Throwing Rules to the Wind, page 14
When Anne sent her another text, Zara paid her bill and left, smirking.
Oh, Axel, she’s going to make you beg.
♦ ♦ ♦
“It’s almost nine. Working late?” Anne asked after the car pulled up outside the gym she frequented.
“I was just spying on Laine during her first date with Axel,” Zara answered. “Just wanted to make sure Axel would behave.”
Anne gasped, “She went out with him? My gosh. I thought it was just the clothes.”
Zara raised an eyebrow, then looked back at the road.
“She’s showing a little more skin now. Then she started asking me about makeup.” Anne folded her arms in front of her chest and smirked. “Now I know why.”
“Yeah. I think it’s all part of her plan to get out there more. Axel was ogling her, sort of. You know how Laine is when she’s trying out a new restaurant and she likes the food.”
“I can totally imagine Axel’s reaction.” Anne laughed. “At least she’s moping around less, taking charge of her romantic life.”
Zara asked, “Anyway, what’s your plan for tonight?”
“Just to wait for Zack to come out. He should be off soon.”
“And you’re going to jump on him or something?”
“Yeah.” Anne made a face as she scanned the entrance to the building. “I’ve become a bit desperate.”
“It’s been a while. I’ve never seen you two go this long without talking.”
“I have. He never responds. And he’s always not around when I’m at the gym.” Anne made a face, then checked the time. “Out for break, or on a call.”
Zara shook her head.
“Well, if you want to patch things up with someone, you do everything you can, right?” Anne reasoned. “Find the answers to fix things. Go back in time and see what you did wrong.” She leaned forward on her seat. “That’s him, right?” She pointed at someone outside the window.
Zara squinted as she studied the man who had just left the building. When he strode down the street, Anne drew in a breath.
“That’s him,” she murmured.
Anne stepped out of the car and hastened across the road. She shouted Zack’s name. He continued walking, but a telltale shift in his shoulders suggested he heard her and recognized her voice.
Zara watched as Anne finally caught up to him. She uttered something and grabbed his arm. But he slipped out of her grasp and, holding up his hands, retreated. Before he could take another step away, she clung to him, and by the look on her face this time, she was pleading.
Anne’s words resounded in Zara’s head.
Find the answers to fix things . . .
Go back in time . . .
Suddenly Anne hugged Zack around the waist. He closed his eyes as he ran a palm over his forehead. He seemed to hesitate as he laid an arm around Anne’s shoulders.
Zara took a deep breath. An idea had formed in her mind.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Take What’s Yours
I can’t believe I’m doing this. This is the stupidest idea I’ve ever had.
Zara stared at the brooding black door of Don’s office, then abruptly turned back on her heel. However, when her eyes landed on the new hire sitting in Matt’s cubicle, she made up her mind and marched to Don’s office. She knocked.
“Come in,” Don’s voice called from inside.
She stepped in. Don’s office intimidated, what with the black alchemist desk and the Aspen flatwoven rug that Don allegedly bought from his solo trip around Egypt. A white lacquered modular bookcase that covered one entire wall was filled with travel mementos, artworks, and a couple of framed Biyahe covers.
Don closed the journal in front of him and laid down his pen. “What’s up, Zara?” he asked.
“Sorry to disturb you, Don. Is this a good time?”
“It’s fine.” He motioned for her to take a seat in front of him.
How do I do this without coming off as immensely foolish?
“Don, Matt mentioned that he talked to you about why he decided to leave the magazine.” She swallowed. “That it might be a conflict of interest because of our relationship?”
He sat back. “This is about that, eh? Yes, we did talk. It was too bad he had to leave . . . at that point in time.”
“I know Matt is much more valuable to the magazine than I am—”
Don chuckled.
When Don cleared his throat and fell silent, she took a deep breath, then continued, “He’s contributed a lot to the magazine, even helped in directing the image and making key decisions in our editions. It was unfortunate that he had to leave.” She clasped her hands together. “With utmost respect, Don, may I ask you to consider taking Matt back?”
Don raised an eyebrow.
She took a deep breath and said, “I can leave in his place instead.”
This time, Don burst out laughing. Zara drew in a sharp breath.
Oh my god. He’s laughing. At me.
After a while, Don coughed and calmed down, but the edges of his lips still twitched. “I’m sorry. This is a serious matter.” He studied her for a moment. “Zara, have you found another job? Is that what this is really about?”
“No, it’s not! I haven’t even tried looking for a new job yet, but I’ll find something in time. Maybe freelance.”
He leaned back in his leather seat. “What you’re proposing is that I ask Matt to come back after you tender your resignation?”
She cringed under his gaze. “Yes, that is what I’m proposing.”
“Love really does make smart people foolish,” he muttered under his breath and tilted his chin up.
Don was a tall, brawny man. He had a handsome face, but the years had taken a toll on him. The sides of his eyes crinkled when he laughed, and the lines under his eyes were thicker nowadays. News was that he was once a romantic and had a gorgeous wife, who sometimes joined him at the company’s events, but they had separated.
