Loco, page 18
Not one tiny movement of my dick to indicate that he wanted a piece of her. Any other time I would have been all over her before she’d gotten completely naked. What the fuck? I couldn’t have had that much to drink. “Play with yourself.” Maybe visual stimulation would help.
Without hesitation or question, Kelly put her hand between her legs and began to finger herself. I watched as she manipulated her clit and fucked herself, letting her go on long enough that I could tell when she was turned on. She was poised close enough that if I leaned in just a few inches I could take her nipple in my mouth, and her eyes were closed, her head slightly back, moaning sharply as she pleasured herself.
Still nothing.
My dick was dead.
I closed my eyes for a minute, but all I could see was Millie’s beautiful face, her dynamite curves, and all that fiery hair that surrounded her. Those beautiful green eyes, sparkling and full of life. Her sweet smile right before she closed those plump lips over my dick. I could feel the weight of her tits in my palms as I pinched her nipples. Her cunt was always so tight and wet…
Goddammit!
She’d ruined me.
It was thoughts of her and the last time I’d fucked her that finally got a reaction out of my fucking dick.
Kelly’s moans turned louder and my eyes flew open. Her hips moved faster, indicating that she was about to come. This was where I would usually demand the woman remove her fingers and replace them with my dick. But my dick wasn’t fully cooperating yet. It didn’t matter anyway. Nothing Kelly was doing made me want to fuck her. It wasn’t her that I wanted.
No, it was the woman currently opening my door that I wanted.
Fuck!
For as long as I lived, I’d never forget the look of betrayal and hurt etched on Millie’s face as she stood frozen in the doorway, too shocked to move. I felt a stab of pain go through my heart at the pain I was causing her. The life ebbed out of her eyes as they filled with tears. Our eyes remained locked as the sound of Kelly coming brought home the devastating error of my selfish ways.
I pushed an oblivious Kelly out of the way and tried to get to my feet, but the alcohol I’d consumed made me slow and clumsy. “Millie—" When I moved, Millie moved. “Wait!”
She shook her head dejectedly, the tears running down her cheeks and her lips trembling. She didn’t want me near her, and slowly closed the door in my face. The fact that she hadn’t slammed it revealed the measure of hurt I’d inflicted on her. She was too broken to dredge up any kind of emotion.
Fuck!
I’d fucked up royally.
I fell back on the edge of the bed and let the realization of what I’d lost sink in.
Chapter 27
Millie
“What about this one?”
V stepped out of the dressing room wearing a pretty pink dress that fell to her ankles in a straight line. The bodice outlined her breasts and was lined with a row of black, vintage-style buttons. The neckline had a black collar, and there was a wide black band circling her ribcage. It had a kind of nineteen-twenties look to it, and reminded me of the dress that Kate Winslet wore at the beginning of Titanic.
“You look like Kate Winslet in Titanic,” Lulu quipped, reading my mind. She rushed into the dressing room next to the one V had been using.
V frowned and watched Lulu close her door. “Is that bad?”
V looked adorable in anything. I opened my mouth to give her my opinion when Lissa jumped in and said, “Get the short purple one you tried on first.”
V and I both turned our heads to look at Lissa at the same time.
“That’s why I’m here, right? You trust me.”
The corner of V’s lips turned down. “You’re my best friend, that’s why you’re here,” she chastised lightly. “And we do trust your fashion choices. But—”
“No ‘buts,’ honey. You’re not going to a desert wedding wearing that heavy, long dress. You’ll roast.”
“She has a point,” Lulu called out from inside the dressing room.
Lissa and Lulu had great fashion sense, and they’d already helped me find the dress I was going to wear to Annabelle’s wedding, even though I wasn’t a hundred percent sure that I was going to go. It was a halter-style dress, and the bodice fit snug over my breasts. There was a small belt at the waist, and from there the full chiffon skirt flowed loosely to my knees. It was classy and elegant and the perfect shade of green to match my eyes. The only thing that I didn’t like was that I couldn’t wear a bra with it because the split down the front went all the way to the belt.
