Who Knows the Dark, page 14
“I can’t compete with Mason.” Defeat seeped into Nox’s words.
“You can’t compete with the guy treating him like a man,” Cade corrected. “You continue to treat him like a child and you’ll lose him.”
“I have spent seventeen years keeping this from him.” Nox sank to the floor, as if pressed down by the weight of it. “I killed….” He caught himself as Cade tilted his head to one side.
“You’re going to have to narrow that down,” Cade said lightly, but the expression on Nox’s face didn’t break even for misplaced humor.
“Mr. White. For what he did to my mother.”
Cade swallowed hard. “What he….” He remembered Rachel’s outburst about not telling Sam the truth, and his gut rumbled, bile in his throat. Mr. White, gentle and crazy, pushing money into Cade’s pockets, the reason he ended up at the door of Nox and Sam….
“Oh God.” The room spun as Cade dropped his forehead against his knees, swallowing frantically. He’d let that man touch him. For all the douche bags he’d fucked over the years, nothing made his flesh crawl like the one who had never wanted him like that. “I’m sorry….”
Cade felt a gentle hand on his ankle, his thigh. Nox touched his shoulder until he tilted his head up, blinking back tears.
“I brought him to your door, to Sam,” Cade choked out.
“No—he sent you there. He already knew where I was, where Sam was living. Someone told him. The fact that he sent you—” Nox shrugged as he ran his fingers across Cade’s jaw. “That’s the only part of this I’m glad about.”
Squeezing his eyes shut, Cade counted to fifty before he could speak, his breath coming in ragged spurts.
“You can’t say stuff like that and expect me to let you walk away,” he said finally, averting his eyes to avoid Nox’s reaction.
“I won’t drag you back into that mess.”
“Where do I go? Do I stay here? Me and Sam and Mason and Rachel, bunking down with my family, waiting in vain to hear if you’re dead or not!” Cade kicked his feet, trying to get out of Nox’s hands, but Nox wasn’t having it.
“Yeah. Why not?” Nox argued, pulling Cade closer. Cade struggled until Nox forced him down on his back, then he fought only halfheartedly as Nox pinned him to the ground.
It wasn’t sexual.
It robbed Cade’s breath.
He kicked his feet again, but Nox couldn’t be budged.
Cade turned his head, gaze trained on the wall.
“I have to go. I have to—”
“To what?” Cade surged with anger, fighting to throw Nox off him. “Who are you going to kill? You don’t have a name. You have nothing. You’re running back into that mess, daring them to fucking kill you! You’re running so you don’t have to tell Sam the truth!”
The struggle turned into near violence as Cade’s body reacted like he was back in the closet, back at the Butterfly, trapped under Billy. Frantically he went for Nox’s head, trying to get him to move. In the distance someone called his name, then hands pulled at his arms. His chest seized, and for a second, unable to draw a breath, he thought he must be having a heart attack. He kicked harder as a rushing sound overwhelmed him.
Drowning, he was drowning.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CADE WOKE up in his bed, stripped down to his underwear and draped with blankets. The flashback to waking up in Nox’s house didn’t escape his groggy mind as he fought to sit up.
“Caden,” his mother murmured as she appeared at his side, her face drawn and worried. “Lie back down.”
“What happened?” he asked, settling among the pillows. He noticed the room was dark—drawn curtains, low lights. And then he spotted Nox leaning against the wall near the door.
“Panic attack, I think,” Amelia said quietly, stroking his cheek with her fingertips. “You blacked out.”
Embarrassed, Cade turned his head in the opposite direction. “Sorry.”
“Stop it. You’ve been through so much, Caden Lee. Close your eyes and get some more sleep, all right?”
Part of him wanted to lie here and hide under the covers, let his mother baby him for a while. He wanted to ignore the room of questions, the millions and millions of dollars filling the spreadsheets on LJ’s computer, the threat circling over them like buzzards over a carcass.