“Zara.” He shook his head. “Your contributions have become more and more valuable over the past year. Matt made sure that I saw that while you worked together.” He tipped his head in her direction. “I must say, it’s pretty bold of you to ask me this.”
What in the world is he saying?
He paused. “Zara, is there anything else workwise that concerns you aside from Matt’s departure from Biyahe?”
She shook her head.
He leaned forward in his seat and smiled. “Then we don’t have any problems here.”
“I-I’m not sure that I understand.”
“Wait a few months, Zara. Things are coming into play. Talk to Matt.” He gave a wry smile. “I’m glad you’re looking out for each other. That his resignation wasn’t in vain.” He tapped his fingers on the table. “Okay, well, if that’s all?”
She nodded slowly. “Thanks, Don.”
I think?
Don gave her a small smile and went back to writing on his journal.
♦ ♦ ♦
Once she stepped outside the back of the office building, she called Matt.
“Hi!” Matt answered.
“Hello.” Her eyebrows furrowed. “Matt, I spoke to Don just now and asked him if I could leave Biyahe, so that you could come back. But he started saying things will soon fall into place and that I should ask you about this. What’s he going on about?”
“You talked to him about what?” Matt bristled. “Why would you talk to Don about that?”
His tone jolted her. A cold came over her. She heard him excuse himself. A door closed.
She sucked in a breath. “Matt, I-I just discussed with him about you coming back.”
“And you leaving? You proposed this to Don of all people—” He cursed. “How does that speak about the two of us, huh?”
Very well. If it means you’ll be back in Manila, and we can be together all the time.
“Zara, I left so that your career in the magazine won’t be harmed. And—”
“I just wanted you to be back here in Manila . . .”
“Why? Why do you need me to be there right away? I’ve told you again and again that I’m going to fix our situation.”
“I missed you.”
“And you were scared that I might cheat on you while I’m here? That I might let things slide the way your ex did?”
Her voice quivered, and her hands trembled. “Matt, no, I—”
“You say no, but your actions tell a different story,” he retorted.
“What?”
“After all this time, don’t you know me any better?” He huffed out a breath. “Why won’t you believe me when I—”
“Matt, I do know you better—”
“Something is blocking our way forward, Zara. I’m not sure anymore if we’ll ever get around it.”
How dare he!
“Well, how am I supposed to believe you when you don’t even tell me your plans?” she shot back, clenching her free hand. “Like what was Don talking about? How come you never told me about it?”
He huffed, “It hurts me every time you question me. It makes me feel incompetent. I want to be your partner, and yet . . . we falter. Have I done anything to make you doubt me?”
“No,” she said through gritted teeth.
“Then why don’t you trust me?”
“Don’t. Stop it.”
“Be honest with me, Zara.” He let out a breath. “Why do you doubt me?”
“Because you’re a man!”
“What?” he hissed. “What does that mean?”
A tear fell from her eye, and she sucked in a breath. “B-because men can’t be trusted.”
Her eyes closed. Her lips trembled. Her secret was out.
Another expletive flew out his mouth.
“Men can’t be trusted when it comes to women? Is that it?” he huffed. “You just made me sound like I only think for myself. That I can’t take care of my woman? Take care of us?”
“What I mean is that b-because of this, we should try to avoid certain situations . . .”
“Wow,” he breathed. “I can’t believe you think so little of me.”
“No, I think the world of you, Matt!”
“Then please help me to understand.” His voice broke. “Because I’m getting frustrated. Have you felt this way all along? Or is it just me?”
“No . . . I . . .”
Just when he blew a breath, somebody called out to him in the background, “Hey, Matt! Boss needs you back in here.”
“Sure,” he replied. He sniffed and muttered into the phone, “Let’s talk. Later. Maybe when I get back.”
With that, he ended the call. She stared at the phone, her chest heaving.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
The Clash Within
Zara lay in bed. Everything in her body hurt, tightened, clenched. She tried to empty her mind, but tears continued to fall down her face.
I should apologize to Matt.
She grabbed the phone.
I was unfair to him. I’ll tell him that I was all wrong. And that I should’ve trusted him—
Trusted him based on what?
The phone was flung, and it hit the wall. She rubbed her palms over her face.
Oh my god. What the hell am I doing? Why do things always fall apart? I always lose. Even when I tried to make a grand gesture of love, I still lost him. Am I always going to be like this? Never a happy ending . . . Always in a spiral of introductions, affairs, and then the end . . .
She grabbed a pillow and wrapped her arms around it.
She began to imagine flying to Cebu and apologizing to Matt. She would run into his arms, and he would kiss her. She would decide to trust him, shut that voice in her head that always takes caution, that makes her second-guess herself. But then a woman enters the picture and goes after Matt. He smiles and . . .
She shook her head.
No. No! Take that out of the picture!
