Where the Bad Ones Go, page 29
“I thought you were fucking dead.”
“Yeah, I was.”
“After what happened to Frankie, you just disappeared.”
“What the hell’s been going on around here?”
“Pfft. What hasn’t been going on? It’s worse than ever. Gambinos are all over us. They got a lot more guys now, but Johnny Boy just won’t let up on ’em.”
“Fuck.”
“He’s pretty pissed today. More than usual.”
“Why now?”
“A few of their guys drove past the barbershop and killed everybody in the place. Four of our guys and a couple civilians.”
“And he’s gonna do something stupid now, ain’t he?”
“Not sure exactly, but something’s going down tonight.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“Why are you dressed like a bum?”
“Listen to me. Whatever happens tonight, just stay out of it. Go home. Don’t involve yourself in this shit anymore.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You’re a kid, Lorenzo. This ain’t for you—this ain’t for anybody. Not even me anymore. Just go home and stop all this before you get yourself killed.”
“Yeah, right. I ain’t no pussy, Anth, and I ain’t gonna let those asshole Gambinos walk all over us. It’s fucking war.”
“It ain’t your fucking war, Lorenzo. It’s Johnny Boy’s. You’re just a chess piece to him. And it ain’t about being a pussy or weak or whatever. He wants you to believe you’re worthless if you don’t live this kind of life. But there’s much more to life than this. I promise you.”
Lorenzo laughed. “And I should do what instead? Be one of those cowards with a day job?”
“That’s my point! We’re the cowards. We’ve been the cowards this whole fucking time. It’s easy to walk all over people and only think about yourself. Takes nothing to put on a mask and stick a gun in someone’s face. You know what takes real strength? Busting your ass to make an honest living when you know you could be out robbing and making much more. Putting the needs of your family before your own. Your real family, Lorenzo. Guys like Johnny Boy do what they do because they could never put in an honest day’s work. He’d rather just take from people who do.”
Lorenzo didn’t know what to say. He looked shocked.
“You need to trust what I’m saying, Lorenzo. I’m in my thirties and because of all this I got nothing to show for it—just regrets and grief. You’re just a kid. You got your whole damn life ahead of you. We both do. I had to hit rock bottom to realize that. You don’t have to.”
“What’re you gonna do?”
“Exactly what I’m telling you to do—what I should’ve done a long time ago.”
“What am I supposed to do? Leave when I’m finally getting in good with Johnny Boy? He’s gonna fucking make me somebody.”
“He’ll make you nothing. He’ll make you hate yourself, and that’s about it. Take up some hobbies. Find your passion. Get back in school. Make some real friends. Just be a damn kid. And when your head tells you you’re weak for turning your back on the streets, just have a laugh. This was all just a joke to begin with. None of it matters. What matters is your home, your family. So just forget about this shit. Go home and give your mother a hug. Tell her you love her. Don’t let her down anymore. She’s the one who’s gonna be there for you, not Johnny Boy.”
Lorenzo remained quiet.
“I trust you’ll do the right thing, Lorenzo.”
He nodded and I walked away. “Anthony, wait. I won’t tell anyone I saw ya.”
“Thanks.”
I finally reached my mother’s building and felt the same uncertainty I had when I came home from the war years ago. This time would be different. I’d think of more than just myself and my own needs. I knocked on Nancy’s parents’ door and was greeted by a mixture of shock, anger, and relief.
Nancy and I hugged each other and didn’t say anything. I’d waited so long to hold her in my arms again. While we hugged, she said into my ear, “Do you wanna meet your son, Anthony?”
So many emotions came over me in a split second. I was speechless. She took my hand and walked me into the nursery. My mother sat in a rocking chair holding my son in her arms. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. He had a fragile kind of beauty you only found in an innocent and gentle soul. Tears of joy fell from my face. I never thought I’d ever help create something so meaningful and blissful. My mother cried with me.
“Do you wanna hold him, Anthony?”
