Atonement (The Partners Book 1), page 26
He nods.
“You didn’t take care of your businesses or your—”
“Cam, there is nowhere else I would go first. Nowhere else I needed to be but right here in front of you.”
Tears start to fall down my face again. “Why would you let them arrest you, Bastian? Why didn’t you tell me anything when you came to me that night? Why didn’t you say goodbye?”
“Cam, there are so many things I wanted to say that night. But I didn’t know what my future held. I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. I didn’t want to leave you with false hope. And I was afraid if I said those words, I wouldn’t have the courage to let you go.”
“What words?” I ask, my lip quivering.
One hand wraps around my waist and the other on the back of my head as he pulls me into him. “That I am in love with you, Cam. You tore apart my walls. You made me want to love again. But with you, it wasn’t loving again. It was an entirely different type of love. One I never experienced before. One I knew I would never have again. You, Cameron Wilder, own my heart and I never want it back.”
I want to believe his words. I want to grab him and kiss him and never let him go. But the last few months have been torture. He let my heart shatter into a million pieces and I’ve slowly been picking them up. Slowly learning to put my life together.
I worry that if I let him in, let him take hold of my aching heart, he will just leave me again.
Know your worth.
And I am worth more than heartbreak, tears, and regret. I am a strong woman. Fearless. I don’t deserve this from him.
I wipe my tears away from my face. “No,” I stammer. I clear my throat after choking on the word. “No, Bastian.”
“No?”
I look up at him, at the defeat written across his face. This man that sacrificed himself for my own life. But for some reason, I cannot forgive him so easily. “How do I know you won’t do it again?”
He takes a step closer to me. “Do what?”
“Leave me.”
His face falls as his hands come up to my face. “I’ll never leave you again, Cam.”
I push his hands away and walk over to the balcony. “You can’t promise that. You can’t. What about your brother, what happens if he comes back for us? Or if The Partners lure you back into their depths? What then, Bastian? You would never take me with you.”
He sighs as I hear him sit down on a chair. I turn around to see his elbows on his knees, his hands in his palms. “You’re right. You can’t know. But I need you to understand.” He looks up at me with such devotion in his eyes, it nearly makes me crumple to my knees in front of him. “I will sacrifice my life over and over again for you, Cam. You are everything that is good in this world. You make me the man I want to be. I’ve always told you that. And I won’t let the evils of this world tear you down, darken your soul, bury you. But know that I will fight like hell for you. To get you back every time.”
My heart breaks at his words. At his utter selflessness for my own life. He stands and crosses the room briskly. And I’m frozen in place as I watch the storm in his eyes. The storm I have no way of escaping.
His body cages me in against the wall, his lips inches from mine. “I love you. I love you more than I could ever put into words. Loving you is like looking up at the stars. Infinite, endless, and I never want to stop. I want every single one of those damn nights with you.”
He drops one of his hands to my waist, pulling me against him. “I didn’t come here expecting your forgiveness. You are a wildfire, Cam. You know your worth. And you would never let anyone treat you how I have without putting up a fight.” He falls to his knees in front of me. He wraps his arms around the backs of my knees, pulling me into him. “So I am not going to ask for your forgiveness, Cam. I’m begging for it. I love you. I would have died for you. Hell, I almost did and I would do it again because you are worth it. Your smile, your laugh, your heart, your soul. Every damn part of you is worth it. So I’ll beg for your forgiveness because that is the man you have made me become. A man that will never be as worthy as you.”
Tears crest my eyes. I don’t even try to bite them back. Because I can’t with this man. He knew I wouldn’t forgive him, knew I would put up a fight. Yet here he is, a man more powerful than most, on his knees begging for my forgiveness.
Maybe I am wild, reckless. But there is only one thing I know to do.
I lean over him and press my lips to his. I wrap my fingers in his overgrown hair. I feel the rub of his beard against my cheek and know I want to feel it elsewhere. I want everything with this man even if it means living the rest of our lives in danger. I’m willing to risk it all for him.
I pull back, my thumbs running over his cheekbones. “I love you too, Bastian Montford.”
He stands up, wrapping my arms around the back of his neck. “Let me show you how much I love you.”
I kiss him softly then grab his hand and lead him into my bedroom. He pulls off my T-shirt and pushes my wine-soaked shorts to the ground. He raises a brow at me and I just laugh as I grip his own shirt. Pushing it off his shoulders before removing his pants. He kicks them to the side as he pushes me back onto the bed.
He crawls over my body. “I want to spend all my nights with you. Just like this.”
“I think we could do that.”
He grins at me and he finally looks like the man from Deià. Free. Like nothing else in the world matters except me and him. He enters me slowly, our eyes never breaking contact as we both fall into bliss.
After we make love, he holds me in his arms, promising to never let me go.
“But what happens with everything else? Are you ever free from them?”
He presses his lips between my shoulder blades. “This time I am.”
