Nobody But You, page 23
Brown locks of hair are twirled into curls, framing my face, with half of it pinned to the crown of my head. Smoky eyes with long lashes flutter with every blink, cheeks rosy, lips red. The simple black dress I had chosen was adorned with gold jewelry to match my black and gold block heels.
I can’t believe how long it’s been since I looked like this – since I felt truly beautiful.
Turning away from the mirror, I look at my best friend and reach forward, wrapping her in my arms. She hugs me back, arms tightening around me. “Thank you,” I whisper into her red hair, and she nods.
“Let’s go shock the shit out of Jules,” she snickered, grabbing the heels at the door and heading for the stairs.
Ryan and Julian are facing away from the stairs, both mesmerized by the TV and some college football game. We silently make it down the stairs and into the foyer where Amber helped me put the heels on. They weren’t terribly high, unlike what I usually wore. I was scared to put strain on my legs, and so I opt for a pair of small heels that still gave me height but remain comfortable.
Amber smiles again, her eyes brightening when she took a step back and looked me over. “Flawless, babe,” she whispers before turning to the foyer. “Hey, Jules, your hot date is ready!”
Julian and Ryan turn, and both of their jaws drop when they see me. “Well, if I’ll be damned. You look smokin’, Celine.” Julian’s words cause a blush to heat my neck and cheeks.
My eyes flicker to Ryan, gauging his reaction but see none, his eyes are emotionless. “Alright, we’ll be going. I’ll see you two later.” My words are directed at Ryan, but Amber answers.
“Have fun, you two!” She steps closer to me her next words meant for me only. “Sleepover tonight, sexy.” And then she saunters over to my still speechless brother. Wrapping her arms around him, she places a kiss on his cheek.
Julian holds the door open for me as we walk out into the humid Florida air toward his black SUV. He opens the passenger door for me, and I get in, sinking into the plush seat, willing all my nerves to evaporate, and the sinking feeling that this is wrong deepens.
Julian doesn’t speak while he drives, and although from his appearance he seems relaxed, I can see how tense he is from how tight he grips the steering wheel in his right hand, the other arm lounging on the door.
My thoughts stray to Ace, and I wonder if he’s taking a pretty girl out tonight. I push that idea out of my mind because it hurts to think he’s moved on. Closing my eyes, Aidan’s face pops into my mind when I opened the door for our first date.
“What’s on that pretty mind of yours?” Julian asks, finally breaks the silence. The memory of Aidan quickly evaporates when I turn to look at him in the dim lighting, his face illuminated by the lights on the dashboard.
“Just wondering where you’re going to take me tonight – that’s all.”
“You’ll like it. Your friend assured me you would.”
“Amber? You asked her where to go?”
“Yeah, I wanted tonight to be a good experience for us. After all, I have a first meeting to make up for.”
“I think you did that when you stood up for me to Professor Barnes on Monday.” He chuckles, the sound funnily enough high-pitched, causing me to laugh with him.
Amber had directed him to one of my favorite restaurants and we had been getting on smoothly all evening as much as I hated to admit it, laughing and sharing stories about high school, no mention of dead exes and nothing about Ace. But Julian isn’t the guy for me. He doesn’t make my heart race or my skin sizzle with just one heated glance.
We’re now standing on my doorstep, his handsome face inching closer to mine as we share one last conversation.
“I honestly thought tonight was going to be a disaster,” I admit, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear as I look up at him.
“Me, too, Celine. I’m so glad it wasn’t.” His face is getting closer, and I know he’s going to kiss me.
I want to take a step back. I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready to kiss him. Before I can take that step, his hands are on my waist, as if he saw the fear in my eyes, and he held me against his warm hard body.
“I’m going to kiss you now, Celine.”
His lips crashed onto mine, moist and chapped lips moving against mine, and I fought the revulsion bubbling in my chest.
Julian was not a good kisser.
Not when I had tasted Ace’s lips.
He pulled back, and I stifled the urge to wipe my lips of the moisture. It was like those kisses grandma always gives.
Ew!
“I’ve been wanting to do that since I saw you with that asshat last year,” he mumbles, leaning his forehead against mine.
Don’t wipe your lips.
I remind myself again as he closes the distance and pecks my wet lips one more time.
“I’ll see you Monday, girlfriend.”
Did he just?
It’s my turn to hold and comfort Amber as we watch Ryan walk across the stage to receive his diploma. He’ll be leaving in two weeks, right after New Years’ Eve.
Amber, like my parents, had not taken the news well four months ago. They had their first fight the night of my first date with Julian. Amber and I stayed up all night talking about Ryan, Julian, and Ace, and then like true college students, we slept through most of the next day and snuck out the house for breakfast at IHOP to avoid my brother.
Julian and I have been steadily dating since August. He was a perfect distraction from all the chaos in my life. Ace has been far from my mind since the night Amber and I discussed the pros and cons between the two men. Ace had left; he wasn’t here for Ryan’s graduation, and he hadn’t contacted us in over a year.
I had to move on, and I did with Julian. He fills most of my time, between Friday night football games, Saturday night dates, and Sunday brunch with my family and Amber. He had fully immersed himself in my life.