I looked at Nancy. A part of me was terrified to hold our son for the first time. I didn’t wanna disrupt his peace. My hands had only ever been useful in hurting others.
Nancy reassured me. “It’s okay . . . You’re okay.”
My mother carried him over to my arms. She showed me how to hold him properly. My heart felt like it would explode with love. I knew I’d do anything for him. He hadn’t opened his eyes, but I felt him see me through his soul. Everything I’d ever believed important in life became irrelevant compared to my son. His well-being was all that mattered to me now. I’d happily scrub toilets and make minimum wage for the rest of my days to give him a good life. But the joy I felt with him in my arms was matched by my fear of losing him. I was responsible for this soul safely finding a place in the world and enjoying it every step of the way. My parents’ troubles seemed logical to me now. My mother’s grief over my decisions seemed reasonable. My father’s drinking so he’d feel like less of a screw-up as a parent made sense. I’d likely feel and do worse if I ever failed the heavenly being in my arms.
“What’s his name?”
Nancy laughed. “Well, he doesn’t have one yet. I wanted to wait for you.”
“Nancy, you didn’t have to—”
“Any ideas?”
“I mean, what do you think?”
“I like Joseph.”
“Joseph . . . yeah. I like that. Your father will love that.”
“Did you have anything else in mind?”
“I was gonna say Giuseppe, but I guess that’s the same thing.”
We laughed.
“Joseph it is,” I said.
“Do you wanna pick the middle name, Anthony?”
I looked down at Joseph and I picked the name I thought about every day. “Francesco . . .
Frankie.”
“Joseph Francesco Golino.”
“What do you think, Ma?”
She could barely speak without crying. “It’s beautiful.”
“Nancy?”
Nancy smiled. “She’s right. Let’s go with that.”
Through a few diaper changes and burps, I spent the rest of the day holding Joseph. Once Nancy fed him in the evening, she put the baby to sleep. My mother almost left before I had a chance to talk with her. There was so much I had to say.
“Ma, wait. I gotta talk to you.”
She waited for me to speak.
“I’m done with it all, Ma. You were right about everything. I . . . I just . . . I think . . .”
My mother smiled. “Find the words and come see me when you’re ready, Anthony.”
“Okay, Ma.”
She left, and I sat down with Nancy’s parents for a well-deserved scolding. I explained my absence. They were angry and confused at first but then relieved that my priority was their daughter and grandson. I joined Nancy in the nursery with Joseph for what I thought would be a second well-deserved scolding.
“You probably have a lot of questions . . . I get that. And I’m ready to tell you everything.”
“Go on.”
“I think you know most of what’s troubled me. You definitely got the shit end of that. My life was just pain and regret. What I thought was freedom from emptiness was what kept me down. While I was away I met a man, this priest. He was wise and calm and knowledgeable, but most of all, he just seemed happy. I wanted to feel that too. He said everything you said. The insecurity, the guilt, the selfishness . . . it was all what you said. And I know you’re probably thinking, ‘Why didn’t it mean anything when I said it?’ Well, it did. The difference in Mexico was that I heard it when I didn’t wanna be alive anymore. It all makes perfect sense now. I don’t care about feeling worthy or good enough anymore. I just wanna live to be . . . to try and do some good for once. Live for what’s in front of me instead of what’s behind me or inside my head. And that’s you. You and our son, Nancy.”
I could see the relief in her eyes.
“I’m done with that life, Nancy. I promise you. Maybe I don’t know how to do anything else in this world, but I’ll learn. Let’s just get outta here, start over together. Far away from these people where they can’t bother us. Someplace where I know I can keep us safe. I ain’t saying we’re in danger, but I’ve learned that the past can find a way to catch up with you.”
Nancy looked happy and worried at the same time. “Anthony, what about everything here? What about our parents?”
“They can come with us. Besides them, there’s nothing here for us. You know that and I know that.”
“You really wanna do this, Anthony? It’s a big change. Are you sure?”