I don’t ask questions, I don’t worry if he really means it. Because I am happy in our bubble, in a world where it’s just me and him.
36
Cam
I roll over and find an empty bed. Panic sets in as the fear of Bastian leaving overwhelms me.
I find my T-shirt on the ground by the bed and pull it on. I quietly tiptoe across the wooden floors, my heart beating rapidly, my breaths short as I expect the worst.
My breath leaves my body in a giant whoosh when I find Bastian on the balcony, leaning against the railing, his head bowed to his chest.
I walk over to him slowly and press my hand between his shoulder blades. He must have felt my presence because he doesn’t jump. Instead, he reaches behind him and pulls me around so my back is against his chest. He holds me tight, not saying a word. His beard scratches against my neck as he breathes deeply, as he takes in this moment.
When he begins to speak, it startles me. “I never thought this moment would happen.”
“Right here, right now?” I ask.
I feel him shake his head against my back and then shrug. “Maybe. Any of the last hours really. I didn’t think I would ever get to tell you how I truly felt.”
I spin in his arms and grab his face. “What happened to you, Bas?”
“I told you I don’t want you to know.”
I run my hands down his arms, my fingers tracing lines over his body. He’s lost weight but nothing terrible. I think they did more than torture him. I think they made him do terrible things. At least that’s what I inferred from Kilian.
“Did Kilian...”
He nods. “He saved me. For you. He knew I needed you.”
Tears crest my eyes. “I need you too, Bas.”
The hardened man that usually stands before me lets out a moan. I don’t know if he is broken or grateful. But I plan on spending a lot of time finding out. “Come on, you brute,” I tease. “Let’s go back to bed.”
He nods, grabbing my hand as we walk back to the bedroom. He falls asleep immediately and I watch him sleep. Worried that if I close my eyes, he won’t be there when I open them again.
I sit on the bathroom counter and watch Bastian as he shaves his beard off. It’s been nearly a month since he came back to me and up until a week ago still looked like he was living with a ghost.
I forced him to come to Deià, to spend time in the sun, in the water, looking at the stars.
The first day was rough. His attitude all over the place. Like it was when we first met.
But I forced him to step away from work. To focus on him.
By the third day we were here, parts of him started to come back. The man I fell in love with on this island began to show again.
Then this morning I forced him to shave his beard. It felt like a reminder of his imprisonment, a reminder of his sacrifice, of Kilian’s sacrifice. But he decided it was the right choice.
I could tell losing Kilian was killing him. Day by day, he fell apart a little more. This man who wanted nothing more than to atone for his sins let someone else take the fall. A man most might think an enemy to him but deep down I understood their friendship.
I don’t think he knows the truth. The words that Kilian told me that would break Bastian even more. Or maybe they would help heal him. But just like the secrets he keeps from me, I will keep this one to myself. Until the time is right.
The sun on his skin helped. The memories he has in Deià helped. And day by day I watch him return to me. The man whose heart is made of gold. The man who would give everything up to make others happy.
He always thought he was a bastard, a tyrant. But when I look at him, I don’t see any of that. I see a saint. This man would give up the world to save those he loved. And someone did that for him. Probably for the first time in his life. And I think he sees it now. He’s been atoned.
He looks over at me and smiles. A smile I haven’t seen in months and my heart drops to my stomach as the butterflies take over. “I was beginning to think you liked the beard.”
I bite my lip and smile. I did like the beard. The way it left a burn between my thighs. The way he would drag it up my body and across my clavicle. The way he was rough with me the last month. “I did.”
“But you like me clean-shaven more?”
I rest my hand on his forearm. “Bas, I love you with or without it. Maybe one day you can bring it back but I think you need the reminder gone.”
He nods at me and goes back to shaving. The man has come a long way in just a few days. I was worried I was never going to get the man I fell in love with back. I knew he was in there deep down. I just needed to find him. I can’t believe it took me so long to remember he said he always finds himself in Deià.
As he swipes away the last of the shaving cream, he looks over at me and kisses me hard, leaving me breathless.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Waiting for me.”
I pull him into me. “There is nothing in this world that would make me stop.”
“I was lost, Cam. I wasn’t the man...”
I rest my hand over his chest. “The man I fell in love with has always been in here. I just knew he needed time to come back out.”
“You’re an incredible woman, Cameron Wilder.”
I press my lips to his cheek. “I’m your woman, Bastian.”
“Forever?”
I look into his gray eyes and swear I can see stars staring back at me. “Forever.”
Epilogue
Bastian
Four Years Later
I hang up my phone and walk out onto the deck off the office of the yacht. Cam is laying out on a sun lounger, her tan skin almost as dark as mine. I lick my lips as I watch her sunbathe. Even after four years, I find her as desirable as I did the day she was waiting for me at the marina. And just like then, she is still a spitfire.
“Hey, boss.”
