with other aides that day. To Flencik, it felt like his lover would never get to whatever subject he’d alluded to in his com.
So he exercised patience to the best of his ability. Flencik didn’t want to be the one to bring up whatever it was Rajhir was planning to discuss. He was afraid of appearing too eager. As a result, he barely tasted a single bite of his kloq-marinated grilled ronka. Flencik knew it must have been good because Rajhir ate every scrap on his plate with gusto.
At last the Dramok pushed his empty plate away and poured them both fresh glasses of bohut. Then Rajhir folded his arms on the surface of the table and leaned on them, putting him closer to Flencik.
“I told you there was something we needed to discuss.”
“The curiosity is killing me,” Flencik admitted. His pulse had jumped and a shiver of nervousness trembled up his spine.
Rajhir chuckled. “Since I don’t want to see you expire, let me get this out then. I believe it’s time for you to introduce me to your parent clan.”
Flencik’s gut turned to ice and he went very still. Of all the scenarios he’d had going in his head, this was not one of them.
He drew back, sitting up very straight on the seating cushion he perched on. In a tone as cold as his stomach, he said, “I don’t want you to meet them. It’s not necessary.”
Rajhir’s brows drew together, forming a deep line between them. It might have been concern or carefully controlled anger. In his sudden state of terror, Flencik couldn’t tell which his lover felt.
Rajhir told him in a no-nonsense voice, “I think it is necessary and proper, given our stated interest in each other. I know they’ve hurt you, but you can’t cut them out of your life entirely. They need to know about us.”
A lump of hurt started in Flencik’s chest. It worked its way up into his throat, trying to choke him. He managed to speak past it anyway. “I can keep them out of my life, and that’s exactly what I intend to do. They have no interest in me. I decided some time ago that I am happy to return the favor.”
“They’re your parents, Flencik. They are a part of you, and I need to meet them.”
The ache in the Imdiko’s throat wanted to burst out of his mouth in a humiliating sob. Flencik swallowed. He would not cry over his fathers or his mother. Especially not her. He’d sworn that Bosab would never claim another tear from him in his life, and he was damned if he’d break that promise to himself.
He made the pain turn to anger. He twisted it so he could be strong and not crumble in front of Rajhir. He spat, “All those people have ever done is hurt me. I am not opening myself up to that any more, Rajhir.”
Rajhir’s expression and voice firmed. “It is not proper for us to continue our relationship without them being aware that I’m in your life.”
Flencik got to his feet. Rage and grief mixed in his head as he took in Rajhir’s words.
It is not proper for us to continue our relationship...
He shouted, “Fine! If you want this over with, all you had to do was say so.”
The Imdiko turned and rushed for the in-house transport’s door. His heavy footsteps thudded across the floor. The transport’s door opened obediently for him as Rajhir’s startled voice called, “Flencik? Hey! Flencik! Wait!”
Flencik stepped into the conveyance and commanded, “Shuttle bay.”
He turned back towards the home’s interior in time to see Rajhir running across the room towards the him. Flencik had one last look at the Dramok’s disbelieving face before the door closed and shut him out.
The Imdiko regained his senses as soon as he got to his shuttle, which was parked in the three-vehicle bay assigned to Rajhir’s home. He paused next to the blunt nose of the craft and was walloped with a sense of horror.
What the fuck did I just do?
Flencik knew perfectly well what he’d done. He’d walked out on the man he loved, effectively ending their relationship. He’d fucked up the worst he’d ever fucked up in his entire life.
He was too stunned to erupt in the emotional agony that the situation warranted. And monumental grief would come, because he’d slammed the door shut in Rajhir’s face. Surely the Dramok would never speak to him again, not after Flencik walked out on him like that. A man of Rajhir’s talents, good looks, and fine breeding could have any Imdiko he wanted. He would wash his hands of Flencik’s emotional mess and thank the ancestors he’d dodged the bullet of continuing on with him.
Flencik pounded his fists against the nose of his shuttle. Then he banged his head against it. Of all the stupid things to have done! He had wrecked the one thing he wanted above all: a relationship with a man who excited him not only sexually, but intellectually and emotionally as well. He hit his head against the shuttle again, not caring about the dull pain he gave himself. It beat the terrible feeling building in his gut; the one that would soon have him bawling like the idiot child he was.
“Stop that before you dent the shuttle with your hard head.”
Flencik whirled around at the sound of the voice behind him. Rajhir stood there, his brow furrowed. They stared at each other for a couple of beats.