But Nox’s silent vigilance pulled him back to reality.
Not enough blankets in the world to hide him from all of this.
“Give me a few minutes,” he said, stretching under the covers, working out the angry stress squeezing his limbs. “I’m going to take a shower, and I’ll meet you downstairs.”
His mother murmured her displeasure with this plan, but under her breath and as she dropped a kiss on his cheek. “All right, then,” Amelia said aloud. “I’m gonna make you some of my special tea, for your nerves.”
That meant whiskey, and he wanted her to skip the tea part of it—fill up a few tumblers and drop them in a row.
Cade waited until his mother left, well aware of the glance she and Nox shared before she disappeared down the hall.
“I’m sorry I kicked you. And punched you in the face,” Cade muttered as Nox pushed off the wall to saunter to his side.
“I deserved it.” Nox sat down on the edge of the bed. “Sam will probably do much worse when I tell him,” he added, resignation in every syllable.
“He’ll….” Cade stopped himself from lying. He pulled his hand out from under the covers to take Nox’s, tangling their fingers together. “He’ll probably hate you for a while. But then he’ll forgive you—because you raised him right.”
Nox’s shoulders slumped, but he nodded.
“Come here, come lie with me for ten minutes,” Cade whispered, pulling Nox down next to him. “Just a few minutes.”
Nox went willingly, curling around Cade’s blanketed body, his head on Cade’s shoulder. Cade smelled the farm and sweat, the sour tang of fear that permeated his lover’s body. It was only going to get worse, and nothing they did could stop that.
NOX SHOWERED first, leaving Cade to watch him idly through the frosted glass of the door. Cade leaned against his mother’s girly pink vanity, arms crossed, cataloging a familiar body and keenly aware that his first time falling in love was an unmitigated mess. No dates, no getting-to-know-you stage. He couldn’t even blame sex at this point—Nox made him crazy and emotional and angry…
And caught.
A smarter man might be chewing his leg off to escape, but Cade just couldn’t seem to make himself go.
They passed at the edge of the tub, an intimate moment of Cade’s warmth brushing against Nox’s dripping wet skin. When Nox angled them into a kiss, Cade’s heart pounded out a steady beat of acquiescence. There was no walking away from this.
He stood under the lukewarm water, washing everything twice. Clanging and water running alerted him to Nox still being in the room, but Cade concentrated on the water, on the calm before the storm. When he slid back the door, the stall chilled from the last rush of water, he spied Nox at the hair-filled sink.
“You clog the drain, my mom’s gonna be pissed,” Cade said.
Then Nox turned to give the big reveal—and Cade’s knees went a little weak.
If Patrick Mullens from that night in the Butterfly looked like a movie star, a clean-shaven Nox—in just a low-slung towel—looked like a god.
“Jesus, that’s what you’ve been hiding under there?” Cade asked lightly, stepping onto the shag rug.
“I almost forgot what I looked like.” Nox turned back to the mirror, rubbing his palm across his jaw.
“You’re fucking gorgeous.” Cade joined him at the vanity, slipping his arms around Nox’s muscled torso. They were quite the picture in the half-fogged mirror, like the start of a porno as Cade dropped a line of kisses at the back of Nox’s neck. The effects of the cold shower couldn’t stop the ache of his dick pressing against the roughness of the towel and the perfection of Nox’s body.
Nox moaned a little, but Cade didn’t push. They rocked together for a few minutes, Cade finding comfort in the warmth and connection at every point they touched.
“’M gonna get dressed,” Cade whispered, another kiss to Nox’s shoulder. “When this is over, we’ll come back up here and just….”
Nox stiffened a little, nodding as he unwrapped Cade’s hands and arms from his waist.
“When this is over.”
DOWNSTAIRS IT felt like a funeral was in progress.
His father and mother sat at the table with coffee. Mason—his face set in a stern rictus of disapproval—haunted the corner of the kitchen, pacing nervously. Rachel and LJ were nowhere to be found, and Sam—Sam was in the living room, looking half-terrified and faintly ill.
