Neurosurgeon's Christmas to Remember, page 14
“Patient’s stable and his vitals look good, Dr. Granger. Ready when you are,” Dr. Chen said.
“Right. Let’s get started.”
* * *
Two hours into the four-hour procedure, Max was ready to begin the delicate process of removing the King’s tumor, using ultrasonic aspiration.
“Fornices protected?” Max asked the assisting surgeon.
“Yes, Dr. Granger.”
“Good. Thank you. Dr. Chen, how are the patient’s vitals?”
“Still within normal limits. Blood pressure has dropped slightly, but O2 sat level is good.”
“Okay. Proceeding with aspiration.” Max held his instruments steady as he worked, occasionally asking for suction or irrigation but otherwise keeping silent. With the King’s condition already compromised from the previous emergency craniotomy, he didn’t want to take longer than necessary. Finally, an hour later, the tumor had been removed and the OR as a whole released a prolonged sigh of relief. The worst part was over. Now, Max just had to close and—
A shrill beep issued from the heart monitor and his attention snapped to the anesthesiologist. Sudden flashes of the day Laura had died flashed through Max’s mind before he could stop them.
“There was nothing we could do.”
Max swallowed hard and narrowed his gaze on the monitor. “What’s happening, Dr. Chen?”
“Heart rate dropped.” The anesthesiologist reached over to check the King’s tracheal tube. “Breathing is normal.”
“Have Cardiology on standby, please, just in case.” Then the alarm stopped and the regular beeps of the King’s pulse returned. Max flexed his tense fingers. “Zero-five suture, please.”
* * *
A further hour and a half later, the King’s surgery was over and the patient was on his way back to Radiology for a second MRI to make sure they’d removed the entire tumor. An odd mix of energy and exhaustion flooded Max’s system, not uncommon after a complex surgery. Today, though, he also couldn’t seem to stop thinking about Ayanna. Normally, he never let his personal life enter his mind during his operations, but now all that had changed.
“Dr. Granger?” One of the nurses waved him over to the computer monitor on the wall of the OR. “MRI results on the patient are in.”
He removed his gloves then scrolled through the images, happy to see they’d gotten all of the tumor and removed the risk. “These look good. Thank you, everyone. The patient is out of danger and should recover nicely.”
Max went back into the prep room to remove his soiled gown and mask then washed up before exiting once more into the hallway. After updating Dr. di Rossi on his father’s outcome and prognosis—both good—he headed back to his office to type up his report.
Once there, though, he found himself thinking even more about Ayanna. He’d checked her office, but her staff had said she was at a meeting. Now that the surgery was over, Max’s future loomed. They hadn’t really discussed their relationship beyond the right now but, cheesy as it was, he’d meant what he’d told her at the ball. He’d be her Northern Star. He’d be there for her, if she wanted him. She worked too hard. She needed someone to look out for her best interests.
His heart squeezed. He’d love to be there for her each day, see that smile of hers light up his life like a second sun. Be there for her at night, to cook her dinner and make sure she ate well. Listen to her day and discuss the problems she was dealing with and have her do the same for him.
But his old life in New York still loomed like a specter. All those conferences and lectures and travel he had booked. Long-distance relationships weren’t something he’d tried, but from what he’d heard they could be difficult. And perhaps Ayanna wasn’t even interested in that with him.
They needed to talk, that much was certain.
As he dictated his surgery notes into the computer, he devised a plan. He’d make her dinner then ask where things stood between them.
* * *
“You’re quiet tonight,” Ayanna said that evening, over a delicious bowl of homemade baked ziti, courtesy of Max’s culinary genius. He’d seemed awfully serious since they’d gotten home tonight and it had her on edge. “Everything go okay with the King’s surgery?”
“Fine.” Max frowned down into his pasta. “How was your day?”
“Good.” She tore off another piece of garlic bread and nibbled on the warm crust. Yep, something was definitely off here. Ayanna pressed her knees together under the table and tried not to imagine the worst. The night Will had told her about his affair with Rinna had felt very similar, full of tension and unspoken words. Was she missing something? Was Max leaving sooner than she thought? The King’s surgery was done, but she’d expected him to at least stick around until his patient was released. Maybe she’d been wrong. Her stomach cramped and she put the rest of her bread down, uneaten. “Please tell me what’s bothering you. I can tell there’s a problem.”
Max looked up at her then, his eyes stormy. “What’s happening here, with us?”
“What do you mean?” Ayanna swallowed hard. “We’re enjoying each other’s company.”
“Is that all?”
“Isn’t that enough?”
Max got up to take his plate to the sink and Ayanna’s heart sank. She’d apparently said the wrong thing but wasn’t sure what. She stood too and moved in beside him at the sink. They bumped arms and Ayanna pulled back. “Sorry. We seem to be in each other’s way tonight.”
Lips compressed, he looked over at her. “No, I’m sorry. I’m can’t seem to find the right way to—”
Her phone buzzed on the table.
Ayanna held up a finger then went back to answer it. On the screen, her mother’s face glowed brightly. With a sigh, Ayanna pressed answer, her gaze still locked on Max. “Hey, Mom. What’s up?”
