What Zombies Really Want

  by Theo Echs ©2016

  Ask anyone what zombies want, they will say, “To eat your brainzzz” or some similar phrase. That little bit of Hollywood legend nearly got us all killed. Now, before you get all excited and tell me that they really do want to eat our brains, let me say that I agree. I’m not denying it, I’ve seen it – just like the rest of us poor souls left in the aftermath of this zombie apocalypse. But listen, where I come from, we got some things figured out, and the zombies don’t kill us anymore. Let me explain.

  My name is Alice. I come from a camp up in the mountains, near where the interstate cuts through. If you’re at all like us, you guys have been running, hiding, and battling these fucking zombies, and losing good people doing it. You’re hard-up for water, and you’re feeling these autumn nights getting chillier. But them damned things are out there, and they’ve got you penned up. No one wants to be eaten, right?

  We were like you: short on weapons, long on bickering and infighting. Needing food, but afraid to forage while those bastards are wandering around out there. But then we got lucky – if that’s still a word we can use. It started when a single zombie infiltrated our base. Now, as things were, we were pretty beat up, hungry, nothing but some aspirin and a box of Band-Aids for an infirmary. So yeah, no guard up. Stupid. Gotchya. But sometimes mistakes work out, you know, like how that guy discovered penicillin. But in this case, it was letting a zombie sniff out this girl, Mallory. Now, maybe a week earlier, Mallory and her boyfriend scavenged a handle of booze in some car wreck they found. No surprise that they hit that bottle with vengeance, trying to get away from this hell we’re living in for a while. Long story short, she ends up going back to her tent and passing out. Probably the best sleep she had since this shit started – at least at first.

  See, later that night Mallory’s guy ducks into the tent to find someone on top of her, naked. He’s between her legs and fucking her. The boyfriend said he could see her face and tell that she was still passed out, even though her body is getting rocked back and forth on the cot, tits jiggling and everything. Of course, the guy yells “Mallory!” and she opens her eyes. I guess she took a second to figure it all out, and then she flips the fuck out. Starts punching and screaming. Know what happened next?

  Thing bit her face off before her boyfriend could crush its skull.

  ‘So what?’ you say. Sounds like a million other senseless and violent deaths people have been suffering since the zombie outbreak. But no, wait. Rewind. Listen.

  The zombie was fucking her. It wasn’t until she fought back that the thing went from fucking to biting.

  You get it? Zombies aren’t looking to eat our brains. Not as a first choice, anyway. What they really want is to fuck. Maybe fuck our brains out, ha ha, but definitely fuck. They resort to eating us when we try to stop them. People in my camp figured this out, not me. I’m simplifying it for you, but you gotta trust me on this. It will save your life.

  If you know anything about human brains, you may begin to see the logic here. See, my people realized that the zombies are driven – animated – by the lowest portion of the brainstem. These are where the primitive drives are processed. Reproduction, food and water, fight or flight. The deepest instinct, the sex drive, is actually what makes zombies hunt us. It’s just that we normal people freak the fuck out when a living corpse is trying to touch us. We fight them, smash their heads in, right? I mean, I’m not letting some cold, slimy zombie dick anywhere near me if I can help it.

  This is where they get violent. When the zombies’ most fundamental drive is thwarted, another urge takes over. Call it the hunger drive, or maybe the fight instinct, but when we don’t let the zombies touch us, they become the violent brain eaters that Hollywood told us they would be.

  So how do we stop zombies from killing us and eating our brains? We give them what they want. We satisfy their sex-drive. And as it turns out, the zombie infection isn’t sexually contagious.

  You think I’m crazy. Well, maybe I am. All I can do is tell you and your camp what I know, and my conscience will be clear. But there’s not a whole lot of us left, and I’d rather you guys stuck around on our side.

  So, Mallory died, turned, and rampaged a little before someone took her down. Pretty intense stuff – she was a good kid, pretty and helpful. Her death shook us up something good. So it took a few days for people to realize the significance of the details of her death. People whispered. Ideas were hatched. And a few weeks later, when a zombie entangled itself in our improvised perimeter wire, we had an opportunity to do some research.