“Dad?” he asked, standing as soon as they entered the room. “Mason said you needed to talk to me.”
Cade touched the small of Nox’s back, willing strength through his touch. Nox didn’t move or speak for a moment, then took a huge breath.
“Yeah—can you come with me?” Nox’s voice rattled as he made his request.
Sam’s eyes went wide behind his glasses as he nodded.
Cade watched them go, Nox’s arm strong around his son’s shoulders and Sam tucked into him, and he wondered if he’d ever see that closeness again.
“I SHOULD…,” Mason started, as the door closed behind them, but Cade just shook his head.
“Sit down and have some coffee. Sam’s gonna need you in a little bit, but right now—this is between him and his father.” Cade dropped into the chair between his parents, well aware of their interest.
“I talked to the sheriff,” Lee Sr. said. “Feds told ’em the same thing they told us, then packed up and left.”
“That is good to know.” Amelia poured Cade a mug of coffee, then did the same for Mason, who’d come a bit closer but still not taken a seat.
“You stayin’, then?”
Cade wrapped his hands around his coffee mug, watching the plumes of steam and tiny bubbles. “No.”
“Oh, Caden.”
“Momma, I’m sorry. There’s just some stuff that has to be taken care of, and I need to….” Go with Nox? Do something crazy? “I need to figure out what to do next. I don’t have a job anymore, and maybe it’s time for a change.”
Lee Sr. huffed from beside him. “You have a perfectly good degree,” he grumbled, tapping his fingers on the table.
“Sure, Daddy—I’ll just see who’s hiring ex-whores with a BA in English.”
They lapsed into silence for a few moments until Cade realized they were one person short.
“Where’s Damian?”
“Oh, in his room. He was saying all this drama had him feeling unwell,” Amelia said. She glanced at the clock. “Let me take some tea up to him.”
TEN MINUTES later, his mother came down, a concerned look on her face. Interrupted brooding aside, Cade picked up on her distress the second she walked into the room.
“What?”
“He’s not in the guest room,” she said slowly, the tea tray awkwardly full in her hands.
Cade stood up the same time as his father.
“So maybe he’s—”
“There’s—there’s something in there, Cade, something I’ve never seen.”
Cade jogged up the stairs, anxiety pricking at him. He pushed open the bedroom door slowly, wishing for a gun but well aware his father and Mason—both armed—were hot on his heels.
Inside the blue-toned guest room, nothing was out of place. Pin neat, except for the small black box sitting in the center of the bed.
A green light blinked, and for a split second, Cade thought it was a bomb.
“Transmitter,” Mason said from over his shoulder.
Unease filled Cade as he stepped farther into the room. Damian’s bags were gone, all trace of him removed. He imagined if there were a black light sweep, he’d never even find fingerprints.
“What the hell is that?” Lee Sr. asked loudly, bringing up the rear.
Mason, kneeling near the bed, poked it as the green light continued to blink steadily.
“Definitely a transmitter. Old, though,” Mason said. “Was this something—”
“Not ours.”
“I never saw him with it,” Cade said, echoing his father. “We need to tell Nox, right now.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
SAM LET himself be led to the tiny guesthouse, where everyone had been hanging out for hours and hours lately, coming back with grave expressions. Mason refused to tell him what they were doing there—and worse, today Mason had been keeping his distance. He could barely look at Sam, which turned his stomach. And now his father, silent and sad, was bringing him to the house.
He couldn’t imagine what was inside.
Rachel and LJ sat at the desk. Seeing Nox and Sam in the doorway, they exchanged glances—then LJ pushed back his chair.
“We’ll just leave you two to things,” LJ said quietly.
Sheer panic overwhelmed Sam as LJ and Rachel made to leave; Rachel’s expression was… angry. Then she brushed her hand against his father’s arm as she left.