He sits beside me now, hand on my bouncing leg as we watch Ryan walk down the steps and sit with the rest of his graduating class. “You still have two more weeks with him, baby,” he whispers, his lips kissing the shell of my ear.
Leaning away from my crying friend, I rest my head on his strong shoulder, basking in his silent strength. “I know.”
After the last names are called, we meet with Ryan in the courtyard outside the auditorium where Amber rushes into his outstretched arms. Her tears have turned into ugly sobs within seconds. “I’m so proud of you.” She hiccups, her arms tightly wrapped around his neck.
“Thanks, spitfire.” His arms are wrapped around her small back, holding her trembling body to his. Julian’s arm slides around my waist, pulling me to his body, and the feeling of belonging floods my mind.
“How about lunch everyone?” Ryan asks, looking from our parents to Julian and me.
Despite the cheeriness of the holidays, a sadness lingers in our house with the constant reminder of Ryan’s departure looming over our heads. Amber sleeps over every night. She went from sleeping on the floor in my room to sharing my bed. The first night, we both ended up on the floor after kicking each other off the bed.
A week later, we figured out how to split the queen bed in half. She doesn’t sleep much, spending most nights staying up late talking with Ryan before dragging herself to bed in the early hours of the morning.
She flew home the day before Christmas Eve, and the house felt empty without her presence. Christmas day involved matching sets of pajamas in the morning with a family selfie before a roast prepared by Mom and me. Julian came over for dinner and said his goodbyes to Ryan as he was set to leave for Colorado the next day until classes start mid-January.
Amber came back two days after Christmas, her red hair a mess on the top of her head when she walked into the house, a big pair of sunglasses covering her face. “I’m here, bitch, and I haven’t slept in three days. Don’t even start about my hair. Where’s Ryan?” Dropping her suitcase at the stairs, she turns to me, pushing the sunglasses to the top of her head, her eyebrow raising.
“In his room. Mom and Dad aren’t home, and I’m about to meet Julian for lunch, so you have the house to yourselves. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” She laughs before running up the stairs.
“See ya later, bitch!” she hollers before I hear a door slam.
A few days later, nobody is smiling or laughing as Ryan comes down the stairs holding a duffle in his one hand and Amber’s hand in the other.
The drive to the airport is silent aside from Amber’s soft sobs, a gentle reminder of what we would be losing. Ryan holds her hand and never lets go, even as he hugged us goodbye, her hand remained in his.
As his flight was called, he turns to Amber, cupping her freckled face with his large, tan hands. “It’s just one year, baby, and then I’ll be back here, and you and I will be together for the rest of our lives.” He kisses her nose, and I break, my own tears rushing down my face as he finally lets go of her, and she weakly walks over to me.
We hold each other as he passes the gate, both our tears mixing together.
25
Typical Abuser
The first two weeks after my brother left were tough. Amber was a ghost of the girl I knew, and I watched her fade into the background just like I had a few months prior, and I didn’t want her to feel the loneliness I did. She didn’t shower, eat, or go to class, and she cried until she fell asleep, staying holed up in her apartment in the dark.
I dragged her kicking and screaming after three days of failing to get her out of bed. Julian carried her from the apartment to my car and then into my house. I held her as she cried and convinced her to start eating again. Her tears felt endless most nights, and I was relieved every time she finally passed out.
Mostly, I’m relieved that she really loved my brother.
Ryan had expressed his concerns to me over and over about Amber, that he feared she would stray after a few weeks separated. He clearly didn’t know his girlfriend very well.
Eventually, Amber ran out of tears and between my mom and me, we got her back to class. She kept living with us as we were worried about her mental state, and we didn’t want her alone at any cost.
Julian didn’t complain when I canceled our plans last minute. He smiled and nodded in understanding before kissing me senseless.
He’s a welcome distraction. Some days, I think he’s too good to be true.
Looking up from my phone where I’d been scrolling through Instagram, I see Amber stagger into the room, eyes bleary as she blindly reaches for a coffee cup to put in the Keurig.
“Mornin’,” she mumbles with a yawn, stretching her nimble arms above her head.
“Morning, Sleeping Beauty.” She turns to glare at me while the coffee machine brews loudly behind her.
“Why are you a bitch so early in the morning?” The final sputtering from the Keurig takes her attention away from me.
“First of all, it isn’t morning, Amber. You slept through it, by the way.”
“That was my intention. I hate Saturdays now.”
“We could have gone for breakfast together again.” She turns around, bringing the steaming cup to her dry lips with another glare.
“So, I can watch you make out with Julian the whole time and throw him ‘fuck me’ eyes while I’m sitting there bored and lonely? No, thank you.”
“No need to be a total bitch about it. Sounds like you woke up with your period this morning.”
“How do you always fucking know?” She sighs, settling into the chair next to me.
“Because I’m your best friend. Take some Tylenol and get ready. We are going out for lunch. Just you and me.” She smiles running a hand through her red mane of hair and nods.
“I love you tons, bitch.” She quickly finishes her coffee and heads for the stairs.
Julian: Hey babe what are we doing today?
Me: Can we grab lunch tomorrow? I’m taking Amber out today.