  What can I say? Desperate times call for desperate measures. Everyone in the camp drew lots. One chance in about 60 that you’re gonna be the guinea pig for the experiment. At first, a dozen of the guys tried to argue that only the women should be considered. Arguing our bodies are built for it, that we should step up. Long story short, we decided if a guy gets picked, we had some Vaseline he could use to lube his ass beforehand. Oh, and I have a list of a dozen guys that are on every woman’s no-fuck-list in the camp.

  In the end, a woman got her name picked anyway. Her name was Laura, and she was pretty new to our group. One of our patrols found her hiding in a basement back in August, filthy and half-starved. She recovered okay, but no one had really been able to get her to open up about herself. Spent her time around camp washing blankets and clothes, collecting firewood, that kind of stuff. Now, I’m strictly a hetero kind of gal, but once we got her cleaned up it was impossible not to see how beautiful she was. Straight blonde hair, petite, and with that combination of slender waist and large breasts that only exists with women in their twenties. She also had this demure way of interacting with everyone – a lot of looking at the ground and talking in a quiet little voice. I admit it: there was something about Laura that made even me want to just hold her and pet her like a little kitten. And the men in camp? Well, they acted about the way you expect men to act around a beautiful young women, all flirtation and bravado. Twice we had to deal with fistfights that started over her.

  Not that she encouraged any of this. Like I said, she pretty much kept to herself. But you know how hard it is out here. No real privacy, people all bundled together for safety. All she did was go about her business, be helpful in her own way. But her curves and apparent innocence were there 24/7, and it’s not like the men had a whole lot else to do but watch her move around and dream. For her part, I never saw her cozy up to anyone, but that sure didn’t stop the men from trying.

  Anyway, when the lots were drawn Laura’s name came up. I remember seeing her sitting on the ground with the rest of us, shielding her eyes from the sun with one hand and sitting very still as if she hadn’t heard her name called. Everyone else, of course –especially the men – just stared at her in silence. I mean, everyone knew that someone was going to be picked, but to have the prettiest one… it just seemed kind of like overkill, if that makes sense to you. I mean, we were already really far out on a limb here with the experiment, and I guess looking at this little blonde woman made the stakes seem suddenly uncomfortably real. After a few seconds, there was some whispering, and a few of the guys were shaking their heads, but no one tried to argue.

  After that, there wasn’t much to do but watch it all unfold. A few of the women kind of gathered around Laura, took her to one of their tents and talked about who-knows-what. A bit too touchy-feely for me, but I get it. Most of the rest of us just stayed quiet and hung around while the people who came up with this plan set up for the experiment.

  You guys around here probably have some no-go zones where you know there’s a bunch of them undead bastards wandering around, right? Well, for us, the closest one was this stretch of highway where a bunch of cars piled up back in April when this shit first went down. The road goes through a canyon, and one side is pretty much rock fifty feet almost straight up. There’s this one place where you can stand up there and look down where this overturned bus blocks the whole damned thing. The other side of the road drops off pretty steeply, so you basically have a nice dead-end sort of set up, and that’s where we decided that the experiment would take place.

  No sense making the poor girl wait, right? So we sent out a team at first light the next day to clear the area and find a suitable zombie. As you guys here probably know, zombies come in all kinds – freshly dead to rotting corpses – but one thing they all are is dumb. The plan was for the team to find a fresh male, lure him to the spot where the overturned bus was, and then box it in. Not too tough once you understand how those bastards operate. Sometime around noon, one of the guys came back an reported that everything was set. No one really said anything after that. Laura and a few of the people she’d gotten close to followed the guy back to the site, and a couple of the rest of us went up to the cliff so we could watch. Yeah, I know that sounds callous or whatever, but damn, I was curious. Besides, not much else to do in this fucked-up world these days.