Flencik fought off the urge to throw himself at Rajhir, to beg his forgiveness in a hysterical outpouring of grief. His voice sounded choked as he said, “You came after me?”
“Of course I did. Flencik, I – fuck.” Rajhir swept a hand through his sleek hair, tangling it as he glared at the Imdiko with a mixture of concern and frustration. “Get your ass back in the transport. We’ll talk about it in my apartment.”
Feeling miserable enough to puke up his ronka steak, Flencik muttered, “You can tell me we’re over right here.”
Rajhir shook his head. “You are the sweetest man I know and the smartest man I know, but you can be so damned thick sometimes.” He pointed towards the in-house transport and assumed that commanding Dramok attitude he wielded so well. “Go. Now, Imdiko.”
Flencik’s feet began walking back through the shuttle bay towards the conveyance before his brain knew they were doing so. A small part of his mind cursed Rajhir’s ability to dominate him so easily. But most of him felt a revival of hope. Maybe he hadn’t wrecked everything after all.
Flencik got into the transport and Rajhir got in with him. Seconds later the door opened to Rajhir’s greeting room.
The Dramok pushed him towards the lounger. “Sit. We need to have a talk.”
Flencik obeyed him. Rajhir remained standing, looking down on the Imdiko. Flencik stared up at the handsome face, feeling miserable.
Before Rajhir could start berating him, Flencik said, “I am sorry I walked out. It was childish of me. It’s just – Rajhir, I hate being around my parents. All I hear about is my shortcomings as a son and how lucky I am to have a mother like her.”
Rajhir snorted. “You are considerate and honorable, Flencik. I see that. I recognize it. I could never believe otherwise, no matter who told me differently.”
“Thank you. Will you forgive me for storming out?” Flencik felt like a youngling begging to get out of punishment. What the hell; it was how he felt. He had really fucked up.
Rajhir finally smiled, and the sight warmed the Imdiko from head to toe. He told him, “Done and forgotten. I knew you wouldn’t be enthusiastic about my insisting on introductions.”
Flencik laughed at the understatement. ‘Not enthusiastic’ didn’t begin to cover his feelings on the matter.
Rajhir chuckled as the tension between them eased. “That’s better. I hate seeing you upset.”
The Dramok knelt down on one knee, putting them more at eye level. He leaned in close to Flencik, taking the other man’s hands and looking deep into his eyes. “Flencik, I believe we will make things work between us. More than just work, in fact. Can’t you tell how much you mean to me?”
The knot of emotion was back in Flencik’s gut at Rajhir’s words. He felt he could weep again, but this time from happiness.
He told Rajhir, “I keep hoping to hear you care for me. Do you realize I’m devoted to you? I can’t imagine my life with any other Dramok.”
There. He’d laid it out, as black and white as it could get. Now Flencik had to hope it wouldn’t scare Rajhir away.
Rajhir’s hands tightened on his. “Do you want to know how much I care? Then let me tell you, I am having a difficult time not asking you to clan right now. Truly.”
Flencik’s heart pounded so hard he thought it might burst from his chest. It was what he’d spent the last couple of weeks wishing he could hear. Now that Rajhir had spoken the words he felt unreal, as if his consciousness might float right out of his body.
Yet Rajhir was not asking him to clan. Something held him back, and Flencik had an idea he knew what that was. He prodded Rajhir. “But?”
The Dramok sighed, sounding as unhappy as Flencik was elated. “But my parents would string me up for clanning someone I’ve known for only a few weeks. Even though we are both old enough to do so without permission, it would be unseemly. Gegra would march me straight to Emperor Zarl and demand a royal decree de-clanning us.”
Flencik blinked in surprise. De-clanning was reserved for only extreme circumstances. “Your father has that kind of influence?”
“We’re related to the Imperial Clan. Cousins, distant enough that most don’t know but close enough that Gegra can get favors granted. I’ll thank you to not broadcast it, as advertising my blood relationship to the throne would be seen as bragging, another ‘unseemly’ activity. Fucking honor and Empire.” Rajhir rolled his eyes, looking disgusted with the situation.
Flencik thought the scenario over. He voiced his main concern. “I take it Gegra doesn’t see me as a worthy candidate to be your Imdiko?”
Rajhir started. “Are you kidding? With your pedigree and standing at such a young age? He’d be delighted for me to clan you. All of my parents like you. It’s just that it’s too soon. And there’s the issue of not all the proper steps having been taken yet.”