I heard V sigh. “I thought it was an oasis wedding.”
“Oasis themed, in the desert,” Lissa reminded her. “Besides, Bull will appreciate the purple dress more.” Her and Lulu exchanged amused looks.
“It’s shorter than I like,” V complained.
I rolled my eyes. “Honey, anything from the knees down is shorter than you like.”
Lissa and I both laughed, because it was the truth. Lulu stepped out of the dressing room and all three of our mouths dropped open. She was stunning! Movie starlet stunning! Her petite figure was showcased in the skin-tight mermaid-style dress that ended well above her knees. It was a gorgeous shade of blue, and I wondered if she’d be able to sit down in it, it was so tight. The heart-shaped bodice drew the eye to her generous breasts.
“You and Lissa are going to put everyone else to shame,” I finally said, meaning it. Although the old ladies I’d met so far were just as beautiful. “That dress is absolutely gorgeous on you.”
“Thank you.” She smiled and turned toward the mirror to check it out herself, and then faced us again, satisfaction gleaming in her eyes. “I think I’m done.”
Lissa shook her head. “I swear, if I was into women…” She let the sentence trail off. “Now, where was I?” Her eyes fell on V, and that seemed to jog her memory. “Oh, yeah. Have I ever steered you wrong?”
Another sigh from V. “Okay, the purple one it is.” V turned and disappeared back into the dressing room. “Only because I’m tired of trying on dresses.”
“When you ladies come out, we’ll move on to shoes,” Lissa said loudly. “I think black heels are the way to go. What do you think, Lulu?”
“Yes!” she agreed.
“That lets me off the hook.” Lissa gave me a questioning look.
“I bought a new pair when I got that little black dress, remember?”
She nodded, and then turned back to the colorful scarves she’d been looking through. Red must have been her favorite color, because I noticed that every one she took out to examine was in that particular shade.
“Can we get something to eat first?” V stepped out of the dressing room with the purple dress over her arm. “I’m starved!”
Lulu was right behind her. “Me too.”
“Yeah, I’m kind of hungry, too,” Lissa responded. “There’s a food court not too far away.”
“Sounds good to me,” I said.
We paid for our purchases and headed to the food court. It was lunch time, so the place was packed and loud. There were plenty of food options to choose from, but we all went for the soup and salad bar. We spread out to get what we wanted. I got a cup of tomato bisque and a leafy green salad with olives, artichoke hearts, croutons, and bacon bits. Most of the tables were taken, but I saw one just being wiped down over by the pizza bar. I made a beeline for it and was just about to sit down when a flash of movement passed me and then someone plopped down into one of the chairs.
“Beat ya!”
I halted and made eye contact with Doc. I’d just been about to let him have it, and I burst out with laughter. “You think. You’re about to be bombarded by a bunch of women.”
“Is that supposed to be a threat?” he grinned. “I happen to like women.”
I sat down next to him. “Since when do bikers shop in the mall?”
He plucked a crouton off my plate and tossed it in his mouth. “Normally we wouldn’t be caught dead here, but this wedding has all of us doing shit to get everything ready on time.”
“I thought you had a day job.”
He sighed heavily, running his hand over his lower jaw. “Only three days a week.”
I had the feeling there was more to the story, but the other ladies joined us before I could ask.
“What are you doing here, Doc?” Lulu sat down opposite him.
“Running an errand for Bobbie.” This time he snatched a roll off V’s plate. “Be glad when this fucking wedding is over.”
She just laughed. “You here alone?”
Doc shook his head. “No.” He hesitated and shot me a look that gave me a funny feeling. Like I didn’t want to be there. “Loco’s here somewhere.”
I barely heard Lulu respond. “Oh.”
I shrugged. “He’s probably screwing someone in the ladies’ room.”