Julian: Where? I’ll meet you guys.
Me: No honey, a girl’s day. She’s struggling seeing us together.
Julian: You’re kidding right?
Me: Yea she just woke up extremely upset.
Julian: This is getting out of hand babe.
Me: I thought you understood?
Julian: I’m sick of you choosing her over me every fucking weekend babe.
Where the hell was this coming from? Julian had never complained or even swore at me before.
Me: What would you like me to do about it?
Julian: Tell her to stop moping like a fucking baby and meet me for lunch I miss MY girlfriend.
Me: She’s my best friend I’m not doing that.
Julian: Maybe you should date her then since she’s more important than me.
Me: Don’t be a dick, I’ll see you tomorrow. Go out with the guys tonight.
Julian: Whatever, maybe I’ll find a girl who actually wants to be my fucking girlfriend and give me some fucking attention for once.
“I’m starving; let’s go!” Amber’s standing in front of me, black sunglasses shading her eyes, purse on her arm, phone in hand.
“Where do you want to go?” I stand pushing my phone into my back pocket, trying to forget Julian’s cruel words as I smile at my friend.
“Anywhere with a decent cheeseburger.”
Julian hadn’t texted me the rest of the weekend. He didn’t answer my multiple messages on Sunday, and he wasn’t in class on Monday morning either. Suddenly, I’m a ball of nerves as I go over every possible scenario of why he wasn’t answering.
Amber sidles up beside me in the parking lot after class on Monday, her nose in her phone as she typed away.
“Ryan?” She nods, fingers flying, a big smile on her lips.
“Where’s Jules?” she asks, looking up briefly.
“Don’t know.” She doesn’t say anything, so immersed in the conversation with my brother, and then suddenly she pauses, looking at me.
“Wait, what?”
“He hasn’t answered me since Saturday, and he wasn’t in class today.”
“I saw him on campus earlier though.” She scratches her head, messing up her ponytail.
“I guess he’s avoiding me then.”
Two girls brush past us in the parking lot, too involved with their conversation to excuse themselves. “Did you see Julian at the party last night?” the one gushes excitedly.
My heart drops to the pit of my stomach. A party?
“Yeah, he was all over some blonde. He must have broken up with Wilson’s sister after he left. About time. I’ve been wanting to fuck him for months, but she was in the way.”
A blonde?
Staring at the two girls talking about my boyfriend, my jaw remains slack, my heart splinters, and I grab Amber’s hand.
Pros of dating a football player in college: everyone knows him.
Cons of dating a football player in college: everyone knows and wants him, and they hate me.
“I’m going to kill that motherfucker if he was all over another girl.”
“Let me hear his side first. You know how the cheerleaders gossip, Amber.” I have to believe him, not the girls, never the cheerleaders. Fury radiates off her thin frame, simmering slightly as we get into my car.
“I’m still going to beat the shit out of him.”
“You and what army?” She doesn’t laugh, her eyes softening as they sweep over my face.
An hour later, Julian shows up at my front door, his usual playful smile teasing me before he leans in for a kiss. I step back, unsure what to do.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” His deep voice washes over me, and I instinctively lean into his hand wrapping around my waist even though a voice in my head is screaming at me not to give in to his boyish charms.
“Did you cheat on me last night?” His hand on my waist tightens considerably.
“Why would you ask that? I don’t text you for two days, and now I’m a cheater?” Anger washes over his face, furrowing his brows and unsettling the smile from his face.
“I heard some girls talking at school today about a party last night.” The hand on my waist tightens more, causing a slight pain to shoot up my back.
“Yeah, there was a party last night, nothing unusual after a big win. You know that.”
Why didn’t he invite me to the party?
“Right, I know, but they said you were all over a blonde.” Suddenly, I feel his nails biting into my skin. “Ow, Julian, you’re hurting me!”
“You believe some fucking bimbos over me, babe?” I want to step away from him, but his grip on me only tightens more, and my mind is flashing red.
“Let go; you’re hurting me.” His hand loosens a little, but I’m still trapped against his hard chest.
“Answer me, Celine,” he practically growls.
“I don’t know what to believe. You haven’t been answering me!”
“I can’t believe this. You are so pathetically gullible to believe those stupid bimbos over me.” The words slap me in the face. Did he just?
“Whatever. I’ll see you in class tomorrow, babe. Don’t talk to me unless you believe me. I’ve dealt with enough shit from you.” Finally, his grip loosens as he steps away, and I’m left shell shocked on the front step of my house, watching his retreating form.
He never answered my question.
He didn’t text me all night, and I checked multiple times, and then I fell into a dark hole, resorting to snooping through his Instagram to see who he followed, and every cheerleader from the squad is there.
He liked all their half-naked pictures, and suddenly, I’m the one feeling insecure. What if he had cheated? I wasn’t ready to sleep with him – or anyone for that fact – and he had calmed me numerous times saying he cared about me, that he could wait. Yet, his reputation speaks volumes about my naivety.
What’s stopping him from sleeping with the whole squad if he wants to? The familiar ache settles in my stomach as I keep scrolling, feeling sick with every picture he liked.
