When Stars Fall at Midnight, page 16
No one wanted me. My father had made sure of that.
By the next morning, I’d packed up my belongings. I’d not slept much, thinking about how to say goodbye to the woman I’d come to think of as a friend and substitute mother.
There was Clara too. I’d grown attached to her and she to me. What would be best? To say goodbye to her? Or just slip away as I’d done with my sister and Mireille? The pain of goodbyes seemed to be the plague of my life.
Penelope knocked on my door soon after I’d finished packing. Her tear-streaked face told me she’d heard that I would be departing.
“Miss Stella, I’m going to miss you very much.” She started to cry, prompting more tears from me. We fell together into a tight embrace.
“It’ll be all right,” I said. “Don’t be sad. Some things are not meant to be.” What was meant for me? A lonely life of poverty?
“Where will you go?” Penelope asked, withdrawing from our embrace.
“I don’t know. I’ll find a room somewhere and look for another position, I suppose.”
“I’d help if I could, but I don’t know how,” Penelope said.
From behind us, Mrs. Bancroft appeared. I wanted to shrink into the floorboards when I saw the sadness and confusion in her eyes.
“Penelope, have Robert come up for Miss Sullivan’s things,” Mrs. Bancroft said.
“Yes, ma’am.” Penelope gave me one last look and then scampered from the room.
“Is it true you had no idea?” Mrs. Bancroft folded her arms over her chest.
“That’s correct. I had no idea about my father’s business dealings or the connection to your family. Honestly, why would I have come here if I’d known my father was the cause of so much of your family’s pain?”
“Right. It makes no sense.”
“Regardless, I can’t stay. Not with all of this between us,” I said. “I’m sorry. I’m going to miss you very much. You were more a mother to me than mine ever was.”
Her expression softened, and she held out her arms. “You were like the daughter I never had.”
We held each other tightly, both weeping. When we parted, she patted her face with a hankie. “Why is it that the sins of the men in our lives cause us so much pain?”
“I don’t know.”
“If it were up to me, I’d ask you to stay. However, the complexities of the relationship between our families is too much for us to continue as we are.”
“I understand. Thank you for taking me in and helping me to recover. I’ll always be grateful to you for your kindness.”
Mrs. Bancroft pulled a check from her pocket. “This is a little something to keep you going. I should have been cutting you checks all along for your work.”
“No, room and board was payment enough.”
“You’ll find somewhere to stay, won’t you?” Mrs. Bancroft asked. “I could make some calls.”
I shook my head. “You’ve done enough. It’s time for me to go and let you and Percival and Clara get back to your lives. I’m not worth any more of your time.”
“Listen to me.” She wrapped her hands around my arms. “You’re tough and intelligent. You will find a new life. You’ll meet a man and have a family. Soon, you’ll barely remember your time here.”
“That will never be the case. You’ve taught me so much. I’ll remember you for the rest of my life.” I hesitated for a moment before asking, “Will you tell Clara I said goodbye? I can’t do it.” Seeing her little face confused and rejected was too much for me.
“Write her a note before you leave,” Mrs. Bancroft said. “Reassure her that you’re not leaving because of anything she did.”
“Yes, of course. I’ll do it now and leave it on the desk with her name on it.”
“Goodbye, dear one. Be well.” Mrs. Bancroft opened her arms, and I walked into them for one last embrace. And then she left without looking back, but not before I saw her lift her hankie to her eyes.
I went to the desk and found a piece of stationery and an envelope. It took two tries before I was satisfied. How did one say goodbye to a little person whom I’d grown to love? Another loss, I thought, to add to so many.
Dearest Clara,
I’ve been called away to take care of something important and unfortunately, will not be returning. I’ve enjoyed our time together, especially at the beach, and will miss you very much. Always remember how smart and kind you are. You’ll grow up to be wise and good like your father and grandmama. Much love,
Stella
I slipped the paper into the envelope, the lump in my throat painful. Next, I chose another piece of paper and envelope and addressed this one to Percival.
Dear Percival,
The night we swallowed moonbeams and said the truth will stay with me all my life. When I see the moon, full, crescent, and everywhere in between, I shall think of you. I wish you nothing but the best and hope that life will prove kinder to you in the years to come. Quite simply, you are the finest man I’ve ever known. I’m sorry our friendship had to end this way. However, I’m mostly sorry for the sins of my father and how they took your Mary away. If I could change any one thing in this world, it would be that.
Love,
Stella
I sealed the envelope and left both of them on the desk. Mrs. Bancroft would know what to do with them. Then I drew in a deep breath and walked out the front door.
I found a room in a boardinghouse not far from where Mrs. Bancroft and I had frequented during our visits to the tenements. My landlady, Mrs. O’Grady, was a silver-haired woman in her sixties missing most of her teeth and as stingy as she was skinny. I paid her the first month’s rent in cash and then borrowed a newspaper to see if I could find a position somewhere. With no references and no skills, I wasn’t sure how much luck I would have.
