Puck My Life, page 18
part #1 of Knotty Puckers Series
“I know; I saw it. All of it. I was so happy.”
Mal smiles and flicks the indicator on. I’m transfixed by the softness of his expression. He seems content.
“It was a brilliant game, and you both deserve the win.”
“Fuck the win.”
I jolt, startled by his aggressive words.
He pulls the car into a carpark and turns to me with no intention of getting out of the car.
“You love hockey.”
“Vae, you are more important, and you need us. I’m going to step up and be the person you need me to be. Starting with this.”
I follow his finger as he points in front of us. The store is expensive; it’s high-end, but it’s full of nesting materials. Pillows, blankets, candles, lights, all the things you could possibly need to set up a nest that would see you the happiest of omegas.
When he gets out of the car, I stay sitting there, wondering how to gather the courage to even set foot in a store like that.
Mal opens the door and drags me out of the car.
“We should go somewhere else. Cheaper. Less high-end.”
“Just have a look, Vae.”
I shake my head, but he’s towed me into the store, and I can’t stop looking around. The lighting is a soft ambiance of warmth that I want to melt into. The entire store is set out in organised sections by colour and texture. There are poufs and beanbags made out of furry material, chandeliers of glittering light. Wind chimes that are hand-carved in polished wood and dream catchers that are as big as my torso.
I take a hesitant step forward, and a woman sweeps towards us. Her uniform is white and clean but soft and loose, flowing behind her as she moves.
“How can I help you?”
I step back and put myself half behind Mal.
He smiles charmingly at the woman. “Can we please see the…” he glances at me and raises an eyebrow.
I can’t look away from the shiny chandeliers. I know I shouldn’t want one, but it’s so pretty. It’s throwing light all over the place, tiny little rainbows.
There’s also a deep midnight green fluffy blanket that is draped over a white couch that is calling me. As we get close, I reach out and run my hand over it.
Mal snatches it up.
“No! Wait!”
“Uh-uh. You need these, and I have money I want to spend.”
“Mal,” I whisper, glancing at the woman and looking away when she smiles. “We can go somewhere else-”
“Stop, we’re here. You want the shiny thing. Let me do this for you to make up for being a dick and making you cry.”
“Who said I cried?”
Mal turns and cups my cheek. “You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known. Of course, I made you cry, probably every day. So, let me make this up to you.”
He lets go and takes my hand, dragging me deeper into the store. It still feels wrong, but he’s so happy and comfortable that it’s hard to remember that I don’t belong.
Deacon
PAST
Vae is dating.
Not one guy, but it’s been about ten. She goes out, meets these tossers, and comes home where I watch them put their grubby hands on her.
Sometimes they kiss her.
Most of the time, they don’t or she stops them.
But my blood boils every time I see these so-called dates of hers.
“Come on, baby, come back to bed.”
I shake off the annoying hand of Lilly. She’s clinging and starting to annoy me. Raynor is already fed up, which means she will soon be moved on.
I ignore her pawing at me, right until she reaches for my cock.
“Stop.”
She ignores me.
I grab her wrist and squeeze just enough to make sure she knows I’m serious.
“I said stop.”
“Fine. I’m going home.”
“Do that, and don’t come back.”
She huffs and stalks past Vae and her date sitting on the porch.
In the end, Vae gets up, hugs him, and he leaves.
“That didn’t go well, no goodnight kiss?”
She startles. “I didn’t realise you were watching.”
“Liar.”
We stare at each other until she slumps.
“He was more interested in knowing about you three. Don’t worry, he was the last one. I’m just going to focus on work.”
I’m pleased…but why do I feel so awful about how depressed she is? Why do I have an image of me kissing her?
I shake it off and go back to my bedroom, closing the door.
PRESENT
I count the sets in my mind, the burn erasing the frustration I’m feeling. I don’t like change. Things should stay the same. Everything should stay the same. Our parties are great; everyone has fun. It’s simple, easy. It stopped feeling fun a long time ago, but it was a routine that I was familiar with.
On the ice, the only thing that matters is winning. So what if I get rowdy? So what if things go wrong and we end up in the penalty box? All that matters is the score at the end of the siren, right?
The coach likes to yell. You’d have to enjoy it if you sign up to be the coach of the Scented Scorpions.
I stop, letting the bar with its heavy weights rest. I lay there, staring up at the ceiling. Everything is different now.
What even happened?
Hook told us to grow up. We ignored her; we lived our lives dancing around, and then she was dating and leaving. Now she’s an omega with a heat coming.
Everything is changing.
She’s giving us no choice.
I love hockey, but she is family.
I sit up and reach for my towel. The assistant coach is prowling around, watching us. Our eyes collide, and I resist the urge to bare my teeth at him and say something to turn his face the colour of a plum. He just looks at me like I’m a fuck up, like my quitting the work out session is typical and inevitable.
Why am I even trying?
Fuck this.
I stand up and take three steps to leave when I hear her voice in my head. Her disappointment is heavy in the air. I can see the way her eyes turn down, unable to look at me. In my head, she lays hundreds of meals in front of me, folds my washing and puts it where I can find it with the detergent I like. She doesn’t snoop, but I can find her scent on my pillow where she fluffed it just how I like and on my blanket where she tugged it up.