Suddenly everyone was looking at me. I lowered my eyes and refused to let them search the room for him. I wasn’t about to reveal that I was still interested in him. Two weeks had gone by since I’d walked in on him and that club woman, and he hadn’t made any attempts to reach out to me, to even offer some kind of an explanation for what he’ done. Even though there wasn’t any that would justify what I’d seen. My heart had broken that day, and I’d cried steadily for the first week.
His actions had only proved what I’d been worried about all along--that what we’d had hadn’t been strong enough.
I pretended interest in my salad while the others at the table talked. I listened to the conversation in case it required a response, but they seemed to sense that I wanted to be left alone.
Lulu wiped her mouth with her napkin and pushed her plate aside. “Does Bobbie need me to come back to the clubhouse and help?”
Doc thought about his answer for a second. “She might appreciate it. All the outside shit is done, so now she’s focusing on the inside. She’s stressing about everything. Wants it to be perfect.”
“And it should be,” Lissa joined in. “A girl only gets married once. It’s the most important day of her life.”
Some might argue with her about that.
“I’ll give her a call.” Lulu got up with her tray. “I’m ahead in my school work and can afford a few days off.” She walked off to one of the trash barrels.
“Should we offer to help too?”
Doc shook his head at V’s inquiry. “No. Thanks, though.” He looked over at me.
I could see that he wanted to say something, but was hesitant. I offered him a small smile, thinking that it would encourage him to continue. It did.
“You okay, sweetheart?”
No. I wasn’t okay. I might look like a woman out having a good time with her friends. I might smile and go through the motions. I hadn’t stopped eating. But that was now, and once I got home to my silent little apartment I’d go right back into the emotional wreck that I was. Nights were the worst, and I didn’t understand why. Why this was affecting me so hard. It’s not as if Loco and I had been in a long-term relationship.
When Doc reached over and put his hand over mine, the damn threatened to burst. I ground my back teeth together and begged God to keep the tears at bay. I took a deep breath, and then another, until the feeling passed. The girls knew what I was feeling, I’d told them what had happened. They’d helped take my mind off things, and talking with them about it was cathartic, but if Doc knew what I was going through, he would probably go back and tell Loco.
I leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek for caring. “I’m perfectly fine.” I straightened my back and held my head up.
The look in his eyes said that he wasn’t buying it. “If it’s any consolation, he knows he fucked up. He just doesn’t know how to fix shit.”
His comment surprised me. “There’s nothing to fix. We hooked up a few times, had a meal or two. That was it. Fun times.” If I could just believe that, I would be okay.
Lulu rejoined us, picking up on the gist of our conversation. “Loco is a jerk,” she said with conviction, anger filling her eyes. “He’s lost the best thing that could have ever happened to him.”
I gave her a thankful smile.
“Ditto,” V and Lissa said at the same time.
Suddenly Doc looked down at his phone. “Well, ladies, it’s been nice. Gotta go.” He stood up. “See you at the wedding.”
“Doc’s a nice man,” V said after Doc had left as she rose to her feet. She picked up her tray.
“Yes, he is,” agreed Lissa, doing the same. “I wonder why he doesn’t already have a woman.”
“He’s the one you should go for,” Lula said. “You two would have beautiful babies.”
I picked up my tray, smiling at their comments, and turned to follow V to the trash barrel. Just as I glanced up I saw Loco, and stopped abruptly, afraid to move in case he saw me. He was walking toward the front doors, carrying a package in his hands. I could see his eyes taking in his surroundings, something I’d noticed that all of the men did. I guessed they were always looking for trouble. As his gaze scanned the busy food court, it eventually came to me. He did a doubletake and stopped.
Our eyes locked. I was still smiling over what the girls had said, vaguely aware of Lissa moving past me on her way to the trash. He looked good. Sexy as ever. His hair was a little longer, the scruff on his face just right. The look in his eyes was intent, his jaw was taut, and I wondered what he was thinking. For a spellbinding moment we were frozen in time.
It took me a minute to realize that he wasn’t alone.