The door slammed behind them, and Sam started to babble.
“What’s wrong? I don’t understand,” Sam croaked. “Mason is so upset, he won’t tell me why.”
“Sam, please, just—let me show you something.”
Sam followed Nox around the corner and into a large empty room. At first Sam thought it was wallpaper, but then he realized there was writing on the walls—floor to ceiling, lists and diagrams and a map….
“What is this?” he asked, drawn closer to the far wall. He could see his name at the top, grouped with his dad and his dad’s parents.
“This is something I should have told you a long time ago.
“I didn’t find you abandoned. I watched you be born.
“Our mother died.
“I protected you.”
There were other words, but Sam could only hear the worst part—his father, no—no. His brother knew.
When those letters arrived from Mr. White, he had known they were a trick. A trap. And instead of telling Sam, Nox let him have hope.
Rage—an emotion so rare, so absent in Sam’s soul—began to roil up inside him. He’d been moving since Nox started talking; his back hit the wall, and he pressed all his weight there, leveraged to keep himself standing.
“I blamed myself,” he whispered, interrupting his father’s….
No.
No.
His brother’s narrative.
“Sam,” Nox implored, as open and emotional as Sam had ever seen him. “You need to understand.”
“You could have just said—it’s a lie, Sam. It’s a lie, and I know it is because I’ve been the one lying,” Sam rambled, his palms flat against the wall. “Why would you do that?”
“I was trying to protect you.”
Sam knew that was true. He knew in his bones his father—no, his brother—loved him so much and would do anything to protect him.
Except tell him the truth.
“How dare you?” Sam screamed, because if he didn’t let out the anger, he was going to burst. Tears choked his throat, his nose, a tight fist of heartbreak in the center of his chest.
Nox took a step forward to touch him; it triggered something deep and ugly in Sam, and he threw himself at his father.
No.
At a stranger.
He shoved him hard, with both hands, pushing him out of the way. Pushing him out of his life, because no—no. He wasn’t going to take this a second longer. He couldn’t bear the betrayal….
Stumbling, Sam fled the room and blindly headed for the door. He wanted air and freedom and Mason—because now he knew why the man he loved couldn’t look at him. He knew.
The grass was rough under his knees, and it took a second for Sam to register that he was on the ground. He dug his hands into the dirt, gagging on spit and tears as he tried to get himself under control.
“Sam, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Hands soothed him, stroking his back, and oh thank God.
Mason.
“Come on, here you go,” Mason murmured, helping him sit up. Sam fell into his arms, crying against his shoulder.
He cried until it hurt to breathe.
“We’re going to get up, and we’re going to go to our room, okay?” Mason was talking, helping Sam to his feet. “We’re going to get you cleaned up, and then we’ll… we’re going to ask Mr. and Mrs. Creel to help us get to Boston.”
“Boston,” Sam croaked, clinging to Mason as they walked to the house.
“My parents will take us in, okay? We’ll stay with them.”
“You’re not leaving me here?”
Mason stopped their slow progress, looking down at Sam with a gaze of such devoted tenderness that Sam’s eyes burned with another wave of tears.
“You’re stuck with me,” he said gently. “I love you.”
The kiss wasn’t pretty, but Sam slipped his arms around Mason’s neck and held on tight, sure Mason was the only person in the world he could trust.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“WHAT THE hell?” Rachel asked as she and LJ examined the transmitter, now in residence on the dining room table. Lee Sr. had returned from a walk around the property with LJ, having determined that Damian was nowhere to be found.
“Do you recognize it?” Cade stood at the head of the table, arms crossed tightly over his chest.
“No.”
An anxious quiet descended on the house.
Amelia broke the silence with a worried sigh.
“Your mother and I are leaving for a while,” Lee Sr. said finally. “We’ll go to her Aunt Belinda’s cabin. You all are welcome to come along.”
Cade looked at only one person in the room—Rachel, who seemed lost in contemplative thought.