What is happening here?
I try to leave again, but, in my head, she smiles, her eyes glittering in the light, that dress hugging her like a second skin, dancing with me.
I hang my head, unable to move, glaring at the ground.
“Damn you, Vae.” I wipe down the machine, pick up my stuff, and go to the bike.
Several of the team look at me in surprise, but, thankfully, everyone leaves me alone, which just gets me to thinking, and I don’t like the way my thoughts are going.
This is a team, like our family, just bigger. This is what Vae keeps talking about. I need to…act like a pack with them. That’s what Marilyn wants, isn’t it?
I turn my head and look straight at Chase. He’s got an attitude, but don’t we all? His dirty blond hair is damp with sweat, and his muscles bulge from his exertion. I scowl even as I try to come up with something to say that won’t get us in a fight.
“What’s up?”
He looks the other way with dark brown eyes and then back at me with a dark scowl. “Are you insane? Since when do we talk, Katz?”
I shrug. “Trying something new.”
“Well, don’t.”
I snort out a short laugh. “Fine, you can tell her that.”
He hesitates. I don’t know who he’s thinking of, but he glances at me and scowls even harder. His mouth works and then, with a grunt, he speaks.
“Not much,” he says with difficulty.
“Good game on the weekend,” I offer desperately. Why is this so hard?
It would be easier if I wasn’t watching five of our teammates in the mirror staring at us with huge eyes.
“Yep.”
I nod, sweating. “Well, nice chat.”
“Yeah, real good. Let’s do it again.” He sounds like he’d rather chew on glass. I think that makes two of us.
I stop peddling and get off. I give him an up-nod and then, with all the confusing and baffling feelings trying to drown me, I stalk out before I say something stupid and offer to paint Chase’s fingernails.
Malcolm gets up and follows me into the locker room. I kick off my clothes and go straight into the wet room and under the shower, ignoring him when he joins me.
“I’ve requested time off for us,” Mal says, leaning in and kissing my spine.
I grunt, but he’s a balm to all the jagged edges.
“Turn.”
He gets the soap and rubs it hard along my back. It feels so good.
“You better not be fucking in there, Katz.” Someone shouts from the doorway.
I hear the snickers of a few teammates who are heading out and almost smile.
“You’d like it if we were,” I snap back because there is only one person who would talk to me like that, and he’s not on the team yet.
Mal snarls and hands me the soap. He stalks out in all his naked and muscled glory. I bet he didn’t even remember to grab a towel.
“What’s it to you if we are?” Mal grumps.
I turn off the water and grab a towel, stepping out. Sure enough, Mal’s towel is sitting right there where he put it before the shower.
As I wander into the locker room, I can see who Mal is arguing with, and I light up.
“Henry, I didn’t think you were working today? I thought it was you.”
Henry looks around as if he’s confused. He swipes his mouse brown hair out of his face, the grey of his eyes glittering with amusement. “It’s the locker room, and I have to clean it. Especially after what I just heard. You players are foul.”
“So what if we are?” Mal says with a wink in my direction. “You think we are all blind and deaf. We heard what you and your boyfriend were doing after the game last week. You snuck him in.” Mal tosses out with the most playful and cocky smile I’ve seen on him in ages.
Henry splutters. “How did you know that? It’s like you have the all-seeing eye.”
I smile into my locker as I pull my clothes out and start getting dressed. Something about the way Mal interacts with people relaxes everyone.
“No one was here!” Henry whines. “I checked. Oh, God, I’m going to lose this job.”
“Yeah, you should have checked all the shower stalls,” Mal says with a wink in my direction.
“Oh, jeez. Did you guys get off on us getting off?” Henry exclaims in horror. “That’s not right, friend. Not right at all!”
“Fuck no!” Mal roars.
I stand there dumbfounded by the conversation before a treasonous laugh bubbles up. It’s just so ridiculous.
“It’s just, you know, if you did that, it would be so weird, bro,” Henry stage whispers. He puts a rouge drink bottle down beside him on the bench he’s sitting at, staring up at a naked Mal, and, to his credit, he doesn’t look down from my alpha’s face.
“I didn’t!” Mal snaps. I can hear how offended he is. But I don’t think Mal has realised he’s getting ribbed.
“Do you like peeping? Is that a kink of yours?” Henry asks curiously. “No shade, man, just curious if, you know, that’s something I need to watch out for in the future. Consent is king, after all.”
I snort and splutter with laughter. I’m sure they can hear me, though both pretend I’m not here.
Mal roars. I turn in time to see him tackle Henry.
“Ew! His peeping penis touched me! Gettitoff, gettitoff!”
Mal continues to try to hit him, but only playfully.
Ares Wilde sticks his head in the locker room. “Evans! Get your dick out of the janitor’s mouth and stop fucking around in my locker room!”
“I’m not,” Mal wails.
Meanwhile, Henry is on his knees, his face red, mouth open in horror, and gets an absolute eyeful.
“Dude, how many kinks do you have? You get off on hitting people? Because little peeper is peeping.”