“It’s all I want. Is this what you want?”
Nancy leaped from her chair and onto my lap.
“Is that a yes?”
She laughed. “Yes. A big yes. Just promise me you’re really done this time?”
“I promise you.”
I think she sensed I was genuine.
“I’m just so sorry . . . for all the pain I caused you, Nancy. I love you and this baby more than anything.”
“We love you too.”
I smiled. “We gotta do this soon. Johnny Boy still thinks I’m in Mexico for another three months, but that could change.”
She wrapped her arms around me. “Whatever you say, love. I’ll follow your lead.”
We began to kiss but stopped once we heard her mother gasp from the living room. We walked out to see what had happened.
“Oh my God!”
“What, Ma? What’s the matter?”
“On the news! A bunch of buildings are on fire over in Greenwich Village!”
That was Gambino territory. I knew right away this was Johnny Boy’s doing. Along with the safety of everyone who lived in those buildings, my main concern was Lorenzo. There was a good chance he’d either be arrested or shot down. I had to be sure the kid was safe.
“Anthony, where are you going?” Nancy said.
I hesitated because I didn’t wanna lie, but I also didn’t wanna worry her. “There’s something I gotta do, all right? I won’t be long. Just stay here with Joseph and I’ll be back soon.”
“Anthony—”
“Trust me, okay? I ain’t gonna do anything stupid. I just need to help someone—I have to.”
“All right. Just please be safe.”
I kissed Nancy one more time and left the apartment. I sprinted over to Lorenzo’s mother’s apartment nearby. I didn’t intend to worry her, but I needed to find out where he was. I frantically knocked on the door until she answered.
“Can I help you?’
“Hi, yeah, you probably don’t know me, but, uh, I know your son. He’s a real good kid and I just wanna make sure he’s doing all right. Is he home?”
“No, no, he’s not. Hasn’t been home in a while. And I do know you. You’re one of those gangster assholes who fucked up my son.”
“Maybe at one time, but my only goal now is to help him and talk some sense into him. I really mean that. He’s not too far gone.”
“Is he all right? Did something happen?”
“No, no. I’m sure he’s fine. I just wanted to have another chat with him, that’s all. I’m gonna go look for him.”
She started to cry. “Please . . . just bring him back to me.”
“I’ll try, I really will.”
The smoke was visible from outside her place. I ran for a cab. This was definitely bad, and with how the Gambinos would react, it would only get worse. I had to find Lorenzo before that happened. With a bandanna Father Pedro had given me, I covered my face to avoid being recognized by anybody on either side. No matter how much I wanted to help Lorenzo, my family needed me and I couldn’t risk being taken down.
When the cab pulled into Greenwich Village, the scene was more awful than I imagined. Smoked filled the air and flames leaped from windows across multiple buildings. Some of Johnny Boy’s teenage soldiers were throwing Molotov cocktails. There were too many of them for the cops to do anything. The firefighters were trying their best, but the flames were spreading fast. Most of the street was on fire. Seeing big crowds of people out in their pajamas, I thought there was a chance everyone got out. Still, I wasn’t 100 percent sure.
As I stepped out of the cab, cars filled with Johnny Boy’s teenage soldiers passed by. They laughed and yelled, amused by the chaos. I scanned every one of their faces to find Lorenzo. A lot of them fired their guns into the air like Johnny Boy had taught them. I took cover once the cops and Gambinos fired shots at them. Some of the kids hopped out of the cars and fired back. I’d tossed my gun in a pond somewhere between New York and Mexico. It was a promise to myself and my family that I’d never fire a gun again. By the look of their wide smiles, these kids were more than happy to fire a gun. They were doing what Johnny Boy had convinced them only strong and brave men were capable of. He’d brainwashed them worse than he had Frankie and me.