Then she daydreamed of a life devoid of a man, devoid of love, devoid of complications. She would travel around the world by herself, enjoying the sights, the sunrises while lounging on the sands of Boracay, the quiet afternoons in French cafes, and flying out to Bali, maybe even staying there and becoming a yogi.
But Matt . . .
And she cried some more.
Because she wanted him.
But she had to fight with herself before she could truly have him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Young Love
Zara stared at the line of trendy boutiques, cafes, and confectionary shops along High Street. The stretch of cement was splashed with the color of ivory, while each store flared with its own brand of colors. People milled about parterre gardens, which teemed with canna lilies and birds-of-paradise in the middle of the retail boulevard. Public, open, busy. Safe from dramatic outbursts, that was what she wanted.
Why am I doing this?
She had wanted to ask Matt if this was what she needed—to fix her, to fix them. To gain him back. But when she had tried his phone the previous night, the call had been rejected, and she received a canned response instead: “Sorry, I’m busy.” When she tried later, the phone just kept ringing until it went to voicemail.
Closure. Just get the closure you need, so you can be rid of your insecurities.
She walked toward Bistro du Sonnè to her left.
I don’t know why, but I need to hear what he has to say.
And there he was.
“Where’s your family?” Zara asked, looking around the restaurant. “I thought you were bringing them.”
She sat across the table from Neil. He had slimmed down since their high school years. His cheekbones were more pronounced. The same casual undercut hairstyle. His jaw was set, with the signs of a couple days old shave.
He ordered their drinks: a hot chocolate for her and an iced Frappuccino for him.
Neil pointed at a young boy looking over a standing chalkboard by the counter. “Nash is over there.”
“Aah.”
“I didn’t want to bring my wife here to meet my ex.” He wiggled both eyebrows. “I told her I was meeting someone from work.”
They stared at each other for a moment.
“That just made this sound sleazy,” she commented.
A group of women made their way through the tables to leave. Neil looked over and eyed the lady leading the pack. Zara rolled her eyes. When he faced Zara again, she raised an eyebrow at him. He merely grinned.
“What did you want to talk about?” He cleared his throat. “You seemed very serious over the phone. We haven’t talked for years, not since we broke up. I was so intrigued. That’s why I came here.”
Zara swallowed. “About us back then.”
His grin widened. “What about us? Like”—he rubbed his chin—“like you miss us?”
She gulped. “What was I like to you back then? Was I a good friend? Was I there for you when you needed me?”
“What?” He blinked. “I think so. I never thought anything bad of you.”
Her heart raced, and she clenched her fists. “I don’t want to argue about it, but I just want to know and understand. Why did you cheat on me?”
“Cheat?” he croaked. “What do you mean? When?” He scrunched up his face. “You mean that time we sort of broke up because I hung out with that other girl Pia?”
Zara nodded, clasping her hands in front of her. “There were other times too. You flirted with other girls. There was gossip about you going out with somebody else.” She sighed. “It might not be the kind of ‘cheating’ we now know as adults”—she looked down at the table—“but it sure felt like that back then.”
Neil leaned back on his seat, frowning. “Wow.”
“I’m not here to make accusations, Neil. I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “I just want to understand if there was something that I did wrong. Or if us just wasn’t right? Or the time wasn’t right?”
He looked up the ceiling, rubbing a palm over his neck, then expelled a long breath. “I . . . I don’t know.” He shook his head. “I was selfish, I guess. The guys patted me on the back every time some pretty girl hit on me. I thought you were happy enough that you were the one I was with officially.” He rubbed his chin. “We fought, but we always made up. And we broke up only because we were going to separate schools.”
“We broke up because I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“No, that’s not what you said at that time.”
“I couldn’t say it back then. I wanted to be steadfast to you. And when high school ended, I felt I could finally let you go.”
He shook his head slowly. “I don’t know if it’s still worth anything, but I’m sorry, Zara. It’s been a long time. That’s all in the past now.” He sighed and stared down at the table.
Zara nodded. “I became cynical after us. I began to think that men didn’t really care about how women felt. But then I fell in love again, trusted once more, only to go back to square one. And it became difficult since then to give of myself completely in relationships, to be honest about my feelings.”
He folded his arms in front of his chest. “Probably has got to do with how your parents were back then too.”
She frowned. “They don’t have anything to do with this.”
He cocked an eyebrow, then shook his head. “Never mind.” He looked away. “Maybe it’s just about timing, Zara. People have to be in the same place at the same time, for things to move forward. We were young then. I suppose I didn’t take us as seriously as you did.”
“I guess. You might be right,” she huffed. “I want to be in that place—” When Neil raised an eyebrow at her, she shook her head. “Nothing. I’m just babbling.”
He grinned. “I’m different now.” He chuckled to himself as he stared at the ring on his finger.
“You married quite young,” she remarked.
“True. I forget my wife’s birthday sometimes though. When that happens, she buys herself a present and then claims from me, like a goddamn finance department,” he said, his eyes twinkling.