“Hi, honey. Just checking on your plans for Christmas,” her mother said. “It’s less than two weeks away.”
“Yes, I know.” Ayanna rolled her eyes then turned away from Max, who was still frowning.
“Be sure to invite Max also,” her mom said. “You two make such a nice couple and he seemed to really hit it off with everyone.”
“We’re not a couple, Mom.” Ayanna glanced back over her shoulder to see a shadow flicker across his handsome face. Man, something was really wrong, and she had no idea what. The pit in her stomach bottomed out. That old niggle of doubt bored deeper into her gut.
“Hey, Mom. I need to call you back, okay? I’ll let you know about Christmas.” She hung up before her mother could respond. Max walked past her and into the living room, slumping down on the sofa to stare at the blank TV screen, the glow of the Christmas lights the only other illumination in the room. Feeling like she was walking through a minefield, Ayanna made her way over to him and sat on the opposite end of the sofa, curling her legs up beneath her, anxiety and apprehension stinging like angry bees inside her. She sensed something precious had been lost, but she couldn’t say exactly what yet. “What did you want to tell me before at dinner?”
Max blinked a few times, his expression resigned. “I’m flying back to New York on Christmas Day, pending any unforeseen complications with the King’s condition.”
“Oh.” The news punched her right in the heart. So he was leaving sooner than she’d expected. It should’ve been fine. Good. She’d known eventually he’d return to his other life across the country, but things had been so happy and idyllic here in Seattle for them the past few weeks she’d allowed herself to get lost in their fantasy bubble.
But all happy bubbles burst eventually, don’t they?
Man, how stupid could she have been? She of all people should know that after what had happened with Will. Life had seemed happy and idyllic to her then too, until it hadn’t anymore. She had no right to feel surprised or hurt now. Max had been nothing but honest with her from the start. She forced words past the lump of sadness and self-recriminations in her throat. “Okay. Thanks for telling me.”
He gave a curt nod. “Figured you should know, even though we aren’t a couple or anything.”
Red flags went up in her mind and defensiveness joined the ball of whirling emotions inside her. “Do you want us to be a couple?”
Max looked over at her again, his expression unreadable. “Do you?”
Yes. No. I don’t know.
She couldn’t seem to think straight at the moment. She cared for him deeply, but there were a lot of other factors they needed to discuss that hadn’t been factored in when all this was just temporary. What about her job? What about his? Could they make a go of it? Did they even want to try? In the end, she told her truth, “I don’t know.”
“Right.” Max stood and headed for the hall. “I’m going to bed. Got early rounds in the morning.”
“Goodnight,” she said to his retreating back, her voice as dazed as she felt. Long after he’d gone, Ayanna sat there staring at the tree, wondering how in the world everything had come crashing down so fast.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
BY CHRISTMAS EVE MORNING, things were even more crazy in Ayanna’s life, even though the ball was over. The media were still barking at her heels about the accident and the King had woken up after his surgery. She was doing her best to keep the media at bay on both fronts until Dr. di Rossi could make a formal announcement, but it was getting harder by the day.
Then there was Max. Since he’d dropped the bombshell on her about leaving on Christmas Day, to say things between them had been strained would be an understatement. In fact, she hadn’t seen Max at all since he’d had the call about the King regaining consciousness in the early hours this morning and had rushed to Seattle General to monitor the King’s condition and keep the royal family and Dr. di Rossi updated. She assumed he’d slept there, since she’d woken up alone in bed and there was no sign of his return.
With a sigh, she rolled over and blinked into the darkness. It wasn’t yet five. They hadn’t made love in almost two weeks. Just kept to their separate sides of the bed, even though every cell in her body had yearned for him. She’d tried to approach him a couple of times, get him to open up and talk, but he’d shut her out, his gray-green gaze as chilly and unreadable as it had been when they’d first met.
Maybe it was for the best. He was leaving and there was no sense in her getting even more attached to him than she already was. She’d known the score going into this and she’d chosen to sleep with him anyway. She’d fallen in love, against her own common sense. If she was miserable now, there was no one to blame but herself.
It was just like the breakup with Will all over again.
She’d blinded herself to the truth then too and look where that had gotten her. Hurt and heartbroken.
Being here in the suite alone gave Ayanna her first taste of what living without Max would be like and it wasn’t pleasant. The world felt a bit smaller without him.
Unable to sleep, she finally got up and got ready. Might as well head into work herself. Maybe the busyness of her office would distract her from the pain of losing him. She finished showering and brushing her teeth, then padded into the bedroom to get dressed, clicking on the local morning news in the background while she dressed. According to the weatherman, the temperature had turned chillier and he predicted a chance of light snow later. Perfect. Ayanna chose her black wool designer pantsuit, thinking it would be the warmest choice.
“And in other breaking news...” the anchor said, going to a breaking news story. “We’ve just learned the identity of this man, seen entering and leaving Seattle General Hospital several times since late November. He’s Dr. Maxwell Granger, a world-renowned neurosurgeon whose patient roster includes celebrities and world dignitaries. We haven’t yet confirmed the reason for Dr. Granger’s appearance here in Seattle, but we speculate it may have something to do with King Roberto of Isola Verde and an auto accident that occurred back on November twenty-first of this year.