The weeks that followed were a series of failed interviews with various degrees of horrible men. By the end of the month, I was completely discouraged. I was almost out of money and had no job in sight. One night, while eating some of Mrs. O’Grady’s watery soup, one of the other girls, Luella, announced her intent to leave us at the end of the week.
Mrs. O’Grady looked up from breaking a piece of bread into pieces to soak up the last of her soup. “Where are you going?”
“None of your concern.” Luella glared at her. There was no love lost between the two women. Luella was a robust, pretty farm girl who had come from Minnesota to try her luck in the city. She’d been friendly and forthcoming from my first night at the boardinghouse, unlike some of the others. There were six of us, and Luella had been the only one who spoke to me at all. That said, none of them seemed friendly with one another either. They were like ghosts, these girls. Waiflike and pale, keeping to themselves. It was fine with me. I was too sad to want to spend evenings chattering away as Mauve and I had done as girls.
Later, I was in my room scouring the help wanted ads in the Times when a knock on my door drew me from my task. “Come in.”
The door opened to reveal Luella. She wore a cotton nightgown, and her yellow hair hung in two braids down her back.
I greeted her with a smile. “Do you need something?”
“No, I just wanted to talk to you—tell you about where I’m going.”
I waited, curious to see what she would say next.
“I’m going to work at a house run by a madame,” Luella said. “To provide services to the wealthiest of clientele.”
At first, I didn’t follow. “A madame?”
“Ladies of the evening. You know, for men.”
My stomach dropped as it became clear what she meant. I stared at her. “But I thought you were working at the livery?”
“I was. However, Miss Scarlet discovered me and asked me to come by her mansion for tea. Once I got there, she explained what she does. You should see the house and the rooms. Stella, they live in luxury. Only the best clients are allowed inside. Miss Scarlet says they’re not permitted to treat the girls unkindly or rough them up.”
Rough them up? Good Lord.
“You’re going to work for a brothel?” I could hardly breathe. “As a…?” I couldn’t even say the word.
“A lady of the evening. That’s right.” Luella grinned. “Miss Scarlet says she has a few clients who like my type.”
“What type is that?”
“You know, I’m tall and strong from working on the farm all my life. I guess some men love women who look Scandinavian. She said I should really play up the whole farm-girl persona, and it’ll be kind of like acting on the stage. I’ll play a part for these men and be handsomely paid for it.”
“Have you done any of…the work yet?”
She smiled and tugged on one of her braids. “I sure did. Two nights ago, Miss Scarlet gave me the opportunity to prove my worth. She had me go upstairs with an oil tycoon from Texas.”
“Was it awful? Touching him?”
“I thought it would be, but once I got him up there, it didn’t take him long at all to do his business, and then he wanted to talk. He practically talked my ear off—all about his frustrations and worries. Miss Scarlet said I did so well he wants to see me every time he comes to town.”
“But don’t you want to get married? Have a family?”
She shrugged one muscular shoulder. “I gave up on all of that when I left home to move here. This is only temporary anyway. Just until I can get a role in a play. Miss Scarlet said she looks after her girls. There’s no place safer in the city.”
As long as one was willing to sell her body. Dear Lord above, was this the only option?
“Why are you telling me this?” I asked, keeping my voice steady.
“Miss Scarlet asked me if I knew anyone who might be interested in coming to work for her. You have to be pretty and classy, so I immediately thought of you. Like I said, she has only the very best type of men visit. What with your fancy way of talking and all, plus you’re almost exotic-looking with that dark hair—why, she’d be happy to meet with you. What do you say? I can take you there.”
“I wish you the best, of course, but Luella, that’s not for me. I couldn’t just lie with a stranger.” With Constantine, it had been beautiful and special. He’d been gentle and loving. I couldn’t imagine a stranger inside me as he’d been. It was too awful to think about.
“Some of the girls have regulars. They don’t have to do it with anyone else because their men pay to keep them there.”
My eyes widened at the idea. “They’re paid mistresses?”
“Yes, isn’t it wonderful? They never have to worry about being hungry or where they’re going to sleep for the night.”
“What happens when they don’t want you any longer?” I asked. “When they find someone younger or prettier?”
Luella stared at the clock on the wall, which lost approximately one minute per day. After seven lost minutes, Mrs. O’Grady would set it back to the correct time, only for the cycle to begin again.
She turned back to me. “Do you really think we’re going to live long enough to grow old in this city that eats poor people alive, especially women? For whatever time I have on this earth, I’d like to spend it somewhere comfortable and with a full stomach. Whatever I have to do, I will.” Her blue eyes glittered. “It may be different for you—growing up rich—but I’ve been poor all my life. No one cares about us. There’s nothing to pull us from poverty except work like this. We have only a few options and none of them are virtuous by nature. Thievery. Cheating. Taking advantage of those in need to line our own pockets. Prostitution.”
“The meek shall inherit the earth,” I said under my breath.
“They tell us that to keep us from rebelling or questioning our lot in life. You can starve to death from moral superiority. One bowl of watery soup at a time.” Luella gave me a sad smile before leaving for her own room.