To my disappointment, one of the kids shooting at the cops was Lorenzo. There wasn’t much I could do but watch. Even if I yelled at him to get out of there, he wouldn’t know it was me. Removing my mask wasn’t an option because Johnny Boy’s minions would quickly recognize me. They’d trip over each other to bring me in and impress Johnny Boy. Despite the bullets flying, none of the boys felt the urge to leave. Each of them wanted a body to their name before heading back. The cops called for much-needed backup. Not until the police sirens grew louder did the kids hop in their cars and leave. People screamed as they watched their homes burn to ashes, and the young soldiers’ laughter was just as loud.
Lorenzo was gone, but I wanted to try and help these people. Everyone was in a panic because there weren’t enough firefighters. Civilians began running into burning buildings and rescuing whoever they could. I tried my best to help them. Some of the people I helped rescue were Gambinos. None of them asked who I was or where I came from; that didn’t matter in such a dire moment. Innocent people were trapped among the raging flames, making gang affiliation irrelevant. One woman who escaped her apartment screamed that a family was trapped on the top floor. The Gambinos I’d been helping realized it was one of their men. They frantically ran inside to help him, but a blocked stairwell had cut them off at the third floor. While they desperately tried to push through it, a regrettable incident from my past gave me an idea.
The building was connected to the one next to it, and if I could get up to the roof of the second building, I could cross over and reach the top floor of the first from the roof entrance. Both buildings were covered in flames, but the empty apartment next door was in much better shape. The stairwell of the second building was extremely hot. And with all the smoke, it wasn’t easy to sprint up multiple flights of stairs. I made it to the top and crossed over to the roof of the first apartment. My only hope was that the roof entrance wasn’t locked or covered in flames. Luckily, the door opened and my path to the top floor was mostly clear. But sections of the hallway were covered in flames, and smoke was building up.
I yelled out as loud as I could. “Is anyone up here? If you can hear me, just yell! Where are you?”
I could hear faint crying. At the end of the hall, the family in question was desperately trying to escape from inside of their unit. A steel beam and large pile of debris from above was blocking their way. The Gambino soldier inside the unit grabbed onto the beam and was trying to lift it by himself, but one person never could’ve lifted that. In tears, his wife and daughter kneeled behind him.
“Okay, okay! Listen! We gotta hold this thing up together at the same time! All right?”
He didn’t have a clue who I was, but I recognized him from the street.
“Just get it high enough for my wife and kid to get through!”
They couldn’t escape over the beam because debris blocked most of the doorway. A small amount of space would allow us to make some room underneath.
“All right, all right! Lift! Lift!”
His daughter and wife crawled through the opening, which was too small for him. They didn’t wanna leave without him, but he wanted them gone. “Just go! Get outta here!”
His daughter was crying and coughing. His wife wanted to bring their daughter to safety but didn’t wanna leave him. “What about you?” she asked.
I tried to reassure her. “I won’t leave without him—don’t worry! Just go up the stairs, then onto the roof, and cross over to the building next door.”
She looked at her husband as the flames grew higher. Time was running out. They said their rushed goodbyes and hoped to see each other outside. His wife ran out with the little girl while he and I tried to lift the beam higher. He was way too big to crawl under it, and we couldn’t lift it high enough.
“Okay, okay! Fuck it! Forget lifting! I’m gonna pull from out here and you push from inside there. Don’t just use your arms—use your legs.” My old sergeant had given me that advice before the war when we pushed tires through the mud.
Understandably, the man was scared.
“We can do this, all right? Don’t worry—I ain’t leaving you!”
“All right, all right!”
Screaming at the top of our lungs, we pushed and pulled at the same time. The beam slowly began to move. Felt like I’d pass out from breathing in the smoke. The Gambino soldier had just enough room to squeeze through the door. He could barely walk from his exhaustion. His arm around me, I brought him up the stairs and onto the roof. His wife and daughter had already made their way down. We laughed in relief as we crossed over to the other roof.
He was grateful to say the least. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! Fucking thank you!”
“Yeah, don’t mention it. Come on, let’s go.”