I’d seen the woman before, but I couldn’t remember where. They were together, but they weren’t. While she seemed to be overly friendly and chatty, Loco appeared to be annoyed by her presence. When her eyes followed to where he was looking, she frowned and purposely stepped in front of him, blocking his view.
I released the breath I hadn’t been aware I’d been holding and continued to the trashcan.
“Since we’ve decided none of us need new shoes, let’s go shopping for the bride and groom.”
“Good idea,” I said in response to Lissa. “And while we’re at it, maybe I can find me a new man.” I’d said it loud enough to make sure that Loco heard, and then I shot him a smile to prove to him that I was more than okay. He hadn’t broken me.
Everyone got a good laugh at that.
I felt Loco’s eyes follow me as I walked past him toward the mall stores.
Chapter 28
Loco
“You gotta go talk to her, Brother.”
I cut my eyes to Doc, still pissed at him after he’d told me that he’d spent time with Millie at the mall while I’d been picking up that fucking package for Bobbie. Prospects usually did that kind of shit, but Bobbi had known that I’d planned to be in that area of the mall and had asked me to make the stop. Couldn’t wait until this fucking wedding was over and things returned to normal, especially at the clubhouse.
“You want to fix it, that’s where you start.”
He hadn’t heard what I had--that Millie was shopping for a new man. Although I half-suspected that Millie had said it loud enough so that I would hear her. “She didn’t look too broken up about it yesterday.”
“I’m telling you, that girl is hurting.”
I snorted with disgust. “You think I don’t know that? I’m the fucker who hurt her.”
“Yeah, you fucked up.”
“I swear to fuck, Brother, if you say that one more time…” Doc wasn’t the only one who’d said it in the past two weeks, because by now everyone had heard the fucking story. “I did something stupid. I own that. But I got to ask myself if this is for the best. I wanted to try with her. I . . .” Fuck, I stopped myself from saying it. “We both have… issues.” Fuck, that sounded so inadequate.
Doc’s head swung my way. “Issues? What kind of issues? You can’t keep your dick in your pants?”
I released a loud breath. “Trust issues.” Yeah, that about summed it up. “Millie can’t let go of my past. She’s afraid she won’t be enough for me.”
“Huh. Go figure,” Happy said on the other side of me. He’d been listening apparently. “Wonder why she thinks that. Maybe her catching you with Kelly clued her in.”
“I didn’t fucking touch Kelly!” I snarled, knocking my glass off the bar onto the floor. It crashed, causing several heads to turn our way.
“But you wanted to,” Happy said, pissing me off because it was the truth.
“I thought I wanted to,” I corrected, barely getting the words out between my teeth. “I’d been drinking and thought I had something to prove. I couldn’t even get it up without thinking about Millie.” I wasn’t proud of what I’d done. “Don’t know if I’m cut out for a relationship.”
Doc nodded as if he understood where I was coming from. “Relationships are a lot of work,” he said in an agreeable tone. “Look at Cole and Raven, Sax and Holly. Fuck, look at all the brothers who have old ladies and kids. They all thought the same way in the beginning. Didn’t want to give up that freedom. Didn’t think they were good enough. But look what they got now. Who doesn’t want something like that?”
“The club man-whore,” I muttered. I caught Rylie’s attention. “Another whiskey!”
“Don’t fool yourself, Brother.” I swung my head back to Happy. “Time to step down and let someone else take that title. Once you meet the right woman, everything else falls into place. You’re just too fuckin’ stubborn to give in to it. Doing stupid shit to sabotage your chances.”
I snatched my drink from Rylie’s hand. “What are you, the fucking club shrink?”
Happy shrugged, reaching for his beer. “I like to observe, Brother. You and that cute little redhead are into each other. Sure, you got issues.” He didn’t say that the issue was trust, because we both knew it was more than just that. “Can’t solve anything if you ain’t talking.”
Maybe Happy was right. Fuck knew if Millie hadn’t gotten her panties all in a twist over that drawer of panties, we could have talked it out. I could have soothed her worries by doing what I’d done as soon as I’d walked into my room, and gotten rid of everything. I wasn’t blaming her. Fuck, I knew she had insecurities, but I couldn’t wipe away my fucking past.