  By the time I got up to where I could see, Laura was already down there with some of the guys who were setting the whole thing up. They were standing on the top of the bus (really its side), and Laura was already naked. She just stood there with a ring of the others around her. Her blond hair shone in the sun, but the day was chilly and I could see her hard nipples poking up above her crossed arms. Some of the people were talking to her, but I couldn’t hear them from where I was. Next to them, a zombie was scrabbling at the bus, trying to climb up to get at the people it heard or smelled, or whatever

they do to find us. From up on the cliff, it was hard to tell it was even a zombie. The guys had found a really good specimen. It was broad-shouldered, short, dark hair, and didn’t show any signs of wounds or rot that I could see.

  Then it was time. Someone went to the front of the bus and began banging on it to draw the zombie’s attention. When the zombie shuffled to investigate, everyone else but Laura shimmied down the back. Then, while the man up front kept the zombie distracted, the rest of them threw together this ramp that they had apparently pre-fabricated that morning. It was all branches and tires, along with two car hoods, but its purpose was clear enough: a way for the zombie to climb up and get at Laura. The guy up front who had been distracting the zombie ran the length of the bus and hopped down the ramp. They snuck out of the area and melted into the surrounding woods. I figured they were nearby, watching Laura and keeping other zombies away, but I couldn’t see them anymore.

  Laura walked in circles for a few seconds, kind of looking out around her, thinking only God knows what. Then she dropped her arms to her sides and let out a scream that I swear will haunt me forever. It sure got the zombie’s attention. The thing started circling the bus again.

  She started saying things like, here, come up here, c’mon and get me! Half shouting, half sobbing, really. She’d lean over the edge of the bus and yell right at the thing, and then take a few steps towards the ramp and do it again. I don’t know where she got the strength to do it. I don’t think I could have. But it worked, and the zombie eventually found the ramp and slowly lumbered its way up towards Laura. The whole time she’s doing this, she is spitting in her hand and rubbing it between her legs. Vulgar? Maybe, but you can’t fault her. She knew what was about to happen.

  From there, well, it wasn’t easy to watch, but nothing is easy these days, right? So I am going to tell it to you as best as I can recall so that you believe me and understand, and maybe we can save some people.

  The second the zombie got to the top of the bus, Laura took a few steps towards the middle, and then lay down on her back. I could see the pink lips of her sex as she spread her legs. Same bubblegum pink as her nipples and her lips. God, what a beautiful girl she was. The zombie didn’t waste any time. He stumbled up and fell right on her. For a second she froze – must have tensed up (can you blame her?) – and the zombie let out some sort of gurgling sound and grabbed at her breasts. It put its head to her face, and I was sure then and there that we were wrong and this poor young woman was about to be eaten in front of my eyes.

  But then I saw her legs relax and spread wider. I saw her small hands wrap around the zombie’s back like someone would do to her lover. The zombie lifted its head back up and dropped its hips. Like I said, I was looking down from maybe twenty yards up, but they were also maybe thirty yards out from me a well, so I had a decent angle to see everything. Somehow (don’t ask me how) the zombie had an erection. Don’t know if the guys who trapped this zombie noticed – or if they even cared – but it had a cock that looked straight out of a porno. I mean, this thing was long and fat, and looked like it was made of stone. Must have been almost as big as Laura’s forearm. I remember thinking, No way. That’s going to kill her as sure as biting her face of would. It wasn’t fair. It looked goddamn cruel.

  The zombie pressed down on her, and I watched that big rod of his begin to slide between the lips of her pussy. It made it half way in, and I heard Laura squeal. The zombie pulled its cock back out, and I saw the glisten of her spit on its cock for just a moment before it pushed back inside. This time its massive tool stretched her until it sank all the way inside of her. Laura’s squeal went up an octave, but I have to hand it to her, she didn’t fight back.