I shake my head as I laugh at my fiancée. A few months after I came back into her life, she accepted a job with me as head of public relations at Montford Holdings. I didn’t think she would take it since we only argue when we work together. Of course, she threw a fit when I brought it up. Accusing me of controlling her and wanting to keep an eye on her when she was perfectly capable of doing it herself. That argument ended with her bent over my desk again and three orgasms. She resigned from her company the next day.
Ever since she came to work with me, she likes to push my buttons and call me boss. I’m not going to tell her I like it. I honestly don’t but more times than not it ends up with us half naked.
“Babe, we’re on vacation. Stop with the boss.”
She props her hands on her hips. “Stop with the babe.”
I raise a brow at her and smirk. “Not happening.”
“You’re a dick. Why do I even put up with you?”
“Because you love me.”
She eyes me up and down. “Mmm. Depends on the day. Today isn’t your day.”
I pull her into me and smack her ass as I do. “Behave.”
She pushes her sunglasses on top of her head. “You are the one that’s going to have to behave. You can’t be slapping my ass when my parents are on board.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have invited them.”
Her jaw tics and I think she might actually slap me. “You are the one who invited them!”
I grin at her. “You expected me to let them miss our wedding?”
“Yes.”
“Your parents love me.”
She grabs a hair tie from around her wrist and throws her hair up into her usual ponytail. “Yeah, because my dad thinks you are a superb businessman.”
“I am,” I agree.
She rolls her eyes. “And my mom finally got her wish. I’m marrying into society.”
“We all win.”
“None of us win, if we have to put up with my parents for a week.”
Her parents aren’t nearly as bad as she makes them out to be. Or maybe it’s just she had a heart-to-heart with her mom after I came back to her. Her mom happy she settled down and even happier she did it after finding her own success.
My parents are worse, especially when my dad brings one of his new wives around my mother. Needless to say, this week should be interesting.
“The boat’s big enough.”
“Fortunately.”
“You’ll get to spend time with Yve.”
She shrugs. She has no idea I flew her friend Tacoma and her husband out for our small private ceremony.
“You don’t seem all that happy to marry me.”
She shrugs again and I slap her ass before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.
Her hands wrap around my shoulders and play with the ends of my hair. “I would marry you without anyone around, Bas. You and me. That’s all I need.”
“As long as you remember that,” I tease.
“Still an arrogant brute when I am trying to be sweet.”
She grunts and tries to pull away from me but I press my lips to hers. It still shuts her up. She groans into my mouth and pulls me closer to her.
“I like you better when you’re sassy.” I grab her hips but instead of pulling her into me like she thought I would, I push her away.
“What are you doing?”
“Before we dock and pick up our friends and family, I thought we could go for a swim.” I nod toward the bay behind us and watch Cam’s eyes as they light up. She knows exactly where we are. The cove I love so much. The place I tied her up and fucked her hard. The place I fell in love with her.
“I hope they aren’t expecting us soon.” She dives into the water and I quickly follow her in.
I kiss my wife as our captain declares us married. I never thought I would do it again but with Cameron, I didn’t have a choice. She burrowed so deep into my heart there was no hope for us not to be together.
One of the deckhands serves us champagne and Lucas claps me on the shoulder, congratulating me. I look out over the sea, the one place I feel truly free and see a boat far out on the horizon. I lift my hand and wave, unsure if they can see but a friendly gesture nonetheless while we celebrate.
Cam wraps her arms around my middle and rests her head against my shoulder. “Who are you waving to?”
“No one.”
She presses a kiss on my arm. “I wish he was here too. You know he woulda been here.”
I know he would if it was possible for a dead man. I squeeze her closer to me and joke. “He would have tried to steal you away from me.”
I look down at her as she looks up into my eyes. “I never would have let him. You’re the only man that gets my heart, Bas.”
My lips crash to hers. The love I have for this woman is catastrophic. Hell, I risked our future and my life to save her, to protect her. And I vow to do that until the end of our days.
This woman lights something up inside of me. Makes me burn with passion instead of fury. She’s changed me. She makes me feel like the man she says I am.
I pull away from her but keep my lips within millimeters. “I love you.”
I feel her lips smile against mine. “I’ll never get tired of hearing that.”
I press a quick kiss back to her lips as everyone on the boat cheers and hollers. We pull apart and I watch her as her cheeks turn a light pink. I kiss her temple then pick up my glass to toast with our friends.
I nod my head at Matías, and he nods back. It’s been a rough few years for us and for him. We’re both finally free of The Partners. At least as free as we can get. They will always watch us. And we will always be ready for them. But for now, we are both at peace.
Later that night, I pull my wife onto the deck of our room. I play the song we danced to the night we ate dinner under the stars. I pull her into me, wrapping her tight in my arms.
“Did you think we would ever get here?” she asks me.
I brush my nose against hers. “I wished for it.”
“Me too.”
“Mi cielito, the stars brought us together. And now we finally get all our nights under them.”
She rests her head against my chest as we slowly sway back and forth to the music. Our hearts beating as one.