Without hesitation or question, Kelly put her hand between her legs and began to finger herself. I watched as she manipulated her clit and fucked herself, letting her go on long enough that I could tell when she was turned on. She was poised close enough that if I leaned in just a few inches I could take her nipple in my mouth, and her eyes were closed, her head slightly back, moaning sharply as she pleasured herself.
Still nothing.
My dick was dead.
I closed my eyes for a minute, but all I could see was Millie’s beautiful face, her dynamite curves, and all that fiery hair that surrounded her. Those beautiful green eyes, sparkling and full of life. Her sweet smile right before she closed those plump lips over my dick. I could feel the weight of her tits in my palms as I pinched her nipples. Her cunt was always so tight and wet…
Goddammit!
She’d ruined me.
It was thoughts of her and the last time I’d fucked her that finally got a reaction out of my fucking dick.
Kelly’s moans turned louder and my eyes flew open. Her hips moved faster, indicating that she was about to come. This was where I would usually demand the woman remove her fingers and replace them with my dick. But my dick wasn’t fully cooperating yet. It didn’t matter anyway. Nothing Kelly was doing made me want to fuck her. It wasn’t her that I wanted.
No, it was the woman currently opening my door that I wanted.
Fuck!
For as long as I lived, I’d never forget the look of betrayal and hurt etched on Millie’s face as she stood frozen in the doorway, too shocked to move. I felt a stab of pain go through my heart at the pain I was causing her. The life ebbed out of her eyes as they filled with tears. Our eyes remained locked as the sound of Kelly coming brought home the devastating error of my selfish ways.
I pushed an oblivious Kelly out of the way and tried to get to my feet, but the alcohol I’d consumed made me slow and clumsy. “Millie—" When I moved, Millie moved. “Wait!”
She shook her head dejectedly, the tears running down her cheeks and her lips trembling. She didn’t want me near her, and slowly closed the door in my face. The fact that she hadn’t slammed it revealed the measure of hurt I’d inflicted on her. She was too broken to dredge up any kind of emotion.
Fuck!
I’d fucked up royally.
I fell back on the edge of the bed and let the realization of what I’d lost sink in.
Chapter 27
Millie
“What about this one?”
V stepped out of the dressing room wearing a pretty pink dress that fell to her ankles in a straight line. The bodice outlined her breasts and was lined with a row of black, vintage-style buttons. The neckline had a black collar, and there was a wide black band circling her ribcage. It had a kind of nineteen-twenties look to it, and reminded me of the dress that Kate Winslet wore at the beginning of Titanic.
“You look like Kate Winslet in Titanic,” Lulu quipped, reading my mind. She rushed into the dressing room next to the one V had been using.
V frowned and watched Lulu close her door. “Is that bad?”
V looked adorable in anything. I opened my mouth to give her my opinion when Lissa jumped in and said, “Get the short purple one you tried on first.”
V and I both turned our heads to look at Lissa at the same time.
“That’s why I’m here, right? You trust me.”
The corner of V’s lips turned down. “You’re my best friend, that’s why you’re here,” she chastised lightly. “And we do trust your fashion choices. But—”
“No ‘buts,’ honey. You’re not going to a desert wedding wearing that heavy, long dress. You’ll roast.”
“She has a point,” Lulu called out from inside the dressing room.
Lissa and Lulu had great fashion sense, and they’d already helped me find the dress I was going to wear to Annabelle’s wedding, even though I wasn’t a hundred percent sure that I was going to go. It was a halter-style dress, and the bodice fit snug over my breasts. There was a small belt at the waist, and from there the full chiffon skirt flowed loosely to my knees. It was classy and elegant and the perfect shade of green to match my eyes. The only thing that I didn’t like was that I couldn’t wear a bra with it because the split down the front went all the way to the belt.
I heard V sigh. “I thought it was an oasis wedding.”