Mal snarls. “Jealous?”
Henry licks his lips. “I mean, yeah. If I were packing a peeper with kinks like that, I’d be brawling several times a day. All hail the Kinky Peeper!”
Mal sighs heavily. “There is something wrong with you, Henry.”
“Yeah, I know. But, seriously, nice cock, dude.”
“Shall I leave you two alone?” I ask.
Mal looks over his shoulder. “He likes my cock.”
“It’s a pretty cock,” I concede. I nod along with them. “Might be in invisible ink, but the cock is tattooed with Vae’s name.”
“Vae?” Henry yelps. “You finally did it? Seriously? You told her you have been in love with her since you were kids?”
He stands up, looks between us, expectantly waiting for something.
I stare at him, feeling the world tilt left and right. It swings horribly and then stops. And with an audible click…everything fits into place.
“What?”
I stumble and sit down heavily.
“What do you mean?” I manage to almost whisper.
His smile vanishes. “You didn’t realise you were always in love with her and only her, and you were just fucking around because you didn’t think you could have her or that you deserved her because she’s so perfect, and you’re just you. And the parents thing, and all your closet inadequacies, and all…” he trails off.
The locker room gets really, really quiet. There’s no sound but the hole I’m falling down.
“Deacon, please tell me you finally realised what she is?” Henry shouts. “Vae is the one, my brother. She’s the girl for you, how have you not seen that yet?”
I turn to look at Mal. “Is that what we were meant to have realised? But I’m not in love with Vae.”
My protest is weak, and it doesn’t ring true anymore. I stand up, yank my shorts up, and start pacing.
Mal is quiet, observing me with something in his eyes that tells me he’s holding back.
“Are you?” I snap the question.
Mal looks away. “Fact is, I do feel that way. I always have; I just didn’t know it. Exactly what Henry said. And, the fact is, Deacon, the bond and the things you feel towards her are love.”
I nod my head because it’s spinning. A thousand memories cascade one after the other. Our entire lives have been together. At every one of my triumphs and every one of my losses. She’s been at my games, my graduations. She knows what I like and what I hate.
“Let me ask you this, Katz. What does she love above everything?”
“Us and baking. Not cooking, but baking,” I say instantly.
“What is she scared of?”
“Spiders and thunderstorms.”
“What does she want to do with the rest of her life?”
“She wants to run a bakery called Neverland.”
“Do you want to fuck her?”
Do I? It would change everything. “Yes!”
“So you love her?” he fires off.
“Yes,” I fire back and then go absolutely still.
Yes? I do?
I do.
All I can see is Vae. The rose-colored glasses of denial are gone. It’s just me and this yawning pit of honest feelings.
Vae is mine. She’s the one.
I stagger backwards, the wooden seat in front of my locker knocking my knees out from under me. I sit down heavily, in a daze. A daze of Vae.
“My work here is done. I’ll send you the bill.” Henry swaggers out, flicking Mal with a towel he throws into the laundry trolley. “Put that thing away before you put out an eye.”
I just sit there and let it all fall into place. All the everything that I thought was one way is suddenly upside down and another. But it’s like this was the right way the whole time, and I was wrong.
Every single time we hurt her, dismissed her, comes back, slamming me in my face. Every time I took another omega or beta to our beds, flaunted them in front of her. Every missed thank you, every moment of happiness we could have had.
I put my face in my hands and groan.
“You okay, Deacon?”
I lift my head, seeking out Mal. His expression is curiously blank, but he’s dressed.
“Raynor?”
“He’s kinda known about his feelings a lot longer, subconsciously, anyway. It’s why he never fucked the last few girlfriends we had.”
I close my eyes. “I didn’t notice.”
“You weren’t looking. It’s okay, Deacon.”
I hang my head. “I’ve been a lousy alpha. A lousy player and teammate, and, worse, I’ve hurt her.”
A thought slams into my brain.
“What about her?”
Does she hate us? The anxiety balloons in my stomach, spreads up through my chest and sits, heavy and oily, making me nauseous. Would Vae ever forgive us for what we’ve done? I wouldn’t.
“Oh, Deac, I think she’s been in love with us since we were kids. She’s always been ours; we just never saw her. I’ve thought about this a lot, and it makes sense.”
“She wants a family, kids, a life and happiness,” I say to Mal, trying to gauge his reaction.
“Yeah, she does.”
For a moment, I weigh everything, letting the words my heart is screaming into my mind last a lifetime, and then I release them into the world.
“I don’t want her to have that with someone else.”
“Yes, so?”
“We need to step up and give her the life she deserves.” I look at Mal, fear in every part of me. I can’t lose her or them. “I’m not sure I can be what she needs.”
“You’re not going to know unless you try.”
Mal sits beside me, reaches out, and places a hand on my thigh. “If there was only one truth in my life, it’s that the four of us belong together. We are a pack.”
I close my eyes. “We are.”
“And she is willing to forgive us, and we can be better and learn. All she wants is for us to try.”
“All right.” I make a decision and stand up. “Then I need to go see the coach.”
Mal and I get dressed, then go to the office and wait until he shouts for us to come in.