I sat alone, listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen—a murmur of voices, clanking of dishes and pans. Was she right? Would we only survive through dubious means? Had I signed my own death warrant the day I left our idyllic cottage by the sea? Or was it the moment I fell in love with Constantine Harris?
I closed my eyes, evoking an image of that first day in the garden. The dappled light through the trees, the buzzing of insects, and the kaleidoscope of greens and yellows in Connie’s eyes. I’d been naive and powerless to do anything other than fall in love. Luella was correct. Because I was born into wealth, I’d assumed my life would go as planned because nothing had ever challenged that idea. I’d lived in luxury, educated and spoiled without any knowledge of my father’s criminal empire. The truth of what I’d seen since arriving here in the city had opened my eyes to the suffering of others. I was no longer that naive girl under the fluttering leaves of a maple tree.
My thoughts drifted to Percival. I missed him, Clara, and Mrs. Bancroft with an ache like homesickness. I’d let myself believe that somehow, I could stay as long as I needed. However, once again, my father ruined my chances for any kind of secure life.
Still, I could not give up. Tomorrow would be the day I found work. It had to be.
16
Percival
The day Stella left, I tried to put her out of my mind and go about my tasks. However, as I made my rounds that morning, the pit in my stomach made it difficult to concentrate on my patients. Somehow, I got through the day and then prepared myself to return to a home where Stella would no longer light up every room she entered.
When I arrived home around five that afternoon, Mother was still out, but Clara was in the nursery playing with her dollhouse. Miss Lisk was in the rocking chair, her eyes closed and snoring softly. The poor old thing needed to retire.
I stood in the doorway watching Clara play with her miniature people in the dollhouse. She looked up, breaking into a smile, and ran to me. I lifted her into my arms for a hug and kiss before setting her back on her feet.
“Do you want to play house with me?” Clara asked.
I glanced at Miss Lisk, who showed no signs of waking. “I’d love to.”
I sat on the floor while Clara proceeded to tell me about each of the dolls, holding them up for me to see. “This one’s you, Papa. And grandmama. This is a new one Miss Lisk got me from the toy store, and I think it looks just like Miss Stella.”
She set Miss Stella inside the sitting room of the dollhouse, then put me next to her. “This is pretend, Papa, so don’t be sad.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m pretending that you and Miss Stella are married and I’m your daughter.” She held up one of the younger dolls to show me.
“That’s you?” I asked.
“She doesn’t look anything like me, but I pretend anyway.” Clara set the child doll on the floor next to the sofa where miniature me and Stella were sitting side by side.
“What’s happening in this scene?” I gestured toward the figurines.
“I’m playing with my doll on the floor, and you and Miss Stella are talking about a picnic we’re going on. We’re at the beach even though you can’t tell.”
“Do you miss the beach?”
“Yeah. But I like school too. Did you know Miss Stella left?”
“Um, yes, I did.”
“I’m sad.”
“Me too,” I said. “But she was only here for a short time.”
“Why?”
“She has her own life. She’s young and beautiful and will probably find a handsome nice man to marry.”
“Will she ever come to see me again?” Clara moved the child doll to sit next to Stella.
“I’m not sure.” The very thing my daughter wanted was the thing that later, when she was grown, she would see was impossible because the man who had made her mother irreparably damaged was Stella’s father.
“I heard her crying in her room this morning, but Miss Lisk wouldn’t let me knock on the door.”
“Maybe she was sad to have to leave us.” I knew that to be the case. I’d witnessed it up close. The way her expression had turned from hopeful to resigned as she’d stared at me with the eyes of a lonely soul. I saw a pair just like them every day in the mirror.
We didn’t discuss the matter further because Miss Lisk woke up with a loud snort. “Goodness me, what time is it?”
“Around five,” I answered.
“Is it time for tea?” Miss Lisk asked, looking for a moment as if she didn’t know where she was. “Clara, shall we prepare for tea downstairs?”
“Clara, go wash your hands and face,” I said. “I want to talk to Miss Lisk.”
“Yes, Papa.” She scrambled to her feet and ran off toward the bathroom.
“You may have the evening off,” I said to our elderly nanny. “And tomorrow I’d like to talk about your retirement. I think you would agree it’s time for a well-earned break. We’ll make sure you’re well taken care of. I’ve put away money for you in a retirement fund.”
I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, but the look of pure delight was not it. “Very well, sir. I’ll go and live with my sister up in Connecticut. She’s been wanting me to move in with her since her husband passed, but I couldn’t bring myself to give you my notice.”
“You earned some years of peace and quiet,” I said. “You’ve given a lot to our family.”
She stood, smoothing her skirts. “Dr. Bancroft, I’m sorry for the way things have gone for you. Of all the men I know, you deserve to be happy. God sees your sacrifices, your commitment to doing the right thing even though it’s hard.”
“Thank you, Miss Lisk. I appreciate your kind words.”
We talked for a few more seconds before she left for her room. I sank to the floor in front of Clara’s dollhouse and placed the tiny dolls in the palm of my hand side by side. If only it were that easy in real life.