  The zombie found its rhythm. It slid in and out of her pussy with a steady, machine-like efficiency. Laura’s breathing matched the thrusting, and her voice reached me in regular, gasping sounds. Her bare feet pointed up to the sky and rocked with the weight of the zombie’s movement. The zombie lifted its torso, and put a hand on each of Laura’s large breasts. I could see its fingers dig into her soft flesh. It held on like that, and used its grip to get more leverage into its thrusts.

  Now, this next part may seem unfair. You may say that some things should be left unmentioned out of respect for Laura and what she did. But, I’m here to save lives, not make friends, so I’m going to tell you what happened next. I watched that zombie pump its monstrous organ in and out of Laura for several minutes. Each thrust looked like it was stretching the poor girl’s pussy beyond capacity. She spread her legs as wide as she could – even grabbed them behind her knees and pulled them apart in an effort to make room for the thing jamming inside her. But then I noticed some changes. First, it was her voice. Her squeals came back down an octave, didn’t sound so tortured. Then I noticed her hips. She was beginning to rock them back and forth in time with the zombie’s efforts. Her squeals became moans. Her hands went from her legs to the zombie’s ass, and – I swear – she began to pull it closer. The grimace on her face relaxed, and her mouth opened into a small ‘oh’.

  The zombie seemed to notice this difference. It made that awful gurgling sound again, and for a minute I thought that it was going to snap and bite Laura. But instead it readjusted its grip on her tits and began speeding up its thrusts. Laura’s whole body began to move up and down, sandwiched between the metal of the bus and the cold flesh of the zombie. She began shaking her head side-to-side, making sounds that, if you didn’t know what you were hearing, sounded like some college girl finding out what real sex feels like. By this point, Laura’s heels were slapping against the zombie’s ass, kicking it like a cowgirl urging her horse into a gallop.

  From that point, it was pretty quick. The zombie began to thrust violently over and over. I could see the red welts forming on her breasts where fingers dug into her. Her moans went back to squeals, and up to full-on shrieks, but these were the good kind of shrieks, not from pain or fear. The zombie’s guttural sounds matched Laura’s and he fucked her with animal intensity. Her eyes flashed open, and I saw her blue eyes stare up at the sky. Yes, yes, yes, she screamed, Do it, do it! Do it now! And it was like the zombie understood her. It brought back its hips until that massive prick was nearly out of her, and then slammed it in so hard that I could hear their bodies slap together all the way up where I was. It fucked her like that again and again and again, until on the fourth or fifth violent stroke it shuddered and stiffened. Laura clutched at its body and pulled it as close as she could, crying and shaking and absolutely out of her mind.

  And then the fucking creature just collapsed.

  For a minute there was no movement, no sound beyond Laura’s slowing gasps. And then she began to slide out from under the zombie. Her breasts were a mess of scratches and welts, and I saw that poor young pussy of hers gaped open as she got her hips out from under it. She curled up into a ball and began to sob. The zombie lay still.

  And that was it. The guys guarding the perimeter eventually realized it was over, climbed up, and saw the aftermath. I watched one of them poke at the zombie with the toe of his boots. The thing was dead. Someone brought her a blanket, and one of the women from camp showed up with a bucket and some rags and began to wash Laura’s shivering body. They brought her back to camp, put a chain around her waist and tied her to a tree. Then we all waited.

  A week later, she was still alive. I mean, she didn’t turn into a zombie, didn’t die from her ordeal, started eating food again. Don’t get me wrong, the girl is obviously never going to be the same. Last I checked, she’s still not talking. But let’s look at this, big picture. The zombie died, Laura’s alive, and there’s no sign of infection. Look, I know I’m no doctor, and I’m not saying this is the answer to everything. But it’s the first hint I know of how to beat these fucking things since the outbreak started.

  So tell your people. Now we know what the zombies want. Not really big on using the word ‘hope’ just yet, but I sure as hell see a chance for some light at the end of this tunnel. Now I gotta get back to my group. We’re heading further down the valley to spread the news. Don’t forget what I told you. Don’t forget about Laura. Some day we may look back and look at her as a hero.

 

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