“Oasis themed, in the desert,” Lissa reminded her. “Besides, Bull will appreciate the purple dress more.” Her and Lulu exchanged amused looks.
“It’s shorter than I like,” V complained.
I rolled my eyes. “Honey, anything from the knees down is shorter than you like.”
Lissa and I both laughed, because it was the truth. Lulu stepped out of the dressing room and all three of our mouths dropped open. She was stunning! Movie starlet stunning! Her petite figure was showcased in the skin-tight mermaid-style dress that ended well above her knees. It was a gorgeous shade of blue, and I wondered if she’d be able to sit down in it, it was so tight. The heart-shaped bodice drew the eye to her generous breasts.
“You and Lissa are going to put everyone else to shame,” I finally said, meaning it. Although the old ladies I’d met so far were just as beautiful. “That dress is absolutely gorgeous on you.”
“Thank you.” She smiled and turned toward the mirror to check it out herself, and then faced us again, satisfaction gleaming in her eyes. “I think I’m done.”
Lissa shook her head. “I swear, if I was into women…” She let the sentence trail off. “Now, where was I?” Her eyes fell on V, and that seemed to jog her memory. “Oh, yeah. Have I ever steered you wrong?”
Another sigh from V. “Okay, the purple one it is.” V turned and disappeared back into the dressing room. “Only because I’m tired of trying on dresses.”
“When you ladies come out, we’ll move on to shoes,” Lissa said loudly. “I think black heels are the way to go. What do you think, Lulu?”
“Yes!” she agreed.
“That lets me off the hook.” Lissa gave me a questioning look.
“I bought a new pair when I got that little black dress, remember?”
She nodded, and then turned back to the colorful scarves she’d been looking through. Red must have been her favorite color, because I noticed that every one she took out to examine was in that particular shade.
“Can we get something to eat first?” V stepped out of the dressing room with the purple dress over her arm. “I’m starved!”
Lulu was right behind her. “Me too.”
“Yeah, I’m kind of hungry, too,” Lissa responded. “There’s a food court not too far away.”
“Sounds good to me,” I said.
We paid for our purchases and headed to the food court. It was lunch time, so the place was packed and loud. There were plenty of food options to choose from, but we all went for the soup and salad bar. We spread out to get what we wanted. I got a cup of tomato bisque and a leafy green salad with olives, artichoke hearts, croutons, and bacon bits. Most of the tables were taken, but I saw one just being wiped down over by the pizza bar. I made a beeline for it and was just about to sit down when a flash of movement passed me and then someone plopped down into one of the chairs.
“Beat ya!”
I halted and made eye contact with Doc. I’d just been about to let him have it, and I burst out with laughter. “You think. You’re about to be bombarded by a bunch of women.”
“Is that supposed to be a threat?” he grinned. “I happen to like women.”
I sat down next to him. “Since when do bikers shop in the mall?”
He plucked a crouton off my plate and tossed it in his mouth. “Normally we wouldn’t be caught dead here, but this wedding has all of us doing shit to get everything ready on time.”
“I thought you had a day job.”
He sighed heavily, running his hand over his lower jaw. “Only three days a week.”
I had the feeling there was more to the story, but the other ladies joined us before I could ask.
“What are you doing here, Doc?” Lulu sat down opposite him.
“Running an errand for Bobbie.” This time he snatched a roll off V’s plate. “Be glad when this fucking wedding is over.”
She just laughed. “You here alone?”
Doc shook his head. “No.” He hesitated and shot me a look that gave me a funny feeling. Like I didn’t want to be there. “Loco’s here somewhere.”
I barely heard Lulu respond. “Oh.”
I shrugged. “He’s probably screwing someone in the ladies’ room.”
Suddenly everyone was looking at me. I lowered my eyes and refused to let them search the room for him. I wasn’t about to reveal that I was still interested in him. Two weeks had gone by since I’d walked in on him and that club woman, and he hadn’t made any attempts to reach out to me, to even offer some kind of an explanation for what he’ done. Even though there wasn’t any that would justify what I’d seen. My heart had broken that day, and I’d cried steadily for the first week.