“As we reported last month, Dr. Granger visited the royal palace of the wealthy island nation to provide a medial consultation to the King. Our correspondent has reached out to the public relations office for Seattle General Hospital but the facility had no official comment about the accident at this time. They also refused to give any details as to why Dr. Granger was at their hospital, and our attempts to contact Dr. Granger personally have been unsuccessful. We will continue to bring you updates on the late breaking story as they become available. Interestingly...”
Ayanna lowered the volume then sank down on the edge of the bed, dazed. Thank goodness for her intrepid staff. They’d managed to keep a lid on things, though for how long was anyone’s guess. She glanced up at the screen again and spotted a picture of Max and a woman she assumed to be his wife, Laura.
Ayanna raised the volume again to hear the anchor say, “...Dr. Granger’s skills as a neurosurgeon are well known, yet he was unable to save his own wife, also a physician, who died two years ago from an undiagnosed brain aneurysm. Let’s hope King Roberto fares better under Dr. Granger’s care.”
She shut the TV off then stared down at her toes. Blood rushed in her ears and her ribcage contracted. Max guarded his privacy fiercely and would flip when he saw the news story. It would open up old wounds for him and make things between them even worse. She’d told him she had the situation under control, had bragged to him about how good she was at her job.
This was bad. Very, very bad.
She needed to get to the hospital, and fast, both to talk to Dr. di Rossi and make sure Max was okay. Ayanna hurriedly finished dressing, for once not caring that she had no makeup on, then pulled her damp hair back into a ponytail before shoving her feet into her pumps and grabbing her bag before rushing out the door. By the time she reached the elevators, she was already dialing her office.
Her staff picked up on the second ring. “Did you see the news?”
“Yes.” Ayanna headed through the parking garage toward her vehicle, climbing in behind the wheel and starting the engine, switching the call over to Bluetooth as she pulled out of her spot and headed up the ramp to street level. “Please contact Dr. di Rossi and tell him I’ll meet him at his office as soon as I get to Seattle General.”
* * *
“Thank you. Keep the change,” Max said to the cashier in the cafeteria after paying for his tea. He’d just finished another neurological check on the King. After a month in a coma and two brain surgeries, both the man’s sensory and motor functions had all proved normal as did his reflexes. All in all, Roberto was very lucky, recovering well from both the trauma of the car accident and the removal of his brain tumor.
He took a seat at a small table in a secluded corner and tried to feel better about the fact his case had been a success. Prior to coming to Seattle, that would’ve been enough. In fact, he would’ve already been planning ahead for his next patient, his next conference, his next international location.
But after the way his conversation with Ayanna had ended just over a week ago, his heart was heavy. She’d not given him any indication she wanted him to stay in Seattle and if he was smart, he’d take that for what it was—goodbye. Except for some reason he couldn’t. Even knowing she didn’t want a relationship with him, even knowing it would never work between them, he hated the thought of leaving her. He loved Ayanna, but sometimes love wasn’t enough. Look at what had happened with him and Laura.
Wincing, he swallowed more of his hot tea, glad of the distracting scald on the back of his throat, then sighed, staring down at his wrinkled scrubs. The best thing for everyone would be for him to get showered and changed, clear his head and look at this situation logically, analytically, without his blasted heart getting in the way and mucking it all up. The King’s next check wasn’t for another couple of hours and he’d already been removed from the consult rotation for the ER, pending his departure tomorrow, so he had nothing but time on his hands at the moment.
Time and regret.
His heart pinched and his stomach dropped, along with his spirits.
People came and went from the tables around him, but Max barely noticed. Restless, he glanced up at the TV mounted on the wall nearby. The local morning news was on, but the volume was off. Closed captioning across the bottom showed what the anchor was saying. For a moment the image on the screen didn’t register. Then he blinked and squinted, disbelief overriding the shadows inside him. That was him, his picture beside the King’s. His body tensed. Ayanna and her staff had worked day and night to keep the King’s accident and surgery out of the media. She must be frantic right now.
Then another photo popped up on the screen of him and Laura and his concern for Ayanna quickly morphed into outrage. With the types of patients he treated, Max was no stranger to paparazzi, but how dared they invade his privacy? What gutted him the most, though, were the words scrolling across the bottom of the screen, “...he was unable to save his own wife...”
Guilt that had eased during his weeks here with Ayanna returned hot and heavy in his torso, expanding to fill his extremities. This was exactly why it was better not to feel anything. Because once you opened up the floodgates it all came in, the good and the bad. His breath shallow, he threw away the rest of his tea and headed back to the relative privacy of the ICU, jaw tense and skin too tight for his body. As he stalked through the walkways and halls then took the stairs to the third floor, he couldn’t stop berating himself for being such an idiot. He’d learned his lesson growing up—emotions got you nothing but trouble. He should have come here, done his job, then got out. No fuss, no muss, no mess.
We’re not a couple.