His actions had only proved what I’d been worried about all along--that what we’d had hadn’t been strong enough.
I pretended interest in my salad while the others at the table talked. I listened to the conversation in case it required a response, but they seemed to sense that I wanted to be left alone.
Lulu wiped her mouth with her napkin and pushed her plate aside. “Does Bobbie need me to come back to the clubhouse and help?”
Doc thought about his answer for a second. “She might appreciate it. All the outside shit is done, so now she’s focusing on the inside. She’s stressing about everything. Wants it to be perfect.”
“And it should be,” Lissa joined in. “A girl only gets married once. It’s the most important day of her life.”
Some might argue with her about that.
“I’ll give her a call.” Lulu got up with her tray. “I’m ahead in my school work and can afford a few days off.” She walked off to one of the trash barrels.
“Should we offer to help too?”
Doc shook his head at V’s inquiry. “No. Thanks, though.” He looked over at me.
I could see that he wanted to say something, but was hesitant. I offered him a small smile, thinking that it would encourage him to continue. It did.
“You okay, sweetheart?”
No. I wasn’t okay. I might look like a woman out having a good time with her friends. I might smile and go through the motions. I hadn’t stopped eating. But that was now, and once I got home to my silent little apartment I’d go right back into the emotional wreck that I was. Nights were the worst, and I didn’t understand why. Why this was affecting me so hard. It’s not as if Loco and I had been in a long-term relationship.
When Doc reached over and put his hand over mine, the damn threatened to burst. I ground my back teeth together and begged God to keep the tears at bay. I took a deep breath, and then another, until the feeling passed. The girls knew what I was feeling, I’d told them what had happened. They’d helped take my mind off things, and talking with them about it was cathartic, but if Doc knew what I was going through, he would probably go back and tell Loco.
I leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek for caring. “I’m perfectly fine.” I straightened my back and held my head up.
The look in his eyes said that he wasn’t buying it. “If it’s any consolation, he knows he fucked up. He just doesn’t know how to fix shit.”
His comment surprised me. “There’s nothing to fix. We hooked up a few times, had a meal or two. That was it. Fun times.” If I could just believe that, I would be okay.
Lulu rejoined us, picking up on the gist of our conversation. “Loco is a jerk,” she said with conviction, anger filling her eyes. “He’s lost the best thing that could have ever happened to him.”
I gave her a thankful smile.
“Ditto,” V and Lissa said at the same time.
Suddenly Doc looked down at his phone. “Well, ladies, it’s been nice. Gotta go.” He stood up. “See you at the wedding.”
“Doc’s a nice man,” V said after Doc had left as she rose to her feet. She picked up her tray.
“Yes, he is,” agreed Lissa, doing the same. “I wonder why he doesn’t already have a woman.”
“He’s the one you should go for,” Lula said. “You two would have beautiful babies.”
I picked up my tray, smiling at their comments, and turned to follow V to the trash barrel. Just as I glanced up I saw Loco, and stopped abruptly, afraid to move in case he saw me. He was walking toward the front doors, carrying a package in his hands. I could see his eyes taking in his surroundings, something I’d noticed that all of the men did. I guessed they were always looking for trouble. As his gaze scanned the busy food court, it eventually came to me. He did a doubletake and stopped.
Our eyes locked. I was still smiling over what the girls had said, vaguely aware of Lissa moving past me on her way to the trash. He looked good. Sexy as ever. His hair was a little longer, the scruff on his face just right. The look in his eyes was intent, his jaw was taut, and I wondered what he was thinking. For a spellbinding moment we were frozen in time.
It took me a minute to realize that he wasn’t alone.
I’d seen the woman before, but I couldn’t remember where. They were together, but they weren’t. While she seemed to be overly friendly and chatty, Loco appeared to be annoyed by her presence. When her eyes followed to where he was looking, she frowned and purposely stepped in front of him, blocking his view.
I released the breath I hadn’t been aware I’d been holding and continued to the trashcan.
“Since we’ve decided none of us need new shoes, let’s go shopping for the bride and groom.”
“Good idea,” I said in response to Lissa. “And while we’re at it, maybe I can find me a new man.” I’d said it loud enough to make sure that Loco heard, and then I shot him a smile to prove to him that I was more than okay. He hadn’t broken me.
Everyone got a good laugh at that.
I felt Loco’s eyes follow me as I walked past him toward the mall stores.
Chapter 28
Loco
“You gotta go talk to her, Brother.”
I cut my eyes to Doc, still pissed at him after he’d told me that he’d spent time with Millie at the mall while I’d been picking up that fucking package for Bobbie. Prospects usually did that kind of shit, but Bobbi had known that I’d planned to be in that area of the mall and had asked me to make the stop. Couldn’t wait until this fucking wedding was over and things returned to normal, especially at the clubhouse.
“You want to fix it, that’s where you start.”
He hadn’t heard what I had--that Millie was shopping for a new man. Although I half-suspected that Millie had said it loud enough so that I would hear her. “She didn’t look too broken up about it yesterday.”
“I’m telling you, that girl is hurting.”
I snorted with disgust. “You think I don’t know that? I’m the fucker who hurt her.”
“Yeah, you fucked up.”
“I swear to fuck, Brother, if you say that one more time…” Doc wasn’t the only one who’d said it in the past two weeks, because by now everyone had heard the fucking story. “I did something stupid. I own that. But I got to ask myself if this is for the best. I wanted to try with her. I . . .” Fuck, I stopped myself from saying it. “We both have… issues.” Fuck, that sounded so inadequate.
Doc’s head swung my way. “Issues? What kind of issues? You can’t keep your dick in your pants?”
I released a loud breath. “Trust issues.” Yeah, that about summed it up. “Millie can’t let go of my past. She’s afraid she won’t be enough for me.”
“Huh. Go figure,” Happy said on the other side of me. He’d been listening apparently. “Wonder why she thinks that. Maybe her catching you with Kelly clued her in.”
“I didn’t fucking touch Kelly!” I snarled, knocking my glass off the bar onto the floor. It crashed, causing several heads to turn our way.
“But you wanted to,” Happy said, pissing me off because it was the truth.
“I thought I wanted to,” I corrected, barely getting the words out between my teeth. “I’d been drinking and thought I had something to prove. I couldn’t even get it up without thinking about Millie.” I wasn’t proud of what I’d done. “Don’t know if I’m cut out for a relationship.”
Doc nodded as if he understood where I was coming from. “Relationships are a lot of work,” he said in an agreeable tone. “Look at Cole and Raven, Sax and Holly. Fuck, look at all the brothers who have old ladies and kids. They all thought the same way in the beginning. Didn’t want to give up that freedom. Didn’t think they were good enough. But look what they got now. Who doesn’t want something like that?”
“The club man-whore,” I muttered. I caught Rylie’s attention. “Another whiskey!”
“Don’t fool yourself, Brother.” I swung my head back to Happy. “Time to step down and let someone else take that title. Once you meet the right woman, everything else falls into place. You’re just too fuckin’ stubborn to give in to it. Doing stupid shit to sabotage your chances.”
I snatched my drink from Rylie’s hand. “What are you, the fucking club shrink?”
Happy shrugged, reaching for his beer. “I like to observe, Brother. You and that cute little redhead are into each other. Sure, you got issues.” He didn’t say that the issue was trust, because we both knew it was more than just that. “Can’t solve anything if you ain’t talking.”
Maybe Happy was right. Fuck knew if Millie hadn’t gotten her panties all in a twist over that drawer of panties, we could have talked it out. I could have soothed her worries by doing what I’d done as soon as I’d walked into my room, and gotten rid of everything. I wasn’t blaming her. Fuck, I knew she had insecurities, but I couldn’t wipe away my fucking past.
